How do you know if a guy is using you?

9 obvious signs that you’re being used and how to stop it

Healthy relationships with the people around you are built on the “give and take” principle. But unfortunately, not everyone is willing to stick to it. Some people are used to taking all good deeds for granted and manipulating their loved ones. You may become a victim of their manipulations without noticing it yourself.

1. You are only communicated to when you are helpful

If your communication with a person consists of constant requests for help from them, it is a good reason to wonder if you are being used. It is clear that in any relationship people exchange knowledge, experience, advice and try to support each other as much as they can.

But here it’s important to pay attention to how often you have dialogues or meetings without an occasion, and whether there are any. If every message from the person starts with the words “Can you help?”, if he sees you only before he asks you for something, if the rest of the time he does not get in touch with you – leave such an acquaintance, friend, relative. Stop letting other people use you.

2. They are trying to make you feel guilty.

You probably know this situation: the person asks you for something and when you refuse, he begins to pity you and make you feel guilty. He can remind you of your duty, tell you that you are the only one who can help him, make references to other similar situations, and increase the degree of your emotions.

Of course, most people will give up after such manipulations, agree to everything they are asked to do, and apologize in haste, which only benefits the asker. If you notice a person regularly trying to make you feel guilty, you are most likely being used, and they are doing it in a very sophisticated way. 3.

You are only being asked for things without giving anything in return.

There are some people who believe that everyone owes them everything. Their children should provide for them, they should be promoted at work, their relatives should sacrifice their comfort and shelter them in their apartment, their neighbors should help them with repairs for free, and so on.

Such people do not know how to ask, they can only demand, and often in a rude manner. In addition, they are not ready to give anything in return: when they are asked for a favor in return, they quickly leave, finding something important to do, complaining about their health or pretending to regret that they do not have the necessary level of knowledge and experience in a certain area.

If a person who constantly asks you for favors never comes to your aid, ignores your hints, and makes excuses every time you have something planned, think better of whether it’s worth sticking with such an unreliable acquaintance. Stop wasting your energy and time on someone who doesn’t appreciate it and who isn’t willing to return the favor.

4. you never get a thank you

You try for the person, you always come to their aid, solve their problems, provide the necessary support, and you don’t even get a trivial thank you in the form of a “Thank you. It looks like you’re not doing anything unusual and are just doing your job. You and your efforts are taken for granted, yet if the person comes down and does at least something good for you, they will demand a bunch of thanks, recognition, and pretty words from you. Don’t stick around for those who devalue everything you do for them.

5. You should do what the other person wants you to do.

If in your relationship with a relative, friend or girlfriend your opinion is never taken into account or stubbornly ignored, rejected with a bunch of dubious arguments, there’s a good chance that you’re just being used. Joint plans are suddenly canceled at the last moment, you spend time with you only when there is no other business, you leave the house when he wants, and do what he wants. That being said, it is your responsibility to adjust his free time and push your desires to the back burner.

6. You are only treated kindly when you need something from you

You are constantly joked at, mocked, ignored, and so it happens exactly until you do not need something. Then the person immediately changes beyond recognition, becomes polite and courteous, apologizes for his behavior and gives you hope that from now on everything will be different. It is worth giving up illusions and admitting to yourself that you are being treated so well solely because you can be useful. And once you do what is required of you, everything will go back to normal.

7. You’re being labeled.

If someone is constantly trying to push their view of the world on you, trying to impose certain norms, dividing things into “right” and “wrong,” be careful-usually it’s someone who wants to make you more comfortable to talk to. By instilling attitudes in you, the person gains power over you, understands how you can be manipulated. The saddest part is that such manipulation is extremely difficult to recognize, and you risk being in the dark for years, sincerely believing that you are guided only by your principles when making decisions.

8. You are constantly under moral pressure.

If in a relationship with someone: whether it’s a relative, a friend or your girlfriend, you get the feeling that they’re constantly trying to nurture you, pressuring you, berating you, justifying their actions with care and wishing for a better life, then it’s time for you to think about the fact that this is not normal. Most likely, the man is just building his authority, trying to use you and show you who’s in charge in your relationship. Of course, if he takes the lead, it will be easier for him to control you and your actions.

9. You get too many compliments and praise

Everyone loves to hear compliments about themselves. This instantly makes you feel good, gives you credibility, and makes you more sensitive and forgiving. But when there are too many compliments and praise, it may be an indication that something is wanted from us. For example, your colleague may admire your skill and professionalism, and then ask you to help him with a project. You’re unlikely to say no to someone who has given you so much positive feedback and take it on yourself.

How not to let yourself be taken advantage of

You can protect yourself from being manipulated by those around you by following just three basic tips.

1. Learn to say “no.”

Saying “no” confidently and without excuses or apologies makes it clear to the manipulator that they do not need to pity you, call in debt, or waste their time with praise and compliments that are meaningless. If you learn to say no, you will never allow those around you to take advantage of you.

2. Ask for a favor in return.

When a person keeps asking you for help without offering anything in return, ask them for a favor in return. Most people, upon hearing this, will immediately evaporate. A person who is used to using you will not be willing to become your debtor. Such people are looking for one-way help, believing they don’t have to return the favor.

Don’t let anyone else influence your decisions.

Make all important decisions alone, without consulting your family, friends, colleagues or acquaintances. Don’t let them pressure you, question your knowledge and experience, or criticize you with excuses of care and love. Let those around you respect your decisions and not try to hinder them.

How do you know if a man loves you or is just using you?

On how to understand whether a man loves you or just uses, think of those women who are uncomfortable in a relationship. They do not receive full attention from the partner, and so, over time, realize that something is wrong. But in this situation, it is too late to take any action. The man achieves his goals and disappears.

Today we will talk about how to understand that a guy is using you at an early stage. The aspirations of a man in love to be with the one he loves are known. But the one who is indifferent will not be able to hide his true feelings. Hypocrisy, selfishness, one way or another, will make themselves known.

How do you know that you are being used in a relationship man?

Every woman, regardless of age, should know how to understand that a man does not love you, but uses you. This is an important point. After all, the goals of cheaters can be very different. This and free access to the body, and material benefits, and personal needs, such as the expectation of career advancement, etc.

As a rule, a woman only realizes that she has been taken advantage of at the end of a relationship. She will be deeply disappointed. It is not easy to cope with depression. Faith in love is lost.

Girls who have been burned, no longer want to make acquaintances. They are afraid of a repeat of the situation. That is why it is necessary to know the signs of a relationship in which one partner uses the other.

Unfortunately, a person in love looks at the situation with different eyes. Common sense cannot prevail over feelings. Even if everyone around is saying that the guy is using the girl, she herself does not notice it.

All women need to understand that if a man uses a lady for his own purpose, he will disappear from sight, as soon as he will achieve his goal. Therefore, it is necessary not only to note the signs of an unhealthy toxic relationship, but also to find out the goal of the guy who has arranged a circus with love, for the sake of achieving it.

If you assume that the man is living with you for, for example, material goods, he can be checked. Deprive your beloved of everything that he used under a plausible reason. Loving man is not afraid of material hardship. He will stay with you and help you look for a way out. The one who was only interested in money will leave the relationship. You will be alone, but at least have your money.

Thus, it is necessary to at least guess the purpose of the relationship. If it is devalued, the man will leave the couple. But the plans of the representatives of the stronger sex are not always known to us.

In addition, women think that men only want their bodies. It’s for sex that they make all these elaborate advances. But in this assertion lies only a fraction of the truth.

An example of this is a true story. A middle-aged man was forced to care for his elderly father. He was earning decent money and did not want to lose his job. But he also did not want the money for a nurse. He decided to get married. A girl he knew was chosen as his wife. She had been in love with him for a long time and did not want to understand that her feelings were not reciprocated.

The happy girl happily accepted the proposal of her beloved. Their marriage lasted for three months. That was how long the elderly man – her husband’s father – lived. This sad story confirms the fact that a man will leave a relationship as soon as the goal is reached or devalued.

But the thing is, the poor girl might not have entertained false hopes if she noted even one sign of an unhealthy and dependent relationship.

19 signs that a man is using you

Let’s find out how to figure out if a man loves you or if it’s just convenient for him. If you suspect something wrong, you are tormented by doubts, but you can not admit to yourself honestly that you are just convenient for a young man, look at the list of men’s goals. Most often, they are achieved by a representative of the stronger sex in a couple with the one who sincerely loves him.

1. Sexual gratification.

Long courtship is fraught with unnecessary expenses. It is very convenient when there is a woman who will let him into her bed just because she loves him.

Domestic Problems.

Men like to return to a comfortable home, where everything is cleaned, washed, cooked. Some “specimens” are willing to sacrifice their freedom for comfort. In doing so, they manage to live their own lives. They get a “mom,” a housekeeper. That is all they are interested in in a relationship.

3. material possessions.

With a wealthy woman, it is easy to solve their financial problems. The man gets good food, clothes, a car, vacations at resorts, etc.

4. Opportunity for career growth

A woman boss gives her lover the opportunity to climb the career ladder.

5. A woman’s connections

A woman’s kinship and social connections can cause a relationship. It is very convenient when the wife has a financial tycoon dad or a military chief.

6. Temporary domestic problem

The man needs to solve his problem, while he does not want to change the usual way of life (care for sick parents, children, etc.).

If you think that your relationship could have been caused by at least one of the reasons, you will have to analyze the situation more carefully. That way, you’ll find out if your loved one is being honest with you.

7. Indifference to “common” problems

The man in the relationship is not interested in common affairs. He doesn’t try to help the woman and solve her problems. Anything that is not related to his goal is unimportant to the man.

For example, you take care of his mother, but he refuses to help with the children’s lessons, does not go shopping for groceries, does not let you go to an important meeting because he is busy himself, and his mother can not be alone. The search for financial gain will be marked by the man’s reluctance to save money, to cut expenses. He will always find excuses why he needs the amount. Denying himself everything will be you.

8. Sudden departures and arrivals

Emotional swings are highly addictive for a man. He becomes addicted. Vivid emotions upon meeting, suffering after a breakup, constant hope for a change in the partner and hope for a future together is all that is possible in such a relationship.

Analyze the situation. When does the man show up? Maybe only in the wintertime, when he is forced to sit at home because of the cold and cannot go on shift? Or, conversely, does he show up when he has financial problems, gets sick, or runs into trouble?

Such an individual usually talks about how unhappy, lonely, and abandoned he is. He is a victim of circumstances. Confessions of love complete the picture. The woman is left in full confidence – she is the only one who will help him get out of everything and give him happiness. The man will disappear as soon as his needs are met. Get out of this game.

9. Unfulfilled Promises.

A man has been promising something of value to you for a long time. For example, he says he’ll buy an apartment, and you’ll live together. But he is in no hurry to fulfill his promises. There is always a good reason. Nevertheless, he stays close to you. He’s comfortable and happy. He just keeps you close to him that way.

The man can tell you that he will solve his problems and then you will be together, but in the meantime, only rare meetings are possible. Loving people solve all problems together.

10. Behaving irritably.

One wise man said that the hardest thing to hide is indifference. If the person lives or meets you for profit, he will be annoyed by your presence.

The reasons will be all kinds: you spend a lot, you cook wrongly, you are too fat or thin, or you dye your hair the wrong color. This person doesn’t like you. Think about what goals he can achieve next to you?

11. doesn’t introduce you to relatives, friends

A man set up for a long relationship will want you present in every area of his life. If he realizes that he will leave as soon as he gets what he wants, he doesn’t need your presence.

He won’t rush to bring you to his mom’s house, introduce you to his sister or his best friend. This is his private side of life. You have no place in it. These are the areas he will keep when he leaves you. He may also avoid communicating with your relatives. For example, he will say he will come late at night, when your son is asleep. Like, no need to traumatize the child. A man who loves you will try to make contact with those you care about.

12. Sex on Demand

If a man is only interested in sex, he will show up when he has a temporary absence of his partner. As soon as he satisfies his instincts, he’ll remember about his sick mother, urgent business, and leave.

A man focused only on a sexual relationship will not take you to the movies or to exhibitions. He will declare himself a homebody and tell you that the most pleasant thing is to lie in bed with the woman you love. At the same time you should never say no, be busy or sick. This is not part of his plans.

13. Constant “temporary difficulties” with finances

A man is always asking you to top up his account, to pay for lunch in a restaurant, to add the right amount. He’s not ashamed, because he believes that people who love each other can’t have accounts with each other.

If you ask to “borrow”, he will refuse and cite salary delays, unexpected expenses, etc. He is not going to support you financially, he is saving his own budget at your expense.

Sometimes women, in order to appear indifferent to money, go very far. They pay for absolutely everything so that their partner would not suspect them of mercantilism and calculation.

Pay attention. Such a man likes to talk about greedy ladies.

14. Always Busy

The man is always busy. He can come to you once every two weeks, not call for days and claim to love you. It doesn’t work that way. A man who loves you will always take a moment to find out how someone he cares about is doing.

Also, the man may be absent on weekends or holidays, explaining his inability to be with you on urgent matters. This situation is becoming permanent. You already know for sure that you will spend the next holidays alone. He does not love you, perhaps he is married, but he is attracted to you by something. He is using you for his own purposes.

15. Secrecy, secrecy.

The man never talks on the phone in your presence, evades answering your questions, does not talk about work, business. Chances are, he’s just looking for pleasure and doesn’t intend to live with you happily ever after.

He may only be interested in sexual pleasures or the financial side of life. In general, a man will always prefer sex that doesn’t cost him anything. And if a woman is ready to wait for him for years with a hot dinner on the stove, he will not want to lose her. The best way to tie a girl down is to talk about your love.

16. Indifference to your desires.

For the most part, you always do what he wants you to do. You go to the movie he likes or spend the evening in bed, even though you dreamed of going to the theater. If you have an important meeting scheduled, you’re the one who has to cancel it, because it’s not in the man’s plans.

Man is indifferent to your fatigue, in wanting to sleep, a bad mood. The main thing is that you are there when and where he needs you.

17. Not talking about the future.

If you are dating a man for over six months, and he still does not talk about the future, does not make common plans, in his dreams you are absent, he is lying to you about his love. While he is comfortable with you, he needs you for something, but it is temporary.

The man may even live together with you. But he won’t make a formal marriage, and he certainly won’t want children. We are talking about an adult relationship here, not a high school or college student whose future is unclear and unclear.

An established person always thinks about the future. She wants a family. This is especially important when a person is in love.

18. Practice free relationships.

A man speaks out in favor of a free relationship. But does he allow you to behave freely or does he reserve that right for himself? What exactly does he mean when he talks about a free relationship?

Recall: in a free relationship, most often a man and a woman live together with each other, support each other, including material support, share their experiences. It is assumed that they have a future. But they allow each other to make connections on the side from time to time. Jealousy, resentment and quarrels on this basis are excluded. People who are satisfied with such relationships do exist.

If your partner refuses to help you, visits you only when he needs to, constantly reminds you that he promised you nothing and owes you nothing, it is not a free relationship. In addition, such a partner will not allow you to date other men. And further, he will claim that you cheated on him, he has forgiven you because he loves you and will continue to live his life at his pleasure. Stop this circus.

19. Manipulation

Manipulation. Think about it, when does your partner tell you he’s leaving? When does he start threatening to break up with you? Probably only when you don’t please him, when you refuse to fulfill some request. Man never takes into account your desires, needs. He demands proof of your love. But words are usually not enough for him.

You have to be sure to sit with his sick mother, urgently buy a new car, or open the door to him at 3 am, because he finally missed you and decided to visit.

Manipulators are excellent psychologists. They know how to press the strings of the female soul. Such a partner will sing your dithyrambs about love, but he does not love you. Love can not disappear if you denied any request.


Figuring out that you are being used by a man, not loved, is pretty easy. But getting out of such a relationship is hard. A woman loves, which means she is vulnerable. She is unable to adequately perceive the situation.

Many women believe that let there be at least such a man, than there will be no man. This is a delusion. Loneliness – a temporary thing. Live a full life, work, raise children, relax. If a man loves you, he will include you in your lifestyle. And if he’s just trying to use you by talking about his love, he won’t continue the relationship. He won’t be interested in them.

But you shouldn’t have to suffer. You deserve better, you will meet someone who will love you and learn that relationships are not painful and disturbing, they are not empty expectations.

People who love each other will always find a way to be together. Elderly parents, children from other marriages, work, and illness are temporary things. What you need is someone who will be with you for no reason at all. Or rather just one reason: he loves you.

About the author: Hi, I’m Karolina Korablova. I live in the Moscow region, in the town of Odintsovo. I love life and people. I try to be realistic and optimistic about life. In people I appreciate the ability to behave. I am fond of psychology, in particular, conflict resolution. Graduated from the Russian State Social University, department of psychology of work and special psychology.

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