Getting rid of jealousy – pass all the nuances

How to Stop Jealousy, or the Best Cure for Jealousy

How to stop being jealous? One of the “eternal” questions, the answer to which people are not tired to look for tens or even hundreds of years.

Jealousy can be different: burning and incinerating all around, driving it to hatred and frenzy, quiet and painful, silent, with tears in the pillow and subtle observation of its object, with verbal reproaches and attempts to catch the “sinner”.

But whatever that feeling is, it definitely doesn’t add joy to your life: it destroys relationships, deprives you of positive emotions, takes away your strength and energy.

Maybe right now you are jealous too:

  • You dream to get rid of this disgusting feeling and constant suspicions to your beloved person;
  • You want to make sure that you are not being cheated on by any means;
  • Tired of feeling anger and spite for no apparent reason.

I hope that after reading this article you will feel better. You will understand why people are jealous and what the real reasons for this, and, of course, you know how to get rid of jealousy.

How to stop being jealous? Start with yourself.

Any negative emotion that originates in our soul, belong only to us. We allow ourselves to feel it – to be jealous, angry and resentful.

Let’s play a favorite folk game of all women. What am I talking about? Can’t you guess? You think you’ve never played it? I’m pretty sure you have. It’s called “I made it up, I’m offended.” Sound familiar?

Sometimes we think we can read the thoughts of others, especially those closest to them. Shall we check?

Imagine a comfortable, spacious apartment. Evening. The whole family home. The children are jumping on beds and building a city of plaid in their room. Charming mother Lucia is sitting on the couch in the guest room with a mask on her face, and her beloved husband is chatting sweetly on the phone with a cute new colleague on distracting topics.

You may ask, how do I know that the colleague is cute? I do not know! But that’s what Lucia assumes. Let’s believe her.

The husband of the lady with the mask discusses with the necessarily cute colleague of the upcoming corporate party, even laughing sincerely at something.

Lucy, like Sherlock Holmes, in his head immediately builds a logical chain, which lead to a romantic rendezvous with the father of her children and a new employee to the planned office romance and, perhaps, the collapse of the family. “And why am I making masks here if he doesn’t need me anymore?” – thinks an enraged but unperturbed externally Lucia. Why not outwardly calm? Because there is no time for emotions in a fabric mask!

We are hostages to our own fantasies. End of story

So as not to bore you, I’ll tell you right away that Lucy’s new colleague husband – his cousin. The husband recently told his beloved wife that he had arranged for his sister to intern at his office a week ago, but Lucy listened to him inattentively. “Why listen? – she thought. – He’s always saying something boring about his work.”

Often the inattention of some family members to the problems of others alienates once loving people from each other. If a spouse doesn’t get support at home, they will look for it on the side.

This also explains why teenagers prefer to keep their worries to themselves or share them with anyone but their parents. The point is that children feel that no one at home cares about their problems and know that they will not be understood.

I told you a story about Lucy and her family, first, to show you how insidious jealousy can be and what a range of feelings can awaken in a woman just assumptions without facts, and secondly, to bring you to the idea of how important it is to listen and hear each other in the family.

Jealousy always looks through the telescope, making small objects big, dwarfs giants, and suspicions truths.

Miguel de Cervantes

Why it is more profitable to stop being jealous

Even if your suspicions are relevant and there are facts that are not in favor of your favorite, yet mental agony and sleepless nights health and happiness will not add you. And in your own interest to stop being jealous.

This feeling is destructive. Not only it destroys the relationship between the two people, but also constantly emotionally draining for all participants in the game of jealousy.

That’s why it’s so important to learn to stop in time and get rid of anxious and frightening thoughts about rivals.

By the way, if in the story about Lucy and her family spouses to switch places, you get a clear example of male jealousy. And instead of a cousin, let it be a brother.

A man is jealous not when he loves, but when he wants to be loved.

Benjamin Johnson

Why we are jealous.

To understand how to stop being jealous, we need to understand the reasons why it happens. Why do we feel anger and fear from time to time when we are jealous of someone?

And let me try to explain to you the mechanism of jealousy on pets?

The other day I watched a video clip with the incredible Jacques Fresque about . In the interview, he told me how he once went to a psychologist and asked, “What is jealousy?”

The experienced soul healer began to explain that even pets can be jealous. For example, the dog begins to growl when the owner picks up and strokes a cat.

Then Jacques Fresco conducted an experiment: he took the cat in his arms and at the same time fed the dog. Perhaps you have already guessed that after some time from the jealousy of the dog was no trace.

The dog began to wag his tail as soon as the man took the cat in his arms. This observation, of course, does not prove that the animals only want food. But it does show that a pet relationship is quite realistic if their primary needs are met.

The Nature of Jealousy

Can you guess where I’m going with this? Yes, we are jealous for fear of losing someone who meets our needs.

Of course, in humans it’s a little more complicated than that. We won’t stop being jealous of the “other aunt” who gets picked up by the one we love, even if we get fed a delicious dessert at the same time. And even if we are also sometimes taken in the arms. Although this is a matter of upbringing and cultural traits.

But I won’t overload you and just list the main reasons for jealousy. So:

We are jealous because we are afraid that our needs (physical or emotional) will not be adequately met. We are afraid of being left alone. We feel like there isn’t another person in the world who could be interested in us.

We are jealous because we attribute our own thoughts and behavior patterns to other people. Often someone who sees new acquaintances as potential partners is jealous of his or her current partners. Such a person is afraid of what he or she might do to them.

This is what the following quotes from famous people are about.

Carnal jealousy is the result of one’s imagination as well as one’s opinion of oneself. He attributes to his rival the bad thoughts that he himself had under the same circumstances.

Albe r Camus.

For I am not for life. Everything is a fire in me! I can have ten relationships (good “relationships”!), at once and each, from the deepest depths, assure that he is the only one. I cannot bear the slightest turn of my head away from myself.

Marina Tsvetaeva

We are jealous because there has been cheating in previous relationships or in our parents’ family. We are afraid of repeating familiar scenarios.

We are used to treating people as property. We try to surround ourselves with only those who will meet all of our needs. We don’t care about their wants and needs.

Now you know how jealousy is born.

To understand how to stop being jealous, re-read all the reasons for jealousy. Do you recognize yourself in at least one of them? Do not worry! We are all human: Each has its own weaknesses and strengths. All of us at times can be “Lucy” with a mask of equanimity on his face.

The only difference is that some of us see our vulnerabilities and shortcomings, preferring to work on them, and someone – hides his head in the sand. Everyone makes his or her own choice. A worked-out weakness is a step toward harmony and mental balance.

And now to the main thing: I will tell you how to get rid of low self-esteem and stop being jealous.

На закрытом мастер-классе вы узнаете, как восстановить отношения с любимым человеком, даже если вы — виновница ссоры. Шанс вернуть любовь есть всегда. Воспользуйтесь им >>>

Love for yourself – the best cure for jealousy

So, the most important factor that determines why one person is jealous and the other is not, is the attitude towards yourself.

If you have low self-esteem, then you definitely need to do something about it.

Self-esteem is known to be formed in childhood. But if your parents could not bring up in you self-confidence, then do not blame them and be offended. Just work it out!

There is no point in blaming your parents or anyone else for your failures. The past won’t repeat itself, you only have the present. Regretting the past is like sighing and feeling sad about yesterday’s rain on a sunny day. Think about it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself!

How to stop being jealous. The easiest and most effective ways to get rid of jealousy

So, let’s move on to practice. I offer you three techniques that will help you discover self-love, and therefore take the first step to getting rid of jealousy.

  • Gentle hugs and words of love to yourself

I suggest you smile and hug yourself right now while reading this article. Say that you love, respect and appreciate yourself. Feel how happy your inner child will be with this hug. If hugs alone are so healing, imagine what happens when you find time for your favorite activities. When you decide to indulge yourself.

  • Healing Creativity, or The Three Flowers of Happiness

Take a piece of paper and write on it what you enjoy doing most. What activities do you enjoy doing? Maybe looking at the stars or listening to Frank Sinatra? When was the last time you did that? Make a list of at least 10 activities. Plan to check off each item on that list in the near future. And be sure to add one more item – “Buy yourself some flowers.

Explain to your spouse that you just wanted to make the house cozier. Divide the bouquet into three parts and put it where you go most often. You can buy just three beautiful flowers.

Surround yourself with beauty every hour of every day. You will love it! You can also tell your beloved that you would be pleased to receive flowers from him without an occasion. Do not hint, but say it directly. Men understand better that way.

Our project is called “Power in Thought” because thoughts make reality. But what if you try to think positively not three minutes a day, but all the time? At first glance it may seem difficult. But to help you come to affirmations.

Make a list of affirmative expressions about yourself and your life that will inspire you. For example: “I am beautiful, I love, respect and appreciate myself. Every day brings me and my family joy. Our relationship with my beloved is filled with moments of tenderness, love and happiness.”

Make your affirmation and work with it regularly. Before you know it, reality will start to adjust to what you proclaim every day.

Jealousy itself will tell you what to do.

Above I described ways to help you discover self-love, improve your self-esteem and become more confident. And now I’ll tell you how jealousy itself can help us stop being jealous.

Does that sound strange? But it really is. By analyzing our jealousy, we can get rid of it and become a better person.

So, if our Lucia wanted to get rid of her feelings of jealousy, her actions would be as follows:

Step #1. Understand what situation causes jealousy and why

Think back to a situation when you were jealous of your partner. What exactly caused the jealous outburst? Why are you so caught up in it? Also need to analyze what was wrong with jealousy itself, and what she can do from his side. Maybe in recent years, Lucia criticized her husband more than praise? And what if you try to thank your loved one for every little thing?

Step number 2. Look at your behavior from the outside

Imagine that you have a grown daughter, and she is now in your shoes. What advice would you give her as a mother? This outside perspective can help you better gauge the situation and see if you’re playing the victim.

Step #3. Stop “playing the silent treatment.

Quite often insecure people tolerate just a disgusting attitude and stay silent. How do you order the spouse not to cheat and respect the one who does not respect herself?

Just try to be as objective as possible, so you can see your own mistakes too. The current elected one met you when he was still married to another? Well, you knew what you were getting yourself into.

Step #4. Talk openly.

Share your worries with your loved one. If feelings of jealousy do not leave you, then say so directly.

Honest talk will help calm you down and not worry needlessly, or remove the rose-colored glasses, ask yourself a serious question: “Am I satisfied with my life? If not, then take action and deal with the problem.

Understand, I’m not advocating emotional or reckless action. I just want you to be happy. If two people have the desire to work on themselves and change, everything will definitely work out. But you should always start with yourself.

Love and respect yourself, do self-development, and then life will please you with pleasant events, without reason for jealousy and worries.

(Author: Anna Zhukova, psychologist)

How to get rid of jealousy forever – effective tips from psychologists jealous wives

All medical content of Colady.ru magazine is written and checked by a team of experts with a medical background to ensure the accuracy of the information presented in the articles.

We refer only to academic research institutions, the WHO, authoritative sources, and open access studies.

The information in our articles does NOT constitute medical advice and is NOT a substitute for seeing a specialist.

Reading time: 9 minutes

There is probably hardly a person among us who has not experienced a sting of jealousy at least once in her life. After all, this feeling can visit everyone, and there is nothing strange about it. But it happens that jealousy is a true companion of the relationship. It pursues day and night, nibbling and tearing from the inside, making life unbearable. And then jealousy becomes a serious problem which can destroy the strongest love.

So today we’re going to talk about how to kill jealousy before it kills your marriage.

Photo Pixabay

Content:

The psychology of jealousy – a commentary by psychologist Lilia Panova

Jealousy – a very complex feeling in which selfishness, the desire to own and dispose of a dear person, suspicion, doubts about fidelity and love intersect. And we begin to get acquainted with it in childhood, namely at the age of 1-3 years. Jealous of mom to her brothers and sisters, of daddy, of work.

Children are jealous because of lack of attention or love. If there is a competitor for mom’s attention in the family, the child feels that he is no longer needed, that he is not loved and rejected. This gives rise to the attitude of “I’m not like that” and a sense of injustice, the trauma of rejection.

And it also happens that a girl is growing up without a father. And then the inner child doesn’t receive love through the male image of the father, and later seeks it through her relationships. We all relive our relationships with our parents through our partners. And so we transfer our feelings and what we lacked as children to men, friends, loved ones.

If a partner begins to show less attention, care, then again there is a feeling of “I am not needed, I am not” and jealousy comes into the ring – “you’re mine, I’m afraid to be left without your attention, I’m afraid to lose you.

Psychologists consider the following types of jealousy:

  • Rational jealousy. This type of jealousy arises if there is a risk of losing a dear person;
  • Irrational jealousy arises in the imagination and fantasies, and has nothing to do with reality. Remember the phrase “I invented it myself – myself offended,” it’s about that kind of story. This type of jealousy is more inherent in people with a rich imagination, low self-esteem, inferiority complexes and childhood traumas;
  • jealousy delusion – refers to inadequate, totally unreasonable jealousy and can lead to mental pathology.

Causes of jealousy in adulthood are low self-esteem and low self-confidence sexually (and therefore inhibited, because a woman thinks about how to conform in sex, not how to relax and be herself), fear of rejection, fear of losing the loved one, a boundless desire to possess the object of love. And this overlaps very closely with those childhood feelings that a woman experienced in her deep childhood at the age of 1 to 3 within a family relationship, as we discussed at the beginning of this article.

Photo by Unsplash

There may be a tendency toward masochism, in which a woman enjoys suffering and feels pleasure in her own torment. But there may also be a neurotic need for control. “When I am in control, I know what awaits me. Control is a way of avoiding the unknown. And it is the unknown that carries the risk of losing control.”

There is also a co-dependent form of the relationship, where the partner provokes the woman to be jealous because her jealousy is for him an affirmation of her love. They are dependent on each other’s feelings and complement each other’s needs. But it is a painful relationship, based on nagging, drama. Often these women come from dysfunctional families, because that is what the girl is used to seeing in her parents’ family.

Whatever type of jealousy pursued you, the main thing to realize – the cause of jealousy is not the behavior of the partner, but in your fears, which are rooted in childhood. And it is worth starting on your own way to a healthy relationship. Partner – not a magician, he can not solve the problem in your head, because his behavior is reacting to you. And you are attracted to the general perception of the world. The rule always works: similar attracts similar, otherwise there will be no points of contact.

Since any change we start with ourselves, you can shift the focus of attention from your partner’s infidelity to work with yourself. If you go to a psychologist or psychotherapist, the specialist will work with childhood traumas and “settings”, help build a stable self-esteem, remove clamps and reveal sexuality. Such a woman will not be jealous a priori, because she knows her worth.

Jealous of her husband to his exes – psychologist tips

Jealousy of the past – this is one of the most common types of female jealousy. It often happens that many women, as if on purpose, systematically find a reason for such jealousy, in order to revel in this state.

Photo Pexels

We find pages of his former lovers in social networks, we can spend hours looking at their joint photos, read comments, compare ourselves with them.

And God forbid – the husband will accidentally drop a phrase about some of his former relationships! The storm of emotions immediately overwhelms us and makes us feel the strongest jealousy attacks.

How to get rid of jealousy?

How to get rid of jealousy of her husband’s past? First of all, think about the fact that now this man only loves you, cares and is going to spend his life with you. Everyone has a past. Surely you and you have had affairs before you met your spouse. But now feelings for former lovers are gone.

It’s the same with your husband. If he chose you, it means that all previous relationships for him are over. Do not torture your loved one by asking about his women, or somehow try to humiliate them in his eyes. In the first case you would hurt yourself first of all, and add fuel to the fire of jealousy, and in the second – you can alienate her husband. After all, it was a part of his life, in which at some point he was happy. But you also need to clearly understand that this page of it for him has long been turned.

Jealous of her husband to his girlfriends.

Many sociable and outgoing men have female friends. This may be classmates, childhood friends or just colleagues at work. Friends call your husband, correspond with him on the Internet, to share with him some of their problems, which your husband is also solving. And, of course, you can not leave such a layout of events can not leave indifferent.

Photo Pexels

Suspicions begin to creep into your soul about the fact that – “what if they had something? Or will? Or already have?” Every such call or text message becomes a serious test of your relationship. And when you meet such acquaintances of your husband, you are already ready to grab them in the hair and solve the problem with the imaginary rival on the spot.

How to stop being jealous of your husband to his girlfriends?

One way or another, but you can not put your beloved under arrest and not let him out of the house, where he will communicate only with you and see only you. Remember that relationships are built primarily on trust. It often happens that a man is simply forced to communicate at work with female colleagues. Or so many years ago it happened that his friend was a woman. This does not mean that he should, headlong, rush to you suddenly with her treason.

If you feel that their communication is seriously hinder your relationship, then talk frankly with your husband about this. A loving person will always understand the feelings of his second half and try to protect her from unpleasant experiences. But do it calmly and judiciously, so as not to alienate a man, but rather to strengthen your relationship.

Jealous of her husband to his work

Jealousy of work more often torment housewives or women who are home on maternity leave. Husband disappears all day in the office, then he, tired, comes home, and you have absolutely no time for him. Talking to him, most of it also boils down to work, and from your stories about the troubles at home, he condescendingly waved away.

Photo Pexels

And you are already beginning to torment various suspicions and resentments: you think that he does not appreciate you as much as before, and even at work he is more interesting than with you. All of this, eventually, can lead to family conflicts.

How to get rid of it?

Understand that the work – it’s an integral part of life men. He has to provide for his family, self-fulfillment, to build a career. After all, he does it all, first of all, for your sake. And, coming from work, a man wants to see a smile on your face and to be sure that he is expected at home.

Take his absence as an extra opportunity to take care of themselves, quietly do all the household chores, talk to friends, to deal with the baby or go, for example, to the beauty salon.

Jealous of her husband to his hobbies

It often happens that, after coming home from work, your husband sits down at the computer, and you lose him all night on the Internet. And Friday night you do not see him at all, because he went with friends to watch soccer. Or on a long-awaited weekend he suddenly leaves with friends on a fishing trip. And, of course, is not without jealousy.

After all, you miss, making joint plans, you want to spend time together, and for some reason your husband prefers completely different hobbies. Often this leads to resentment, which can escalate into mutual claims and quarrels.

How to stop being jealous of her husband’s hobbies?

Get rid of such jealousy forever will help you, first of all, look at yourself from the outside. After all, you tend not to abandon her husband in order to meet with girlfriends for a cup of coffee. Or do you, in turn, also spend time on forums on the Internet, or watching your favorite TV series. Everyone – even when they are legally married – should have their own personal space, their own friends, hobbies and interests.

If your whole world was limited to each other, then eventually you would just get bored, and there would be nothing to talk about. Take your loved one’s hobbies as an integral part of himself. After all, these hobbies or a desire to spend time with friends absolutely does not prevent him from loving you and you from trusting your man.

Of course, every case is different and there are times when jealousy is not unreasonable and has good reason. In such cases, to kill a jealousy is extremely difficult, and not always worth it.

Remember that, above all, you need to talk to your partner, and not to destroy yourself with suspicions from within. After all, your husband is the closest person to you, and who else but he will always be able to understand you and dispel all your fears.

Leave a Comment