How do you know if you love a guy?

How to know if you love a person

Contributor(s): Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. She has over 10 years of experience in psychological counseling, specializing in relationship problems, stress management, self-esteem work and career coaching. She has also taught courses at Long Island University and has worked as a freelance instructor at the City University of New York. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and completed clinical internships at Lenox Hill and Kings County Hospitals. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety and Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.

Number of sources used in this article: 7. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Number of views on this article: 58 405.

Love is a beautiful and exciting feeling at the same time. Understanding your feelings for a person is one of the most exciting things about love. To understand if you love a person, stop and objectively analyze your relationship. Evaluate exactly how this person affects your emotions and behavior. Compare these observations to what you know about simple infatuation, passion and love to see which of these you are experiencing.

Think back to how your emotions developed. Think back to the moment when you first met this person. Try to remember if you feel the same way you did then, or if your feelings have changed and intensified since then. What people call “love at first sight” is most often just a crush or infatuation, because the essence of it is a physical attraction. Love, on the other hand, grows constantly from a weak attraction to deep intimate feelings. [1] X Source of Information

  • “Pros: good looks, kindness, opportunity to discuss common interests
  • “Cons: disorganized, in some cases infantile, not self-sufficient

  • For example, perhaps you love this person if you don’t pay attention to his flaws because your thoughts are occupied by his nobility and interesting conversations.
  • On the other hand, you probably don’t love this person if his appearance gives you warm feelings, but you can’t imagine a future with this person.

Think about empathy. Pay attention to how often you share this person’s joy and sorrow as he or she shares good and bad news with you. For example, if you begin to cry when this person tells you, with tears in your eyes, that his grandmother has died – you feel his pain strongly. This is a sure sign that you love him. [4] X Source of Information

Think about how you feel when you’re not together. Ask yourself what you mean when you say, “I miss you. At the core of a long-term romantic relationship is a connection that doesn’t get lost over time. It doesn’t mean catching yourself thinking that you miss your partner, literally every second (this is already an unhealthy attachment). Longing for the person and wanting to get closer to them is the key to love. [5] X Source of Information

Licensed clinical psychologist.

Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. She has over 10 years of experience in psychological counseling, specializing in relationship problems, stress management, self-esteem work, and career coaching. She has also taught courses at Long Island University and has worked as a freelance instructor at the City University of New York. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and completed clinical internships at Lenox Hill and Kings County Hospitals. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety and Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.

When you start to get attached to someone, you start to miss the person when they leave. Here’s another tip – when you love someone and suddenly start to see their flaws, you realize that you are not repulsed by it, on the contrary – you begin to appreciate the person as a person even more.

Think about your plans for the future. Imagine what your life will be like in 5 or 10 years. Think about what will be your career, child and place of residence. Decide for yourself, are you ready to face life’s hardships, illnesses and troubles with this person? Think about your willingness to take care of this person, and this person’s willingness to take care of you as you grow older. If you can imagine a future with this person, it might be love. [6] X Source of Information

Evaluate how this person has affected your change. That doesn’t mean he changed your personality 100%. Rather, think about whether you have broadened your horizons because of this person’s influence on you. For example, perhaps you were never going to do a weekend of planting seedlings until this person asked you to help him or her with a project. Now that you have, you may have felt a special connection to nature that you owe to this person. If you feel that this person’s influence has made you a better person, it’s probably love. [7] X Source of Information

Pay attention to how everyday life affects you. The next time you do daily activities and chores together, think about how you feel about it. For example, you have always been annoyed by going to the grocery store, but you suddenly changed your attitude towards this activity when you went to the store with this person. This is a sign that you love him. On the other hand, if you’re still incredibly bored and can’t wait to finally leave the store, it’s probably just a hobby. [8] X Source of Information

How to know you’re loved: 35 signs of true love

Love is a deep feeling about which 1000000 books, poems and articles have been written. But every time we fall in love for the first time, we very often make the wrong choice. Today we will talk about how to understand that you are truly loved. After all, it is very important to understand this, and it is better to do it as early as possible, so that later it will not be too painful for the aimlessly missed time. Let’s pick out 30 basic signs that you really love, and note those feelings that many people regard as signs of love, but they really are not. Let’s also try to put together some tips on how not to lose yourself in love, because it’s very important. Sometimes even more important than falling in love and being in love.

How do you know that you are loved?

1. When a person is really loved, he feels support in all endeavors, all problems, and knows that if he wants to do something, he can safely share his plans, tell everything without shyness and openly. This openness is an important condition for interpersonal relationships. If you have confidence in the person, in the fact that you will not be judged, it will not be difficult for you to be open.

2. The person respects you and respects your choices, even if your choice is to end the relationship with that person. This may sound sad, and you might think that a loving person can’t let go. In fact, when you love, it’s in your best interest to make the other person feel good. And if he feels good without you, you have no choice but to let him go.

5. The person does things to you. Love isn’t just enthusiastic and lofty phrases that are nice to hear. If a person has this great feeling for you, he will prove it in deeds every day. This applies to small signs of love as well as large-scale actions. How do you know you are loved? You not only hear it, but you see it. Acts are the most important thing in love.

6. You are loved even when the person is in trouble. The thing about love is that it’s not just something nice and sweet when you both feel good. But when you see that the person has problems, is sick or has lost his job, but in relation to you he behaves decently, shows supportive feelings and so on, this can be called evidence of true love.

8. He does not show his resentment for very long, and in general he tries not to manipulate such things. You won’t find a man who loves you hurting and hating you for any reason or no reason. Except in the case of some serious spat during which your partner felt cornered, broken or you infringed on something sacred to him. He may be offended, but in the end you can still talk and work it out.

9. You’re really being listened to. And not just pretend, but really listen and understand what you’re saying. Even if you don’t understand what you’re saying. A person who loves always tries to understand you and appreciates that you are open with him. You may have noticed that many people, instead of listening, try to interrupt and talk about their problems. This usually means that the person doesn’t care about you. So being able to listen is something that can really help you if you’re trying to answer yourself the question, “How do you know you’re loved?”

10. The man likes to be with you, and he wants that. It is natural when you want to devote your free time to your other half. It usually guarantees strong feelings of attraction to you. When you love, the desire to touch is natural. As Stanislavsky famously said, “To love is to want to touch.” Even if you work a lot, like your other half, if you are truly loved, your free time (if not all, then most of it) will definitely be devoted to you.

The person is genuinely interested in you. You will understand it, because such interest will look different from the formal interest of your colleagues or the salesman in the store. Love is not high-flown words, and more often than not, it’s just simple questions about how your day was or an offer to go to the store or order something tasty to make your mood better and ease your worries.

12. the person trusts you. Despite the popular phrase of everyone’s famous character in the Dr. House series of the same name, “Everybody lies!” there has to be trust in a close relationship. Even if the person wants to know where you are, the loved one has this desire not out of suspicion of cheating, but because he is worried about your safety. By the way, if your significant other came home too late, you will not conduct an interrogation on her and directing a light in her eyes, and certainly will not try to hack your phone in order to see the correspondence and phone calls. The same will not do the person you love towards you. So you’ll know how to know you’re loved-your freedom will remain inviolate and you won’t want to deceive your partner.

13. Mutual respect. In this case, you can understand that the person loves you if he will respect those views of yours that are completely alien to him. He won’t try to provoke you, bully you, or try to seem better than you. If you are completely open and can easily listen to your partner’s opinions without judging him, and he does the same toward you, it really shows love.

17. Shared memories that your partner likes to talk to you about. It is believed that the more people talk about their past (meaning pleasant and romantic moments), the stronger their relationship is and the better they understand each other.

18. The person is willing to prove you’re right in front of everyone. If you find yourself in an argument with someone and your partner is trying to drown you out, it’s not love. But if you notice that you are protected and supported, then the relationship will only get stronger, plus you will be grateful to your partner for doing so.

20. The man is willing to take responsibility for his words to you, for example, the same promise of fidelity, as well as the responsibility for common children, if you have them and responsibilities. It is natural when we take more and more responsibility for each other as the relationship progresses. This translates into caring and wanting the best for your loved ones.

23. Your partner is grateful to you. Sometimes just for the fact that you love him too. Gratitude is a natural desire to express your appreciation for the person spending their time with you, since our time is a non-renewable resource that is most precious. If you see that the person appreciates your time and cherishes it, this realization can help you find the answer to the question, “how do you know you are loved?

24. Sensitivity to your boundaries. It’s very frustrating when people don’t understand that there are boundaries they shouldn’t cross, even if it’s your closest person. Love is not the key to all doors, as some people think. Getting into a person’s personal (his notes, his head, his dirty laundry) is not about love, but about cavalierness, impudence and excessive curiosity. If a man is willing, he himself will share what he is willing to give. So if you see that your partner stays within your boundaries without your consent, it means that he loves you.

25. The feeling of freedom. This point deserves to be singled out separately, because freedom is not only connected with the possibility to act according to your own wishes, not only with trust, when you rely on the other person with all your heart and believe that nothing is threatening you. Freedom is about being able to express yourself and be inspired by the help of another person. In general, at the very least, he should not prevent you from being yourself and breathing fully.

26. The desire to share. If the person loves you, he wants to give you something. It’s not just gifts, but they’re gifts, too. It’s emotions, uplifting, support-anything you’re willing to pay for. Sometimes a loving person can even replace a psychologist.

27. A partner makes you laugh. The desire to make you laugh, to lift your spirits – it’s natural and pleasant when you love the person. Sometimes a timely said joke or appropriate joke can defuse the situation so that any quarrel will stop immediately.

28. A man is not afraid to talk about the future. Usually, if you want to know how to know you’re loved, just ask a question about the future together. But strain if you’ve been living together for a very long time and still haven’t had such conversations. A man who loves you is thinking about growing old with you. So it’s in his best interest to offer you some plans for your future together.

29. You are not idealized, but accepted. This is such a rare and such an important trait – the ability to accept the person, despite his shortcomings, which are not hidden by rose-colored glasses. It really speaks of strong feelings.

30. They want to have children with you. Children are too much of a responsibility to plan with someone you don’t love and don’t see as someone you’re ready to live in peace and harmony with for at least 19 years-from the moment the child is conceived until he or she comes of age. Children are a really important thing, including responsibility, understanding, and all of the things listed above. If you realize that you’re ready to have children with this person tomorrow, it’s probably love.

31. Emotional instability. When a person is in love, he is emotionally unstable. Indifference exactly shows in a wide range of emotions, but it is this that speaks of a very strong love.

32. Constant involvement. When a person is in love, he tries to involve the other half in all his activities. The person wants to do hobbies together, go out with friends, go out and do everything-anything.

33. You try to be liked. When people are in love, they try to like each other even more. They dress up, try their best in the relationship, and make all kinds of surprises. The conquest continues even though the goal is obtained.

34. Communion. How do you know you are loved? The person shows selfish looks at you and doesn’t want to share with anyone.

35. Vulnerability. Love involves being able to show your weaknesses and not being afraid to be yourself.

How shouldn’t love be?

1. You talk about the qualities of your partner, and you think those positive qualities are love. In fact, satisfying only your emotional needs is no guarantee that you are loved and that you are loved. Also, it is not a fact that with all the positive qualities a person deserves love.

2. You don’t have to say that you know you are loved. If you see your partner saying that, it’s silly. The fact is, it may be romantic, but blind knowledge does not indicate true love. We all love for something and when asked about how to know you are loved, you should answer quite extensively by describing everything you feel so strongly about the person.

3. If the person is obsessed with you, that’s too bad. Most likely, it could mean that he or she has mental problems, not love for you. The thing is, if you are loved, they will “let you breathe,” which means get rid of their permanent presence.

4. A person should not tell you that they will die without you. This is manipulation, as well as shifting the responsibility for your life and your future to you. That’s not what a person who really loves you would do.

5. He is constantly trying to impress you. Not only is this inadequate, but it interferes with both of your lives. First of all, he is not himself when he is constantly playing the perfect role, in addition, he can be intimidating. Love is not about trying to impress. It is naturalness and mutual acceptance.

6. Jealousy. Although many believe that jealousy is a manifestation of love, it really is not. This is a situation of trust, because when you really trust a man, you will not get blind jealousy, and suspicion can be checked with facts, but you will not be constantly pestering the man with your worries about his affairs abroad. What’s more, you’ve probably noticed that if you’re jealous of every pole, it feels little like love; the relationship becomes torture.

7. The desire to “figure things out” to the point of whitewashing, with threats of “if we don’t talk now, I’ll…” Such desires are not an indicator of how much you are loved, it is an indicator that the person is

  • impatient,
  • inadequate,
  • aggressive,
  • possibly dangerous;

How not to lose yourself in love?

We always want to be better for the one we love. But the most important thing in the pursuit of your partner’s dreams is not to lose yourself and your dreams. It’s nice to be such a selfless person that you’re willing to go into fire and into water for the sake of the other. But very often in such relationships it happens that the relationship falls apart, and the person finds himself alone, lost and as he thinks, no one needed. How did this happen? When did he have time to dissolve into another, thinking that he was sincerely loved, but in fact he was not?

Alas, when people see that you are willing to do anything for them, most begin to lofty, arrogant, not to gain wings and fly upwards with gratitude, but simply sit on your neck. At first you don’t notice it, you’re happy to indulge your whims, fulfill your desires, read your emotions and “look into your mouth.” And then you just start to set conditions, and then criticize, and then … and then you’re no more, and too fat / skinny / do not watch yourself / look at yourself / and here’s Dasha from work / and here’s Vasya from the fitness club … and you …

A breakup happens, because the person has gotten everything he needs and is ready to continue on his own, and you’re left with nothing.

What should have been done not to dissolve? Is there a “science of love”?

There is common sense and mutual investment without being outnumbered to one side.

  • If you realize that you are more emotionally, financially, or otherwise invested in the relationship, then your job is to even out that imbalance. That’s really in your best interest.
  • If you’re being ignored, and your partner has stopped being sensitive to your requests – talk to him, talk about what’s bothering you and listen to what he thinks about it. If there is no desire for dialogue, pick it up, scrape the remnants of your self-esteem off the floor and walk away.
  • Realize that by making a tough decision, you’re saving your psyche, which must mean a lot to you. If it seems like you don’t care now, you will be very sorry in the future.
  • Patience is the lot of losers. Yes, love is patient. But you shouldn’t compare the high feeling where both people put up with something for each other with putting up with being humiliated by the one you love. Being able to stop in time should be high on your list of life skills.

The stupidest and most abnormal thing to do here is to start blaming and hurting and trying to take revenge. Yes, the person didn’t appreciate you and your concern. But are you really willing to continue to waste your time trying to please him? It’s good that you realize this now. You still have a chance to recover. Let go of the angry and hurtful thoughts and move on with your life. You have an invaluable experience.

If your depression is hopeless and as deep as a black hole abyss, it’s definitely worth seeing a professional who will show you the blacker abysses and sober you up with important and necessary words. In any case, shutting yourself away is contraindicated. More meetings with friends, read more and remember that even if now it seems that the whole world is against you and everyone is as unscrupulous as your partner, to whom you were ready to take a star from the sky and give it as a keepsake, it’s really not so. Share your smile…

If you care so much about the question, “How do you know you’re loved,” then maybe you’re not loved. Because when you are loved, you see and feel it every day. You don’t need any questions. The answers come on their own, as does the daily feeling of happiness from just thinking about the person you love.

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