Love is over: how to understand that the relationship really has to end
You feel that your feelings have cooled down. A dilemma arises: has your story come to an end or did you make it all up? You’re just moving on inertia with him. Or you just weren’t ready for the fact that after the candy and bouquet period comes a measured and predictable life. How do you know if you’ve really fallen out of love with a guy, and what are the signs for that? VOICE will help sort out the problem and rule out a mistake.
“It seems that there are no longer the same feelings between us” – every girl at least once in her life has said these words. Sometimes it seems to you that it’s all over, and there’s not a drop left of love. And it no longer looks like a bad mood after a quarrel or a bad day. But how can you tell if the fading is real and it’s not temporary difficulties?
Don’t self-medicate! In our articles, we gather the latest scientific data and opinions from respected health experts. But remember: Only a doctor can diagnose and prescribe treatment.
Myth: “He started to annoy me.”
There isn’t a single person on earth who isn’t annoyed by the permanent presence of another. You live with him or see him almost every day. If he were a friend, you’d have been climbing the wall long ago from some little thing like slurping tea or socks scattered around the apartment.
Very often the reason for your irritation – not the man himself, but something deeper and more personal. For example, it may not be the mess itself that pisses you off, but the “hello” from your parents who punished you too aggressively for disobedience when you didn’t want to clean your room. The same goes for other household habits that annoy you so much.
Once he starts pissing you off, it’s impossible to know right away that you’ve already fallen out of love with the person. If you are able to analyze and realize this, the solution will be as in the palm of your hand. It is much easier to invite the housekeeper than to clarify the relationship on a domestic basis. But if the negativity in any aspect has become more than the positive, it’s a good reason to think.
Myth: “We became like brother and sister.
When there is a strong rapprochement, as if you have become related, there is a desire to see if you have fallen out of love with the person. Or if your passion hasn’t turned into sisterly and brotherly feelings. Psychologists believe that a friendly relationship filled with mutual understanding is just the foundation for a long-term romance. It’s all about a sense of gratitude and unity, which is experienced by a couple who know how to be companions with each other. It’s a great help when the main passions subside.
Remember that it was your boyfriend “brother” who was there for you when you needed it most. You handled challenges together, acting like a well-coordinated team. These thoughts make you feel warm, and you can feel tenderness for your man who is so close and familiar.
Myth: “There is no emotional heat in our relationship.”
. And this is normal. After all, the amount of hormones and neurotransmitters in the blood of lovers in the aggravation stage is off the charts. And that means that you would not be able to work, sleep, eat, communicate with friends, live, all your thoughts are about him and about him. That’s why nature provides for some slump after a certain stretch of life together. But in the future cyclical rises will follow: for some after a year, and for other couples – every 3-4 years. By the way, a new emotional upsurge is provoked by significant events in your life.
Signs by which it is real to know that you have fallen out of love with your husband would be the following: you want to stay at work as long as possible and not listen to his conversations. Total indifference has set in, you have squeezed everything you can out of this relationship, and you need to think about the meaning of continuing the existence of this union. And if you just faded passion, it does not mean that feelings no longer exist. It will return if you fill your life with new impressions.
They say that an extreme (because a surge of adrenaline many take for sexual arousal), romance (because feelings need a special atmosphere), new experiences (then you just change the environment) help well for this. But there is a real danger – to turn a good relationship into a continuous drama, to squeeze out of them at least a drop of emotion.
Myth: “I’ve already started to look at others.
Man, unlike the swan, is a polygamous animal. But monogamy, as anthropologists have found out, is a social phenomenon, forced, provided to protect their territories and to bring food with great success. So there’s nothing strange about your fantasies projecting an interest in other young men. Your boyfriend, alas, is concerned, too.
Whether or not to cheat is purely a personal matter for everyone. Psychology explains how in case of such doubts to understand that you have fallen out of love with your chosen one. Unlike other polygamous animals, our sexual appetite is controllable, and our temperament is well subject to logic.
You do not want to curb your appetite, and to your beloved cold, it seems that this is the end. And if it is limited to the imaginary quenching of “hunger” on the side, but in reality want to make love only with him, it is another matter. Give free rein to fantasies with your spouse and surprise him with a burst of passion. Surely he will appreciate it.
By the way, in nature there are so-called “psychological monogamists. They are very few, but such people do not want anyone but the chosen partner. It is believed that if two such people get together, there is no limit to their happiness.
Myth: “Sex is not the same now.”
We get “hooked” on sexual partners like a drug. It’s all about the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for feelings of tenderness and trust for each other. Another thing is that it may turn out that your current partner isn’t as compatible with you in bed as the half-remembered college catcher.
And that makes you think your sex life has deteriorated. How do you know if you’ve fallen out of love with your prince when there’s a complete doldrums in bed and you unwittingly start comparing him to others?
Compromise is the foundation of any relationship, from work to love. If he wants it less often than you do, or if you prefer roughness to his trademark “vanilla” caress, you can always agree. Let today everything will be as he wants, and tomorrow – according to your wishes. By the way, sexologists have once again proved that true sexuality is revealed only when you and your partner spent more than one month together. So, it is possible that everything is still ahead of you.
Love gone: objective indicators
- Everything is too emotional. The game of “hot-cold”, the constant scandals, disappearances, reconciliations and confessions are more like a love addiction than true love.
- You experience psychological discomfort with him. This can be expressed in a sense of their own inferiority next to him, complexes, fears of loss, fear of being abandoned. As a rule, in such a relationship people are not attracted to each other, but their own complexes. Which, alas, in a true sense rarely develop.
- When the relationship at first glance harmonious and perfect, to realize that you have fallen out of love, it is very difficult, as well as to interrupt their dependence on them. It doesn’t matter if it’s psychological, physical, or material. You feel better without him. Maybe there was something valuable and important, strong and deep between you, but it has unfortunately exhausted itself. In this case, a breakup can make you happy and free.
Text: Daria Mazurkina
Yesterday I visited the party VOICE.Spent time with pleasure.Made my hair and makeup, talked to nice people, got a pleasant present from VOICE and the sponsor, treated to delicious coffee.Came home beautiful, happy.joyful.And received a blow from my beloved: Where have you been hanging out? Why did not you warn me?(Although she kept repeating about it the whole previous day). I say: let me give you the phone, where I was, there will confirm. I swear that I am no one, nowhere and did not go bad. What is it? Is love gone or what? The relationship that I cherished and nurtured is bursting at the seams. VOICE I do not blame anything.naturally.It was somewhere I did not cope with the situation, behaved incorrectly.My man showed weakness. But I see no way out, only to break up.
I agree that this is what happens when a relationship has to end abruptly. In such cases you don’t want to go home after work, you want to run somewhere far away. And it turns out like in the song by Vysotsky: “I’ll come home, there you sit. “. Everyone knows that the indicators of exhausted relations include the following: mutual touching takes place only when he helps you to put on your coat, the exchange of small tenderness is given you all the harder, and the right words and jokes are getting silly and flat. It is clear that in bed, too, everything is a mess. You can not yet imagine with someone else, and even the thought of having sex with another man makes you disgusted. But still you think about it. It starts with a little barb and ends in disgusting humiliation. Your partner’s outlook closes in on a few things: coffee, food, work, dinner, TV, sleep. Lack of respect also translates into constant recriminations. If you start treating your life partner like a child, it means that you no longer take him seriously. Equality between partners is lost. Who does not recognize the other and does not pay proper attention to him, do not love him.You constantly reproach each other. Even a few crumbs in the sink lead to an avalanche of reproaches and accusations. Constant quarrels and contradictions are a clear sign that patience has run out. If even your partner has already become less tolerant and restrained, then you should no longer test yourself and his strength. In a relationship is very important to feel that close to you is a strong shoulder, which you can lean on if necessary. If you no longer feel that possibility, it’s time to strike the gong. If you have tried to tell him your problem and feel some support, and you get a fake yawn in response, your partner is probably no longer inclined to be interested in you.If you or your partner is constantly looking for someone on the side, it means only one thing – you are not satisfied with life with each other, and this occurs at critical times when all of the above circumstances have taken place. But I adhere to the opinion that in all situations in life you need to look for positive moments.And at the slightest thought of breaking up you need to think everything over and not to make a mess, because you even if you have ever loved each other and there was a passion, so everything can be restored, if you want it, it is never late, the main thing (“You just need to really want to. And everything will work out).
How to understand that you have fallen out of love with a man and what to do next?
I have loved writing since childhood and now copywriting has become a very exciting thing for me, which I have turned into my profession.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. I have been saving “family units” from disintegration for 8 years now. I help couples regain love and understanding.
What to do and how to behave if you fall out of love? Alas, but love for life – a phenomenon in fact quite rare. If this were the norm, the posts on social networks or entertainment portals about the couple who lived together for 60 years would not cause so much emotion and enthusiasm. In any relationship, even the strongest and most ideal at first sight, feelings can fade. And it’s good if both partners at once. And if it turned out that the feelings have gone only one?
How do you know if you’ve fallen out of love?
Are your feelings for your partner really gone completely and irrevocably? How do you know that you have fallen out of love or fallen out of love? It may just be a period accompanied by apathy to everything, including relationships. The reason for this may be emotional and physical fatigue, problems at work, poor health, etc. And even if feelings have really cooled down, suddenly it will be possible to return it. So do not immediately panic, despair, and imagine how to explain to your mate that you have to break up.
By what then are the signs to determine that there is no place in your heart for your once loved one?
- There is a feeling that there is nothing to look forward to in this relationship.
The partner has not lived up to expectations, attempts to reconcile or fix it have come to nothing. Communication with your partner happens by inertia, by force of habit. But there are still attempts to hold on to him. Why? Possible material dependence on the person or a desire to benefit from the relationship. Or he has already done something good, for example, helped get a job. Then it may be a banal gratitude, unwillingness to hurt a person. But this feeling is gradually losing its force.
- There is no trust in the partner.
There is a constant and oppressive feeling that the other half is lying, deceiving, something is hiding.
- There is a loss of interest in what is going on in the person’s life.
There is no longer the question, “What’s new? Tell me everything!”. And even if it sounds, it is not interesting and frankly boring to listen to your partner, your thoughts are going somewhere far away. There is no desire to delve into the problems of the person next to you.
- There is no desire to show your best side.
At the beginning of relationships, both men and women try to be perfect, to meet the standards of their chosen one, to adjust to him. This is a common desire to be liked. When love passes, there is no point in that anymore. Neither is there any point in making concessions.
- “I’m fine without him.”
There is no longer a craving for a partner. If in the past it was difficult to live with a loved one for even a couple of hours, now you can safely do without calls and correspondence, and a week of parting with him at all is not frightening, but even happy.
It used to count the seconds until you can see your loved one again. In the present, going on a date or returning home does not bring joy. The once beloved face or voice does not make the heart beat faster or smile happily.
- It has become miserable to waste time and money on a person.
Once it was easy to devote a whole day to the partner, to present him with expensive gifts, but now this desire is gone. There are more interesting things to do.
- Anything that the partner does not do, causes a feeling of irritation.
This can also include the character of the person, his habits, characteristics, manner of behavior and communication. Before, this may not even have been conspicuous, because they were blinded by love, but the veil has fallen.
Quarrels occur more often, but this is not frightening at all.
Conflict in a couple can cause any little thing that they would not have paid attention to before. And after numerous quarrels, there comes a moment when there is not much worry about what happened. There is the thought that this could have been avoided. By putting a final stop to the relationship.
The realization comes that it is possible to live life without him. It is perceived with ease, without fear, with detachment and coldness.
- Gone is the feeling of jealousy.
There was a time when communication with a partner of the opposite sex made you anxious. Even if he or she just call in the evening by a colleague to discuss an important issue. Now it is gone.
- Gone is the passion.
I want sex much less often, it is perceived more as an obligation.
What to do if love is finally gone
If it became clear that there are no longer any feelings for the partner, then there is a logical question: how to behave if you have fallen out of love?
In no case you should not cling to such a relationship for fear of remaining lonely, with nothing, or because of addiction. It will not be better, and attempts to restore everything will bring even greater disappointment. And both will suffer in the end. The best solution is to talk to a once dear person. The conversation will not be easy, but it can not be avoided. Leaving without saying goodbye, without explaining anything will be even more cruel.
No correspondence or even phone calls – only a live conversation in private, in a quiet atmosphere. It is important to try to convey to your partner that no one is to blame for the situation, to explain your position, why it is happening. The main thing is for the person to understand the seriousness of his intentions. Realize that there is no turning back.
You don’t have to give false hope for the restoration of relations through your behavior or words. The main thing is for the person to understand the seriousness of their intentions. Realize there is no turning back. You shouldn’t give false hope of restoring the relationship with your behavior or words. Everything should be very clear, without prevarication or ambiguity. But you should also not be rude, insulting, raise your voice. Even if the love has passed, you need to remain human.
There may begin entreaties and attempts to try to wait, to return the former love. Former partner is able to begin to put pressure on the pity, resort to hysterics, tears, and even threats. You should not fall for such things.
Someone or both of them may want to keep the friendship. It is better to forget about it, at least for the first time, to wean themselves off each other. Otherwise, it may be misunderstood as an attempt to rekindle a former love affair.
Breaking up is not the most pleasant thing, but sometimes there is no escaping it. Feelings for a person can go away as suddenly as they appeared. It’s nobody’s fault. If there is no more love, do not torture yourself and your partner. Discuss the situation and move on.