How do you learn not to yell?

How do you learn not to get annoyed and not to yell?

It is not uncommon to say about a person prone to constant yelling and fervent clarifications of relations that he has a hot temper. But the tendency to quarrels and swearing – it’s not temperament, but only intemperance. How to learn to react to everything less violently, why silence – really gold, tells the author

It is not uncommon to say about a person prone to constant yelling and fervent clarifications of relations that he has a hot temper. But the tendency to quarrels and swearing – it’s not temperament, but only intemperance. How to learn to react to everything less violently, why silence – really gold, tells the author

How often the causes of our quarrels lie in the plane of the animal ego, which is concerned only about himself and is completely unable to consider the interests and needs of others.

We are considered neoanthropes of the third millennium, but we behave like cavemen.

Some of us, for some reason, think that modern man needs to free himself from restrictions and constraints.

We don’t bother with rules of behavior, decorum, boorishness, and shouting, letting our unbridled nature out in the open.

We show ourselves in all our glory, without thinking about the fact that we give up the position of humanity, destroy our love, lose something important in relationships and forever slam the door of trust, which is necessary for each of us in order to feel harmonious next to a loved one.

The Laws of Human Existence

What are the dangers of simple emotional reactions?

What do they indicate?

First, the unhealthiness of our nervous system. Intemperance, alas, is an indicator of its instability.

And, therefore, the danger to the body as a whole. After all, as you know, all diseases are caused by nerves.

If we often shout, then we provoke the development of stomach ulcers, cardiovascular diseases, asthma, diabetes, etc.

Secondly, our cry describes our level of development.

Here is how B. Didenko writes about it in his work “Predatory love”:

“The first signal system is instincts, conditioned and unconditioned reflexes.

Its upper limit is primitive thinking, ingenuity of higher animals acting by trial and error, which are capable of acquiring and transmitting experience, including teaching their offspring.

The second signaling system is intelligence, speech and abstract thinking.

Of the great variety of strivings, which are dictated by the forces of emotions and instincts, the mind chooses the most rational ones, which most reliably lead to the goal set.

The limit of the second signaling system is logical thinking.

The third signaling system is peculiar only to People. Its manifestations are conscience, sympathy, mercy, consideration of other people’s interests, the ability not to cause harm to neighbors and nature.

These are innate, natural manifestations, without any external intimidating factors. Thanks to the third signal, Man becomes a moral being.

Animals have no conscience, no shame, no compassion and no sense of the conscious need for this or that act, word or way of thinking. This is inherent only in Man.

In the twenty-first century, we are still at the level of predatory instincts for self-preservation, beautifully arranged in logical schemes.

Deceiving each other, intriguing, undermining, insulting and screaming, we shut up our intuition and do not feel the real trends of humanity’s development. And this leads us to degradation and death.

Third, we are destroying our environment, even without seemingly directly affecting it. It seems to us that we are just arguing.

Meanwhile, something invisible shifts in the universe, strains, mutates, and an ecological or man-made disaster occurs on the other side of the Earth. And it is directly related to our behavior!

We would never hurt another human being if we developed an intuitive understanding of what this could lead to on a universal scale.

Violation of cosmobiological law leads to the warping of space and the disruption of the flow of life.

And at every step we allow ourselves the humiliation and insult of our nearest and dearest, the destruction of our own planet, the enrichment of the bunch at the expense of the majority, the unlimited expenditure of natural and human resources for the sake of the “golden calf”, profit.

Why has money for money’s sake become the raison d’être of our existence? Why, in the pursuit of money, do we forget about simple human movements toward each other?

About unselfish love and devoted friendship, about contemplating the beautiful and getting closer to nature? A crisis has overtaken us…

And we can not think about anything else except saving our jobs, wages and the state of stability, in which we used to flounder, caring only about his own person.

What is this crisis warning us about? Maybe it warns us that it is time to stop thinking only about ourselves, and ask ourselves the question of the fate of humanity, of our city, village, country, and planet.

After all, every wrong thought, action or loudly spoken emotional word at the same moment changes the bioinformational field of our planet.

How do you learn to contain your emotions?

The Laws of Human Existence

What are these subtle laws? Why does a person of our age need to know about them?

There are laws of states written in constitutions and legal documents.

These laws are mostly invented by people who have mastered the second signal system, which allows us to exist in the society.

Those who violate them can be punished by the state through a court of law.

These norms are observed under pain of punishment, although many of them may be difficult to accept.

There are moral laws that people have invented for a more harmonious existence next to each other, when inevitably clashing interests, characters, temperaments.

These are the rules of behavior that a child absorbs from infancy under the influence of parental inhibitions and intimidations. We observe them in adulthood.

But not all and not always. In today’s world, the concepts of morality are becoming increasingly vague.

Here comes the idea of permissiveness, of moral freedom from strict frameworks and obligations.

Under these conditions, it would be a good time to think of a higher level of human laws that would help us survive.

But it turns out that most of humanity simply does not live up to them. We have grown out of the clothes of moral inhibitions handed down to us by our ancestors.

But we have remained “naked,” with nothing else to cover our shameful places. And if there is nothing to cover them with, there is no reason to, and we prefer to flaunt them.

And deep down inside, we oppose the unbridled immorality that flourishes in human society.

Otherwise we wouldn’t like movies about true feelings, about real human intimacy, about humanity, after all.

We wouldn’t hope for happy endings and believe in goodness, we wouldn’t watch Babylon and Armageddon, we wouldn’t worry about the dead Titanic and the unfulfilled love of The Barber of Siberia.

Because deep within us live other laws, of which we are only beginning to guess, discovering them in ourselves with amazement, like precious pearls of great meaning.

These are the laws of the third signal system. The laws of true humanity.

The love that does not fear fear, the compassion that acts without pressure or conditions, this law of human intimacy and solidarity that exists in us not under guilt or inhibitions, but because it exists a priori, because we are human!

But the evolutionary task of these internal laws is not to intimidate man, but to show that man is a cosmobiological being who must seek harmony with himself and with the world, and not resist his natural inner drives to do good.

How to Stop Yelling When You’re Angry

Contributor(s): Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed psychotherapist in Wisconsin, specializing in addictions and mental health. She provides therapy for people struggling with addictions, mental health issues, and the effects of trauma, both in health care settings and in private practice settings. She received her master’s degree in clinical psychology from Marquette University in 2011.

Number of sources used in this article: 8. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Number of views of this article: 8474.

Do you tend to express your thoughts and feelings by yelling when you are angry? If so, you’ve probably already noticed that this habit destroys your relationships with those around you, but it doesn’t help you get your way or feel better about yourself. Change your communication habits when you’re angry by learning how to let your feelings out properly, for starters. Then get back to the point and express your needs calmly and rationally. Once you’ve dealt with an attack of anger, start looking for ways to better handle your anger in the long run.

Stop mid-sentence if you notice you’re yelling. As soon as you hear yourself raising your voice, stop. Don’t even finish your sentence.

  • If you learn to stop yourself before you start yelling, or when you’ve already started, it will help prevent hurtful words that you will regret and that could jeopardize your relationship.

Breathe deeply to calm your anger. Deep breathing promotes a relaxation response, so that after a few breaths you will feel more calm and in control of the situation.

Inhale through your nose for a few seconds, hold your breath, and then exhale through your mouth for a few seconds.

  • You can count aloud or to yourself, as you like.

Take a breath of fresh air. Leave the room for a few minutes and walk around the area. Being outdoors will help you calm down and clear your thoughts, and you will be able to deal with your anger in a more appropriate way.

How to calm down on the street: Tell the person you are talking to that you need to go outside for a few minutes. Say something like, “I need to calm down, and I can’t do that here. I’m going to go outside for a little walk.” It may seem a little rude, but the most important thing is to get out of the room before you say something you regret. You can apologize when you get back. Take a walk. Set a brisk pace to blow off steam. Concentrate on the movement of your feet and heartbeats, and breathe deeply. The movements will calm your body and eventually your mind, too. Make yourself take note of three things in your environment. It’s probably the last thing you want to do when you’re angry, but it’s still worth making yourself look at the clouds, the leaves in the trees, or the passing cars. By distracting yourself even for a moment, you ruin the dynamic of your anger.

Do some stretching to release the tension. Use your time-out to relax your muscles. Stretch each muscle group by taking deep breaths. If you are familiar with yoga, you can do some asanas to release tension in the body. [4] X Source of Information

Stretch to relax: Twist your body from side to side. Keep your arms in a comfortable position with your elbows bent. Swing your body toward one leg, leaving your hips immobile, then slowly turn to the other side to relax your entire body. Lean toward your toes. Lean forward, relaxing your back, and reach your toes with your fingers. Keep your head and neck loosely down and relaxed. It’s okay if you can’t touch your toes – just reach where you can. This pose will help you let go of your anger. Open your hips. Spread your legs wider than your shoulders and bend at the knees. Place your palms directly above your knees and straighten one arm. Tilt your body to the other side to feel a stretch in your hip and groin. Hold for 10 seconds and then change sides. Often muscle tension is concentrated in the thighs, so stretching exercises like these will help you get rid of it.

Think before you speak. If you tend to yell when you’re angry, you’re probably an “emotional conversationalist.” Which means that you tend to speak or act based on feelings and instincts rather than rational thought about the situation.

Thinking a little about what you want to say first will help you gauge your own reaction and communicate more calmly.

Apologize for yelling. Show your goodwill toward your interlocutor and apologize. Explain to him or her that you realize you shouldn’t have yelled and would like to discuss the matter in a more civilized manner in the future. [5] X Source of Information

How to apologize: Take a deep breath. It is incredibly difficult to stop yourself in a fit of anger and express your regrets. Close your eyes for a moment, take a deep breath, and regain control of your emotions. Start with a calm word. Begin your apology by saying something like “Okay” or “Okay.” This signals to your interlocutor that you are changing your tone and will also help you calm down. Be honest and sincere. Tell your interlocutor that you are very sorry you started yelling and that you have anger control issues. Ask to start the conversation again and try to express your thoughts better.

  • Whispering has a dual purpose: it helps to keep your voice at the right volume, and it also ensures that the person you are talking to listens to what you are saying and can understand what you are saying.

    Such words only inflame conflict, because

  • “I-messages” allow you to take responsibility for your own feelings instead of blaming everything on your interlocutor.
  • It may take you a while to achieve this goal, but don’t give up. If you realize you’re already screaming or it’s about to happen, remind yourself of your rule and try to calm down.

Learn to notice the signals of anger. Pay attention to the sensations in your body. This will help you identify when you begin to get angry so you can take the necessary steps to deal with your condition. [10] X Reliable Source American Psychological Association Go to Source

How to become receptive to your own anger: Recognize the physical signs of anger. Observe your behavior for a week and write down how you feel when you become angry. For example, your heartbeat may increase, your face may turn red, or you may sweat more. Take stock of how you feel during the day. Periodically take notes of how you feel, so that you can understand how you feel and react at any given moment. You can even use a special mobile app to do this, or measure your state on an “anger scale” that you can easily find online. Immediately catch the signs of anger and deal with it quickly. When you realize you’re starting to get angry, make a conscious effort to acknowledge and calm your feelings before they spiral out of control.

Resolve problems immediately, don’t let them pile up. If you’re the type of person who tends to pile up problems until they pour over the edge in the form of screaming, change tactics.

  • For example, instead of getting mad at your husband if he has not done his chores for the third time in a week, discuss the issue immediately on the day of the first incident.

  • Try to do at least one relaxation exercise every day for 10-15 minutes.
  • Eat three meals a day, prioritizing healthy and nutritious foods.
  • Get enough sleep (sleep 7-9 hours every night).
  • Take at least some time to relax and do things you enjoy.

Talk to someone you trust. Perhaps all you need to relieve tension or figure out appropriate ways to deal with anger or problems is a partner, relative or friend who is willing to listen. Instead of harboring your anger within yourself, turn to people who can give you support. If you don’t have someone you can trust around you, consider talking about the reasons for your anger with a psychologist. [13] X Source of Information

How to open up Sit in a quiet, safe place. Ask a close friend or family member to be with you when you are both in a quiet place. Choose a quiet place where no one will bother you. This could be, for example, your room or a quiet park. Be honest. Tell the person you are talking to about your anger and how you feel when you yell. You can discuss the steps you are taking to overcome the habit and the difficulties you are facing. A loved one will be able to give you some advice or just listen. It’s okay to ask for help. If you talk to someone about how you feel, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to ask them for advice – you may just need someone to talk to. But if you do want some advice, don’t hesitate to ask. The person will respect you for asking for help, and will probably give you some helpful advice.

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