How to understand by the actions of her husband that he has fallen out of love, and then what to do?
How do you know by a man’s behavior that he has fallen out of love with you?
You lived soul to soul, reveling in your love and passion for several years. But at some point you began to notice that everything had gone somewhere, there was no sense of understanding, trust. Instead, there were doubts, resentments, disagreements and even personal complexes. Your interests began to differ fundamentally. Spouse ceased to show reciprocal warm feelings, and you realize that the relationship is becoming uncomfortable. Realizing that in every married couple quarrels and conflicts periodically occur, you hope that all is not lost, and you think: maybe this is just a crisis of the relationship? The Internet is often replete with this psychological term, which is considered the norm in family development. To find out the truth, you have read about this phenomenon, even passed several tests on the topic of “how to understand that the husband fell out with his wife,” but all this has not yet convinced you. Maybe the reason is that you are not ready to realize the awful truth. But for a long time to placate yourself with delusions is impossible. Sooner or later it is necessary to move from the dead point, sensibly analyze what is happening and decide what to do in a situation where the feelings of a spouse cooled down or even gone irretrievably.
There are certain signs that the man you have fallen out of love, which can be noted in his behavior. We will consider them in detail in order to help understand the situation and make a decision.
In harmonious relations, where there is love and understanding, the spouses have a common life filled with caring, interesting events, participation in each other’s affairs, building plans for the future and joint solution of problems.
One of the clear signs of fading feelings of the partner is his complete indifference to the other half. If your husband stopped being interested in your life, health, affairs, and in communication became aloof and cold, this is the first call.
It is possible that he has some problems, for example, at work. Because of them he is exhausted mentally and physically, and he no longer has enough energy for his family. Here it is important to notice the fine line. Or temporary indifference and then bursts of tenderness. Or for a long period of complete indifference and withdrawal into themselves, into their interests. And no matter what you do to rouse him and cause attention to his person, the man almost does not react. Or it may be accompanied by a reaction in the form of irritation at all your actions, from “too loud voice, laughing or even breathing”, ending with a complaint to the borscht, which he used to adore. This suggests that life together has become a drag for him, and love is dead. But the partner does not dare to say so, feeling his guilt, so he prefers to spend more time away from home.
When the young man realizes that his feelings are gone, he gets angry at himself for not being able to do anything, and takes his rudeness out on his other half. When he was in love, he idealized his beloved, paid her compliments, carried her in his arms. Now the situation has changed, and from the politeness and admiration left no trace. The rudeness of the partner can manifest itself in various forms:
- Regular irritation and raising his voice to the point of shouting and swearing at his spouse. He gets even more irritated at the sight of her tears.
- Criticism of her appearance. For example, he began to tell his wife that she is not just fat, old or poorly dressed, namely “fat, ugly, old, sagging, loquacious. He notices even small wrinkles on her face or chipped fingernails. He says that he is ashamed to show his face in public. Whereas he used to treat her practically like a goddess.
- Claims about her character. For example, he does not like the fact that she has become tedious, constantly nagging, blowing his brains out, whining and crying. In spite of the fact that he is the main reason for such behavior.
- Criticism of any actions of the partner. Instead of dinner, she cooked slop, the apartment is a constant mess, the bed will soon be infested with bedbugs from the crumbs (even though he himself is there and eats in the evenings).
- Anger reaches the point of physical violence. The man may punch in the face or even a good pounding. And in this case, the saying “if he hits you, he loves you” has no basis at all.
- Makes remarks in public, in the presence of relatives, friends or even strangers.
Such behavior as if the partner is trying to convince himself that his wife was to blame for his cool feelings, so she deserves a harsh attitude and expressions of contempt and hatred.
So if you began to notice how your man is constantly rude and generally behave disgustingly, it is time to realize that he simply fell out of love.
Doesn’t consider opinion
You used to discuss all matters and problems together, listening to each other, advising and analyzing each other’s point of view. Now your chosen one decides for himself. And this is not like a manifestation of independence or masculinity, but it looks like an unwillingness to consider your opinion. He is not interested in your point of view on anything. He just crossed out his soul mate and selfishly lives by himself, making plans for the future without even trying to share them. Or he gives you the choice, but only in matters of the household. You just don’t have any topics to discuss together. Even to your elementary question “What to make for dinner?” he irritably waves you off and disappears from sight, making it clear that he is not to be disturbed neither by trifles nor by serious matters. When communicating with other people, he uses only the pronoun “I” instead of the once pleasant “we” when talking about his plans and dreams.
Sense of superiority
Previously, your relationships were equal and mutual respect. Everyone was a full person, whose opinion was considered and was proud of any action or deed. Now the attitude of your spouse to you has changed beyond recognition. Faded love and passion transformed into irritation, contempt, humiliation and a sense of superiority over you. The partner began to constantly point out that as a man is in charge, “and you are nobody, and your name is nothing, so know your place. He dictates his terms in everything, can make decisions for you, down to what you should wear and whether you should go anywhere with him at all. Or it is better not to loom before his eyes and sit quietly at home and iron shirts. What else could you be good for?
This change in behavior may be an unconscious provocation for you to make the decision to divorce yourself. Because, despite the fact that he considers himself the master in the relationship and in your life, the issue of breaking the connection is overwhelming for him. It is common for men to sin with weakness in these situations.
Unwillingness to understand
When love and affection in a guy goes away, miscommunication and misunderstanding in the relationship begins. He loses the desire to take care of his soul mate, to protect her from mental illness, to help her with something, to solve household and other problems. And all of this eventually leads to disagreements and altercations. He completely stops listening to his partner’s opinion and does not want to understand her, thus provoking quarrels and scandals. A peculiar armor is activated in the young man, allowing him to hear no one but himself. He tries to distance himself from everything that is going on.
Of course, it is possible to write it all off to his fatigue and preoccupation with some problems or the so-called age crisis. But when it happens regularly with enviable frequency, you should think about whether you need to keep a person who no longer feels warm feelings near you.
Lack of tenderness and intimacy
You remember how good you were together. Your partner enveloped you with his tenderness and warmth. And passion blazed in his amorous eyes that he couldn’t take away from you. How you stayed in bed 24 hours a day, giving yourselves to each other’s incessant attraction. He took care of you and made pleasant surprises: brought coffee or breakfast in bed, covered with a soft blanket, carried in his arms, gave flowers and gifts, was at your side during illness and gave medicine.
But now for you it’s only a fairy tale memories, or maybe even a dream. You realize that nothing like this has happened between you for a long time, and you wonder what happened to your once so delightful relationship.
You try to write everything off to being too busy at work, at home, focusing on the kids you have or your career. Such reasons can undoubtedly lead to fading passion and less affection and caring. But not their complete disappearance from family life.
Clear signs that the husband has fallen out of love with his wife is the absence for a long period of tenderness and sexual intimacy, manifested in the following moments:
- Your spouse has stopped kissing and hugging you, looking you in the eye, comforting you, and taking an interest in how you are feeling.
- About intimacy you have almost forgotten. He constantly finds some excuse: he was tired, the evening was heavy and his head hurts, he overtrained at the gym, etc.
- In general, he tries to avoid all kinds of confrontations with you and spend more time alone in the apartment or outside the house. For example, he may stay at work for a long time or spend time with friends, staying overnight at their place. Or close himself in a separate room with a TV, a newspaper, a beer and a request not to disturb him and let him rest.
- Any action on your part towards him is seen by him as “blowing his brains out” and disrespecting his personal space.
- Does not respond to your attempts to induce intimacy: he is not inspired by new sexy lingerie, the offer of erotic massage or the testing of intimate toys, etc. Or in rare cases, the spouse agrees to the provocation, but the sex is dry, mechanical and lasts a couple of minutes. After which he turns away to the wall and falls asleep.
And these are not one-time situations where there is a chance that your partner will take a break, think about it, and return to the previous warm relationship. This has become a constant in your life together, which means he just doesn’t love anymore. It is worth taking note that in a relationship filled with mutual love, there will be no desire to be away for long periods on the side or disappear under any pretext. And certainly not to give up sex, if there is no problem with potency.
Relationship on the side
A very common reason for the cooling of the partner’s feelings is his relationship on the side. So, wondering what is happening in your relationship and why he was so rude and indifferent to you, look closely, if he has another woman. This fact may give the following signs:
- The man stays late, and sometimes does not come overnight.
- He became secretive and suspicious.
- Periodically he smells of women’s perfume, and on his clothes or on the seat in the car you can find a foreign hair or other compromising clues.
- He began to pay increased attention to his appearance: he spends a lot of time in the bathroom, soaping and shaving, he started going to the gym, and he is careful in his choice of perfume, clothing, and shoes.
- Does not let go of your locked phone, periodically calling or texting with someone.
- Stopped giving you attention, pleasing surprises or flowers, not jealous of possible admirers.
- Or, conversely, began to suddenly give expensive gifts for no reason. This can be a sign of a guilty conscience and a desire to pay off sin.
If your suspicions are confirmed, but you want to save the relationship, you can talk to your chosen one frankly. Suppose it was only a passing infatuation, and then he will confess to you, repent of what he did and want to be with you. But if your partner has serious feelings for another woman and true love, it is better to break ties with him. Otherwise, the already excruciating pain in the future will be simply unbearable and may lead to various negative consequences.
Sometimes, when the passion cools down, it becomes clear that this was not true love, but only infatuation with a strong physical attraction for each other. But over time, life and habit have done their work, and the partner is simply disappointed in such a relationship. Because the courtship period and the honeymoon is a fairy tale, full of delightful events and raging passions. And the subsequent life together is quite another side of the coin, where there are problems that need to be solved. And the wife is seen in a different light: untidy in the morning and not always smelling nice in the evening, with occasional hints of dissatisfaction and bitchiness in the character. Such a life simply begins to kill the feelings that the chosen one seemed to love, and alienate him from his partner. And she, in turn, begins to lack attention, care, tenderness, and she takes her disappointment out on him, thereby pushing him away even more.
If a man realizes that he is disappointed in a relationship and no longer feels love, no matter how hard you try to keep him, he will still leave. Or he will live under duress and make both of them unhappy.
Take note of all the signs described and compare them to the behavior of your chosen one. And, perhaps, the conclusion will come to itself. If your husband has fallen out of love, he is behaving as a rude, tyrant, morally and physically indifferent partner, and sometimes as a cheater. It is necessary to keep in mind: to make a final conclusion that the man’s feelings have faded completely, you can only if there are several signs, not just one. And only then we can make a decision.
Is it possible to return the old feelings?
You have studied all of the described signs, compared with his behavior and came to the conclusion that his chosen one does not feel to you the old feelings. But your love is not extinct. You do not want to lose your loved one and ruin the family. So through the endless tears and sorrow you wonder: is there anything you can do to awaken feelings in a partner and return love? Or is everything irrevocably lost?
If you’re not going to just give up, then use the following advice:
- Try to calm down and pull yourself together. Do not get into a heated argument, get into a scandal with her husband and accuse him of not loving you, appealing to the fact that you spent on him the best years of his life.
- Analyze what could be a possible cause of the fading of feelings of a spouse. Maybe by removing it, it will be possible to revive the former love.
- Pay attention to yourself. It is likely that your partner is criticizing you for a reason. Maybe, gone with the head into the family and the life, you run as a woman. Take concrete steps:
- Step one. Start going to the beauty salon. Get skin care treatments that conceal age-related signs and give a rejuvenating effect. Replace makeup with tattoos and classic style eyelashes. Modern cosmetology works wonders. Get your hair and nails in order. This will not only make you more attractive, but also give you confidence in yourself and your powers.
- Step two. Engage in improving your figure. Fitness rooms, yoga, dancing, a healthy diet and various modern types of massage will certainly help in this.
- Step three. Stop being boring and predictable for your partner. Begin to improve spiritually and intellectually. Study foreign languages, cooking, writing, etc. Find an occupation that suits your soul or discover a new profession. If your finances are tight, you don’t have to go to any special courses. A lot of useful information can be found on the Internet. The main thing is not to sit in place, idly and constantly revel in their misery.
- If your man was another woman, there is a chance that this is a passing infatuation. He’ll come back to you when he’s had enough. All you can do in this situation is to become a better mistress. To do this, take note of the advice given above.
- Sometimes it is enough just to talk calmly and discuss the problem together. Perhaps his spouse himself will talk about his feelings and the reasons for their fading, and offer a way out of the situation.
If all your attempts did not give a positive result, and you understand that the lost love loved one can not return, the best way – take it as a given and leave with dignity. Do not hold your partner and beg to stay for the sake of the family. So you lower yourself even more in his eyes. And the constant hopes for a sudden brightening in his head and the return of love can only bring you more and finally ruin your nervous system. Such actions will not bring back happiness.
How to know if a guy fell out of love: Stop kidding yourself
My occupation makes me always be aware of events and learn something new. I like to learn and develop.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Love – inspires, energizes, gives joy and bliss. But sometimes love is gone. How to understand that the guy fell out of love, and whether you can return the old feelings. At first, when the relationship is harmonious and filled with love, the man in every way to show his feelings. When all interest in the partner is lost, the words of love she will not hear. After all, the explanation is simple: no love, no words.
An invisible crack has appeared.
There appeared rudeness in communication, he admires the other girls, but you do not notice, not interested in you, not making compliments, avoiding communication, picking on just because and irritated. And that’s not all: he chilled in caresses, communication is limited or reluctant to talk, looking for excuses not to meet, prefers the company of your friends, not invite you to visit or other events.
Also, he may not congratulate you on holidays, not jealous, but rather offer to introduce you to anyone, not to take the initiative for sex, you are increasingly trying to convince him to sexual intercourse. All this shows that there is no love anymore.
Does not call.
If the relationship is still “fresh” or when the couple does not live together, how do you know if the other half has fallen out of love? Stopped or became much less frequent communication on the phone – a sign that interest in you is lost. Usually, a loving man wants to know as much as possible about the object of adoration. When interest is lost, feelings disappear. After all, normal desire to know what he loves, whether healthy, where he is, how things are, in general, etc. The man becomes indifferent, and he calls and sends messages less and less. And when you call, he simply does not pick up, and then may not call back, citing his busy schedule.
Perhaps the man has not figured out his feelings about you. But subconsciously you cause him to reject. He gets mad for no reason, getting angry and irritated, picking on little things, although it behaves as usual. More and more often you hear rebukes for any reason and without it. And no matter what you do, the tyranny does not stop. In an “empty place” may erupt scandal with the clarification of relations, where a man, as if on purpose, provokes you to it. Such pickiness is the first signal that not all is not well in the couple.
Once feelings fade, the guy is no longer afraid to touch your feelings. In arguments, which have become more, the man strikes a nerve and tries to jab, as painfully as possible – he does not feel sorry for you. The words are becoming more and more hurtful. As if intentionally creates a situation in which it is unbearable to live. Thus, forces you to make your own decision and leave. Shifts the responsibility for the choice on you.
How to understand that the guy fell out of love, if everything, as if nothing has changed, but the feeling of anxiety does not leave. Disrespectful attitude towards your lover, sarcasm and mockery, indicates the extinction of love. Criticism becomes tougher and tougher, even in the presence of strangers. Negativity directed at the girlfriend becomes more and more.
Indifference and indifference
The man, as if he closes himself off, hides in his shell from you. He stops participating in family life if the couple is married. The guy gets immersed in his own affairs and problems. Sometimes, a man does not want to change the familiar life for the unknown, spending time, money and energy on a new relationship. The comfort zone that has been formed does not allow him to break up the relationship, even though there is no love anymore. The woman ceases to feel loved and desired, experiencing a lack of attention.
Everyone rests in his own way.
The guy will spend time with friends more than with you. He will have hobbies and activities that he may not have had before: fishing, hunting, billiards, soccer. Anything without you. Go to your friends, he will not want, and will look for excuses. And where you invited him, he will go by himself, without you. Coming up with all sorts of excuses.
Does not listen to you.
Couple characterized by joint decision-making. Reluctance to discuss important decisions should be a warning. Especially if before everything was decided together. When the word “we” disappears in his conversations, it’s time to “sound the alarm”. How to understand that the guy fell out of love: he does not make joint plans for the future. Some men are looking for mistresses, others just want freedom.
Cooled in the caresses
The touch of the beloved becomes less and less. It is as if the need and desire for it disappears. Even just sitting in the car or being indoors, the guy will avoid touching, can even pull his hand away if you take it.
There isn’t a man who doesn’t have this feeling. Even if a guy doesn’t show jealousy, seeing attention to his date from another man, he will definitely react and show possessiveness. When a guy doesn’t care who his girlfriend hangs out with, how other members of the stronger half look at her and try to please her, then love is dead. He will only be happy if you have someone to relieve himself of the burden of worrying about you. Otherwise, the girl is already fixed and doesn’t cry. A loving man with serious intentions, will not share his woman with another man, even if it’s just signs of attention.
Things will work out.
A guy who is in love will give gifts and, no matter the price, it’s the attention that counts. If love is dead, a man won’t even think about doing that. It is impossible to predict whether you will be loved forever or only for six months. In any case, if you know what’s going on with your partner and where your relationship is headed, you can change the course of events. The very love can not be predicted, but you can take action in time to avoid losing it completely. You can keep it, bring it back, do not let it disappear from your life.
Loving man will show you his feelings: he will publicly declare their rights to you, will protect and provide. Once you meet a man like this – try not to miss it. It is important not to think about the existence of love where there is none.