Why is it so important for us to hear the word “love”?
“She keeps asking me if I love her, even though I always care about her, pay attention to her and have told her how I feel so many times”… Sound familiar? Psychologist Irina Bossert explained why words of love are so important to us.
According to statistics, about 80% of people are not enough to see the manifestation of feelings, they need to hear the words of love in their address.
Why is the phrase “I love you” so important?
1. The uniqueness of the phrase
We love compliments not only because those around us notice our virtues, but also because people say nice things to each other quite rarely. It’s the same with the phrase “I love you.” Agree that we don’t hear these words very often, and that’s what makes them so important.
2. Affirmation of reciprocity
For some people the phrase “I love you” helps to check whether their partner’s feelings are mutual. To a greater extent, this applies to the first recognition when the relationship is just beginning to develop. Saying “I love you,” we like to ask a mute question: “And you me?” After all, what could be more revealing in a relationship than a person’s reaction to a declaration of love?
3. the real reasons for our actions.
And again about the beginning or even the beginning of a relationship where the reason for the partner’s actions is unclear. People are different, and some people care about people is a quality of character. And only after hearing the cherished “I love you”, you can understand what really moves a person: respect and kind attitude towards others or love ( read also : 25 kinds of kisses that will tell about the man’s attitude towards you more words).
4. Sense of self-importance
No matter how you look at it, man is a social creature that strives to belong to a group with common interests. When the phrase “I love you” is uttered, the door opens to an important new group in which, in addition to cherished belonging, a person receives attention, support and gets rid of feelings of loneliness.
As mentioned earlier, the phrase “I love you” is rarely said, and therefore not to everyone. That is why when we hear these words, we begin to feel our uniqueness and importance. A declaration of love confirms our value, which becomes an additional source of self-confidence ( read also : Muscle self-esteem: how to work with the body to pump up confidence).
6. The guarantee of stability.
This is the most common reason a person wants to hear words of love. This is the only way a person gets a guarantee that tomorrow nothing will change and the partner will not disappear for no reason at any minute. And stability is often equated with comfort and relaxation, which so many people strive for.
What to do if you are not told you love?
Reduce the importance of someone else’s words and remember that if you love yourself, all of the above reasons will crumble to dust.
The rarity of the phrase? Love either exists or it doesn’t. Words, in fact, have no effect on the actual presence of that feeling in your relationship.
A test of reciprocity? You want to talk about love, talk about it. Love for yourself, not try to become loved.
Understanding the real reasons? Does it really matter what it’s called when you have the perfect relationship? Some people call love fighting without rules with their spouse, but do you need that kind of “love”?
A sense of significance? This feeling comes from within and can only be directed at oneself. The person is independent and ready to take responsibility for his life.
An additional source of confidence? What is it for, if confidence is already overflowing? And if not enough, then it’s time to start “pumping” the inner core.
And finally, guarantees? Life gives no guarantees, but if we have no expectations, then any path will bring satisfaction and happiness. No one knows what awaits us around the corner, and the absence of inflated expectations can present many pleasant surprises.
The main secret is that when you really want to hear the cherished three words, you just need to stop demanding them and wait. Loving man himself sooner or later will feel how important to you this recognition. After all, the more valuable the thing, the harder it is to share. Remember, no one owes anyone anything, and the phrase “I love you” also applies.
If a man really loves you, how he behaves: the psychology of behavior, the main signs
5/5 (2) Psychologists argue that it is impossible to attribute a single model of behavior in love to absolutely all men, because each person is individual by nature. But how then to determine whether a man loves you? Of course, this can be done, knowing only a few signs of a man in love, which confirms the official psychology. If a man really loves, how he behaves: psychology – let’s consider this question in detail and learn how to recognize your partner’s true feelings for you.
What a man feels when he loves
Many women believe that men are not capable of platonic love, they need only intimacy and delicious food. In fact, this is not the case. Men often need love, even if they don’t show it.
80% of men in love vividly express their emotions.
The representative of the stronger sex in love often experiences a lot of emotions, mostly excitement, tension, happiness or, conversely, sadness. If he clearly understands that he has no chance with this girl to be together, but at the same time he can not overcome his crush, he is experiencing a lot of stress.
There is a certain list of feelings, compiled by psychologists, which a man experiences during his crush:
Read also: love and falling in love: similarities and differences. How long does falling in love last and when does love begin: psychology
- Interest . Like any other person, when falling in love, a man feels a strong interest in the girl. He is interested in everything about her: her interests, hobbies, tastes, and even her social circle. If you are in a relationship with a guy who is not interested in what you do, what you like, and how your day went, then think about it, maybe it’s not true love;
- attraction . A guy in love is constantly attracted to a girl he likes. He may also feel not only interested in her, but also sexually attracted to her, and this is quite normal. Do not think that if a guy feels intimate attraction to you, he only needs you for one thing – this is not true at all;
- Happiness and euphoria . These feelings are experienced by every man in love, especially if he understands that his feelings are mutual.
How men perceive love
Undoubtedly, every man needs love. When a man realizes that he is in love, a storm of emotions overwhelms him. Often, when he is sincerely in love with a woman, his behavior changes dramatically, and his acquaintances and friends often notice it. Therefore, an attentive girl will also not have difficulty understanding that he is in love with her.
Psychologists distinguish several stages of falling in love with men:
- Attracting attention . Any man will be pleased if the object of his sympathy will pay more attention to him. Each guy has his own approach in this regard, someone begins to be interested in the same things as a girl, someone is actively courting her, but they all have the same goal – to get the attention of his chosen one;
- To possess a girl. Many people are familiar with the term “candy and bouquet period”. This is the period when the relationship is just beginning, and a man tries to give his girlfriend as many gifts, flowers, spend more time with her and so on;
- Appeasement . When a man realizes that he has already achieved his chosen one and now she will not go anywhere, he calms down. Gifts and dates become fewer and fewer compliments, and it is at this stage that many women begin to feel discomfort. They are convinced that their chosen one does not feel love for them anymore, but you should not jump to conclusions. Of course, it is difficult to determine at first whether love has really disappeared, or it is just one of the stages of the relationship. To understand this, you need to follow his behavior, which will make it clear whether he loves you or not anymore.
How to distinguish deep feelings from a superficial relationship
Love is sung by poets, it is shown in the movies, books are written about it and portrayed by artists for many centuries. Often this deep feeling is confused with superficial sympathy and infatuation. To find out if your man loves, you need to study the features of love and temporary infatuation.
Eyes don’t lie.
Young men prefer not to flaunt their feelings. However, a lot is reflected in his eyes. It is difficult to control non-verbal behavior. Therefore, women need to carefully watch their body language.
You can characterize a guy’s interest by his gaze. There are three types. Each harbors a certain subtext:
|Name of the look||Characteristics|
|Intimate||Slow gaze, “gliding” over face, cleavage area, thighs and legs. The smooth male gaze lingers on the exposed parts of the body. If the guy looks at the girl this way, then most likely he has a temporary relationship with her and should not count on the development of a serious relationship.|
|Flirtatious||The look with a “sparkle” in his eyes catches every smile of the girl. The guy doesn’t visually “explore” the woman’s body, but is content with her face. Such a look indicates that the man is still choosing a couple. If a girl wants to continue communicating with such a guy, she needs to flirt and smile.|
|In love||If a guy is in love, his gaze intently studies every facial feature of his chosen one. Facing her eye to eye, the man will look for reciprocity in them.|
|Loving||A deep look with a “light” shows strong feelings towards the girl. A loving man will always try to “catch” the beloved’s eyes to give her a piece of his warmth. In addition, evidence of the course of love chemical processes – dilated pupils when looking at the object of adoration.|
If a girl notices that a young man is trying to discreetly watch her, it means that sympathy is brewing in him. If a guy is interesting – help him take the first step towards happiness.
How to behave correctly with a man in different situations
Voice and manner of communication
You can find out the truth by his manner of communication and voice. With a lady of the heart the conversation will always be special, unlike with other people.
To understand that he is not indifferent, help the following signs:
- When talking, he will try to speak to his chosen one in a soft and velvety tone.
- When talking he is sincere.
- In conversation, a loving man monitors his speech, so he does not use swear words.
- Guys love to talk about themselves and brag about their achievements. But the loving man is interested in his chosen one, so he listens to her carefully.
- When talking, the man does not pat the girl on the shoulder, as a crony friend.
- In the company of mutual friends, the guy will try to take the hand or hug the woman. Such a gesture symbolizes “She is mine.”
- A man who has feelings always listens carefully and does not interrupt. The man will remember all the details of the conversation.
A guy’s voice and mannerisms are a perfect indicator of feelings. Women, take them into account to identify your attitude.
A young man’s attitude towards a girl can be shown through his actions. Superficial feelings will not motivate a man to act. The best he can do is talk uncontrollably and “feed” promises.
Help: If the guy is serious about the relationship, then there is responsibility in his actions. He likes the role of authority, but he doesn’t lose his tenderness toward his dear companion.
To know all about the feelings of a guy will help you to know the 10 main signs:
- He will come to the rescue both day and night. The well-being of your beloved is important to him, so he is willing to solve his woman’s problems. But if a guy tells a girl that he loves her, but in a difficult situation he does not try to help – he does not want to develop a relationship.
- A man likes to pamper his chosen one with surprises. A man with a superficial attitude, will ask to pay 50/50 in a restaurant, will not give flowers and will spare money for a cab. A loving guy is ready to please his beloved with souvenirs, candy and a trip to the movies at the first opportunity.
What you can never say to a man: a list of forbidden phrases
- A guy likes to take an active part in the life of his beloved girl. A walk to the store, repair, planning a vacation – in any area a man demonstrates interest. In a non-serious relationship, a guy will not try to take a place of honor in a woman’s life.
- If the man is serious, he will not “hide” the woman from relatives and friends. If a guy doesn’t want to flaunt a relationship, it means he’s courting someone else.
- He is always in touch. During the working day, a loving guy will definitely write a text message to inquire about the affairs of his beloved. The girl will not hear on the other end of the phone “The subscriber is temporarily unavailable” without good reason.
- If after intimacy the guy does not hurry to leave the bed, and prefers to bask in the arms of his beloved, then he has deep feelings for her, not superficial sympathy.
- The man is faithful to his companion. If a man has deep feelings for a woman, he will not allow himself to go out with another girl.
- A loving guy will try to avoid conflict situations. If the quarrel could not be eliminated, the desire to reconcile as soon as possible will be stronger than resentment.
- He will always support his beloved, even if she is wrong. The man will not make remarks to his beloved in the presence of other people. In an argument he will accept her position, but in private he will tell her about her mistakes and misconceptions. In a superficial relationship, the guy will try to step aside when a conflict is formed or will begin to argue with his date in front of everyone.
- If the young man loves the woman, his plans for the future will include her person. If she is absent, then you should not count on the development of a relationship with this man.
Do not believe only words. Look at the guy’s actions – they will lift the curtain of mystery and reveal his true feelings.
Hints of intimacy
Before proceeding to the sexual relationship, you need to find out his attitude towards the young lady. This can be done by observing his behavior during close communication:
- A man who loves, will not hint at intimacy on the first date. He is well aware that the girl needs time to get to know him better.
- If a guy is trying his best to seduce a girl into sexual intimacy, most likely he is not serious about her. Such a relationship will be short-lived.
- A loving young man will try by all means to stretch out the romantic courtship period, because you can enjoy each other for a lifetime. A superficial guy will prefer to skip such a period because “time is running out and you need to move on.”
If a girl notices that the suitor is more interested in sex than in her personality – it is better to gently slip away from such futile communication.
If the relationship is distant
With the help of the computer girls get acquainted with people from other countries. Sometimes passionate virtual romances grow into affection and love.
Women can be difficult to understand the sincerity of men’s intentions. After all, distance removes a whole range of feelings.
When having an affair by correspondence, it is important to make sure that this is the platform for the subsequent development of the relationship.
What to talk to the guy and how to choose an interesting topic for conversation
According to some signs you can calculate the insincere intentions of a guy:
- Refuses to show photos. If the interlocutor does not want to exchange photos, coming up with various excuses, you should be wary. Perhaps, instead of a 30-year-old brunette, a schoolboy teenager is communicating with a woman.
- Does not want to meet in real life. If a guy does not want to transfer communication from the virtual plane to the physical environment, think about the sincerity of his feelings. Most likely, all of his stories about himself – fiction.
- Invites you to his city, but he refuses to go himself. A man who is interested in a woman, will not be afraid to overcome the distance for her. If the guy finds constant excuses not to go to the girl himself, then his intentions are superficial and not serious.
- Ignores serious conversations. If a young man is constantly reduced to talking about sex, vulgar jokes, insults other people – he’s not interested in the girl. A man thinking about a serious relationship will not allow himself such behavior.
- Can “disappear” for a few days. The main thing for a man is the comfort and peace of mind of his woman. If a guy disappears, then appears in 2-3 days without any explanation, it means that he does not consider the girl to be someone special.
- There are no attempts to develop a relationship. If the correspondence lasts for several months, and the man does not want to meet face to face, then he is not looking for love. Correspondence for him is an outlet, which helps to relax after a hard day’s work.
Girls shouldn’t waste their time communicating on the Internet. If a young man does not dream of wanting to see each other in 2-3 months after dating, then you can easily “write off” him.
Psychologist’s opinion: how a man behaves with a woman, if he really loves her
Psychologists have identified several basic signs on which you can easily understand how a man relates to you:
- Insecure behavior and excitement . If a man near you is worried and nervous, then do not reproach him for this, he just likes you, and he is afraid to say something unnecessary or embarrassed by his behavior, which causes him tension;
- The desire to please, to make nice. Anyone tries to please the one in love, in order to please him. If he talks to you and tries to learn as much as possible about you, and later gives you your favorite flowers, sweets or a ticket to your favorite movie, then he is trying to please you, which is an obvious sign of sympathy;
- sincere emotions. If the meeting the mood of the man abruptly changed to a joyful, and in his eyes noticeable shine, then he obviously has feelings for you;
- Paying special attention to his appearance. Man tries to win the attention of girls not only his actions but also appearance. If when you meet him you can smell a pleasant fragrance from him, and his clothes are perfectly pressed, it shows that he cares what you think of him;
- Is interested in your life. Anyone in love is always interested in what is going on in the life of the person they are in love with. If he is interested in your hobbies, your friends, your work and how your day is going, it is obvious that he is curious about your life, which is another sign of being in love.
A general idea of love
There has been a cultural and historical transformation of the concept of love over the centuries. In primitive society, it characterized the relationship between a man and a woman. Later appeared the connection with social needs. Antique culture equated love with morality. Nowadays, there is no unified definition of this concept.
The characterization of feelings of modern people is based on their own ideas about it. To analyze how men and women love, it is necessary to carefully study the view of this phenomenon of each sex.
Women are monogamous. Their main purpose is to keep the home and bring up children. Therefore, they treat issues of love responsibly, carefully and scrupulously:
How to understand that a guy at school likes you: signs depending on age
- Girls tend to find one partner for the rest of their lives.
- Emotionality of ladies “requires” high feelings and their manifestation. Therefore, women expect guys to do things that indicate love.
- Girls’ notion of care is associated with total control. They want to know everything about a guy: “Where was he?”, “What did he do?”, “Who called?”
- In a strong relationship a woman “calms down”. She enjoys the familiar and smooth course of events.
A man’s view of love is different, which is why couples face a lot of problems in relationships.
What men think about it
Men’s attitudes toward love depend largely on intelligence, character, attitudes and culture. There is a misconception that guys are only interested in sexual connection, but not deep feelings based on mutual affection, tenderness, respect and care.
Love and intimacy are different areas that men prefer not to mix.
That’s why guys are polygamous. Most of them don’t consider sex on the side as cheating, because the main thing missing in this connection is feelings.
How do you know that a man likes you: simple ways to determine sympathy
The period of falling in love, according to psychologists, takes place in 3 stages:
- The first – to win the girl’s attention;
- The second – to possess a woman;
- The third – to calm down after a successful “hunt.
At the last stage the girls have doubts about the sincerity of the feelings of the chosen one. If a man is cold – his love is gone.