How to become an authority among friends and gain an alpha position in unfamiliar company?
Authority is not the Cheops pyramid, you can’t build it on the sand. And believe me, it’s not a matter of age: you can live to be a hundred years old, but your verbal diarrhea will listen to only the stray dog and grannies on the bench.
Friend, you must understand that authority is not born and does not sprout overnight. And the people whose names you speak with respect, whose achievements you admire, had to work hard to take their place under the sun. Ready to work on yourself? Then let’s do it.
Types of authority
Coolness. These types of men reek of alpha-male energy. No matter where they come – there will always be a movement around, everyone wants to lick the cool authority ass, or at least like the picture on Insta. And if you have such a friend in your company, deep down inside you probably want to emulate him. The clothes, the hairstyle, the demeanor – you’re like a teenage girl who wants a coconut butt like Kim’s, and you want peanuts at most.
And you know, the problem isn’t that he’s so fucking awesome, it’s the self-esteem of the jackals that surround him. Against the backdrop of the gray biomass, whose goals and achievements are not just at zero, but have already gone into deficit, such a man seems handsome. But if you throw him into an unfamiliar environment, he quickly deflates. After all, it’s always hard to compete with those who are better than you.
Fear . In school, you were afraid of the gym teacher, who could easily kick you in the ear for shitty behavior. At university, you had a strict teacher, who could not only sleep, but also scare you to breathe. Now there is a formidable boss, who gives everyone a good beating on and off.
Fear is a powerful motivator and it is human nature to be afraid of those who openly display aggression. Just instincts, nothing personal.
Imagine the situation: at the morning planning meeting, the angry boss enjoys giving everyone a beating. Will everyone keep their mouths shut, they’re not immortal, are they? It’s the same as waving a broom at a tank. Yes, then the team will gladly wash his boss’s bones in the smoking room, but it will not affect his authority. The chief will be “on top” and the others will continue to crawl on their bellies in front of him.
Social status . When you were kids you were competing to see who had the longer penis, now it’s about who has more zeros in his bank account. A priori an IT-specialist is more authoritative than a plumber, and a businessman could easily beat a manager. In men’s minds there is a hierarchy based on money:
“He has a Mazeratti, and if I sell my Lanos, I won’t even buy one wheel from his car. He’s successful, and I’m a loser.
“Dimon studied at Moscow State University, while I have the army and the vocational school. Dimon definitely knows more than I do, he’s more authoritative.
“Sanya bought a three-bedroom apartment in the center, and I still rent a room in the dorm. He’s a hottie, and I have nothing to brag about.
In today’s society, priorities have shifted. Thirty years ago the profession of a teacher, a doctor was considered cool and prestigious, and now everyone gives a shit about state employees from a high steep hill. You can buy yourself a diploma, a cool position, a car, a yacht – and walk on opinion. To believe that money makes you better, more authoritative.
Let’s be honest: yes, it is unpleasant when a person is a priori considered a pauper and does not even look in his direction. But there has always been this division: there are predators, who skim the cream, and there are scavengers, who eat the scraps from their table. And which group you belong to is your choice, and yours alone.
Respect . And the desire to emulate. This is the coolest kind of authority that you should aspire to. You are not talked to because you come from the same sandbox, or because you are paying for everyone and are convenient as a sponsor. You’re interesting, you’re energizing, you have your vision, your ideas, your goals. And people around you don’t think, “Fuck, I wish he would shut up,” but, “What a great guy he is. And I want to get to that level.”
You know what I mean? It’s not fear, or unlimited credit cards, or artificially inflated egos that draw people to you, it’s your personality.
14 Proven Ways to Increase Your Authority
Authority has to be earned – fooling others by flaunting clever phrases and puffing up your cheeks at the right moments won’t work. But a little speed up the process is possible and even necessary. Stimulate the recognition of merit, so that we don’t have to spend years proving the obvious.
Before we begin this discussion, we need to define what it is to influence others. And what it means to you.
Let’s define it: Influence is the ability of a person or object to be an irresistible force or to produce an effect on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others.
To influence is to compel or induce (someone) to do something. John Maxwell, author of many best-selling books, says that “To be a leader is to influence. No more, no less.”
If leadership is influence, then the reverse must also be true. So influence is leadership. Is it? I would add that influence only turns into leadership when it leads to positive results.
Meanwhile, influence can be exercised in two ways. It can be positive or negative. It can be self-serving and an attempt to manipulate others, but it can also be liberating and transformative. And it is up to our thoughts and actions to determine what it will be.
Influence is more than just the desire to be a leader or the instructions we give to those who listen to us. It depends on how people feel about us and what they see in us every day. It depends on what you demonstrate with your behavior, not your words.
Ways to raise your authority.
There are many ways to push the boundaries of your influence. I offer 14 ideas. I think they can help in the beginning:
1. The need for awareness.
First of all, you need to accept the fact that no matter what position you occupy, you influence the lives of those around you. Often we are not even aware of how we directly or indirectly affect others. But it’s important to be aware of what we do and choose to behave accordingly.
Be principled and persistent.
Let the person you think you are manifest in every action you take. Do not contradict yourself. Don’t take the easy way out. Create your image in the eyes of others and be an example to them. Your actions are determined by your aspirations, and your influence is determined by your actions.
Be candid and open.
Don’t play to your audience. Be authentic. Be honest. This creates trust, and trust increases influence.
4. Take responsibility.
Don’t look for excuses. If you have made a mistake, admit your guilt at once. Being a leader does not mean being perfect. Learn from mistakes and lead others.
5. Look for solutions to problems.
Don’t sit back and complain about your problems. Instead, try to solve them. Those who can solve problems look attractive in the eyes of others. If you become such a person, you can gain credibility – because you will open up new perspectives.
6. Be proactive.
Don’t sit back and wait for someone to take the lead. Take action if you want to positively influence events. Become someone who proposes new ideas, takes risks and leads to a desirable future.
7. Step into the position of others.
Take time to understand the feelings of others. What is driving them to do this? What is troubling them? They won’t pay attention to your ideas until you pay attention to them. But you have to be sincere. You have to be genuinely interested. People are more important than numbers.
8. Appreciate others and don’t hide it
A simple “thank you” can do wonders, especially if it is said in front of strangers. Take note of others’ efforts and give them a shining example for all to see. By doing so, you are influencing the actions of others by pointing out which actions are right and proper. We all want to be appreciated and praised.
9. How do you respond?
People notice everything. You can’t always control what happens, but you can control your reaction to it. And your reaction is seen by those around you. Don’t give in to your emotions, calm down, think about what’s going on. Be mindful of the results of your behavior.
10. Look for the good in others.
It may seem strange, but in order to avoid falling into selfishness and manipulation, you should use your influence for the good of others more than for yourself. Help those who follow you. Let your influence serve to bring out something good in others. You may see potential in them that they themselves don’t see. Help them discover it.
11. Follow the Golden Rule.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Don’t think these are just nice words. Put them into practice. If you want to be treated well, first give others your good attitude. If you want to be respected, respect others. Set an example, and it will come back to you.
12. Learn to give back.
Don’t be afraid to share what you know and can do. Share with others, help others. Let others count on you to share your knowledge. Give easily, give often. Be the first.
13. Strive for the best.
“Normal” does not always mean “really good.” Set high standards for yourself that others will later accept. When we raise the bar for ourselves, we encourage others to do the same. Spend a little more (time, effort) and perhaps others will follow your example.
14. Create a common vision.
People need to understand where they are going, they need perspective. You need a clear concept if you’re trying to make a permanent impact on others. You need to understand where you’re going if you’re going to pull others along. Be clear. Set standards. Have a dialogue.
Authority and influence are not one thing. It’s a complex set of abilities that takes more than a day to cultivate. As Andy Stanley says, “To be a leader is to be a responsible leader. you are responsible for everything.”
If we take responsibility for our leadership, that is, our “influence,” we can make that influence count.