8 Ways to Fall Back in Love with Your Partner
In a long relationship there is inevitably a period of alienation: family life brings boredom, the partner causes irritation, and sex turns into a routine. We remember what strong emotions we had when the relationship began, and conclude that the love is gone. At this point, some couples decide to break up, while others close their eyes to the problems, hoping that everything will somehow work itself out. But this method does not work too long – relationships require tireless work, according to psychologists. They offer 8 effective ways that will help to return the former passion and keep the love for years to come.
Ammanda Major is the head of clinical practice at Relate. Couples often come to her for therapy complaining that they no longer feel in love with each other. She assures them that this is a very common problem: “In a long-term relationship to the forefront of daily worries. Without realizing it yet, the partners feel that they are drifting away from each other.”
The reasons may be different: perhaps you forgot why you fell in love with this man, or just reached the comfortable stage of the relationship, which has no place for passion. But how sensible is it to hope that the state of being in love will last for decades? Sexologist, psychotherapist in the field of personal relationships Kate Moyle says: “Love and sexual relationships change over time, but you can become very close again. However, you shouldn’t expect this area to be stable.”
But if you feel you’ve grown cold toward each other, don’t count on that to go away over time. “Nothing will change if both partners don’t work on the relationship. I often hear things like, ‘I thought/think things would work themselves out. Well, that’s not true.”
So, is it possible to bring love back into a relationship? And if so, how can you do it?
Of course, you would love to get back those glory days when you first met and could not tear yourselves away from each other. But since then, life has changed a lot. Maybe at the time you didn’t have kids or didn’t have to work as hard to increase your income. Over time, you discovered qualities in your partner that annoyed you, because at first you didn’t know each other very well. Here’s what Major says: “It won’t be like before, because now you know a lot more about your partner and what it’s like to live with him or her. It all depends on what you think of as falling in love. There is an opinion that falling in love helps a couple get together; when it passes, there is a deeper, more complex and richer sense of intimacy. And that doesn’t mean that partners no longer find each other cool, interesting and sexy.”
2. be interested in your partner
Look at your loved one with fresh eyes. Analyze your relationship and figure out in what situations and circumstances you were really interested in your partner. Once you understand when and why this happens, you’ll be able to pay more attention to him or her.
3. Put the relationship at the forefront
In a long-term relationship, the sense of novelty fades and is replaced by a sense of security and comfort.
“We may think of it as boring, but relationships, like many other important things, have to be worked on. Relationships have to be a priority, and you have to put working on them on your daily to-do list. If you feel the distance between you is increasing, you need to build bridges,” says Major.
4. Look at the root of it.
“If you don’t want your partner anymore, it may be due to something other than sexual problems in the relationship. Often the true cause of dissatisfaction is not at all what is being voiced,” says Major. According to Catherine Woodward Thomas, a relationship therapist, author of the term “conscious disengagement,” the cause is not the most serious or dramatic thing, but rather a minor detail that “destroys trust and a sense of unity. Very often we perceive as a lack of love small disappointments, easy rejections, small unfulfilled hopes – those moments when we count on the person and he is not there, or when we need support, but instead we get criticism from the partner. Falling in love, she says, is “the feeling of being together. One way to recover that feeling is to be able to share what’s bothering you.”
5. Talk about your needs.
Daily responsibilities or important life events, such as losing a job or caring for children and elderly parents, also affect relationships and can cause feelings to fade.
“In any relationship, there are times when you can’t give your partner as much attention as before because you have other equally important things to do. In such cases, it is useful not to close the channel of communication. Often it is enough to take just a little time to show your partner that he is still important to you, that you love him and care about him. In this case, it is necessary to clearly state your needs,” says Major.
Try to allocate time to talk (do not forget to put aside the phones). You don’t have to devote a whole evening to it and turn the conversation into a full-fledged discussion – you can just take a walk or chat in the car.
“How do you get back that precious time just for two people? If you can do that, you’ll find it easier to tell your partner how important they are to you,” says Major. And Moyle advises figuring out the things you’d like to change. “Is it physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, or both? Maybe one of you will say, ‘I wish I could get a little more help from you. Could you go grocery shopping this week?” I often give couples this assignment: first they have to promise to do something and then ask for help. It’s always a matter of mutual agreement; one partner can’t do all the work.”
6. Put the emphasis on the outcome.
It can be difficult to tell a partner that feelings have cooled.
“The truth can be very painful. If you want to say something that might hurt the other person’s feelings, always try to offer options. For example: “It’s really hard for me to talk about this, but I want us to get closer, so we need to do that,” says Woodward Thomas.
If you state your positive intentions right away, you can smoothly start a difficult conversation.
7. Start now.
It’s never too late to rekindle feelings, but the sooner you start working on it, the better. If you delay this moment, you will have to deal with more problems, resentments, and negative manifestations: “It’s always better to be proactive in dealing with relationship and sex problems, but it’s very difficult for many couples because they don’t want to rock the boat.” However, there is a possibility that such conversations will not lead to the desired results. “Couples psychotherapy is not meant to save a relationship, but to help people sort out their needs and desires. Many relationships exist without intimacy, sex or love, but they can break down at any time,” Moyle states. It could be a love affair or something more routine like being late at work or being overly involved in your hobby.
8. Remember who you fell in love with.
Woodward Thomas recommends making a “gratitude list” of your partner’s strengths. This will help you “remember how hard it is to be human. We all have moments when we are vulnerable, when we need help and sympathy. But there are times when we act noble, like knights in shining armor. When your partner is going through a bad time, it’s helpful to remember the amazing qualities they possess and support them.”
Perhaps your partner has changed and is not happy about it himself. Woodward Thomas says, “I really believe that sometimes feelings go cold just because your partner has disowned himself – and you agree with him. He rejects himself, and you reject him. In that case, ask your partner what’s going on, create a comfortable environment for him to talk frankly. You know what he is really like, and you can have the conversation with love and respect. You’ll give him the opportunity to re-create himself.”
How to bring romance back into a relationship and rekindle the spark: 20 secrets to lasting love
At times, relationships get worse, love weakens, the spiritual connection fades and passion disappears. All this leads to the fact that the relationship becomes boring, there are risks of separation or treason. How to bring romance back into a relationship and ignite a spark to make love strong and you happier?
Go on dates and take vacations together.
Sometimes routine and routine take away all the interesting moments of a relationship. Stick to the rule where you go on a date every two weeks, go away for a weekend once a month and once a year go on a vacation together. This will keep the fire of relationship, passion and love alive.
Elisa Photography , Unsplash
It’s always great to come up with something unusual and cool for your other half by arranging a surprise. Even small pleasant little things and surprises make the relationship brighter. Breakfast in bed, a spontaneous romantic dinner, two tickets to the theater. Surprises are cool to arrange not only on anniversaries, but even on the most ordinary days.
3. Say compliments.
Feel free to say nice things to your soulmate. Remind your love that this person is very attractive and desirable to you. Compliment your appearance and inner qualities. Admire each other, because this is very important.
4. Find common hobbies.
A great way to liven up a relationship is to find common hobbies, passions and interests. When you have something to do together and it’s also very exciting, it will have a great effect on your relationship. Look for common hobbies ranging from dancing to riding bikes.
Jusdevoyage , Unsplash
A relationship consists of a thousand touches, from the touching to the frank. How do you ignite the spark of desire and passion? Touch each other, hug each other, stroke each other, caress each other. This will make your relationship richer.
6. Talk about love
Sometimes it’s hard to be open and honest in a relationship, but that’s what brings out the best in us. How do you bring romance back into a relationship? Find opportunities to tell each other how you feel, how you love, and how you feel. This will make the relationship fuller and happier. Saying “I love you” is simple, but it always works.
7. Exercise together.
Go to the gym, pool, jogging, crossfit together. Exercising together brings you closer together and also brings out the energy of passion between you when you’re full of energy, endorphins, and glistening with sweat.
Bradley Dunn , Unsplash
8. Support each other in your dreams.
Support your other half in your endeavors, desires and dreams. It’s the best way to show that you can always be counted on.
9. Work through conflicts.
Learn to work through your grievances, problems, and relationship difficulties with words. Discuss your problems to turn from vulnerabilities into your strengths.
10. Have fun with each other.
Learn to have fun together, laugh at something funny, go to movies, attend concerts, hang out in clubs, booze in bars, or sit in coffee shops. Become friends with each other, having fun together and having fun.
Daniele Colucci , Unsplash
11. Try experiments in bed
How do you bring romance back into a relationship and rekindle the spark? Certainly make your bedroom a field for experimentation and pleasure. Explore new poses and methods of pleasure. Make love not only in bed, not only in the bed, but also other places in the apartment and outside of it. Making love in the car, in nature, in a hotel, on the beach or in other interesting places is always unforgettable.
12. Plan for the future.
Discuss your future, what you want to achieve, how to relax, what to do and what goals to make come true. Planning for the future is a great way to show how important you are to each other. Make a list of what you want to do together so you can achieve what you want.
A good way to spice up a relationship is to have a spontaneous adventure. How do you bring romance back into a relationship and love? Go spontaneously or go somewhere you didn’t even plan to go an hour ago. Go on a weekend trip, rent a hotel room, take a car trip somewhere, visit a sauna together, have a romantic evening or do something else equally attractive.
Jonathan Borba , Unsplash
14. Go on a double date.
Find friends, or rather another couple you can hang out with. You’ll have fun going out, going for a walk, having fun, or driving together, because it’s always more fun in company than just the two of you.
15. Cook together and clean the house
Cooking food or drinks together will help spice up your relationship. It’s a simple but effective thing to bring couples closer together, especially if you like to fool around or do something not very decent. It’s similar with cleaning, as maids are always attractive and desirable.
Needless to say, any outing somewhere together, creates you joint memories and helps you relax? Travel unites lovers, because a change of scenery gives novelty and a sense of renewal of the relationship. A trip to the sea, to a wild beach, to a vacation home, to the mountains, or even to the countryside is always a heightened feeling.
Lucas Andrade , Unsplash
17. Flirt with each other
Flirting is necessary not only at the beginning of communication, but also for finding in them. How do you light a spark between you? Don’t be afraid to flirt, flirt, say obscenities and vulgarities. This will all add spice, spice, novelty and desirability to your relationship.
18. Be interesting personalities.
In a relationship, it’s important not to dissolve into each other, but rather to feel as individuals. Give yourself space for your interests, hobbies, friends and even loneliness. When you have a life all of each other, you are always interesting to be around. At the same time, do not forget to respect each other’s boundaries.
Do something together that causes an adrenaline rush. This roller coaster ride, try extreme sports, ride horses, check out the surf, ride bikes or master rollerblading. This drive will be the perfect prelude to whatever you have going on in the bedroom tonight, if you make it to it.
Steven Wilcox , Unsplash
20. Send messages and call
In love, it’s always important to keep the relationship alive with more than just dates. How do you get the romance back into your relationship and the candy-coated feelings of the bouquet period? Write romantic messages to each other, or maybe funny or cute messages. Make phone calls or video calls. When you communicate while at work or away from each other, it brings things closer together.
How do you bring romance back into a relationship and rekindle the spark? Remember why you fell in love with each other. Don’t miss out on the person you feel good with, and you have love. True love is very hard to find in this world, so keep it safe.