How do guys go through a breakup?

How do men go through a relationship breakup?

A man goes through a breakup just as hard as a woman. It is easy if there are almost no feelings and attachment at this point, it’s hard – if a woman left or cheated, but feelings for her were. And get out of the state of anguish and hatred is no less difficult than it is for the beautiful sex.

Experts told how men go through a relationship breakup.

How men go through a breakup

The breakup of a relationship can be different. If it happens on personal initiative, the man has almost no strong feelings. He calmly goes through life, his self-esteem remains at the same level, there is no stress, aggression and resentment. Pretty soon he won’t even remember the woman he spent time with, especially if it’s a mistress or a woman with whom he wasn’t planning a serious relationship. Memories and people go away, and in their place come new acquaintances who bring with them new feelings and emotions.

Another thing is when it comes to the breakup at the initiative of the beloved or because of cheating on the beloved woman. In this situation, men are more vulnerable than women, because they do not talk their emotions out loud, but just drive them inside. After a breakup, women become depressed, and men become homesick, which they tend to “treat” with alcohol. But women cope with the situation faster, as they seek solace from family and friends, while men experience the emotional storm all alone.

The breakup of a relationship comes in many forms. If it happens on personal initiative, the man has almost no strong feelings.

What a man feels after the breakup of a relationship

Parting on his own initiative, the man feels relieved, he got rid of the suitcase without a handle, which is a pity to throw away, and carry heavy.

Breakup on the woman’s initiative – the man feels it hard, regardless of whether he has feelings for the woman or not for a long time.

Breaking up with his wife is a hard blow for the man in any case: both in the breakup at her initiative, and in the breakup at the initiative of the man.

Parting with the mistress – if the mistress left the man, it will be a hard blow for him; if the initiative is his – he will feel relief.

Peculiarities of male psychology

A man’s behavior after a breakup depends on his psycho-type. Psychologists conventionally divide men into several psychotypes: “predator”, “vulnerable”, “mature”, “infantile”. Each of them in their own way survives the stages of separation: if one man quickly forgets how he was happy with his beloved woman, and enthusiastically looking for a replacement, the other abandoned man will be many years to regret the separation and think how it would be nice to return the time when he and his wife and children in the family was good.


This psychotype prefers to be a leader in everything, including relationships. He has high self-esteem, he is confident in himself and his abilities, he knows what he wants, and most often he gets it. Parting with such a man often occurs exactly on his initiative, he is authoritarian and at times cruel, he little care about the feelings of the woman he loves. If such a guy and will suffer after a breakup, so only about the missed opportunities – no more than that.


Men of this psychotype are soft, kind and sensitive nature. In relationships, most often the initiator of the parting is a woman, not a man who is afraid to think about making the first step (even if he has long dreamed of it). His reaction to the breakup is heavy, men of this psycho-type are prone to prolonged depression, they may drown their sorrows in alcohol. Without the support of loved ones, they can not come to their senses.


This psychotype knows how to build mature relationships with women. He believes that the main thing is trust and understanding, so he fully trusts his beloved. If there is a failure in the trust relationship, followed by a breakup, takes it as a given, which he can not do anything about. After the breakup, he develops a boisterous activity and goes into work with his head so as not to think about his ex.


Men of this psychotype are like small children who need a babysitter. Separation for them will be something akin to a deadly betrayal, and the more a woman took care of such a man, the more he will experience the separation. He cannot live alone, he is not self-sufficient, he needs to constantly cling to a woman’s skirt, and if she disappears one day, there will be trouble. This psychotype is extremely hysterical, prone to blackmail.

Stages of Breakup in Men

The strong sex is not called strong for nothing, but in some issues it has not gone far from the weak. It seems that men do not care, but it’s not because they do not know how to really love – they just keep silent and tell very few people that they think about this. Their mothers raised them so that they do not throw tantrums and crying on the playground, and so they go proudly through life, not showing how a man feels after a breakup. Let’s look at the main stages of a breakup in men

In the first stage, a man’s psychology is in denial about what happened. He cannot believe that his wife or beloved woman has left him, it is necessary to prepare divorce papers, divide children and property.

In the second stage, he has negative feelings. This is the stage when the man begins to regret the breakup. He realizes that what happened is a reality that he will have to put up with, and waves of negative emotions rise in his soul. These can range from aggression and hatred in the “predator” to resentment in the “infantile”.

At the third stage, depression begins. It comes the realization that he is all alone in this world, the man falls into boredom, his memories of happy moments with the beloved woman suffocate him, his self-esteem falls. Many men at this point begin to abuse alcohol.

Man experiences the parting no less severely than a woman. It is easy if there is little or no feelings and affection at this point, hard – if a woman has abandoned or cheated, and feelings for her were.

In the fourth stage, the man begins to recognize the problem. If the breakup happened because he misbehaved in the relationship with the woman he loves, he begins to feel a sense of guilt. But not all men experience it – the “predator” will only regret the opportunities he missed.

In the fifth stage, the man will try to solve the problem. Many do it specifically – pouring out the grief with alcohol or immersing themselves in the work. Some are trying to start a new relationship in order to feelings for a new woman to help forget about feelings for the former lover.

In the sixth stage the man is already finding meaning in life, he manages to cope with the negative emotions in which he was “boiled” all this time. He has already gone on dates with women in order to raise his self-esteem, and now he feels that he is full of strength and energy, and in general, he is knee-deep in the sea.

In the seventh stage comes acceptance. Both partners have gone some way and are ready to start a new relationship with other people.

Of course, these are tentative stages of post-breakup behavior. Some men go through them in just a few weeks, while others tread on this “minefield” for half their lives. Much depends on the psycho-type, the kind of family a man was brought up, what kind of relationship his parents had. It is important whether the man knows how to share their experiences, whether he has a family or friends who can support him in a difficult moment in life.

Who goes through a breakup more: men or women, the difference

There is no right answer to this question. Each of them experiences the breakup in their own hard way, just the fair sex shows their experiences to the world, and the strong – prefers to hide them. Men even among friends do not share the details of personal life, as they mostly perceive each other in the role of the rival. The exception is the “infantile” psycho-type, who will attract attention to himself by all means.

The experts of Astro7 know more about the psychology of relationships. The first consultation for new clients is free!

Man after the end of the relationship: how he feels?

After the end of a relationship, women have no problem expressing how they feel. In most cases, they are a naked nerve: crying and getting hysterical, irritated with all the men in the world and moping.

In any way they let other people know that they feel bad, in most cases directly and unconcealedly expressing their emotions.

However, the same cannot be said about men: the psychology of the stronger sex is quite different. At first glance, it seems that the guy is unlikely to hate his former partner after the breakup or feel any emotions at all. But in fact, this is a deceptive feeling – it’s just that men’s feelings and feelings are mostly bubbling inside, hidden from view.

The Psychology of Men’s Feelings and Experiences

When a relationship ends, regardless of who is leaving whom or what the reasons for the breakup are, both partners suffer .

Hearts are broken because both the woman and the man are disappointed in the final outcome of their relationship, which was a crushing fiasco.

The main difference between men and women is how the pain manifests itself and how the guy deals with it. There is also a difference in the phases of pain, which are different in terms of psychology.

It is this difference that makes women think that men are completely indifferent to the breakup of a relationship. However, this is a misconception: just because pain is experienced differently does not mean that it is worse or less valuable .

Men usually suffer silently, quietly, in themselves. They do not show their emotional state to the world, they try in every way to hide their feelings, even if their heart is broken into a thousand pieces.

Moreover, especially if young people decided to part and leave on their own initiative, the experience of the new life is very sensitive .

First of all, because without the other half there is a fear of becoming lonely and unwanted again: there is no more delicious dinner after work, a bedtime massage or a morning coffee in bed, and there is nothing to talk about the sexual component of life.

Then the experience is quickly replaced by the emotion of realizing that something very valuable and important has been lost.

Feelings and emotions after divorce

Let’s look at what feelings and emotions a man may experience after the breakup of a relationship with a woman.

Failure to show anguish

The first person to whom a guy will not show weakness and suffering under any circumstances is, of course, his ex-girlfriend.

Men “can’t” and don’t want to show their weakness, especially right after a relationship breakup.

Therefore, they will try in every way to prove that they don’t care about what happened, that they are fine, and life goes on as if nothing happened.

This can be expressed through increased activity in social networks, ostentatious indifference, the desire for a new or non-serious relationship for a “one night stand.

At the same time, men try to open up to their friends. Despite the reluctance to show the range of emotions experienced, they try to transform feelings through the search for new impressions. This includes extreme activities (to fight fears), excessive physical activity (to extinguish anger), flirting with strange girls (in order to improve self-esteem).

During this period, talking about feelings, pain and disappointment is not typical for guys . They mostly prefer to weather the storm in silence, from hurt to disappointment.

Pleasure seeking

Another of men’s emotional reactions to a breakup is to look for fun, parties, or getting together with friends. Consequently, women may think that a guy is not suffering after a breakup and is fine because he wants to party with his buddies and engage in fun activities, including flirting with strange girls.

However, this is only a temporary way of releasing emotions and forgetting about the breakup that has nothing to do with real desires and needs. It is just a short escape and a temporary attempt to forget about your problems, to disconnect from what is going on.

Focusing on oneself and other circumstances

This is another typical emotion of men after the end of a loving relationship.

Its basic concept is that the guy who breaks up tries his best to avoid contact with what he feels inside, so he shifts his attention “outward.”

The “outside world” refers to all the physical sensations that men experience during active activities, such as, for example, playing sports, working harder and overtime, and craving for a change of scene.

Entering a new relationship, boredom

The fourth and final reaction is to enter into new, most often short-term alliances. For the most part, they serve a palliative or pain-relieving function. On the other hand, a guy who is upset and disappointed in life wants to make the most of his return to the “single” image, to awaken his seductive nature, to demonstrate his masculine strength and authority.

Going through an early period after a breakup, a man begins to realize that he is still in the past and in fact is not yet ready for a new relationship. At this point, feelings change – he begins to miss his former chosen one more.

Angry at the woman

The first phase after a breakup with a woman in a man is shock. He tries in vain to understand what happened and why. At this point, the guy asks himself the following questions: “I can’t believe this is over, is it really?” or “Why did this happen to us?”. Breaking up is a huge stressor, especially when the woman a guy loves wants nothing more to do with him. It can literally cause nausea, loss of appetite, apathy, loss of concentration, etc.

But immediately after that comes denial and anger. Once the initial shock has passed (and it can last up to several days), the guy will begin to be angry about what happened, including the participant in the process, even if the breakup was instigated by himself. Then he may think, “She wanted it to be over between us. I certainly didn’t lose her forever.” At this point, the guy may write to his ex-girlfriend, call to make a complaint or jab at her for a misdeed.

In such a situation, he may blame the companion for some mistakes that, in his opinion, ruined the chances of a happy relationship.

Does he have pity?

Another version of anger is possible – an attempt to renew the partnership based on sincere regret about the parting.

A man tries to convince his ex-girlfriend to return to him again and promises her that he will do everything to get another chance.

At this point, the young man sincerely intends to make the woman happy and never let her down again.

However, the woman’s failure to do so may cause the man to become angry. If the woman strongly disagrees with the continuation of the relationship, and the guy feels that there is nothing he can do about it, he may become angry with himself or his partner. In such a situation, regret turns into powerlessness and disappointment, because the representative of the stronger sex realizes that there is no way back, and the relationship is finally over.

Suffers because of the parting with his beloved.

He feels insignificant because he knows that all his attempts to get back to his ex were unsuccessful. Thinking that he is not worthy of the title of a real man, because he has irrevocably lost his love, the guy puts himself in the category of bachelors, doomed to eternal loneliness. He seriously and sincerely regrets because of the breakup.

Heavy on the Soul.

At this stage, the sadness and suffering over the end of the relationship can also be complicated by the fact that the young man has to explain to family and friends that his tandem broke up , he lost his life partner and, consequently, failed as a man. Reprehension of relatives and whispering of acquaintances, who, in the opinion of the man, consider him frivolous because of his inability to start a serious relationship, cause a heavy feeling on the soul.

How to cope: advice from psychologists

First of all, you must have patience and go through all stages of awareness of the parting, as a fait accompli, to finally start living without the other person.

A favorable outcome also depends on the approach and willingness to start a clean slate, as well as on the individual inner strength that will allow you to stop thinking about the end of a love relationship, as the end of the world.

  1. Stop looking at the past and try to start building reality from scratch, as if you just came into the world and haven’t lived yet: rejoice in nice weather that favors a walk and a sudden work day in your schedule that will allow you to forget about loneliness.
  2. Get busy. Physical exercise releases endorphins, hormones produced by the brain that make the body feel energized and happy. Mental activity, on the other hand, completely occupies the head. Thus there is an opportunity to reduce pain, accelerate the stage of “wound healing” and clear the mind.
  3. Don’t blame yourself or your companion for the way things turned out: what happened is what happened. It is not known if there are more or less appropriate ways to end a relationship, and there are certainly no perfect people. Do not judge the person with whom you were in a partnership, and try to evaluate your reactions from the outside, as if the breakup was not you, but, for example, your good buddy.
  4. Analyze the nature and motivation of the emotions that continue to bubble up inside you. This can only mean two things: either you still deep down inside want to get back what you lost, or you’re trying to forget about it, but can not. Try to think hard about how you feel-not for the sake of self-injury or masochism, but for the sake of working on your mistakes, which will help build a happy relationship in the future.
  5. After your relationship is over, it’s best to focus on yourself and think about how you want to build your life. Change positions or jobs, discover new hobbies and talents, and lead an active lifestyle.
  6. Take your love out on other people. It does not have to be a new relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Pay attention to your parents, siblings, nephews or other relatives. Perhaps they have been in need of your help for a long time, and you just didn’t notice it.

How does a girl understand what an ex-boyfriend is going through?

The main thing to understand: don’t think that a guy doesn’t feel hurt because your relationship is over, even if he proves otherwise with his actions.

Yes, men are different from women, but in general each of us, regardless of gender, expresses our feelings differently.

In favor of men’s suffering after breakups are signs such as removal from friends on social networks, unwillingness to meet, and in a spontaneous meeting the refusal to look in the eyes . Indifference can also be recognized by the opposite reaction – provoking meetings, too frequent messages and calls, imposing his person and discussing with mutual acquaintances the circumstances of the broken union.


To summarize, it should be noted that men are also people who feel and experience emotions. The main thing to remember: no matter how hard it was, this difficult period will pass with time – and you will be able to focus on other people, forgetting about your ex.

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