How do I get my boyfriend’s feelings back?

8 ways to fall in love again with your partner

In a long relationship there is inevitably a period of alienation: the family routine brings boredom, the partner causes irritation, and sex turns into a routine. We remember what strong emotions we had when the relationship began, and conclude that the love is gone. At this point, some couples decide to break up, while others close their eyes to the problems, hoping that everything will somehow work itself out. But this method does not work too long – relationships require tireless work, according to psychologists. They offer eight effective ways that will help to return the former passion and keep the love for years to come.

Ammanda Major is the head of clinical practice at Relate. Couples often come to her for therapy complaining that they no longer feel in love with each other. She assures them that this is a very common problem: “In a long-term relationship to the forefront of daily worries. Without realizing it yet, the partners feel that they are drifting away from each other.”

The reasons may be different: perhaps you forgot why you fell in love with this man, or just reached the comfortable stage of the relationship, which has no place for passion. But how sensible is it to hope that the state of being in love will last for decades? Sexologist, psychotherapist in the field of personal relationships Kate Moyle says: “Love and sexual relationships change over time, but you can become very close again. However, you shouldn’t expect this area to be stable.”

But if you feel you’ve grown cold toward each other, don’t count on that to go away with time. “Nothing will change if both partners don’t work on the relationship. I often hear things like, ‘I thought/think things would work themselves out. Well, that’s not true.”

So, is it possible to bring love back into a relationship? And if so, how can you do it?

Be realistic.

Of course, you would love to get back those glory days when you first met and could not tear yourselves away from each other. But since then, life has changed a lot. Maybe you didn’t have kids at the time, or you didn’t have to work as hard to increase your income. Over time, you discovered qualities in your partner that annoyed you, because at first you didn’t know each other very well. Here’s what Major says: “It won’t be like before, because now you know a lot more about your partner and what it’s like to live with him or her. It all depends on what you think of as falling in love. There is an opinion that falling in love helps a couple get together; when it passes, there is a deeper, more complex and richer sense of intimacy. And that doesn’t mean that partners no longer find each other cool, interesting and sexy.”

2. be interested in your partner

Look at your loved one with fresh eyes. Analyze your relationship and figure out in what situations and circumstances you were really interested in your partner. Once you understand when and why this happens, you’ll be able to pay more attention to him or her.

3. Put the relationship at the forefront

In a long-term relationship, the sense of novelty fades and is replaced by a sense of security and comfort.

“We may think of it as boring, but relationships, like many other important things, have to be worked on. Relationships have to be a priority, and you have to put working on them on your daily to-do list. If you feel the distance between you is increasing, you need to build bridges,” says Major.

4. Look at the root of it.

“If you don’t want your partner anymore, it may be due to something other than sexual problems in the relationship. Often the true cause of dissatisfaction is not at all what is being voiced,” says Major. According to Catherine Woodward Thomas, a relationship therapist, author of the term “conscious disengagement,” the cause is not the most serious or dramatic thing, but rather a minor detail that “destroys trust and a sense of unity. Very often we perceive as a lack of love small disappointments, easy rejections, small unfulfilled hopes – those moments when we count on the person and he is not there, or when we need support, but instead we get criticism from the partner. Falling in love, she says, is “the feeling of being together. One way to recover that feeling is to be able to share what’s bothering you.”

5. Talk about your needs.

Daily responsibilities or important life events, such as losing a job or caring for children and elderly parents, also affect relationships and can cause feelings to fade.

“In any relationship, there are times when you can’t give your partner as much attention as before because you have other equally important things to do. In such cases, it is useful not to close the channel of communication. It is often enough to take just a little time to show your partner that he is still important to you, that you love him and care about him. In this case, it is necessary to clearly state your needs,” says Major.

Try to allocate time to talk (do not forget to put aside the phones). You don’t have to devote a whole evening to it and turn the conversation into a full-fledged discussion – you can just take a walk or chat in the car.

“How do you get back that precious time just for two people? If you can do that, you’ll find it easier to tell your partner how important they are to you,” says Major. And Moyle advises figuring out the things you’d like to change. “Is it physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, or both? Maybe one of you will say, ‘I wish I could get a little more help from you. Could you go grocery shopping this week?” I often give couples this assignment: first they have to promise to do something and then ask for help. It’s always a matter of mutual agreement; one partner can’t do all the work.”

6. Put the emphasis on the outcome.

It can be difficult to tell a partner that feelings have cooled.

“The truth can be very painful. If you want to say something that might hurt the other person’s feelings, always try to offer options. For example: “It’s really hard for me to talk about this, but I want us to get closer, so we need to do that,” says Woodward Thomas.

If you state your positive intentions right away, you can smoothly start a difficult conversation.

7. Start now.

It’s never too late to rekindle feelings, but the sooner you start working on it, the better. If you delay this moment, you will have to deal with more problems, resentments, and negative manifestations: “It’s always better to be proactive in dealing with relationship and sex problems, but it’s very difficult for many couples because they don’t want to rock the boat.” However, there is a possibility that such conversations will not lead to the desired results. “Couples psychotherapy is not meant to save a relationship, but to help people sort out their needs and desires. Many relationships exist without intimacy, sex or love, but they can break down at any time,” Moyle states. It could be a love affair or something more routine like being late at work or being overly involved in your hobby.

8. Remember who you fell in love with

Woodward Thomas recommends making a “gratitude list” of your partner’s strengths. This will help you “remember how hard it is to be human. We all have moments when we are vulnerable, when we need help and sympathy. But there are times when we act noble, like knights in shining armor. When your partner is going through a bad time, it’s helpful to remember the amazing qualities he or she possesses and to support him or her.”

Perhaps your partner has changed and is not happy about it himself. Woodward Thomas says, “I really believe that sometimes feelings cool down just because your partner has disowned himself – and you agree with him. He rejects himself, and you reject him. In that case, ask your partner what’s going on, create a comfortable environment for him to talk frankly. You know how he really is, and you can have the conversation with love and respect. You will give him the opportunity to re-create himself.”

How do you get your ex-boyfriend back and rebuild trust in your relationship?

Breaking up with a loved one is a tough ordeal that not everyone can handle. Loss of sleep and bitter tears in the pillow surely accompany girls in such a difficult period. Many of the fair sex after a breakup want to resume the romance. But how to get back the ex-boyfriend and whether it is worth it at all?

Is it necessary to resume the relationship with a former man?

After a painful breakup, it seems that the world has collapsed. Walking with friends and watching a new movie now perceived dull and boring, and spending time without beloved – devoid of any meaning. Now he is not there. Naturally, there is a desire to return the young man. Despite the deplorable situation, you just need to focus and think carefully about whether to resume the relationship. The answer to this question lies in the reason for the breakup. So, when to rebuild love with the guy is definitely not worth it:

  1. You have been dating for a short time, and the initiative to break up came from the young man. Probably, he realized that you do not suit him. So it is not worth imposing, the relationship did not work from the beginning.
  2. He was rude and inattentive, as a result of which you had a fight. It is unlikely that a man, clumsily treated the girl, dramatically change and become a role model. Let’s face it: how to get back the love of the guy to himself, if it was not there?
  3. The former man suffered from various addictions: alcoholism, gambling addiction, or something worse. It is clear that you fell in love with him for his positive qualities of character. But you cannot be sure that his vices will disappear. And the risks of ruining your life and condemning yourself to suffering with such a person are very great.
  4. He has repeatedly cheated on you. A guy capable of infidelity is unlikely to have serious feelings. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule, when for a man adultery is just a way to relieve emotional and physical stress. But will you be able to continue to tolerate cheating from the other half?

Such reasons for separation clearly indicate that if the relationship and will resume, it will not last. So once again it is worth reflecting and it is better to take this life lesson with dignity, than to try to step on the same rake again. But there are different cases, and sometimes it is possible to try to get back together:

  1. If you initiated the breakup and feel that you rushed the decision. We all make mistakes, so in this situation, it is not shameful to confess your feelings to your boyfriend.
  2. If the reason for the breakup was a non-serious quarrel, but it dragged on. You don’t communicate for a week, and no one takes steps to reconcile.
  3. If it has been several months and you are not getting better. You feel that this is true love. Then you should not miss the chance to find happiness.
  4. If you realized that you were wrong and would like to change for the sake of the future together. Sometimes it takes time to rethink your actions.

In these situations, the relationship can be resuscitated. But it is not easy to regain the guy’s feelings for you after you have broken up. He could be offended, and even decide that the breakup happened for the best. In fact, girls often encounter different problems when trying to win back the other half.

What can prevent the return of an ex-boyfriend?

Often fate plays a cruel joke on us. You didn’t appreciate the relationship with a man until you found yourself separated. But if you have already realized the mistakes, the lover may have grown cold during this time.

If feelings from the ex-boyfriend has faded, the following problems may arise in an attempt to get him back:

  1. He will not want to communicate with you: will not pick up the phone, respond to texts. Then you won’t be able to explain yourself to the young man and try to reconnect. If a lot of time has passed, and the man is still silent or has put you on the black list, then he obviously does not care about you.
  2. The guy has already found another girl. This makes it very difficult to resume the relationship. Now you will also have to discourage him from his new girlfriend. Yes, and the new romance has probably distracted him from his sad thoughts about the breakup.
  3. The ex-boyfriend heartily told mutual friends about what was going on between the two of you. If he still had genuine feelings, he wouldn’t seek to smear the girl he loved. Now you are persona non grata in the company, and behind your back begin to unpleasantly whisper. Usually the first version voiced is taken as the truth, and the guy clearly tried to quickly make you look bad. The resumption of the affair will not play into his hands, if you make up, he will be looked at obliquely.

Do not be upset if your situation resembles one of those listed. Maybe in this way a former boyfriend tests you and checks for strength? Take a risk and try to take advantage of our tips on how to regain the trust of the guy and resume the affair.

12 tips that are sure to help you get your lover back

If you have decided that an affair with your ex-boyfriend must be resumed, then start fighting for your happiness. First, you need to arrange a meeting with him. There are two options on how to do this:

  • Bravely offer to see him for a private conversation,
  • arrange a “casual” rendezvous.

There are pros and cons to both methods. In the first case, he will be able to prepare and analyze the situation, and there is no telling what it will lead to. After all, the guy can replay many times your future conversation in his head and not give in to the real call of his heart. On the other hand, if he decides to resume the relationship, it will not be a spontaneous impulse, but a really considered decision. A chance encounter carries its own pitfalls. Perhaps the man at this time will be very busy and not at all in the mood for revelation. Or, conversely, so confused because of the sudden conversation that he will refuse.

To achieve a positive result in their efforts and to return your loved one, use proven tips:

  1. Be sincere and open. Talk about how you felt in the separation. Do not hold back true emotions in such a difficult matter as to return to the relationship with the guy after the breakup.
  2. Forgive him and yourself for the mistakes of the past. Do not arrange a showdown. If he is guilty of something, it’s not so much, since you are willing to do anything to restore the union.
  3. Behave with dignity, don’t fluff up. If you use low tricks like pity pressure, it’s unlikely the guy will really want to get back together. He may come back to you, but not because he’s serious about you. The man will just feel sorry for you or feel guilty.
  4. Admit your mistakes. If you often quarreled on your own initiative as a cat with a dog, then return the feelings of the guy if he cooled down, it will not be easy. You need to humbly realize exactly what you were wrong and explain it to your ex-partner. Then he will realize that you have changed and that it makes sense to try to build a relationship again.
  5. Think back to what you fascinated him when your romance was just beginning. What personal qualities did he compliment you on? This will be your main weapon. For example, the guy liked that you were great at moving. Have a conversation where there is nice romantic music playing, and invite him to a white dance. At this point, the young man is sure to remember your virtues and the first coveted encounters.
  6. If your ex-partner does not immediately make contact, be patient. The main thing is that you have made your point. Now he has to weigh everything up and make a decision. Give time to the young man to weigh the pros and cons.
  7. Do not impose: forcing is not nice. Men do not like it when their life is invaded in the most brazen way. Do not call him day and night and sing a serenade under the balcony. Such behavior you will only alienate him.
  8. Be friendly. Girls who do not know how to return the love of the guy, after the first failed attempt often turn into a mega and then finally lose all chances to win. Men love affection and tenderness, remember this.
  9. Don’t send friends and girlfriends to talk. Only a face-to-face meeting can really help in this situation. In addition to the possible effect of a spoiled phone, the guy may decide that you have blabbed all the secrets to strangers, and will not want to discuss anything.
  10. Don’t try to influence a man with the help of his parents. He needs to make an independent decision, not be influenced by his mom and dad. Moreover, you can not be sure a hundred percent that his relatives are on your side.
  11. Believe in success. A positive attitude plays a big role in any case. Guy whose interest in you want to return as soon as possible, be sure to feel your positive emotions.
  12. If all methods are tried, but luck was not on your side, offer the man to stay friends. So you can communicate at a fairly close level. While you are not a couple, but if you become friends, there will be a much better chance of success.

Hopefully, your efforts will be successful and you will start a happy relationship with your boyfriend with a clean slate. But it is not always possible to glue a broken cup of love. Don’t despair if a man doesn’t want to repair the romance. This means that your soul mate will definitely be found, only a little later. In the meantime, fate has taught you a sad lesson. Try to learn from it an experience which will make you wiser and stronger.

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