How to let go of the man you love: 4 steps
Letting go of the man or woman you love to another person or just to a life without you? Release your partner from their obligations, to say goodbye to them – not so much physically as internally, mentally? This decision requires courage, determination and strength of mind. Share techniques that will tell you how to let go of love and keep yourself.
The man with whom you have been together for a year, suddenly announced that he was leaving, because he could not love you. Girlfriend with whom you thought you were the same in everything, with whom you dreamed of building a family, admitted that she was marrying someone else. Feel rejected, the pain of breaking ties … The more meaningful was the relationship, the harder it is given to their end. How to let go of the loved one? This task seems unthinkable.
When our hearts are full of love, we are trusting and open. We like to be around, invested in the relationship and do things together. We are interested in what the person we love does, we want to surprise and delight him or her. We are always ready to provide support, warmth, food and protection. And now it turns out that our participation is not required. Our gifts and our presence are not pleasing.
The realization that a loved one no longer needs us can be so unbearable that the psyche becomes defensive
The psychology of grief expresses itself, as we know, in several stages: shock and denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression… So, someone lives with expectations that a former partner will come to his senses and return. Looking for reasons to meet and call, clinging to every message, giving special meaning to what was said: “He said goodbye to me so warmly, it’s no coincidence!”
The other goes out on the warpath: stirring up conflict on social media, suing endlessly over alimony payments or the division of children or property. This, too, is sometimes an attempt to hold on to a person, albeit a rather peculiar one. A third seeks oblivion in doping of all kinds, from shopping and binge work to psychoactive substances.
So how do you let go of your husband if he has fallen out of love? This process is likely not going to be easy, because we are essentially talking about experiencing loss. We are not just breaking up with a particular person. With the departure of the partner, our picture of ourselves (in which we are loved and important to the other), the picture of the world (we are together, one and the same, and we feel good), the horizon of the future (we will have a home, a family, grandchildren…) collapses.
Moreover, when we lose our relationship, we also lose our past, which included the happiness of the first dates, and recognition, and photographs. What’s more, an entire life, which is now questioned because it doesn’t seem real.
How do you let go of the person you love after a breakup?
1. Give your ex-partner a choice
“How do you let go of the girl you love?” It’s much easier to do if you think about the fact that relationships without mutual love are built on lies. There is no question of trust, honesty, intimacy. The person you love is not a thing that can be forcibly kept in the space of your life. Are you sure you want a relationship that has no life, no future?
Your partner is not you, he is different. Maybe by making this decision he makes a mistake and later regrets what happened. But it’s his choice, and it’s worth respecting it. Not agreeing to let the boy or girl that you love go means denying the other person his or her right to autonomy, his or her right to be a separate person.
2. Stop being defensive.
Many people want to avoid crying and worrying because it’s hard, painful. It seems that it will be easier if the mountain “shove” in a remote box and take care of business. But this way we only “preserve” their feelings, do not allow them “flow” and be replaced by others.
It is important to express their grief, resentment, anger. When we grieve, we experience the loss of that precious, good thing that was in our lives. Give yourself sympathy and comfort like a good mother gives her child. Feel that you are not alone, because at least one person is always there for you – you. And you can take care of yourself.
3. Create a memory
Having fallen in love with your partner, you obviously saw something attractive, valuable, admirable in him. What is it? Write about what attracted you, what was good and right in your relationship. Let it be a diary of memories, or several letters “in the desk.
Such an exercise has two bonuses. First, this way you transform the tearing present into a story, a past experience that will gradually be perceived less and less painfully, and will eventually remain in the memory as something bright. And this is probably the sanest way to remove intrusive memories from your thoughts. Secondly, these letters will tell you… about yourself. About what is important and dear to you. And this is something that can not be lost, that will forever remain with you.
4. Redirect Love
How do you let go of the person you love? Perhaps try to replace him or her? It’s not really possible, but another thing is important: love itself, in the words of the Apostle Paul, “never ceases.” It can always be directed to someone or something that is waiting and needs you – friends, parents, children, a new partner, or yourself. Start building your life today and your plans for the future-not in spite of, but because of this experience.
In time, a sense of ease and freedom may come to you. Because you have your life and your past, which no one can take away from you. And then, one day accidentally finding out that your ex-partner is happy in another relationship, you’ll suddenly feel: I’m glad he’s doing well.
How to forget the one you love and move on. 20 steps.
If you are hurting after a breakup, be sure you can get over someone you love and move on. Move on, even if that person was someone you thought you would love forever.
Heartbreak is something most of us will face at one point or another during our lives, so you are far from alone. In fact, there are, millions of people just like you who have wondered how to let go of the past and start moving on.
Unfortunately, the grieving and regretting process takes time, and we can’t change that. It does take time for the pain to sink in.
To help you get over your ex-boyfriend once and for all, I have compiled a list of steps based on professional experience as well as scientific research. The effectiveness of this approach is that it helps you heal and move on, not just pretend it never happened.
The 20 steps you need to take to start moving on:
Step 1: Allow yourself to feel sad.
Accelerating the healing process requires taking the simple, though undeniably difficult, first step of letting the pain overwhelm you. Let yourself get over it.
Too often people fall into the trap of the false belief that it’s important to always be positive. Instead of constantly running away from the inevitable pain, being honest with yourself requires that you get over your emotions by giving them the freedom to express themselves.
Once you have done this, you will be ready to take the next important steps.
Step 2: Face the truth.
You want to believe that everything will still be okay. If you believe and wish hard enough, it will come back. But. Unfortunately, that’s the way life works-we can lose loved ones. Only by being honest with yourself about the reality of what is happening can you come to accept things as they are.
Step 3: Ask your loved ones for support.
Even if you think your grief is meant for you alone, and it is a personal experience, you shouldn’t go through it all alone. Of course, no one else can feel what you feel, but you can still count on the support of those you love. Anyone, from friends and family to coaches and therapists, can offer support. At the very least, a shoulder to cry on or a safe place where you can let off some steam.
Step 4: Start taking care of yourself.
This doesn’t mean stocking up only on cosmetics and massages. After the breakup, look at your wants and needs and take care of yourself on an emotional level. Taking care of yourself also means eating good food with friends, joining a travel club or signing up for a yoga class. Maybe it means meditating or going to a psychologist.
Step 5: Take up self-development.
If there is something that will help you improve yourself, do it! Set new goals and achieve them!
Step 6. Go to the doctor. Just in case.
If you’re having trouble sleeping, see a doctor. Perhaps in order to relieve your nervous system, he’ll prescribe mild sedatives that will help you get out of stress more quickly.
Step 7: Get Distracted
Make plans with friends, try something new and exciting, Remember what you liked to do before the relationship and revive those activities. Do whatever you can to get your mind off your ex/ex.
Step 8: Exercise. Give yourself a little physical activity. You don’t have to do hours of yoga or ride a bike for hours to feel good. You will feel much better as soon as you start moving. So take even just a short walk around the block or take a quick bike ride around the neighborhood. It will get better.
Step 9: Remember what didn’t work in your relationship.
No man is perfect, so there are probably some negative aspects of both you and your former partner that you should turn your attention to. Don’t cling to those things and don’t let negative emotions take over, but look realistically.
Step 10. Think about the breakup in a positive way. One very effective way to reduce the feelings of love you have for your ex/ex is to try a technique called positive reframing In this technique, you shift your attention to the positive aspects of the breakup.
For example, if you and your ex broke up because you were fighting a lot, instead of focusing on how much it hurt, you might try to restate the situation as follows: “now we’ll both have more peace, and I’ve prepared the groundwork for a new relationship where I can have more joy and easy communication.”
Step 11. Try something completely new.
A new experience will not only help take your mind off of your heartbreak, but it can also get you seriously out of your anxiety and depression. It has been shown that trying something new can help you become happier. In addition, trying something new can also help you feel braver and stronger.
Step 12. Make a conscious effort not to get stuck in this state.
The worst place to cope with a relationship breakup is the living room couch, where you tend to get stuck in your worries. Instead, discover interesting new acquaintances and engage in collecting new experiences (even if it means stepping outside your comfort zone).
Step 13. Spend time in nature.
Getting out into nature is a great way to cope with a relationship breakup. Use the woods or a deserted beach as a place to reflect. Write down the things you want to let go of and then literally let them go – burn them (safely), tie them to a balloon and let them go, or put them in a bottle and toss them into the sea.
Step 14. Get creative.
Get some paint, make a mosaic or make something with your own hands. It doesn’t matter what it is or how the final product comes out, just show your creativity.
Step 15: Take each day as it comes.
It sounds corny, but each day that follows will help you cope with any worries. Today may be sad, destructive, and lonely, but tomorrow will be a different day. Focus on what you can do for yourself today, and let tomorrow be full of hope and new possibilities.
Step 16. Write down your thoughts with audio recordings.
Traditional journaling is not an effective strategy for everyone. So if you feel more comfortable talking about things than writing them down on paper, consider audio recording-where you dictate your thoughts rather than write them down. This cathartic process can help you release tension and better work through the emotions you feel after a breakup.
Step 17. Write!!!
Writing can be incredibly healing. Not only can you express everything you’re feeling without worrying about other people’s judgment, writing about experiences helps us process trauma and pain.
Step 18. Take care of your nutrition.
Our first reaction when we’re sad is often to open a bucket of ice cream-and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But over time, we need to switch to a healthier diet, which will make us feel lighter and happier. Our happiness is very much tied to our diet in the long run. Quality foods that are high in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants fully nourish the brain and body. What we eat can greatly affect our mood.
Step 19. Take a break from social media.
Social media can do a wonderful job of helping us feel less alone. If using social media makes you, even briefly, calmer and more distracted, then that’s great. But if you find that you’re busy stalking your ex/boyfriend on social media, then it’s best not to use social media yet.
Step 20. Find a new direction.
As you recover from your breakup and prepare to move on with your life, make sure you’ve learned any lessons you may have learned from the past. After all, there is no such thing as a failed relationship. Every relationship-even the one in which your heart was broken-gives you the opportunity to grow and gain wisdom for future happiness.
You may feel the urge to move on to other relationships to move on, but first make sure you find a new direction for yourself. What do you really want? Who do you really want to be, both in your personal life and in relationships? Are you really ready for this new life?