If a man no longer loves you, why do you want him?
It’s never the case that two people live soul to soul and without the slightest sign of any problems one of the partners decided to leave. It just does not happen.
Breaking up with someone you love is always painful. Often a hellish pain. At first, it may even seem that with the departure of this person, the whole world collapses and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But this is just one chapter of life, and you can get out of the story with his head held high, or you can get bogged down in the mire of suffering for a long time.
Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky emphasizes: first of all, categorically not even mentally utter the phrase “I was abandoned. He explains how to properly experience the breakup, which thoughts will help to cope faster, and which – destroy from the inside.
“I got dumped” – moving into the position of a victim, an object, an object. You are two adults and capable people – you didn’t dump anyone. You have broken up. You have made a decision not to continue the relationship. You see no prospects for your couple. Choose any wording, as long as it reflects the essence of what has happened. Your couple has broken up. But no one left anyone.
Of course, a psychologically healthy person does not dissolve into space without an explanation. He finds the strength to talk to his partner, to say that feelings have died down and there is no point in further relations. But we are well aware that there are other times: you come home – and there is an empty closet, or after a period of suspicion to find that he had another woman, or he suddenly begins to pick on everything because you annoy him. It’s hard to believe it right away, but trust me: it doesn’t matter what the last straw was, whether he left with or without an explanation, whether you caught him cheating or not.
It never happens that two people live soul to soul and without the slightest sign of any problems one of the partners decided to leave. It just does not happen. If he fell in love with the other, he fell out of love with you before that. This is an important thought, and I would like every woman going through a breakup to understand that.
Breaking up is not a starting point. It is a consequence of the fact that this man has already fallen out of love with you. And that’s what you have to start from. If he doesn’t love you anymore, why do you need him? Why do you need a man who does not want to spend time with you, who has become uninterested in your life, who does not want to take part in your affairs, who has nothing to say to you? That man who loved you, no longer exists. And he can not return, he did not go on a business trip, and not in the closet hiding. And we come to the next important idea: your separation is legitimate.
No “painted bitch” stole your man. It’s not his fault he fell out of love with you. You can’t fall in love and fall out of love by force of will. There were some problems in your relationship that you either did not pay attention to, or did not want to notice, or hoped that everything will sort itself out, or wrote off to a difficult period, or ignored for some other reason.
One way or another, there was a growing misunderstanding between you, tenderness disappeared, you spent less time together, quarreled more often, or simply did not communicate much. Yes, such periods happen to all couples, but the ones that fall apart are the ones that were unstable in the first place. That is, your relationship, in principle, was doomed, the only question was when the breakup will happen.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do not complain to others about the scoundrel and bastard. Even if he, like a last brute, left on the sly, taking with him the TV, coffee maker and kettle with a whistle, remember: you chose this very man in your time.
“He was very different!” – millions of female readers have now exclaimed. Right! But if he changed so much, why did you not throw the scumbag himself? He didn’t turn into a creep overnight. You were together for a long time, you must have seen how he talks to others, how he talks about his loved ones, how he comments on other couples. Yes, you didn’t notice some traits, or you didn’t want to notice them. But the way out of the “I ended up in a couple with a scumbag” situation is obvious: You need to end that relationship. Your scumbag self-liquidated, is that not a reason to rejoice?
Of course, the first time after a breakup you will have a hard time. This is normal, divorce is generally considered the second deepest trauma after the death of a loved one. Give yourself a year. Around this time your psyche will “digest” the stress, you will be ready to move on.
During this difficult period, avoid two extremes. The first – to sit in limbo and cry around the clock, the second – to go to great lengths and prove to everyone (and the ex, of course) that you – in demand.
Loneliness and reveling in their own suffering will day by day destroy self-esteem and ruin health, and men you will compare the former. That is, if it’s nothing binding meetings, sex, going to the movies – have fun on your own. But do not expect that you can quickly move from one relationship to another. This is almost guaranteed to be neurotic union, which will not end well.
Many people find it difficult to tell their friends and family about the breakup. It’s understandable, people jump in with questions, which is terribly unpleasant. My advice is don’t go into any details. Don’t accuse or blame. “We have different visions of the future,” “Our paths have parted,” limit yourself to the common phrases that are usually written in the “reason for divorce.” “We didn’t see eye to eye.” “Irreconcilable differences.”
One last thing. It’s not your fault. You did not scare him away by coming out of the bathroom without makeup. You cooked normally, you have a normal figure, a normal character, everything is normal with you. Do not allow the vicious thought of “If I had behaved differently, everything could be different. Absolutely not!
You are who you are, you are you and no one else. A man loves a woman whole, all of her, without dividing her by her cooking skills or the length of her legs. Don’t try to “learn lessons” and change yourself after a breakup, because that would be violence against yourself. Perhaps the only thing to think about is whether you took responsibility for everything that went on in your couple. Because if you believed that “the weather in the house” is entirely your responsibility, then you need to get rid of this attitude urgently. It takes two to tango.
Husband does not love his wife but does not leave: signs, what to do, tips
Hello, dear wives. Let’s talk about what’s important. My husband does not love me, what should I do? Unfortunately, this trouble looks even in the happiest and most exemplary families. If the husband does not love his wife, what signs will give it away? How to live with a man who does not love, but also does not leave? These seem like fairy tales, but alas, they are not. I hope I can convey to you what to do in a situation like this.
Love is a complicated feeling that needs to be sustained. If you do not, it will become a banal habit. Common life turns into a routine and household chores in which feelings fade. Many women, not noticing that her husband had grown cold to her, falls into a stupor when he openly declares that he no longer loves her. In fact, a man can tell when his feelings have faded.
Signs of faded love
- A husband stops defining the family as a whole. If there is a child in the family, it does not mean that he has grown cold to him, too. A man can continue to raise a child, but to do so without the help of his mate. He will stop talking about the joint affairs and the future, he no longer cares about family hardships.
- You have more and more different interests and less and less in common. He constantly tries to leave the house, to be away from his wife, to go anywhere: a walk, hunting, gym. He will come up with a lot of reasons, only to be with his wife as little as possible and spend it in any other company or alone with himself. This is a sign that he is no longer in love.
- The moment the spouse is no longer interested in his own wife, he becomes more irritable. He becomes critical, he is ready to point out her faults everywhere, will enter into verbal polemics and lead to conflict, even in front of strangers. There is also a second type of men who, on the contrary, resort to a method of complete neglect of the partner. They just simply stop communicating with his mate and sink into his illusory world.
- I feel that my husband does not love me. This phrase is well understood when there is no intimacy. It is this sign that is basic and obvious in our example. Even if you continue to have a sexual life, it becomes rarer and rarer each time. The moment a man loses interest in a woman, he will pull away from her in every way, avoid touching her, let alone hugging and kissing her.
- When a woman stops attracting a man, he stops being jealous of her. It seems to me that no man can calmly watch his girlfriend flirt with another guy. His emotions will show. If that didn’t happen, then, alas, his feelings for the girl have faded.
- The man is no longer showering the woman with compliments. His concerns melt away in front of his eyes when something happens, you won’t get help from him, he may not even give moral support. Communication is becoming less and less.
What to do when my husband does not love me?
There is no one-size-fits-all option that could help every family. Everything is individual and depends on many circumstances. In one thing psychologists agree. Under no circumstances should not humiliate yourself in front of a man. Quarrels, altercations will not help in this situation, and only worsen what is happening. Husband, most likely, at the sight of such a reaction is even more strengthened in his desire to leave you.
In any case, the first thing to do is to calm down, and when the emotions have passed, analyze the situation and with a clear head to decide what to do next. Look deep inside yourself and try to understand: do you still have feelings for the man? Maybe you do not need it anymore? If so, read the tips on how to break the man who fell out of love with you.
Perhaps the man fell in love with the girl because of her laughter, which she “mesmerized” him with. Over time, the laughter became less and less, the woman changed, and the man lost interest in her. Instead of laughter, he observes sadness and sorrow, which makes him despair himself.
Let the man go, there is no need to try to stop him. The fact that he left, see as the beginning of a new life. Pay attention to your beloved, remember what pleases you, what brings happiness to life, and take your time with this work.
It’s not always the end of a love affair with one person that makes life worse. Sometimes, on the contrary, it gives us the opportunity to meet the person we truly belong with, the person destined by fate itself.
Fallen out of love, but does not leave.
It happens that a woman realizes that she no longer loves her spouse and did not say so, but remains with her. Husband lives with me, why does this happen?
Not all men want to leave their comfort zone. The family always has food, laundry and cleaned apartment, a well-established sex life. The wife starts playing the role of housekeeper.
Some men do not leave their wives because of greed. They depend on their spouse’s finances. If they leave the family, they will have to part with their livelihood. Not everyone is willing to make that change.
Sometimes children play the role of the reason a father is not ready to leave the family. Such fathers are rare; more often they leave the home. The saddest situation is when a woman gives birth to a child from a man who initially showed no love for her, and everything happened because of a woman’s naivety, hope for a brighter future.
Sometimes the saddest thing happens. A sadistic man is caught who is mentally unstable and needs to be fed by manipulating a woman. They begin to resort to physical violence. If this is the case with your husband, send the asshole away and have nothing to put up with his ways.
Tips from a psychologist
How to live with a man who does not love his wife? How to understand what to do in a similar situation? Psychology offers to follow the following advice:
- Avoid any conflict situations that can lead to a quarrel. Any quarrel will only make things worse. Think several times, but it’s worth it before you start an argument or make a claim
- No matter how painful and unpleasant it may be, show respect for your husband. It is, after all, your choice, which you made consciously.
- Have a frank conversation. Explain your excitement, try to find a compromise and a way out of the situation. Heart-to-heart talk will help avoid unnecessary fighting and scandals.
- It happens that neither of the spouses do not want to take responsibility for the rupture of relations. If you realize that together you will not live anymore, gird your willpower in your fist and break up the relationship yourself.
Girls, one of the best pieces of advice I can offer personally. Try to keep your family and visit a family psychologist. Perhaps he will help to resolve conflict situations, and you will again find harmony in the relationship.
If you have your own tips on what to do in this situation, tell us about them in the comments.