How do I know I love him?

How do you know if you really love a man: the difference between love and infatuation and attraction

In relationships, partners experience a range of emotions: euphoria, passion, tenderness, tenderness, jealousy, sadness, melancholy. Sometimes it is not easy to distinguish between true love and affection or sexual attraction. Love is not the same as falling in love. If you are in love, you are pursuing your own goals, and if you truly love someone, your own selfishness goes into the background, and the desire to give and not to take comes first.

In relationships, partners experience a range of emotions: euphoria, passion, tenderness, tenderness, jealousy, sadness, melancholy. Sometimes it is not easy to distinguish between true love and affection or sexual attraction. Love is not the same as falling in love. If you are in love, you are pursuing your own goals, and if you truly love someone, your own selfishness goes into the background, and the desire to give and not to take comes first.

How to understand whether there is feeling

At the beginning of relationships people know too little about the partner. It pulled to the lover, because he liked the appearance, caused sexual attraction or interest in the mind, similar tastes. However, not every person who liked at first sight, can develop a long relationship.

At the end of the “confetti-bouquet” period comes the sobering phase. Emotions subside a little, and reason wakes up. The girl or boy tries to figure out if this is the right person to build a long-term relationship with, or a short-term relationship. Hence the inevitable questions arise: “We’re good in bed, but will he be a reliable friend and a good parent?”, “We like the same music, but will this person be interesting to me for life?”, “Is this really love or do I just not want to be alone?”

If a person starts asking themselves these kinds of questions, it doesn’t mean that love doesn’t exist. In a relationship, as in any other case, you want clarity and specificity. People who want to define their feelings save themselves the risk of making a mistake. Often people in love do not have time to check their relationship to each other and rush to tie the union with a stamp, but after a couple of years of marriage they realize that next to him is not the one they were looking for all their lives. It is often their children who suffer from this mistake.

The presence of feelings is indicated by the following signs:

  • The desire to spend more time with the beloved than with relatives and friends;
  • Sexual excitement from touching and hugging;
  • The need to share any news, events, frequent calls, correspondence;
  • discomfort in separation;
  • constant thoughts of the beloved;
  • expression of feelings by kissing, touching;
  • The need to get to know your beloved better, learn his habits.

All these signs are inherent in love, but with the emergence of true love there is a number of other undeniable evidence.

What is love and how it appears

Love never appears from an empty place. It grows out of infatuation and is characterized by persistent affection, which is not influenced by external factors. Thus, in true love the opinion of others about the partner is insignificant.

First of all, a loving person trusts his inner beliefs, although he realizes that his partner is not without flaws, but that these imperfections are not essential. For example, a woman may be soberly aware that her man is not handsome, but love for his spiritual qualities and deeds; a man may know that his wife is not an ideal hostess, but a reliable friend who will not abandon him in trouble.

Friendship plays a much greater role in the formation of love than falling in love. Friends may begin to feel attraction after a while, but lovers, if they do not become friends, will never experience the joy of high feeling.

Signs of true love:

Consistency When one is truly in love, one’s interest in a person persists for a long time. If outsiders interfere in the relationship, the lover is willing to assert his right to happiness, but he reasons soberly rather than blindly rushing to the ambuscade without noticing significant flaws
Strong emotions True love does not interfere with communication with other people. If one focuses only on the object of adoration and it has completely replaced the rest of the world, we are talking about obsession, not true feeling. In love, one continues to engage in self-development rather than living out the interests of the other. Nevertheless, out of all people, the lover stands out and is the most important person in life
Sacrifice and unselfishness If a person in love primarily thinks about his own interests, about what he gets from his partner, when love arises the desire to make the other person happy comes first. People become willing to sacrifice their own interests without demanding anything in return. In a healthy relationship there is a constant reciprocity, with both partners striving to make the life of the one they love more comfortable, joyful, and happy.
Trust and emotional comfort As attachment grows, lovers trust each other more and more. There is little or no room for jealousy in an ideal relationship, and if there is any, it remains in the form of play. Trust leads to confidence that your partner will not leave even in crisis situations: in case of illness, job loss, financial difficulties.
Sexual Attraction When you have feelings, the desire for intimacy does not fade, and grows over time. If the passion is gone, it was love, not love.
Unconditional acceptance When two people love, they don’t try to remake each other. If the man or woman chose that person, it means that he or she was happy with the qualities of the beloved from the very beginning. If there is serious dissatisfaction with the character, outlook and way of life, then it’s about falling in love. Only people in love are trying to reshape their partner to their own likeness.

Expression of feelings is important in a love relationship, but these manifestations do not have to be demonstrative. All people are differently open to the world: someone quietly hug and kiss in public, and someone holds back in front of strangers any impulses and expresses feelings only in private. No matter how it happens, as long as there is a manifestation of feelings.

The relationship with the man you love

For women, in addition to actions, the romantic manifestation of love is significant. It is important for a girl to hear that the guy loves her. Some men consider tender words unnecessary. Why, they say, why say “I love you”, as they say, you already know it, it’s the actions that matter, not the words. These people express their feelings with deeds. While the suitor will sing serenades under the sick girl’s window, a truly loving man will bring medicine and wait by her bedside.

Romantic-minded people should not forget that some men find it difficult to talk about their feelings, you should not torture them with questions and complaints. He will definitely say “I love”, but only when he is ready to go for his beloved in fire and water, and he will not say the words of love often.

When love is born

It will be a long time before real feelings arise. Infatuation flows into love gradually. Passion doesn’t necessarily translate into strong feelings, and there’s no tragedy in that. Most people are able to love only once in a lifetime, some people do not know the feeling.

It is difficult to pinpoint the day when falling in love becomes love. To do this, lovers need to thoroughly examine each other, to understand how their life goals coincide. Only after convincing themselves of each other’s reliability can people talk about the fact that true feeling has come to them. This period usually takes two to three years. We can talk about love no earlier than a year after the start of the relationship.

What to do if you fall out of love

If falling in love occurs rapidly, then love develops slowly. In the same way it also goes away. You can’t fall out of love in one day. You can stop feeling passion or attraction, but even resentment does not kill feelings instantly.

Before parting, there is a sharpening of emotions, then their fading. Even if two people were crazy about each other, to destroy love can be a change of heart, because a person continues to evolve throughout life.

There is a simple way to realize that you no longer love: close your eyes and imagine that this person is no longer in your life. You need to think about whether something will change drastically, whether you will miss him to the point of pain or be tormented by the possible discomfort that will inevitably arise when the union collapses.

If the relationship is no longer satisfying, you should definitely talk to your partner about this. Perhaps he too has long been unloved, but is afraid to open up as he has taken on the responsibility. Do not forget that unloving is a long-term persistent lack of happiness, loss of interest in the partner, the disappearance of respect, rather than short-term doubts about feelings.

How to know that you really love a man: ways to help determine

Relationships bring both partners a whole storm of bright emotions: a kind of madness, euphoria, passion, sexual attraction, tenderness, tenderness, regret, sadness. Habit, affection, compassion, care, which is very difficult to distinguish from sincere love, are born. When you feel sympathy or love, you probably have some goals, and when you fall in love, you are willing to sacrifice and give. To understand that you really and deeply love the person will allow both specially designed techniques and testing. If sorting out your own feelings is a difficult task, you can contact me by signing up for my consultation and I will help you organize your thoughts, emotions, experiences and give answers to many questions.

How do I know if I love a man?

At the start of a relationship the couple is not familiar enough. Perhaps attracted by the charisma, model looks, intelligence, sexuality or general interest. Not every person who liked at the first meeting can build a serious and long-term relationship. At the end of the “bonbon-bouquet” period comes the time of epiphany. Emotions recede into the background, and reason begins to awaken.

  • “What kind of husband, father will he be?”
  • “Will he be able to provide the necessary amount of attention, to solve household problems?
  • “Are we good in bed?”
  • “Will I be interested in him a year from now, when we finish university or go our separate ways?”

If this kind of reasoning comes to you, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t genuine attraction. It’s just that everyone wants specifics in life. On the contrary, people who have the desire to understand and determine their feelings, do not rush to put a stamp in the passport. They have an opportunity to calmly build a relationship and, in the end, to understand whether this is the person they want to spend their old age with. Unreasonable marriages, after a short time together and a few nights spent together and premature conclusions, tend to be suffered by children.

If you can’t stop surprising your partner, don’t tolerate breakups well, miss them, and want to spend more free time together, it shows a common interest that can grow into love. When you both express feelings with kisses, touches, longing to own your beloved, feel the need to learn the habits, get acquainted with the interests of the other half – your strong and reliable union, where there will be support, understanding and care, awaits you.

What is love

A bright feeling does not just arise. Usually – it is the outcome of falling in love. Affection, devotion, touching and caring can not be destroyed or questioned by surrounding events or the opinion of family and friends.

The girl trusts her inner conviction, while not denying that her lover is not without flaws and is far from the ideal chosen one. Sometimes he is not good-looking enough, but she appreciates his mental qualities and understanding.

Most important in the formation of a deep feeling is friendship. It is true friends who, over time, can become the perfect husband and wife. But sparkling lovers who put sex at the core of the relationship will never become friends.

How Love Works

You don’t have to shout it to the world. Relationships in general should not be demonstrative. Everyone opens up to each other in different ways – some calmly hugs and kisses in public places, the other embarrassed and blushes with an air kiss, preferring to show emotion in private. It doesn’t matter how it happens. The main thing is attention and care, which is impossible not to notice.

If you get gifts, make nice surprises, remember your hobbies, enjoy the successes and achievements, objectively pay compliments, treat and accept with respect, when you’re not there – these are signs of true feelings. Help identify them and a sincere smile that occurs at your appearance. A person who loves you will not pry into your soul, with respect for your thoughts, values, deeds, actions. He will not burden you with their problems and pour out the negative, happy to comply with your request, ask for an opinion before an important choice. You will not be reminded of past mistakes and missteps, laughing at your behavior or blunders. After all, a loving man will carry you in his arms, literally, to please, hug and kiss you. Periodically, he will call to check on you, to see how you’re doing, how your day is going. He will find a minute even with a busy schedule and rush at work.

Signs of love

To understand whether you love the man or not – just analyze your behavior. Actions, words and reactions to the action of the chosen one will indicate the true meaning of the relationship.


If you are looking for profit, craving for help, wanting a financial supply, demanding high deeds from your companion – no sincere sympathy is out of the question. But if you are ready to give without expecting to get something in return – this indicates the presence of high feelings. It is important to remain respectful to yourself and do not allow your disposition to be used.

Sexual attraction

This is the most controversial sign. Some psychologists argue that there is a platonic connection between people that does not involve physical contact. The other half wants to feel, see, hear, and not just satisfy “animal instincts”. On the other hand, attraction and love are closely related – it’s right and natural. Lovers should want to touch each other, feel passion and excitement. If not, the relationship is unlikely to last on banal conversations over a cup of tea.

Unconditional acceptance

Accepting your partner with all their flaws, learning to appreciate their good and bad sides is what it means to give yourself to love. If you intend to remake the lover, to impose him the ways, albeit correct, but unusual – in you there is selfishness and misunderstanding, which is excluded at high feeling.

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One of the main signs of deep and serious intentions. If you are not afraid to tell your loved one their joys or sorrows, always supportive, do not hide anything, you can fully trust – it shows harmony and mutual understanding. If you want to hide part of your life from a young man – you are unlikely to take him seriously.


The true warmth of the relationship is not affected by the external environment, conversations of loved ones and advice from friends. If someone is against your chosen one, you will stubbornly defend his interests. Your feelings can turn in the opposite direction after a betrayal or a lie. But it happens that some people may be offended, jealous, but still continue to love as before.


This concept involves taking pleasure in looking at the happiness of a loved one. Let something not go according to your plan or even to your financial and moral detriment. If your partner is satisfied, you should feel pride and satisfaction.

Relationship with the man

For all ladies, without exception, romance is important and mandatory. They need to hear, feel and see daily that they are loved and cherished. Some members of the stronger sex consider it unnecessary. Why say once more: “I love you”, if it is already clear. Such men prove their intentions with actions. While some sing serenades under the windows of a sick beloved, others, without warning, bring a package of drugs. And it is not known which of these is better.

Therefore, lovers, the subtle and romantic nature should not forget that some partners are extremely difficult to show touching emotions. There is no need to pester them with questions and complaints about the lack of attention. It is better to hear a sincere “I want to be with you” on occasion than empty compliments every few minutes.

When love is born

It takes a long time for deep feelings to form. Falling in love slowly turns into intimacy. The ardent passion and attraction may not develop into a serious relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that. Most people living on the planet love only once in a lifetime, and if it is impossible to be together, they are satisfied with short flirtations. Others, in general, are unfamiliar with such a concept as love.

Exactly when you have settled in the love feeling, it is impossible to determine, but it happens not earlier than a year of close communication. Lovers are studying the interests and goals of the other half, begin to show tenderness, to make sure of trust and reliability of each other, and only then, if all puzzles fit together – remain faithful for life.

A few effective ways to find out if you love the person or not.

To identify the usual interest, affection, sympathy or love, you should analyze certain parameters. Several different techniques will help in this.

Method 1: The test

Answer a series of questions. The number of “yes” and “no” write down on a piece of paper:

  • Do you think of your chosen one before going to bed, do you want to say good night to him or enclose him in your arms?
  • Do you strive to do nice things for him or her every day?
  • Do you feel comfortable and calm in his presence?
  • At the thought of him butterflies begin to fly in your stomach, your cheeks fill with color, your heart beats faster?
  • You shift from foot to foot, waiting for the evening meeting, and want the day to go faster?
  • You think he is the best man you know?
  • You know his minuses, which at times embarrassing and even irritating, but you continue to be his half?
  • Are you worried about the long separation, business trips, departures?

If most of the questions you answered yes – most likely your feelings are sincere. However, note that the test should be conducted in complete peace, not after a quarrel. Give your answers objectively, analyzing the entire period of communication.

Method 2: Pros and cons

Another common yet truthful method to find out if you really love a person is to take a piece of paper and a pen. In two columns you need to write down all the pros and cons of your chosen one. What will you say about your beloved? It consists of only flaws, with the exception of good looks or kindness? And maybe, on the contrary, his passion for computer games overlapped by care, attention, tenderness, intelligence. The preponderance of “+” is another proof of your love.

Method 3: “He’s gone.”

Imagine (just do not get carried away and do not dwell on such thoughts) that your chosen one does not exist. You did not get acquainted at all, he left, or you broke up. How comfortable will you be? Perhaps you’ll find long-awaited freedom, you will be able to realize themselves, to do what they love. Or such reflection brings you pain, discomfort, sadness. Usually we can understand how dear to us the half or thing, it is possible only after we lose it. To understand your emotions more quickly, you just have to imagine yourself without a companion. This will answer many questions.

Method 4: Meditation

Another method for determining whether or not you love a person is psychological visualization. To focus on your own breathing you need to sink down on a soft pleasant rug or a comfortable chair, eliminate anything that might be distracting or annoying. Fully calm and relaxed in an atmosphere of silence, think about your lover. Do you want to hug him, hold him close to you, kiss him? Pay attention to your feelings arising at the appearance of a companion image. If the moment you feel disgust or desire to leave – it is better not to delay it in reality.

Love or affection

You need to understand that emotions and warmth between people in pure form are extremely rare. Usually they are closely intertwined and occur in parallel with each other. Experiencing an all-consuming emotional connection can be baffled by longing, jealousy, attraction, experiencing several groups of feelings at once.

Perhaps you are just used to being together, or you are uncomfortable with your partner making time for family and friends. Attachment is an addiction, a deprivation of freedom, and a psychological obsession. Love is complete unselfishness and acceptance of a person.

What to do if you no longer like each other

Affection flares up quickly, like a match, and love develops in small steps and only grows with each passing day. But in the same way it goes away. It is impossible to fall out of love in one day. Gradually the passion, the attraction, then the emotion fades away. But even with intense resentment, it will not be possible to fall out of love or ignore thoughts about your soul mate.

The person is developing throughout life, in the course of which her hobbies and worldviews are changing. This is what causes misunderstandings and leads to breakups. You can take turns to accept the escalation of emotions, their decline, periods of happiness and discord. However, if the relationship does not give satisfaction, as in the first months – you need to talk to your chosen one, do not be afraid to be sincere. Perhaps he has a long period of dislike, but does not want to take responsibility for the rupture of the union. Do not procrastinate – dislike generates disrespect, loss of interest. It is unlikely to be a short-term disorder, and it makes sense to go through each new crisis again. It is better to let each other go, look at your shortcomings and find your true happiness.

The Bottom Line

Love is a strong feeling that is formed throughout the communication between two people. It’s not spontaneous and can not stop even for a very good reason. The concept is based on unselfishness, loyalty, caring and sincere emotions when thinking of the other half. If you notice in your thoughts or actions partner envy, desire to own, constant discontent, demands and the word “should” – most likely, we are not talking about love, and the habit and attachment come to the fore. In this case, it is better to immediately part and not torture each other. Take care of sincere feelings – it is a valuable and expensive gift.

In difficult life situations, there is a feeling of hopelessness and despair. The most effective way is personal counseling.

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