How do you learn to communicate with people?

How to learn to communicate with all kinds of people: useful tips and exercises

Writer by profession, at heart a philosopher. Exploring the topic of psychology, esoterics, I am a consultant on the archetypes of personality. I have been working as a freelancer for almost 10 years.

Good day dear readers!

There is an opinion that it is impossible to teach a person to be sociable. This quality is either already inborn in him, or not. But in recent years the psychologists have been actively refuting this stereotype, saying that the ability to communicate is the same skill as dancing or cooking. And even if you do not become a virtuoso “chef”, but you can significantly pump up a valuable skill.

Today you’ll learn how to learn to communicate with people and become an interesting conversationalist. In the article we will consider the recommendations of experts and useful exercises.

Reasons for difficulties in communication

Why is it so difficult for us to talk to strangers, establish communication in a new company or even feel comfortable in a familiar group?

The reasons often come from childhood and adolescence. Parental “do not talk nonsense,” painful speeches at the blackboard, ridicule classmates – all this will invariably impose a mark and create difficulties in communication in adulthood.

Because of low self-esteem, insecurity or even the presence of problems with diction (for example, stuttering, defects in the pronunciation of sounds and letters, etc.) there are many fears:

  • to be laughed at, misunderstood;
  • to make a mistake, to say something wrong;
  • to express one’s opinion;
  • to cause general disapproval, to be rejected, not accepted.

An insecure person is constantly worried about what others will think of him or her, whether they will like him or her, how they will treat him or her. Thus, his attention is concentrated around himself, his problems and shortcomings.

It is commonly believed that introverts, whose mental state is directed toward the inner world, are the most likely to experience difficulties in social communication.

But as I mentioned in the very beginning of this article, anyone with any experience and with any psycho-type can learn to communicate and not feel uncomfortable with it.

Let’s look at how to do this.

The rules of good communication

You also need to know how to communicate correctly. I suggest that you learn a few simple principles of communication that will help you easily locate any interlocutor:

  1. Smile. The most banal, but at the same time a very effective and useful tip. Numerous studies have proven that people who smile seem to be more attractive to others. Even more attracted to those who can joke well, and therefore it will not be out of place to practice this art and develop a sense of humor.
  2. Posture and gaze. They should be open. Do not cross your arms across your chest, thereby non-verbally demonstrating emotional detachment and distance. When gesticulating, leave your palms open, turning them from time to time to the interlocutor. Maintain visual contact with the person during the conversation, trying to look at him or her in a friendly and interested way.
  3. Address by name. A name is the most pleasant sound for every person. When you call someone by his or her name, you automatically make them feel comfortable and trustworthy. That is why it is so important to remember the names of new acquaintances from the first time.
  4. Compliments. Who doesn’t like hearing nice things about themselves? But here it is important not to go overboard. One appropriate and sincere compliment will be enough, otherwise it will be like flattery. And sycophants are loved by few people, except for the most narcissistic people.

How to become an interesting conversationalist in any situation

Below you will find recommendations that are often given by psychologists.

  • Show genuine interest in the interlocutor

Self-centeredness is one of the main enemies of healthy communication. Try not to think about what they will think about you, what you look like during the conversation, what impression you make.

Pay attention to the person in front of you. What does he look like? What and how does he say? Is he/she interested in the topic? What is he worried about? Don’t hesitate to ask follow-up questions: this will show your interest and participation. By turning your attention to the person you are talking to, you won’t leave yourself open to personal feelings.

Make mistakes – it is normal. By the way, many experiments have shown that people are more supportive of those who make cute gaffes. For example, dropping a pasta on the table during lunch or somehow twisting a word in a conversation. Vulnerabilities make us human. Take off the armor of perfection! You’ll find it easier to get along with people.

Find win-win topics that you can discuss with anyone. It doesn’t have to be about nature and the weather. Discuss common acquaintances and tell what you have in common with them, ask about the interlocutor’s interests. Many other topics for conversation for a variety of occasions I listed in a separate publication.

No matter what age, social status, or level of erudition the person in front of you is, remember that first of all it is just a person.

It’s not about talking to someone twice your age with a swagger, patting him on the shoulder in a friendly manner. No. It’s about feeling equal to anyone, not ingratiating yourself, not looking up, not trying to please by all available methods, but seeing him as a person with his weaknesses and the same imperfection as everyone else.

For example, you are talking to a stranger and are very worried that you do not make on him the impression you would like. Replace frightening speculation with positive: Imagine that you already know this person very well and know exactly what he respects and appreciates you. This will allow you to relax a little and communicate more naturally.

Another example. If you begin to notice that the person looks away during your speech, as if showing a lack of interest, give a different meaning to his behavior: think that at this moment he may just be shy and think about how he looks in your eyes.

  • Adjust to the manner of speech of the interlocutor

We all speak at different speeds. And in different ways we perceive and absorb information. If your interlocutor speaks slower than you, it means he needs a little more time to think. Try to slow down. Matching the pace of speech is good for mutual understanding.

Here we would also like to touch on the subject of taboos. What is better to refrain from during a conversation:

  • from complaints about life, the government, neighbors, co-workers, spouses, etc;
  • from other negativity;
  • from nagging or pointing out mistakes and inaccuracies in the speech and behavior of the interlocutor;
  • from moralizing, unsolicited advice and criticism;
  • from excessive questions and requests to the interlocutor
  • unnecessary details about one’s personal life and other inappropriate details;
  • gossip and poking fun at those who are not there
  • Avoid specific terms that the other person may not be familiar with.

Useful Exercises

Communication, like any other skill, needs regular practice. You can hone your communication skills both on the battlefield, i.e. practicing real communication with different people, and with the help of exercises.

I’ll list the most effective methods that will help you stop being shy and sharpen your communication skills.

Plan for strangers

Set yourself this goal: talk to at least three strangers every day. It doesn’t have to be a full conversation, just a word or two. For example, you are standing at the bus stop: ask the person standing next to you if the bus number n has passed. You can ask the clerk in a store how fresh the fish is on the counter. If you ask for a fare and say thank you in a minibus, that counts, too. If you make new acquaintances on the Internet, tick the “Done” box, too.

There are plenty of reasons to talk. The main thing is not to cheat, and do not deviate from the plan: 3 people a day.

Phone call.

If you find it hard to start a conversation with strangers in a real conversation, start with phone calls. For example, you need to check prices at a beauty salon. Do not go to its website, but call the administrator and find out all the details verbally.

The same applies to any services and organizations: public utilities, childcare sections, fitness centers, pension funds, etc. If at first you are afraid of missing something important in the conversation, make a list of questions on paper, because this way you will be calmer and easier to orient yourself.

Talking to the furniture

Don’t worry, you won’t be taken “to the right place.” This is a very popular exercise in psychology, which is often given at various thematic trainings.

Choose for yourself any object located in the apartment. This may be a chair, a closet, a houseplant, a book, or even a cat. Tell the chosen “interlocutor” how your day went yesterday, what plans you would like to implement in the near future, describe the plot of a movie you recently saw, or the current news that everyone is talking about.

You may feel uncomfortable and strange at first. But this will pass with time. Such training will help stretch your brain and teach you how to express your thoughts intelligently and clearly.


Surely you have already heard about this exercise. You need to stand in front of a mirror and start talking. Topics can be taken absolutely any. You can even say something incoherent.

The purpose of the task is to look at yourself from the outside and learn to control gestures, facial expressions, movements, gaze, etc.


Most of us read something on social media or Internet sites almost every day. This can be informative articles, entertaining posts, news feeds, etc. The essence of the exercise is to retell to yourself what you have just read.

Try to reproduce as accurately as possible the style, word order, and sequence of thought. The retelling should be as close to the original as possible. If the article is long, you can break it up into several paragraphs and tell only part of it.

This exercise will help shake up your vocabulary a little, and at the same time train your memory and attention.

Continue the thought

Turn on the TV on any channel or YouTube video, listen for 30 seconds to what they say, then turn it off (you can just mute it or pause it) and try to continue what you hear.

This can be very interesting, because you will have to guess what it’s about next, come up with something unusual, but logically appropriate in meaning.

Thanks to such an exercise, you will learn to find non-standard solutions, develop flexibility of mind, and make your speech more interesting.


In fact, the query “I don’t know how to communicate with people, what to do” is very popular. The emergence and constant improvement of cool technology allows us to solve many of the most difficult problems, but at the same time something important we lose. We are losing the desire and ability to communicate.

I hope the above tips and exercises will help you to develop the skill of real communication and witness how great life changes for the better, becomes more fulfilling, joyful and full of meaning.

To consolidate the skill, I recommend reading other useful publications on the topic of communication:

How to learn to communicate with people: mastering the art of communication

Many of us communicate with people is not easy. Why some of us can speak before a huge audience, easily lighting it with their ideas, casually exchange sparkling jokes at parties and instantly make friends, but others have difficulty maintaining even a normal everyday conversation? Is it possible to learn how to communicate with people or is it a gift available only to a chosen few? What prevents us to speak easily and freely, and why this skill is so important? Let’s try to figure this out.

What does it give to communicate with people?

Every day we need the skills to communicate with people. Some believe that effective communication – this is something from the arsenal of business psychology, and people who do not need to conduct business negotiations, learn to communicate to no avail. And this is a big mistake that can cost you dearly.

Pathological anxiety and irritability can cause a person a lot of problems.

Communicating with people is an important part of our lives. Thanks to the ability to clearly express his thoughts and listen, we can not only achieve career successes, but also to make friends, build relationships with family and friends. Psychologists know that most of the conflicts in a couple or even divorce is not caused by insurmountable differences, but a banal inability to agree. And how many people suffer from loneliness simply because he is embarrassed to talk to a nice stranger or stranger! In short, the ability to communicate is necessary for everyone. It is the key to success in all areas of life. Abraham Lincoln, John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill and Jacques Chirac would hardly have reached the political Olympus if they had not been such brilliant orators. Steve Jobs is as famous for his speeches as he is for his computer innovations. The legendary beauties of past centuries in ceremonial portraits are not at all striking in their looks, but their contemporaries praise them in their memoirs not so much for their beauty as for their ability to make conversation.

It should be noted that “communicating” and “speaking” are not the same thing. Communication is a complex process that consists of both verbal communication (what we say) and nonverbal communication (how we do it). And the second type of communication is much more important – it is not the meaning of our words that has the greatest impact on the interlocutor, but the sound and timbre of our voice, posture and gestures. And finally, and most importantly, it is our thoughts and feelings that are in our subconscious. These are fear of rejection, rejection, anger at our abusers, etc. It is these that influence the reactions of our interlocutors and determine our level of ability to communicate.

Why are we afraid to be heard?

What prevents us from speaking? Shyness, fear of saying something stupid or misunderstood, fear of voicing one’s opinion, low self-esteem and even problems with diction – all these problems are rooted in psychology. Often they have their roots in the distant past – in childhood or adolescence. As adults we forget those unpleasant experiences that planted the seed of insecurity in us, but they continue to influence our behavior. The irritated “Don’t talk nonsense!” from parents, the painful speeches at the blackboard in class, the taunts of peers – all these things turn into serious communication difficulties in adulthood.

To identify and eliminate the cause of the difficulty in communication, work with a psychologist is necessary. But the first and most important step is the recognition that the problem exists, and the desire to solve it.

If you are afraid to talk to people, start with telephone conversations. For example, instead of going to the beauty salon website and finding out all about prices or services, call there and find out everything by asking questions to the receptionist. Make a list of questions, do not hesitate to ask for details and clarify.

The psychology of communication with people

The psychology of communicating with people is based on several rules, most clearly and clearly formed by the famous psychologist and author Dale Carnegie. He published his most famous books in the 1930s and 40s, but since then nothing has changed in human behavior and these rules are still relevant.

Being under the power of excessive anxiety, people tend to exaggerate events and give them non-existent emotional coloring.

Rule #1. Take an interest in others.

We all consider ourselves to be unique and we all want to be interesting to others. Remember your own experience of communication – we are always more willing to talk not with those who say clever things, but with those who let us know that we ourselves are interesting.

Rule #2. Smile.

It has been proven in psychological studies that smiling people seem more attractive to us in general. We tend to ascribe to them the best human qualities. A smile shows the person you are talking to that is a joy and a pleasure to talk to.

Rule #3. Remember that a person’s own name is the nicest word for anyone.

Calling a person by their name is the simplest and most natural compliment we can give them. A name for us expresses individuality. That’s why many people get so annoyed when someone misspells their name or uses a form they don’t like, such as “Mania” instead of “Maria. When you use a person’s name, it’s as if you’re saying, “You’re a wonderful person and you’re colorful.

Rule #4. Know how to listen.

Sadly, few people really know how to listen – most often, especially in the heat of an argument, we just wait our turn to speak, not really listening to what they are trying to tell us. And yet the demonstration of attention is a powerful tool of influence. Listen, ask questions, and don’t hide your emotions when you hear something new or surprising. And if you memorize statements that you yourself thought were good, and you casually insert them into your next conversation, he or she will be won over.

Rule number 5. Talk about what interests your conversation partner.

Everyone has an “edge. If you find a topic that interests your conversation partner, you will win him over. This applies to business communication, and casual conversation with friends. Even if the topic does not seem particularly important to you, do not close – try to listen and find out something of value to themselves. It is not for nothing that the Chinese sages said that you can learn from the first person you meet.

Rule #6. Sincerely demonstrate to the interlocutor his importance.

The key word here is “sincerely. This is probably the most difficult part of the psychology of communication. People can sense falseness, and even those who love flattery in all its forms will smell something wrong if your delight is faked. Look for something in everyone that really seems worthy of your admiration, and honestly praise those character traits.

The Art of Effective Communication

Communicating with people is an art. To master it, you need to know many subtleties and have special skills, many of which seem to have nothing to do with communication. However, it is their presence that makes people brilliant speakers and interesting conversationalists. What will help us “pump up” our communication skills?


It was enough for Sherlock Holmes to take one look at a man to know about him all the details. Observation is necessary not only detectives. Noting the features of behavior, appearance, facial expressions of the interlocutor, we can draw conclusions about what kind of person and in what style with him best to communicate. Moreover, powers of observation are closely connected with memory, another important quality of a good conversationalist.


The more information we remember about a person, the more successful our communication with him will be. If you remember everything that the interlocutor has told you, you will be able to demonstrate your interest in him. He will be genuinely flattered.

Without timely therapy, anxiety disorders can cause a wide range of illnesses.


“Oh, I don’t know anything about that!”. After saying that, few people will want to continue their fascinating story about soccer, healthy eating or the latest international news. You don’t have to be a generalist to understand all sides of life. Interesting conversationalists don’t shut themselves away in their own world – they are interested in what’s going on around them and can keep the conversation going on any topic.


The ability to read the emotions of the interlocutor can be called sensitivity, although in fact it is one of the consequences of observation. Psychologist Paul Eckman, who advised investigators from the CIA and FBI, reached unprecedented heights in this skill. He revealed how the slightest contractions of the facial muscles can give away our true feelings and thoughts. His books became so popular that on the basis of these purely scientific works there was made a popular series about an independent expert, who can unmistakably determine a lie. Everyone can master this art – for everyday life it is enough to learn to see basic emotions and know the basics of body language.

Constant training of communication skills

Researchers from Oxford found that on average every person regularly communicates with 20 people – these are friends and pals, family members, colleagues and neighbors. Scientists have not stopped there – they have scanned the brains of volunteers and found that those whose circle of communication is wider than average, show increased activity of neurons in the brain areas responsible for social functions, as well as better communication between different parts of the brain. This is not an innate quality, but the result of regular training in communication skills. The more people we talk to, the easier it is for us to find common ground with them. Look for opportunities to chat with strangers, with people from a variety of social groups, with those whose interests are markedly different from yours. Talking to strangers will make you a more flexible conversationalist.

Body language is the key to success

It’s important what you say, but even more important is how you do it. Imagine a speaker who hunches over, muttering under his breath – how many will listen to his words? Sometimes nonverbal signals are much more important than words. Evaluating the interlocutor, we not only listen to what he says, we subconsciously pay attention to his posture, the timbre of voice and speed of speech. The main nonverbal signs are universal, they are perceived the same way in the whole world. How to hold yourself so that you will be listened to?

The Look

“Hard look”, “Looks askew” or “Eyes are burning”, “Looks affectionate” – even in spoken language, people who have no idea about psychology, note the power of the gaze. With the help of special psychological training you can learn to look at the interlocutor correctly – openly, but not oppressing, not taking your eyes off and constantly letting the person know that you are interested in him. Psychologists distinguish different types of gaze for different situations – business, social and intimate gaze.


A person is able to subconsciously recognize and interpret the most imperceptible movements of the facial muscles. Mimicry is an important source of knowledge about the interlocutor. Knowing facial expressions of emotion, we not only understand the mood of others, but can send them the right signals.


We tend to listen to people who stand in front of us in an open posture – that is, without fencing off anything. Your purse pressed to your chest, hands crossed or hidden in your pockets, “foot by foot” posture, clenched fists – all these indicate a desire to build an obstacle between you, to ward them off. And vice versa, open posture, smooth and unhurried gestures and open palms signal others: “I am calm, friendly, and open to dialogue.” Communication aces often use the method of mirroring, with a slight delay repeating the pose and gestures of the interlocutor – this subconsciously disposes people to open up. However, such techniques must be learned.

Aphobazol® is a modern drug designed to support and strengthen the nervous system, helps to cope with stress.

*Anxiety and adjustment disorders


Communication Skills Exercises

To overcome shyness and learn to communicate with people, you need the help of a specialist. But there are also simple exercises that can help you develop communication skills. Do not expect miracles from them, but doing them will prepare the ground for more serious work on themselves.

Talking to a chair

Talk out loud every day, not to people, but to objects. By the way, talking to a chair or a geranium is much more difficult than talking to a real interlocutor. That’s why this is such an effective training. Try to talk for a few minutes on a certain topic – to start with just tell how you are doing. You can mentally make a plan of conversation and stick to it. This will help you learn how to express your thoughts coherently.

10 Strangers.

Set a goal for yourself to have casual conversations with strangers every day. Ask the opinion of a saleswoman about the types of bread, ask the first person you meet how to get to the clinic, chat about the weather with the concierge at the entrance, ask your neighbor for some salt. This will take away the fear of talking first.

I remember everything.

Develop your memory – try to remember what the people around you are wearing, what they are holding in their hands, what color their eyes are, what they told you. In the evening check if you can remember many people in detail.


Try saying a compliment to everyone you will talk to during the day. It doesn’t matter if your praise is about appearance (“What an elegant coat!”), personal qualities (“You’re always fun to be with”), or skills (“How nimble you are with the coffee machine!”). The main thing is that the compliments should be sincere.

All information relating to health and medicine, presented only for introductory purposes and is not a reason for self-diagnosis or self-medication.

( No ratings yet )
Like this post? Please share to your friends:
Leave a Reply