How to know if you love a person
Contributor(s): Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. She has over 10 years of experience in psychological counseling, specializing in relationship problems, stress management, self-esteem work and career coaching. She has also taught courses at Long Island University and has worked as a freelance instructor at the City University of New York. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and completed clinical internships at Lenox Hill and Kings County Hospitals. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety and Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.
Number of sources used in this article: 7. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
Number of views on this article: 58 405.
Love is a beautiful and exciting feeling at the same time. Understanding your feelings for a person is one of the most exciting things about love. To understand if you love a person, stop and objectively analyze your relationship. Evaluate exactly how this person affects your emotions and behavior. Compare these observations to what you know about simple infatuation, passion and love to see which of these you are experiencing.
Think back to how your emotions developed. Think back to the moment when you first met this person. Try to remember if you feel the same way you did then, or if your feelings have changed and intensified since then. What people call “love at first sight” is most often just a crush or infatuation, because the essence of it is a physical attraction. Love, on the other hand, grows constantly from a weak attraction to deep intimate feelings. [1] X Source of Information
- “Pros: good looks, kindness, opportunity to discuss common interests
- “Cons: disorganized, in some cases infantile, not self-sufficient
- For example, perhaps you love this person if you don’t pay attention to his flaws because your thoughts are occupied by his nobility and interesting conversations.
- On the other hand, you probably don’t love this person if his appearance gives you warm feelings, but you can’t imagine a future with this person.
Think about empathy. Pay attention to how often you share this person’s joy and sorrow as he or she shares good and bad news with you. For example, if you begin to cry when this person tells you, with tears in your eyes, that his grandmother has died – you feel his pain strongly. This is a sure sign that you love him. [4] X Source of Information
Think about how you feel when you’re not together. Ask yourself what you mean when you say, “I miss you. At the core of a long-term romantic relationship is a connection that doesn’t get lost over time. It doesn’t mean catching yourself thinking that you miss your partner, literally every second (this is already an unhealthy attachment). Longing for the person and wanting to get closer to them is the key to love. [5] X Source of Information
Licensed clinical psychologist.
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. She has over 10 years of experience in psychological counseling, specializing in relationship problems, stress management, self-esteem work, and career coaching. She has also taught courses at Long Island University and has worked as a freelance instructor at the City University of New York. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and completed clinical internships at Lenox Hill and Kings County Hospitals. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety and Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.
When you start to get attached to someone, you start to miss the person when they leave. Here’s another tip – when you love someone and suddenly start to see their flaws, you realize that you are not repulsed by it, on the contrary – you begin to appreciate the person as a person even more.
Think about your plans for the future. Imagine what your life will be like in 5 or 10 years. Think about what will be your career, child and place of residence. Decide for yourself, are you ready to face life’s hardships, illnesses and troubles with this person? Think about your willingness to take care of this person, and this person’s willingness to take care of you as you grow older. If you can imagine a future with this person, it may be love. [6] X Source of Information
Evaluate how this person has affected your change. That doesn’t mean he changed your personality 100%. Rather, think about whether you have broadened your horizons because of this person’s influence on you. For example, perhaps you were never going to do a weekend of planting seedlings until this person asked you to help him or her with a project. Now that you have, you may have felt a special connection to nature that you owe to this person. If you feel that this person’s influence has made you a better person, it’s probably love. [7] X Source of Information
Pay attention to how everyday life affects you. The next time you do daily activities and chores together, think about how you feel about it. For example, you have always been annoyed by going to the grocery store, but you suddenly changed your attitude towards this activity when you went to the store with this person. This is a sign that you love him. On the other hand, if you’re still incredibly bored and can’t wait to finally leave the store, it’s probably just a hobby. [8] X Source of Information
3 questions to figure out if you’re in love or not
How to know if you love or not: deceptive signs of love + feelings you should be wary of + signs of sympathy + characteristics of true love + 3 questions to figure out if you love or not.
When you meet someone who immediately makes your head spin, your thoughts become confused, everything loses its meaning except for him. But these feelings do not always stay in our lives for a long time. Sometimes we are confused in our feelings, taking ordinary love for true love. How do you know if you love or not?
False signs of love
You’ve probably ever wondered, “How do you know if you’re in love or not?” It happens to someone who has been in a relationship for a long time, who needs to make a decision, to tie his fate to his partner or to give it up. I had such a situation in my life. Right away I want to tell you about it.
An example from life, how to distinguish true feelings
Back when I was in school, I met a guy who, at first sight, turned my head. He was very good-looking, smart, charming. We saw each other every day, because we studied together, only he was a year older. How happy I was that he paid attention to me and decided to hit on me!
The first time was great. I fell head over heels in love and thought that it was for life, that I was so lucky to meet my man at a young age. Doubts began to overtake me already when he went to university to study. We rarely saw each other, he stopped writing and calling as often as he used to, and when he came, he went out with friends instead of spending time with me.
I realized that he was clearly not in love, and I wondered what it was I was feeling inside. I was eating resentment inside, jealousy, angry and unable to forgive. Soon I found out that he already had another girlfriend in another city, and then all my feelings evaporated.
Moreover, soon after that I met my now husband and fully felt the difference between love and falling in love. Now I want to share with you my conclusions.
As soon as you begin to experience something similar, which will be discussed below, run away from this man.
| Signs | Description |
|---|---|
| №1. All thoughts are occupied only by this person | True love can not completely absorb your life. It just fits harmoniously into it. Otherwise, we may be talking about a blind infatuation rather than true love. |
| №2. You can’t live a single day without your partner | You can not focus only on the object of his passion. It’s more likely that you’re just obsessed or very infatuated. |
| №3. You can’t see your future if the object of your passion isn’t in it | That’s not love, that’s escapism. You’re just fitting the person into your fantasies, which have nothing to do with reality. |
| №4. You need the person to be with you all the time. | This is a sign of some kind of mental trauma. A normal person should have hobbies, things to do, a job. He can’t eliminate it all from his life because of his feelings. |
| №5. You’re trying every way to make an impression. | All of these efforts are null, because everything in a relationship should be easy. If you have to win over the object of passion, it’s definitely not love. |
| №6. You’re afraid you’ll lose your partner. | It’s a feeling of affection, but not love at all. Over time it will disappear, and the person will generally begin to annoy you. |
Pay attention: if your mom, girlfriend, teacher or anyone else tells you that your partner is perfect, he’s so kind, smart and beautiful, it doesn’t mean that you have to love him. Yes, for these qualities he is worthy of love, but sincere, not imposed by someone.
What feelings should alert you?
What are the signs of love that might mislead you?
There are also rather dubious signs of love. They should be treated with caution and evaluated in the context of your other feelings and life events:
- The best thing that happened to you during the day is meeting your partner. You can only talk about love if you are generally doing very well in life and meeting your partner is a nice bonus. If he is your only outlet, believe me, it’s not love.
- You have begun to think very seriously about your partner’s needs. That’s fine, as long as you’re not sacrificing yourself in the process, not destroying yourself. Giving yourself up to the man completely without a trace, leaving nothing to yourself is the way to the abyss. A loving person, by the way, will never accept such sacrifices.
If you are an adult and sensible person, you will definitely analyze your feelings. Understand first of all that it’s your life, and give it moments to someone who is not destined for you, you should not.
How to know if you love or not: the signs of sympathy
Signs of sympathy can be different
Falling in love is a very similar feeling to love. Find the difference between these feelings is very difficult. It is not for nothing there is so much debate among scientists. On the Internet you can find a huge number of books and publications on the subject. I have read some of them and have identified a few simple signs of sympathy, not love. Based on these, you will be able to determine for yourself whether you love the one who is near you now, or not.
| Signs | Description |
|---|---|
| You think your partner is different from everyone else | Yes, you may be dating an interesting person. This person is most likely an object of admiration not only to you, but to a wider audience as well. This does not mean that in your heart settled love. You fell in love, fascinated. But imagine if all this “scum” of popularity in an instant fell away from him. Would you admire him as much? |
| You admire not only his looks. | You are interested in his achievements, thoughts, plans. I also watch some bloggers because I’m interested in them as people, but not because I have a love for them. Think about what it is that attracts you to that person. If it’s not a desire to be like him, but sincere feelings, then your relationship has a lot of potential. |
| You sincerely want this person to be happy. | Everyone, even your enemies, should be happy. I think you would definitely want your family to be happy, too. If, however, you are not inherently that kind of person, and your partner is the exception to the rule, there is a good chance that you are in love. |
| With this person, you’re willing to try something that you haven’t done before | Congratulations! You have a loyal friend and a good buddy by your side. He may be your soul mate. Just not the fact that you are in love. Only time and tests of fate can verify this. |
If you now have such feelings in a relationship, it indicates that with a high degree of probability love can happen, but it will only depend on your personal qualities, behavior and twists of fate. Just do not jump to conclusions.
True love: what is it?
And now let’s move directly to the signs of true love. It seems to me that love can be recognized only by mature and consciously living people.
| Signs of love | Description |
|---|---|
| №1. To love for you is a decision you make over and over again | It’s just that love is really about action. You do something every day that proves your love. For example, after another quarrel you don’t shout that you are divorcing the person, but try to make up for the problem yourself, to pretend that nothing happened. |
| №2. You constantly show your love | You don’t get offended, you don’t retaliate, you don’t impose, you don’t get annoyed. You just accept the person for who he is, acting naturally. You take care of him, you do not make decisions without consulting him. You respect him. He just dissolves into you and you into him. I think to say that you can’t be in the company of people who think badly of him is unnecessary. His enemies are your enemies. |
| №3. You love even when you don’t feel like it. | You find compromise in problems rather than looking for someone to blame. You do not keep score, who did what, and do not deprive your loved one of love as punishment. You ask for forgiveness, forgive without condition. You are a team. |
I just described an unrealistic picture in a perfect family from a fairy tale or a melodrama. But that’s how it is. This is why love is often compared to a fairy tale, some unattainable happiness. Love is only rewarded to those who can sincerely love themselves.
But we should not forget that love is a gift given to each of us, for we are the fruit of our parents’ love. Only people are sometimes so selfish and self-focused that they miss out on their own person! Of course, it’s not a fact that you’ll find mutual love. Many people build happy families by letting themselves be loved. That’s not a bad option for living a pragmatic life either. But I probably couldn’t do it that way. Maybe because I like everything natural, real.
How do I know if I’m in love or not?
Top 3 questions to find out if you love or not.
What questions can help you figure out if you really love a person?
If you still haven’t been able to answer yourself whether or not you’re in love, then try taking a little quiz by answering 3 other questions related to the main one.
| The questions are | Description |
|---|---|
| Question #1. | Would you be able to live if your partner wasn’t around. We don’t mean moving to another country, a long business trip. Imagine that he is no longer at all – how would you feel about it? If you feel anxiety inside – it’s love. |
| Question #2. | Will you be there for that person if they can’t walk, if they don’t have arms, legs, other problems arise. When people used to swear in church to be there for them both in health and in sickness, they were proving their true love. It’s a shame that nowadays these words are perceived formally and mean nothing to most people – they said a beautiful vow on camera and immediately forgot about it after the wedding. |
| Question #3. | Will you be there for that person if they can’t walk, if they don’t have arms, legs, other problems arise. When people used to swear in church to be there for them both in health and in sickness, they were proving their true love. It’s a shame that nowadays these words are perceived formally and mean nothing to most people – they said a beautiful vow on camera and immediately forgot about it after the wedding. |
In my opinion, if you’ve read to this point, it means you definitely don’t love the person next to you. Why not? Because you wouldn’t have thoughts like that in your head. Why waste energy on them, if in your soul, heart, life – complete harmony? Maybe you have just entered a relationship and you are already scared of your feelings, and now you want to figure out what is going on with you.
Also, if you don’t know how to understand whether you love or not, talk to old people who have lived next to each other for 40-50 years. They will tell you the secrets of love, based on mutual respect, mutual understanding. Now young people think of all this as stereotypes, outdated attitudes. But there are timeless things that defy any transformation, and love is one of them.
