Articles on Psychology
Each of us is familiar with the desire to make those changes in our lives that would allow us to improve our well-being and improve the quality of life we live. So, you have made the decision to change your life for the better. Where do you need to begin in order to make this decision? First, you need to recognize the contradiction between your present behavior patterns and the goals you would like to achieve. You can do this with a simple exercise: divide the piece of paper into two parts. In the first column, list the advantages (or benefits) you receive from your present behaviors. In the second, those benefits. Read more
7 Myths about Psychotherapy
In the reality of modern Russia, the culture of psychotherapy is still in its infancy, so not all people have a clear idea of who a psychologist is, what he does and why he should be there. Let’s try to examine the most widespread myths about psychotherapy, which can hinder both referral to a specialist and productive work with him.Myth 1: The psychologist has advice for all occasions.The help of a psychologist is often sought by people who are not motivated to work together, but to receive ready-made instructions on how to live correctly and what to do. They want to find a magic pill that quickly and. Read more
Psychological work with fear
Experiencing fear is natural for humans, because it is fear that keeps us safe from dangerous situations and helps us to preserve life. But in some cases, the feeling of fear prevents a person from living and developing. Not all fears are rational and reasonable. Sometimes a person really has a presentiment of some threat, while in other cases it is caused by past negative experiences. In working with fear, the psychologist pays attention to how long ago and in connection with what the fear arose, what its intensity is, how much it helps or hinders the client, what function it fulfills in the client’s psyche and what is behind it. For example. Read more
Loving, but having different needs.
You can continue to love someone, but have different needs. It is possible to love and be on different sides of this world, because it is more important not only to love, but also to give each other what is needed. No matter what it is: from a quiet life of tenderness to a drunken, drug-addled binge. According to the classics of the genre, it’s usually not a matter of bitching and moaning. A man learns to love all his life. He loves as he was once loved. Each person’s love is a collection of all the facets of a person’s personality, experience. It is a whole. It is possible to love anyone who fits or doesn’t fit. And this is where the quest begins. This is where the mind begins to meet the feelings, the needs … Read more
Stress and crisis: how to be when reality “floats”?
In crisis and stressful situations, people often complain that they may suddenly become distracted and forgetful. For example, someone can’t get to work on time because of a family scandal. Someone else may forget arrangements with others when experiencing the loss of a loved one or a breakup. Such phenomena are explained by the fact that when we are going through a crisis or are under great stress, all of our mental energy is directed toward coping with the difficult experience. Sometimes this energy may not be enough for specific household tasks and arrangements, which begin to suffer when we feel bad. In terms of. Read more
Daddy’s little girl. Daddy’s Joy.
Daddy’s little girl, Daddy’s little joy. Girlfriends look on with admiration and envy. Not everyone is so lucky. Daughter and father spend a lot of time together. He helps with the lessons and choose outfits. Protects her from her mother and bullies. Takes her on fishing trips. Teaches her how to drive. Teaches her how to live. And then the girl grows up. And sadly notices that for some reason she does not develop relationships with men. More precisely, they develop with them as with colleagues, friends, but on the love “front” all is not something and not so. And like a beautiful and smart girl. And it seems that fear. Read more
Divorce. Self-help for the relationship breakup.
Divorce, separation, breakup of a relationship is always associated with difficult experiences – pain, disappointment, loss of a sense of stability and security. There is no way to completely avoid difficult emotions.Either way, it will take enough time to get over what happened.When our relationship comes to an end, we experience a mixture of all sorts of feelings and emotions.No matter how we feel about our partner, but after living with them for a period of time, investing time, energy, emotions, finances, having much in common with this person, a breakup is always a very painful topic for most. Divorce is a loss. Loss. Read more
Traumatic childhood experiences and working with the Inner Child
Eric Berne in the structure of the personality of man distinguished three ego-states: Parent, Adult, Child.Depending on the situation, we can alternately be in each of them.Here I want to write about the Inner child. If our Inner Child is happy, it is a great resource for the adult. It is a source of contentment, interest, fullness, trust in the world and people, openness. So this child had a real childhood – joyful, carefree, happy.And the parents were mature. Love, availability, responsiveness and. Read more
“I am who I am – not OK” Shame is one of the most toxic emotions.
Shame is one of the most toxic emotions.Shame can be situational – for example, embarrassment in public.We experience a feeling close to embarrassment, embarrassment, embarrassment. There is a deep feeling of shame, it is constantly present inside and it is defined as constraining, limiting, pressing feeling of humiliation. How was this feeling formed and where does it come from? Certainly in childhood. From parents, relatives, teachers, coaches, and close surroundings.Once (and repeatedly) a child has experienced disrespect. Read more
The connection between the body and the psyche. The body remembers everything.
No matter how much we work through, no matter how many conflicts we resolve, without releasing the body blocks and clamps, without filling the body with life energy, it is impossible to achieve great results. Have you ever wondered why you go to therapy and there is little or no change? Our psyche is inextricably connected to the body and if there are blocks, clamps, unlived emotions in the body, it will not give you the energy to resolve the conflict psychologically. So what to do? – You ask Movement-Life Familiar, right? In parallel with the therapeutic workout include in your life. Read more
How to survive humiliation
After consulting with a client, I wanted to voice today the topic of humiliation, since it is common for both men and women to live through humiliation. And it is rather difficult to live through it, to integrate it and leave a big scar in the soul for the rest of its life. It happens because the experience of humiliation includes several feelings, and first of all these are: a sense of shame a sense of loneliness a sense of very strong anger a sense of helplessness a sense of hope. And complicating the experience of humiliation is the “feeling of hope” – it’s as if what I can do. Read more
Why it’s not “something” that stops us, but ourselves
“How do I stop myself?” – is a question that is asked so rarely, but can answer many questions at once. I want to talk today about the big difference between the question “What’s stopping me?” and the one above. All of us, with few exceptions, sometimes catch the feeling that we want something more. Or, even worse, like we’re not living our lives. If you think about it, many motivational bloggers* (*here and below I mean the collective image established in the minds of Internet users) with their inspirational quotes don’t get far from the truth. Some things really are enough to take and do, but it’s so easy to take at the drop of a hat. Read more
Many of the negative conditions of children are handled perfectly through parents. If the parents are willing to change themselves. Parents’ beliefs, values, and past experiences shape parenting patterns and attitudes toward children. The old English proverb “Do not bring up children, bring up yourselves” is not always possible to live by, because consciously and only by the efforts of will not in every case it is possible to change one’s behavior. Subconsciously there are certain formats of relations which need to be realized and changed. For example, the mother is angry with the child for doing simple schoolwork for 3-4 hours. The child is physically and psychologically healthy. The mother knows. Read more
To give up love, or what to do if we have to break up?
When it comes to this situation, the first thing that comes to mind are the words of the famous song “no denying love”. But what if you still need to end the relationship, even though feelings for the person are very strong. And it’s not about the reasons, they may be weighty and not very – someone is married, not free, or just, obviously, that together they do not add up. In general, sooner or later, one of the partners decides to give up this meaningful, but complicated relationship. How to do it as painlessly as possible, how to properly end this relationship – let’s deal. First of all, it is important to designate – as far as these. Read more
Useful and harmful stress
It is difficult to imagine modern life without stress, and sometimes stressful events are not only negative and sad, but also joyful ones. For example, stress is caused not only by breakups and losses, but also by such events as weddings, university appointments, promotions, and the birth of children. Such events are often not perceived by people as stressful because they are joyful, and stress is associated with something negative. However, any event that introduces serious changes into a person’s life becomes stressful. And in order to adapt to these changes, it is important to understand that despite. Read more
Love Breakup. How to get yourself out of depression after a breakup
Elena Kuznetsova, family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relations and the director of the dating agency “I and you” tells how long the “mourning” can last after the parting with the other half and how to speed up the process of recovery.
At least a year is given for recovery
According to the psychologist, depression after a breakup – is a completely natural state of the person, and how long it may last, it depends on the emotionality of the person and the depth of feelings. Men, by the way, sometimes suffer no less, and maybe even more than women. This is explained physiologically: women can afford the release of emotions, tears, crying, hysterics. Thus, they are released from their condition faster. Normal men find such behavior unacceptable and keep their emotions to themselves.
“A man, if he is effeminate, will suffer the same way a woman does – crying and displaying all his emotions. The normal, real men we love won’t allow themselves that. They still have the attitude that they have no right to voice their emotions and flaunt their shenanigans like a woman. Even their friends will give out very metered information. They can say, “We broke up” or “She left. But without this: “I can’t sleep at night and take valerian” and so on, although they really can’t sleep and take sedatives,” – says Elena Kuznetsova.
According to psychologists, we suffer after separation, because for the time that we were together, we have time psychologically, emotionally and physically strongly tied to each other. Plus, common things, common leisure, one for two “chemistry” – after the separation there is a feeling as if we tore off a piece of the body.
Some people can suffer for years, and some come to itself after three months, but it is too short a period, says psychologist. According to her, so quickly recovered only superficial personality, egocentrists and egoists, in which love was largely far-fetched. And people deep, who had strong feelings, suffering at least a year.
Classic of the genre.
A classic mistake people make after a breakup that prevents them from forgetting love is constantly going back in time. We revisit photos, track the loved one’s life on the Internet, call, and wait outside work. People usually find it difficult to cope with their emotions, so he goes along with them, even when reason says otherwise.
To quickly forget everything, psychologist advises getting rid of everything that was associated with a loved one: remove photos, phone number, throw away clothes.
“Immediately after a breakup, we cry, and then this phase turns into a phase of suffering. And the slightest reminder of the past literally cuts to the stomach. Get rid of things, it will be psychologically easier. There will not be temptations to torment yourself unnecessarily and cry over your photos together. Of course, there are those who basically love to suffer, they need this agony, but we are talking about people with a normal psyche, when a person understands that the past is not return, and that your man left, so you have to move on, “- commented the situation consultant on interpersonal relationships.
Try to get back.
Whether or not to return your loved one (beloved) after his departure – a complicated question. Elena Kuznetsova notes that this topic is vast and too many-sided, so universal advice is difficult to give. But nevertheless, if behind shoulders of many years of life together, there are children and a desire to stop the gap, then fight for your love. Or at least try to do it. Some of us need to hear it one more time: “No,” so that, first, to finally realize that it’s pointless to cling to a relationship and need to learn to live again. Secondly, do not blame yourself then, that nothing has been done to keep your loved one.
The path to rebirth.
The ideal is to change the scene for a while and go outside the city. If possible, take a vacation and go to the mountains or the sea. There, in nature, the problems, of course, will not disappear, but they become a little bit muted. On your return you will still have to rectify the situation, but you have at least a little, but breathed. And the wound, though it is aching, but it is no longer open.
The second very important point is to switch brains. It is possible to go with your head into work, into creativity, to work up a sweat playing sports or reading a book, sinking thus into a completely different world. Displace heavy thoughts, do not leave room for alarm.
Choose a substantial activity. Shopping – the much hyped “cure” – will not do. It will distract you from sad thoughts only for a while, and then the depression will assail with renewed vigor. Go shopping in this case has the same power as eating candy. You can eat them, but it will not make you feel better.
The third step is to talk. When you voice your feelings, it’s as if you “cleanse” yourself, get rid of negative emotions. Plus, when a person talks about a problem, he hears it and becomes more philosophical about it. To some extent, as scary as it may sound, he gets used to it. The only point is to choose a decent listener who is sure to support you, otherwise the situation can only get worse. You talk about how bad you feel, and in response you run into a blank stare, or a man with all his looks shows: “Well, when will you leave me alone. Maybe it makes sense to see a psychologist and tell him about your experiences.
Step Four – sort out the problem. This is worth doing only when the emotions have subsided. Do not blame the one who left, or yourself for what happened, but try to look at the situation soberly. Maybe even someone from the outside will explain to you what happened, will tell you that, for example, you “nagged” the man, and he just ran away from you. Or your man likes to eat, and you do not cook, and so on. When you are depressed, you will not be able to listen to a reasonable explanation of what happened, but in time you will be ready to have a constructive conversation. You need this so that you don’t make the same mistakes again in the future.
Some people believe that the best way to forget a loved one is to plunge into a new relationship – a wedge with a wedge. On the one hand, there is some truth in this: having sex gives both physical exercise and “frees up” the head. On the other hand, this method of revival to life carries some dangers. If you are a very emotional person with a mobile psyche, then you are definitely “hung up” on a new beau. In this case, he may not be ready to commit to a relationship, so in the end – again, a breakup. Do not cling to the first guy you meet just because of fear of being alone. This approach to the matter will not lead to anything good.
If you have any questions to psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing to the editorial office of “AiF-Vladimir”: firstname.lastname@example.org.