How to defeat a manipulator
The story is pretty banal – I fell in love and looked at him with rose-colored glasses. And he manipulated me and treated me consumerism. Girls, I don’t know how to put him down. He feels power over me and manipulates me however he wants. Now I have given myself time to think. It’s been 2 weeks, I’ve been completely silent. What to do ? Forget ? Or does anyone have an effective way to defeat a manipulator ?
Forum Wisdom: Man and Woman
Love between a student and a teacher … The forbidden fruit is sweet …
Help me break up with a married man
Men reap what they sow
I got dumped today.
Why have men forgotten how to woo?
Question for mistresses: Why do you do it?
Can’t survive without a man
Why do I need a man if I can’t make it better?
How to Recognize an Alphonse?
Is it worth trying to live together?
What exactly is his consumerism to you?
Well, how can you bend under someone? well, it’s not interesting! here you have realized that you have been manipulated, so you are on the way to release. you are doing the right thing now, you have to disappear, lurk, do not feed him with your energy, and time will show by itself what to do, soon you will realize how to get out of this relationship.
Why do you need such a relationship? If he is a tyrant and manipulator, he will do it all the time. Your whole life will be a struggle, do you want that? And siege him simple, let him know that he is nothing and the dust beneath your feet. That’s it! He will not get away from you, proving that nothingness is you.
The only way – do not give in to manipulation and provocation. Play by your own rules. Determine for yourself what you want and make it clear to him.
Author You can’t change it.Remember-correct the behavior of a child, an adult either accept or leave.
The question-what, are there no normal men?
Just say once at his attempt to manipulate: no, I do not want to. And in general, of course, it is better not to communicate with such people.
I don’t care about your manipulator, and you should, too. In all other cases you enjoy these manipulations.
With a manipulator you can act with manipulation in his favor. Sometimes he immediately realizes it’s manipulation, or takes your wishful thinking, your circumstances or your point of view as manipulation and starts freaking out – not giving in, not getting hysterical, not showing that you’re sagging, that you’re scared. If he loves you, he will consider your desires, habits, conditions, will somehow adjust to you, but if not, then just leave.
As long as you are doing everything right. The very first thing you have to do is to back off. Then you already see the manipulation, don’t fall for it. Don’t do what you don’t like and vice versa, do what you need. Do not argue, do not react emotionally. The principle is this – you listen, but do it your way.
Author, you’ll get tired of fighting with him. For him to manipulate – means to live and breathe, it is his native (natural) state. And for the author to be constantly in the forefront of the fight is harmful to the psyche. Money for doctors and pills not enough
How do you beat depression and apathy?
“I’m living with her for the baby!”, or How to beat a sober calculation
How to teach a manipulator a lesson?
How to beat a manipulator
How do you let go of a manipulator?
Mine is also a manipulator) but! A couple of three times and that’s it. Manipulation on his part, if you drink at work, we’ll break up. A couple of times I was hiding, then I did not. Drunkenly dialed him and all laid out that I drank. I freaked out and added him to my account. In the end, I purr-furr-furr-friends together again. He did not give me flowers, my colleagues gave me flowers, I put them on my inst, I was jealous. Says cook dinner, I told him: only after you buy all the products. Blow job-excuse the girls in advance, first I will cum then you. well, everything in this spirit.
I will tell you a little bit more – seeing my interest, he suggested a relationship without commitment, i.e. *****. stupid sex until “someone finds someone else”. T.*****. He wants to come to my place on weekends, have sex and that I cooked him a table of their products. And he is so wonderful will be as a gift – to give himself. Anyway, I sent him away. He has written a couple of times, but I coldly answer the question “how are you?” Now he keeps a pause, waiting for me to bend.
I have the same thing! Comes on the weekend, with me for dinner at his own expense, but gifts, restaurants, and trips to mutual friends. But the money I realize that I invest a lot more((
When I was young I ran into this manipulator who was 6 years older than me and thought he could do whatever he wanted with me, as a result I cut him off, abruptly, on the subway, in front of my parents, just said I was going the other way, bye-bye! His jaw dropped and he stood there like a lame-duck for another 10 minutes at the subway exit while my parents and I boarded the bus and drove past him. Years later, I accidentally met his boss, who commented that “Y” was unlucky in life. I told this boss that I knew “Y” very well, and he himself is to blame for what happened in his life.
I have the same thing! Comes on the weekend, with me for dinner at his own expense, but gifts, restaurants, and trips to mutual friends. But the money I realize that I invest a lot more((
Not the fool who eats pies, and the one who serves him these pies – it’s a Bulgarian proverb. So feed, feed, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe, clothe and clothe you, so long as you think that he is more important and beloved than you are.
What’s the manipulation? You sent him away – he left. He has no leverage, you have the leverage to manipulate him – your apartment, *****tvoya and borscht.
To love a man and to fight him are two completely different kinds of relationships. You essentially have no relationship – only a spitfire attitude of his that you like that you have decided “this is my man, I choose him and fall in love.” And here it’s not about “beating the other man,” it’s about “changing yourself”! So far, your mentality has been sharpened to look for men like this, who like to see women as doormats. Yes, also perhaps under – “I’ve thrown my whole life away to change him”.
I don’t understand what “wrestle” means. What do you want to get out of it?
I want to rub his nose in it. Because he said he feels power over me and like I’m “all his.
Put him on the D.N.A. list and forget about him.
Boohoo Boohoo. I don’t know what you mean by “beat him.” What do you want to get out of it? I want to rub his nose in it. Because he said he feels power over me and like I’m “all his.”
The best answer to a fool is silence.
Boohoo Boohoo. I don’t know what you mean by “beat him.” What do you want to get out of it? I want to rub his nose in it. Because he said he feels power over me and like I’m “all his.”
Author, when you LOVE a man, his power is “all his” – it’s a great feeling. Otherwise, it’s “two boxers meeting in the ring.” There’s nothing wrong with a man saying that! Absolutely not! That’s it! You smile, wave your eyelashes – and go on with your business. And you’re going to get a hook in the face for purely male behavior! Are you so going to “get back at all the men” that they told you they want you?! ))
Author, when you LOVE a man, his power is “all his” – it’s a hoot. As it is, it’s “two boxers met in the ring.” There’s nothing wrong with a man saying that! Absolutely not! That’s it! You smile, wave your eyelashes – and go on with your business. And you’re going to get a hook in the face for purely male behavior! Are you so going to “get back at all the men” that they told you they want you?! ))
You don’t quite understand the situation.
The best and easiest way to neutralize manipulation–tell the manipulator that you’ve figured out the manipulation, that you see what it is and what the goals are.
Boohoo Boohoo. I don’t know what you mean by “beat him.” What do you want to get out of it? I want to rub his nose in it. Because he said he feels power over me and like I’m “all his.”
To rub his nose in it enough to exchange him for a better man than him. otherwise you will not rub his nose, because he is not smarter and not more cunning, since you have already bent you as they wanted.
The best and easiest way to neutralize manipulation–tell the manipulator that you’ve figured out the manipulation, that you see what it is and what the goals are.
it’s easy to question
The daily torture of homework.
Is there a boomerang?
How do womanizers end up?
Divorce, filing for alimony, child custody
How do I get married so I can be a housewife and not work?
Listen, author, you’re in trouble. You even with your ostentatious silence give him the emotions he wants from you. Here’s what works great with that kind of thing. If you want to get back at him, pretend that everything is normal again. Then, when he calms down and warms up, you swap him for another man. No scenes, c’est la vie. That’s when he’ll sit on his ass.
Put him on the D.N.A. list and forget about him.
The best advice I can give you
it’s easy to question
Naturally, the manipulator will be offended. He’ll say, “Why would you say that? I didn’t mean anything by it.” It doesn’t matter. The goal is for the manipulator to realize inside that the victim is not blind or stupid and won’t let himself be eaten up. And the manipulator can say whatever words he wants in response. No one is interested.
Listen, author, you’re in trouble. You even with your ostentatious silence give him the emotions he wants from you. Here’s what works great with that kind of thing. If you want to get back at him, pretend that everything is normal again. Then, when he calms down and warms up, you swap him for another man. No scenes, c’est la vie. That’s when he’ll sit on his ass.
That’s a good way to get revenge. Better yet, you can get him for some money beforehand.
My mother constantly ingratiates herself to my older brother, almost deifies him all her life, making no demands, but the better he is, the more boorish, consumerist and impudent he is. such are the paradoxes. I am powerless to change anything, but it is also extremely disgusting to watch.
Girls, don’t confuse a manipulator and a narcissist, for example Manipulators are very, very scary, really, you can’t defeat them, you only lose yourself.The best thing about them was written by forgive.Kat. the healthiest thought-how? don’t try, run away.
Laura Author, when you LOVE a man, his power is “all his” – it’s an awesome feeling. As it is, it’s “two boxers met in the ring.” There’s nothing wrong with a man saying that! Absolutely not! That’s it! You smile, wave your eyelashes – and go on with your business. And you’re going to get a hook in the face for purely male behavior! Are you so going to “get back at all the men” that they told you they want you! )) You don’t really understand the situation.
I just don’t support your tendency to respond to men!
What are you all getting so worked up about? The author is not in trouble. And there is no horror here! The manipulator has found himself a perfect victim, who doesn’t want to get out of his script, which changes from time to time to “the aggressor” (just as we are here to “advise the author how to play this script better”), and then she becomes a “victim” again. The two people have found each other, and the author is directly feeding into all of this. The author doesn’t want to leave the script. And this is the script of a person’s life, in fact.
Be good and merry, give out love like children, and God will punish those who offend you. For example – angry, disobedient, fat kids, those who are on the internet, lazy in the household, who will be hated and ignored by everyone.
Girls, don’t confuse a manipulator and a narcissist, for example Manipulators are very, very scary, really, you can’t defeat them, you only lose yourself.The best thing about them was written by forgive.Kat. the healthiest thought-how? don’t try, run away.
What is the difference between a manipulator and a narcissist?
How do you build a relationship if you don’t like to communicate?
Is it real to build a relationship if there are no common interests?
The girl went to dinner with a man who pissed her off.
A man gets 25,000.
How do you understand these guys?!
Also, author, don’t be stupid. There are plenty of people who will say that it’s your own fault, that you did it all by yourself, etc. Don’t get caught in the trap. Don’t swap one manipulator for a carload of others.
Marina, if the situation is such as you described, he is not manipulating, and just put on you and use. So give him a good kick in the pants and start looking for another man and do not sag any more.
Marina, if the situation is such as you described, he is not manipulating, and just put on you and use. So give him a good kick in the pants and start looking for another man and do not sag any more.
I also think that he is not manipulating but just using you.
What’s wrong with that? Maybe you’re confusing manipulation with masculine behavior. What doesn’t he let you do what you want? Actually, reading womans, I agree that men should lock up women, and control every step. Maybe then she won’t be able to find a “replacement”? And she will listen to her husband/boyfriend?
He found a fool to come over for a weekend to eat, eat free food and leave. He just laughs at her, that’s all. Author, what are you talking about? Who do you want to fight? In order to beat him he at least needs you. And so . You’re like a clown in a circus.
My acquaintance is a manipulator in the cruelest sense of the word. He is an adult, his children have already graduated from university. He has more than a brain, he can’t find people to talk to, so apart from his friends, he treats other individuals like puppets. Especially women. He finds the point first, pressing which the victim will make many concessions, and then he starts the game. We have been playing for a year now, and he says that he hasn’t talked to any of the little ones (I am a little one to him, of course) for so long and so much. He sometimes presses so that even I several times broke down at home to a tantrum. But he never finds out about it. After 3 weeks of communication began to make offers enticing to so much that I wrote him messages of rejection all in tears, but I never gave the appearance. Or demands something, offering in return something for which the man is willing to sell his soul. And yes, they do sell, mostly the body. Sometimes he does what he promised, sometimes he doesn’t, but on the whole, the person he talks to is no longer of interest to him after that. And they don’t meet again. I don’t know how many background checks I’ve gone through. Some were just seemingly hopeless. For example, when in spite of my categorical refusal he found a way to transfer a small sum to my account, or when he set me a rude or-or demanding an elementary action which I would have done immediately, if he had asked politely. Each time I refused, I realized that by doing so I lost the right to what I would get if I agreed. And the demands varied from say, to sex. Only half a year later, when I did not fall for it once (although the communication was stopped, everything was), he began to speak to me as equals. Turns out everyone who fell for once, everyone is now ignored by him. Sleep over and forget about it. Not only that, just look at a man’s downfall, what he’s willing to do, whether he’ll go against himself. He always looks for the point that is taboo for the victim and presses there. It’s the only thing he’s interested in, whether he’ll step on his own throat or not.
Artful manipulation: how to communicate with insufferable people
Even if you decide to complain, you are unlikely to be believed: manipulators are too convincing. On how to properly build a communication with manipulators, too sensitive and passive-aggressive people – in the book by Richard Templar, “The rules of managing people. How to Unleash the Potential of Every Employee,” which is coming out in Alpina Publisher at the end of January.
Everyone can be difficult sometimes, but there are some people with whom it is almost impossible or even dangerous to communicate. They can be aggressive, seek to control everything, or be negative. Difficult people will still be difficult, but if you understand their secrets, strategies and tricks, and adapt your behavior, you can get along with them. Forbes publishes a chapter from Richard Templar’s book “The Rules of Managing People. How to unlock the potential of every employee” – on how to deal with hypersensitive people, passive-aggressive and manipulative characters.
Sensitive people can’t get tough
I once worked with a guy who could get literally anything out of his equilibrium. The slightest hint of criticism, a sad story from the news, any kind of negative emotion someone showed in his presence. Dealing with him sometimes became difficult – if you had to assess his work in any constructive way, it was like walking on eggshells.
Unless you yourself are such a hypersensitive person, communicating with such people is probably a problem for you. That is why I have included hypersensitive people in the section on difficult people – because communicating with them is sometimes very difficult indeed. However, unlike most of the other types described here, sensitive people are not guilty of anything. Rather, they were born that way, and we need to learn to adjust to them. That said, they are often the first to identify potential problems and dangers, and they can also be excellent diplomats because they know how not to upset people. They usually treat others the way they would like to be treated, so they are rarely rude or inconsiderate. There is no point in telling them to “be tougher. They can’t, and in fact, shouldn’t.
The problem – especially if you have slightly thicker skin than they do – is not to upset them unnecessarily. That’s why you have to be very careful around them. Hypersensitive natures perfectly catch any hint or innuendo, so just be kind and thoughtful.
Of course, sometimes it is necessary to tell such a person that his work does not meet the standards or that something went wrong in your relationship. Assuming that he is not simultaneously an emotional blackmailer, even if he cries, he won’t do it to make you feel guilty. It will just be an uncontrollable emotional reaction. Try to make him recognize the problems on his own: “There is still room for improvement here. What do you think would help speed things up next time?” With this approach, he will make constructive suggestions on his own, and all you have to do is agree.
Note that the phrases in this example are impersonal. Not “what can you do to speed up the process?” but “what would help speed it up?” This makes it easier to avoid personally directed criticism. If your partner is hypersensitive, you might say, “I got terribly upset when I tried to start the car and found it was out of gas,” instead of “because you wasted all the gas.”
When communicating with a hypersensitive person, focus on the positive and use the carrot instead of the stick. Explain to him what you want, not what you don’t want. You want to always have some amount of gas left in your car. You don’t need to talk about being angry otherwise.
An elementary school teacher once told me that he had a “list of students who shouldn’t be yelled at” because they couldn’t stand it. Likewise, hypersensitive people should be on your list of people best avoided if you’re in a bad mood and can be easily taken out of your mind.
Passive-aggressive people are afraid of conflict.
I remember coming home very late one day as a teenager. We had an elderly relative visiting, and the next morning at breakfast she said to me, “I hope you had a good time? I sure did, since you didn’t get home until twenty past three!” It was said with enthusiasm, and I should have smiled back, but I understood the implication perfectly. What she really meant to say, in front of my mother, was, “You woke me up when you got home!” That’s why she knew exactly what time it was.
The purpose of passive-aggressive behavior is to criticize or complain without engaging in open conflict. We all do this sometimes, but for some people it is the norm when they are upset or angry. Usually such people are afraid of conflict, usually because they have some unpleasant memories associated with it, but they don’t want their frustration to go unnoticed. In fact, passive-aggressive behavior makes no sense at all because it doesn’t solve any problems. It just makes everyone feel uncomfortable.
I once had a colleague who always turned in any job at the last minute so that everyone else would work harder. Technically he was on time, but the rest of the team was always trying to help each other out to finish early. This man was mad at us and tried to punish us that way. He couldn’t tell us he had a problem because he was afraid of provoking our aggression. I still have no idea what exactly he was angry about, but whatever it was, it never got resolved. I suspect that he is still angry with those he works with today.
One of the biggest problems with this kind of behavior is that if you directly confront a person with a complaint, they are bound to deny everything. “I didn’t intentionally do everything at the last minute. It just took longer than I thought it would.” And it turns out that you’re unfairly blaming the person. And he seems to have a right to feel offended.
So what do you do if you get such a passive-aggressive boss, partner, mother, colleague, child? First, acknowledge that this is aggressive behavior, no matter how well-disguised. Otherwise, you will feel guilty that you are “unfairly” blaming him. If you let him go on like this, it will be bad for both of you.
Sometimes humor works. In our family, any behavior of this kind is usually met with a joke: “You don’t have to act so passive-aggressive with me!” Even if that person denies everything, after saying that, he can no longer continue to behave that way. The more persistent offenders should be confronted. But at the same time, you need to show them that expressing frustration or resentment will not necessarily lead to conflict. This is what they are afraid of, and they will not change their behavior if they do not understand that there is no reason for their fear. Just tell it like it is and show them that you want to work out a solution to their problem that will benefit everyone.
Also, it pays to be specific. You don’t need to say, “You always turn in work at the last minute.” Give specific examples and let the person know that this is unacceptable. Never try to respond to the aggressor in the same way, such as doing everything for him at the last moment. This will make you even more passive-aggressive than he is. What about your moral superiority then?
Manipulation is not just persuasion.
The perverse competitive spirit we talked about in the previous rule may be one of the reasons why people manipulate others to get what they want. Of course, we all try to manipulate someone from time to time, but for some people the manner of covertly and insidiously using others becomes the norm.
I remember very well how much I talked about ways to get people on my side, and you are entitled to note that this is also a form of manipulation. In my defense, I urge you to use my advice in a way that does not harm, but in many cases helps, other people. That’s why I use the word “influence” rather than “manipulation.” As you know, I simply share my observations about what works. Of course, I must honestly admit that sneaky and unscrupulous approaches sometimes work, too. But when I talk about manipulators, I’m talking about people who plot and intrigue with absolutely no regard for how it will affect other people, and often harm them in doing so.
Okay, now let’s talk about what is wrong with manipulators. I can’t list all the possible – often complicated – reasons for this behavior. But the bottom line boils down to one thing: life experience has somehow convinced these people that manipulation is the best way to get what you want. Experienced and successful manipulators probably get what they want most of the time. The problem is that it’s usually not what you want.
Such people – at work or in the family – are always finding some new way to control you. You know they do, but you can’t prove it. They deny everything – and so convincingly that your boss or colleagues are unlikely to believe you if you decide to complain. They ask leading questions, they blackmail you emotionally, they never admit guilt, they try to convince you that you are the only one with problems, they lie, they spread false rumors, they deliberately disrupt your plans, they instinctively sense your vulnerabilities. An amateur manipulator is already difficult to deal with. And if you get a major-league player, it’s a nightmare.
So what do you do about them? For starters, don’t let them convince you that it’s all your fault. You know that the man – the manipulator, so any statements about your hypersensitivity, forgetfulness or illogic are worthless. Learn to believe only your own perception of the situation. Every manipulator has their favorite strategies – try to learn to recognize them and plan your responses in advance. If the manipulator is trying to take credit for you at work, start sending your boss copies of emails that show otherwise (you can say you just wanted to keep him informed about how work is going). If he tends to put some words in your mouth (“Don’t you think the kids should go to bed early?”, “Isn’t that what you wanted?”), don’t give in. Clearly explain to him that it is his opinion, not yours.
Learn to say “no” to people who are trying to suck up to you or play on your feelings. Do not make excuses – you do not have to do this. And in general, if possible, run away from manipulators like the plague.
