How to know that your boyfriend is using you
Contributor(s): Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker from Cleveland, Ohio. She has experience in educational counseling and clinical supervision and received her master’s degree in social work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also completed a two-year continuing education course at the Cleveland Institute of Gestalt Therapy and holds certifications in family therapy, supervision, mediation, and trauma therapy.
Number of sources used in this article: 8. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
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It doesn’t feel good to feel used. You feel like you’ve found a great man and you’re happy to declare him your boyfriend, but you can’t help feeling that something is wrong . If you have a bad feeling inside, if your boyfriend’s behavior makes you uneasy, or if you hear warnings from friends, you should start worrying. Is your boyfriend using you? If you think he is, whether it’s for sex, money, popularity, or anything else, it’s important to get to the bottom of it and find out if he has long term plans for a relationship with you.
When does he want to spend time with you? Does he only want to see you at night? Does he ever just want to be with you at all ? Maybe by coincidence, he only makes time for you when you get an invitation to a cool party. Start paying close attention to when he wants to see you, because it can tell you a lot about his intentions. [1] X Source of information.
Where does he want to spend time with you? If he’s only interested in the bedroom, that’s a clear red flag. If he never wants to take you into the company of his friends, preferring to always spend time alone in his home, it probably means he’s not interested in making you a public and “official” part of his life. [2] X Source of Information
- Is this repetitive behavior, or are you harboring resentment over something he did once, six months ago? Although you should take care of yourself and stand your ground, there are still times when you should forgive and forget if he apologized.
- The fact that he forgot to call you when he promised is unpleasant and can be annoying. However, if he ignored you on your birthday because he had some other business to attend to, it’s unacceptable. Go through the list and objectively assess his actions and how they made you feel.
- Don’t let everyone and anyone who will listen listen to you dig into your dirty laundry. This can cause more problems. Only consult people who are trustworthy and have good intentions.
Decide what to do. If, after analyzing the situation and talking to people close to you, you find that your suspicions are unfounded, decide how to move forward. Perhaps you have some self-esteem issues and need to deal with them in order to feel safe in the relationship. If, however, you are sure that there are good reasons for concern, you need to figure out how to handle the situation directly with your boyfriend.
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Ways to find out if a man loves you or is just using you
Not all men behave with dignity: Many of them hide selfish motives under the mask of a loving man. Avoid a relationship with an unscrupulous man can be by checking him for several signs.
When a man takes advantage of a woman, it is a toxic relationship. A man can deceive a woman, but he can not deceive her intuition, so if you feel that your lover is using you, psychologists advise to listen to yourself. The presence of these 6 signs will confirm your fears.
1. Constant busyness
If the man in the first place work, on the second – friends, on the third – hobbies, and you are about 10 places, be sure: he does not feel love for you. If a man loves his woman, she is on his list of priorities is always in first place. And if his attention and calls – a rare occurrence, then you can not get your hopes up: with such a suitor can not build a happy and harmonious relationship. Just realize that the man takes advantage of your kindness and sincerity.
2. he needs only one thing from you
Yes, many men today need only one thing from women, and it is not love. The only pity that many ladies do not understand this and are deceived, falling into the trap of another Donzhuana. A loving man is caring, gentle, affectionate, he says nice things, showered with compliments, helps in times of need. If not, he is just driven by lust. Hypocrite men usually do not care what she thinks and feels, they do not care if she is satisfied or not. They only think about themselves. These too are easy to spot: they often use a hackneyed set of phrases, without thinking about whether the woman will like these words or not, their task is to reduce the communication to the horizontal.
3. inattention.
A man interested in a serious relationship always wants to know everything about his partner: he really wants to know what she lives, what she does, what she likes, where she goes, how she spends her leisure time, what she likes, what music she prefers and so on. A loving partner will always ask about how your day was, how you are doing at work, what’s new, what you want for dinner or how you want to rest. The man who takes advantage of you is a stranger to such questions: it wouldn’t occur to him to take an interest in your life.
The man who takes advantage of you is a stranger to such questions, and he wouldn’t dream of asking you about your life.
A man who talks only about himself and his importance while ignoring you and your plans with you is probably just a phony. For example, if you were sitting in a cafe together yesterday, and today when you meet a friend, he says: “I was at the cafe yesterday,” that’s a wake-up call. Such a companion will not put your joint photos on his page, will not introduce you to family and close friends, will not ask you to marry. He will all the time will keep his distance, because in his future for you simply there is no place.
5. He won’t let you into his life.
Finding out if they love you or use you is easy. Indifference is indicated by all of the above points. But there are other significant “signals” that a man is not interested in you. A guy who does not let a girl into his life, just does not respect her. A man who does not share his plans, does not invite visitors, keeps them at a distance, is unlikely to be serious. You need to run away from him, and the sooner the better.
6. Detachment .
A man who keeps aloof is likely to use you for his own purposes. If he does not kiss, hug, give gifts or show any signs of attention, it should be alert. To understand whether you got a humble man or a scoundrel, watch his eyes. The eyes, as we know, do not lie and can tell a lot more than the man himself.
The look in his eyes, without falling on his knees, legs or blouse buttons, indicates that the man is in love. If the gentleman does not hesitate to devour you with his eyes, this indicates only sexual attraction. Sight, directed to the void, indicates complete indifference and disinterest in you.
These signs indicate that the young man does not appreciate you. Stop giving in to manipulation and being a toy in someone else’s hands. A relationship with a manipulative man is psychological abuse of yourself and your life. Do not let a man break your self-esteem, end a toxic relationship. We wish you all the best, be loved.
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