How do you get out of teen depression?

How do you get out of teen depression?

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Teenage depression is on everyone’s lips. But the word “separative” raises questions. I’ll try to explain.

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In the second school semester, my office begins at first a weak, and by spring an increasing stream of parents of graduates and teenagers themselves with complaints of weakness, sudden tearfulness, incomprehensible headaches. Children who have so far delighted parents’ hearts with persistent comprehension of all kinds of science, stop being interested in anything, lie down on the couch, turn their backs to the wall, and stop communicating.

Teenage depression is on everyone’s lips. But the word “separative” raises questions. I’ll try to explain.

Teenage (separation) depression is a condition in which there is a deterioration of well-being in three ways: a decrease in mood (depression, lethargy, tearfulness, fatigue, sadness, melancholy), sleep disorders (cannot fall asleep in the evening, gets up badly in the morning, wakes up at night (usually at 4 o’clock) and then cannot fall back asleep), appetite disorders (stops eating or, conversely, “eats like mad. Not to be confused with the normal wolfish appetite accompanying frantic growth. That is, if the child eats a lot, you do not have time to fill the fridge, but he is awake and cheerful, and only adds on the size of a month, mostly in height and leg – everything is fine, relax.

The cause of this disorder is usually a combination of several factors: heredity (here everything is clear, if the parents had – the children are likely to manifest, too, but not all and not necessarily), the rapid hormonal change (the main word – “rapid”, explosive, that is, went to sleep baby, and woke up already a teenager with all the bonuses), chronic stress associated with overloads.

This is where we need to elaborate.

Two important milestones our children have to take just in the midst of puberty: the GIA and the USE. And as we are all fortunate enough to observe, around a fairly trivial and not too difficult exam winds just a typhoon of anxiety and inflated expectations. “This is the main exam of your life!!! How you pass the USE will determine your entire future career!” Why? Why so?

The truth is, the USE doesn’t determine anything. If there were no sword of Damocles hanging over our children all the time, “If you do not pass the exam, you will die, would we kill ourselves so much about going to college? If he didn’t get in this year, he would get in next year and go to work – that would give him time to figure out what he wanted in life.

But no. We (parents) are very scared, so we try in every way to lay straws and take away the trouble with tutors, extra classes, lessons until midnight.

Although, from a physiological point of view, the most useful thing for children at this age – a lot of work in the fresh air, to marry and do self-knowledge.

And, oddly enough, late to bed and late to get up. Not to mention the fact that, in fact, not all people need higher education, and most realize their true purpose closer to the age of 35, 80% of university graduates never work in the specialty indicated in the diploma. Let’s face it: four or six years in college is just a way to legally prolong childhood and remove an army of millions of young people from the labor market.

So, dear parents, the second biggest cause of depression in teenagers is our anxieties and (inflated) expectations.

In addition, we are pushing children to leave our warm, cozy, safe nest for an unpredictable, possibly violent and certainly not the least bit friendly outside world. We say “decide on a profession,” “decide what you want to be,” and he hears “grow up, get off our backs, go fight dragons.” He is scared, torn by two opposing desires: for freedom and for safety. If only he could stay home but have all the rights of an adult!

Parents are also somehow chilly and anxious, so their messages are slightly contradictory: we want you to be an adult and responsible, but we check your homework and run for the elevator up the stairs “put your hat on!” If we add that the parents themselves are having a (usually) midlife crisis at this time… It’s good if there are reliable older people in the family to help keep the steering wheel.

How to recognize teenage depression

The main thing to look out for, as mentioned above,

on the major depressive triad: sleep, appetite, mood.

Intermittent headaches of unknown origin, nausea and abdominal pain, and persistent colds can be somatic (bodily) manifestations of depression. Girls have very frequent manifestations of what district doctors call “vegetovascular dystonia”: extremely low blood pressure, palpitations, sweating. Yes, if a girl has added 10-15 cm in height over the year, she has an unstable monthly cycle, she is pale and has shadows under her eyes, fainting from time to time, you can call it IHD. Or you can call it a panic attack.

So, dear parents, if this condition continues for more than a month or two, I would show your child to a specialist, ideally a neurologist or psychotherapist. Your problem can be solved by taking special medications, but they must be prescribed by a doctor. Do not listen to those who say “take some Novo-passit (Valerian, motherwort, tincture of peony, etc.), everything will pass. I don’t think so, but you waste time.

Even a visit to an osteopath and a course of massage helps a lot, for a very simple reason: the brain starts to get normal nutrition, it becomes “more fun”, the child recovers from stresses faster and better.

What harms and aggravates

Here I will not reveal America: gadgets. Yes, we all know how difficult it is to tear out of the hands of your child’s smartphone or tablet at two in the morning. Look for ways, put a breaker on the access point, impose a curfew. But be unwavering: the night exists to sleep. You can’t sleep – read a book (paper), take a warm shower, drink milk with honey. But I won’t let you completely ruin your fragile health. You can start getting mad at me. I’ll get over it.

Depression is afraid of sunlight. So use any excuse and any opportunity for your teenager to be outside during the day. Send him to take his little sister to kindergarten, to the distant store for bread, to walk to the subway. Walking is also very important, it burns up unnecessary negative emotions.

The unrestrained craving for sweets, especially milk chocolate, can also be a manifestation of an imbalance in the body. On the other hand, during times of increased mental stress, the brain needs extra nutrition. Suggest that your growing pupil conduct an experiment with observation: when you want a sweet, try replacing it with: meat, eggs, nuts, fruit chips, a banana. He may banally lack zinc and magnesium, which, among other things, are also responsible for the immune system. In any case, a big bowl of cereal with chocolate milk should reconcile him to the imperfections of the world.

Read the manuals in the pictures about depression. Don’t think it’s “from laziness,” “you need to pull yourself together,” or “you’re a load off!” He’s really in a bad way. If the state of depression and impotence lasts more than 6 weeks – it’s a serious reason to seek help from specialists. And I’m all for therapy: medication plus talk can greatly improve the condition of your whole family.

Depressed teenager: psychologist tips to avoid trouble

Parents of teenagers often pay attention to the fact that their children suddenly change: even a recently cheerful child loses interest in learning, friends, to life in general. He or she does not enjoy everything. The son or daughter looks tired, refuses to eat. Loses weight or, on the contrary, gets fat. Many tend to write this on adolescence, but it is important not to miss the onset of depression. How to recognize it and time to sound the alarm, tells Elena Sizikova, psychologist of the family center “Kutuzovsky.

– What symptoms should alert parents?

– Sleep disorders – insomnia or drowsiness. The child may complain of difficulty concentrating. Experiencing feelings of worthlessness and guilt (often unreasonable). Sometimes depression in children manifests itself in behavior – hyperactivity, bedwetting, school failure. The teenager is anxious, grouchy, and denies everything. Reaches the point of antisocial or aggressive behavior. Can become moody, avoid contacts in the family. Or on the contrary – seem too emotional, sensitive, especially with peers. He does not care about his appearance, progress at school.

– How dangerous is such a condition?

– It is often accompanied by obsessive thoughts about death, suicidal intentions or attempts. A teenager in such a state can begin to use alcohol and drugs. Do not underestimate depression in a teenager: it can lead to serious, dangerous, even irreparable consequences.

– How to prevent it? What to do if there are symptoms of depression?

– If you know or guess that your child is thinking about death or is a member of destructive groups in social networks, it is necessary to urgently seek help from a psychologist. For example, in one of the family centers in Moscow. On your own it is difficult to cope.

If we are talking about the prevention of teenage depression, it is important to understand that adolescence is a very difficult and conflictual age. Avoid conflict situations is impossible. And you do not need to. The most important thing – try to create a psychological climate in the family so that the teenager felt supported, knew that he was heard and counted.

– It is easy to say, but how do parents create such an atmosphere?

– There are several methods: active emotional support of the depressed child and encouragement of his positive aspirations. This will help to alleviate the situation. It is possible and necessary to teach the teenager to socialize and to overcome stress – here, too, psychologists will help. One more method is to expand the time perspective and self-understanding.

– You said that conflicts don’t have to be avoided, and a positive atmosphere can’t be created in the short term. What is the right way to behave when a conflict is inevitable?

– Clearly state your fears and concerns to the teenager so that he can understand them. Take the teenager out into a frank conversation to find out what is going on with him. He needs to know that he will be listened to without criticism or judgment. The adult needs to show his willingness to listen and understand, which does not at all mean forgiveness. It simply creates a solid foundation on which to build further relationships. A teenager needs his parents to listen to him, but not to give him advice unless he asks them for it. With this hard to accept, but parents need to accept and understand: the teenager does not have to follow the advice of their elders. He makes his own choices.

Only with this approach a meaningful dialogue between two equal people – the adult and the teenager is possible. Only on this basis it is possible to build constructive communication and behavior.


If you hear.

Be sure to say

Never say

“I hate school, class. “

“What’s going on with us that makes you feel this way?”

“When I was your age. you’re just lazy!”

“Everything seems so hopeless. “

“Sometimes we all feel depressed. Let’s think about what our problems are and which one we need to solve first.”

“Think better of those who are worse off than you are.”

“Everyone would be better off without me!”

“You mean a lot to us, and I’m concerned about your mood. Tell me what’s going on.”

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