How to fight with love? Step by step methodology to get rid of love addiction
“The manifestation of turbulent feelings in the form of a love passion and dependence on them, can not occupy your whole life,” so says Maria Skladovskaya-Curie. We are talking about love addiction. How do you fight such “love”?
Love and the pain of love, what is it?
Of course, love is very important in life. Artists praised it in their paintings, poets – in poems. But children understand love much more simply and joyfully. For them, it is in the good weather outside the window and you can go for a walk, buying some toys, goodies, and kisses from mom.
Love, in fact, is a good, fabulous feeling, everyone wants to experience it. This feeling of flying, floating in the clouds, you’re covered with waves of feelings, you are in another world, as in a fairy tale invented by you too. And with a good continuation, you even know what color hair your future children will have. But this is now, when your thoughts are fully absorbed by one single person, who may not even think about it. This kind of love is not uncommon, but it’s like “sick love,” without a continuation.
With adults it is more complicated, they usually and remember this “complicated love”, sometimes love is associated with suffering. “Heartbreak pain” is just the kind of feeling that hurts muscles from unrequited, unrequited love, or from love when two people just can’t be together for different reasons.
Scientists have found that in our bodies, emotional pain is activated by the same neurons as physical pain. This is the reason the heart hurts, and it is the reason a hopelessly in love can become seriously ill or depressed.
It was a revelation to me when it was said in one women’s training that “love is a very peaceful good feeling, it is warm, reliable and so dear…” But that’s all about spiritual love, and then there’s love-passion, or love-dependence. In this case, how to fight with love, so as not to fall into its dependence?
So what is love addiction?
Love is when I can be without you, but I want to be with you. But an addiction is when I can’t be without you at all.
When the mood depends on whether the object of love is there or not. A person lives with the expectation of a meeting, a conversation. And all his thoughts are occupied only by this object of love. Very often women say that they “completely dissolved” in their partner, and he “ungrateful” does not appreciate it.
Constantly being near the object of love begins to limit his freedom very much, and in the end, the couple breaks up anyway, because no one can withstand the “encroachment” on freedom for a long time.
And this is exactly how our society sees love; it must always be associated with suffering. We are inculcated with this taste by works of fiction, movies and TV series, pop songs, etc.
Love is suffering everywhere, and only young children understand love as joy and happiness. They do not associate suffering with love. Suffering is connected with love addiction, when you cannot be without the object of your love.
And that object can stay in your heart forever. Even if time passes, you will still remember him. Because he was for you “everything” at that point in his life, it was you who were “nobody” to him. You begin to struggle with this kind of love, and you begin to “hurt.
You are going through “withdrawal” like any other kind of addiction, be it alcohol, food, sweets, or shopping. So leave your object of love and deal first with your “experiences”, or rather with yourself, to get rid of the “love”.
It is worth checking yourself for any other addiction. For example, often having dinner together, you may notice that some people talk only about food at the table, no other topics interest them.
They remember all their trips to the restaurant, they can remember who ordered what, although enough time has passed since that moment. Food is always a priority for these people. They rush home to eat, they reason about what they will buy from the food in the store. These people are always overweight.
It’s worth observing these moments in yourself as well. And use different tricks to learn to eat little and overcome this addiction in yourself as well.
Why is there a love addiction?
Romantic natures, and more often they are women, so sensitive and emotional are capable of “ignite” feelings from any gentle smile of the man and attribute the qualities to the object of “his invented love”, the ones that he didn’t have at all.
Women with low self-esteem and idealization of the object of love can be included in this category. And there are a lot of them in our post-Soviet space. Too many stressful situations in life, divorce, a difficult financial situation leads to the fact that women are not very confident in themselves, plus all sorts of trauma from childhood. They simply have not had enough love in their lives, so they fall into such captivity, and begin to depend on this “love”.
This is especially true for women who were raised in broken homes. Where there was no daddy, the very first significant man in a woman’s life. And the mother often just did not give her this love, because of the lack of time or the inability to love.
A woman of this type begins to “cling” to a man in every way, to help him in everything, to please him. And a man by his nature is a hunter, he needs to win the woman, so such a relationship will not lead to anything.
The main symptoms of love addiction:
- Thoughts hover around the object of love all the time
- Nervousness and restlessness, you forget everything except the object of love
- Inability to concentrate on important matters
- Loss of peace and sleep, sometimes turning into a “neurosis” illness or depression
- Depressed state from the lack of reciprocity from the object of love
What measures should be taken to combat love addiction
It is worth accepting the fact that love is a state of happiness, peace, joy, ease and harmony in your soul. And love addiction – it’s excruciating and destroying you feeling. But it is necessary to realize yourself and begin to fight with love addiction.
Step by step methodology to get rid of love addiction yourself:
- Realize that you are in a state of love addiction, that your feeling is not mutual, and you cannot be together with the object of love
- Limit communication with the object of love or keep it to a minimum. Your feelings will cool down faster if you don’t see him often and he is less likely to be present on texting or social media. “Out of sight and out of mind!”
- Accept this fact, you can go to a therapist, or you can get out of this state by yourself
- Accept the fact that unrequited love is a mirage, invented by you image, this is not the person you came up with as an object of love
- Take a piece of paper, divide it into two halves and write on the left the “image” that you cherish in your soul, and on the right what is really going on. Only honesty in doing this task will allow you to understand your feelings.
- At this point, you should be alone with yourself, decide the time for yourself, let it be 3 days. You need to live your feelings, violently, you can cry, suffer, watch tearful movies, and listen to sad tunes. Eat chocolate and pamper yourself with whatever you want. BUT… only for three days. And after that, you will begin to change your life and yourself in this life, to “grow up” anew.
- This man should not occupy all your thoughts and feelings, you must have time for your life, your activities, and your friends, which you willingly abandoned for the sake of this object of love addiction. Write down these activities in the diary and strictly follow this plan
- Physical effort is worth getting yourself back to your favorite activities, or find a new hobby that can captivate you. Many people advise you to start exercising, you can change a lot in just 21 days. And your battle with love addiction is sure to succeed.
- And do not look for flaws in yourself, do not dig! Remove all the things that somehow associated you with the object of love, stop visiting your “common places”, look for new paths for walks, new companies, expand your circle of acquaintances
- Do not discuss this fact with any of your family and friends, just get rid of this love addiction yourself
- Don’t sit at home, “fight fire with fire,” change your image and buy new things for your closet
- And women need to shift attention from the “loneliness” and the feverish search for his mate to himself. The way you perceive yourself affects what kind of person you “attract” to yourself. So it is worth to develop self-confidence, to engage in spiritual growth and self-development.
- Maybe you want to take a vacation at this time? New impressions won’t hurt you at all! And from the fight with love addiction, you will come out a winner!
In time you will see how you have changed, how your environment has changed, and that there are completely different people around you now. And by loving yourself, you will feel like a full and confident person who doesn’t want suffering and pain in his life, and you will be able to meet true love. Since “like attracts like”!
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How to get rid of falling in love: tips from a psychologist. The cure for love. How to get rid of love addiction
A rational assessment of the situation has never stopped anyone. Are you sure there is no going back? Situations are different: the man may have left for another woman or simply disappeared. Sometimes the reason for the breakup is that one of the partners moved away. But no matter what happened, the breakup can be considered as having taken place only after a few weeks. If the quarrel occurred only yesterday, where the guarantee that the day after tomorrow, lover himself will not come to ask for forgiveness? Agree to the reconciliation or not, this, of course, is a separate issue. Do not forget about those frequent cases where the end of a relationship in the interests of the woman herself, but prevent feelings. We are talking about families where mental and physiological abuse regularly occurs, or the spouse is simply not respectful enough for his or her other half. The reasons may be very different, but if you partner cardinally displeases you, it is time to think about how to dislike him and stop the protracted relationship.
Emotional release
Even if the breakup was consensual, it is always very stressful and painful. The first hours or even a few days it is impossible to fully comprehend what has happened. But as soon as understanding comes, the mood noticeably worsens. This is not surprising – a loving relationship means a lot to anyone. And now, with their termination, a whole new and unknown life begins.
The first rule is not to keep everything inside. It is absolutely normal to be sad in such a situation. It is desirable to put things aside for a few days, you can even take a vacation. Invite your best friend or be alone. You can make a diary, virtual or paper – whatever. Give free rein to emotions – think of everything that connected you to this person. Rewatch all the movies together, reread letters and messages. You can write your story on a women’s forum and ask how to kill the love in you. The most important thing in this period is to remember that the pain will pass at some point. Prolonging the suffering is not recommended. Some psychologists even advise you to determine a “crying time” for yourself. Decide in advance that you will enjoy your grief for 3-5 days, and then proudly return to normal life.
Read also: Why he is silent if he loves. When a man is silent, Therapeutic Reflections – Gestalt Club. Silent during an argument.
Destroying evidence.
You do not know how to forget an ex-lover? It’s no wonder: you’ll forget when half of the apartment is occupied by things given by this person or purchased together. From all sentimental possessions must be disposed of. If some things have material value or useful, just put them away for a while. But photos, notes and postcards can safely be thrown out. Do the same to do not only with gifts but also with what reminds you of your former lover. This can be dishes from which he liked to eat, or his towel. If possible, repairs can be done, too. This is not only a good way to get rid of memories, but also an opportunity to distract yourself.
When is falling in love a hindrance?
Surprisingly enough, the problematic task of how to get rid of feelings of falling in love is relevant for both sexes. Almost everyone is subject to this feeling, regardless of gender, status or even age. During the period of falling in love all emotions are experienced much more acutely, so much so that it is sometimes reflected even in the physiology, psychology and behavior of the person.
Unfortunately, not always the state of being in love gives its owner only a feeling of happiness. Often it is accompanied by suffering, jealousy, a sense of hopelessness, longing, and even a sense of inferiority. At this stage just came the moment when we should think seriously about the question of how to get rid of falling in love with a guy or a girl, because the feelings you experience can not go quickly, and their intensity sooner or later will certainly turn into deep psychological trauma.
Renewing Yourself
Abstraction from the emotional experience helps any renewal. So why not take care of your appearance? You can change the hair color or haircut, or finally get a tattoo or limit yourself to a temporary one. If you do not want to make drastic changes, buy new clothes and jewelry and think about a change of image.
Popular advice from psychologists on how to ruin a man – remember what he did not like. He was jealous and forbade to wear short skirts? So buy a pair of mini – now you can do anything. He categorically disliked yellow in clothes? Do not be lazy to add to your closet a couple of blouses in this color. The period of separation – it’s time to lose weight or gain weight. Yes, yes, now you can get the figure of your dreams, without thinking about what he will say about it.
Keep up the psychological work.
Nothing helps, and you’re still thinking about how to kill the love in you? What exactly do you remember in your dreams about your ex-partner? Probably some romantic moments and a good time spent together. Chase away memories, and do not be lazy to play in your memory of all the negativity. Write down all of his negative qualities on paper: from the fact that he was unpunctual and did not like your cat, and ending with his cheating and other grave sins. And just when you want to indulge in nostalgia, instead of a candlelight dinner, remember the scattered socks and the eternal picking on no reason. Well, it’s not so perfect?
There is also universal advice on how to break up with a married man or cheater. This type – the most real negative hero, just imagine how he dared to lie to two women at once? And yet he was pretty good at it day in and day out. And that means that everything that happened between the two of you is also just his lie. So why love him?
What to fill the void?
Advice, methods and techniques of how to get rid of falling in love with a man or a woman can list quite a few. However, almost all of them will mean a radical eradication of feelings with the obligatory withdrawal of the circle of his communication that person who represents the object of flaming passion.
Interestingly, in most cases, attempts to get rid of love end in failure, because the person was not able to fill the void formed in the soul of something interesting and more useful than a feeling that did not meet with understanding and reciprocity. From this feeling can not go nowhere, this road should lead to new horizons.
How to fall out of love and become a better person?
After the end of the relationship, free time becomes too much. Find something to spend it usefully. You can take up sports or start taking some courses. If all this you do not like, do self-education. Read more and attend all kinds of events. Try not to leave a single minute free. Such a lifestyle will help to distract yourself and enrich you.
You can combine the pleasant with the useful – improve your professional skills or even change your job by getting a new education. Be daring – the choice is yours. After going through a similar program of improvement, after a while you will be sincerely glad that he left you and forced to change for the better.
What is unrequited love?
Poets and writers, artists and filmmakers talk about love as a kind of mystery, which is impossible to understand to the end. A strong feeling of falling in love can come at a completely unexpected moment and subdue all thoughts and desires. At some point the person in love begins to realize that the center of his universe has become another person, with his own inner world and desires. Seized by thoughts of the other, the lover tries to be closer to the object of his passion, to see him, to hear him, to spend time with him, to make his life better.
The lover always tries to cause the object of his passion to love him back. Only at first it may seem that reciprocity is not so important: just to be near a loved one. But over time, unrequited love becomes a burden for a person, it exhausts his strength, takes all his thoughts. Therefore, the emotional intensity of unrequited love can be much stronger and lasts longer than .
Let’s go, to a new life!
Communication is necessary for any person. Having lost love, it’s time to reconnect with old friends and find new ones. Get in touch with your colleagues and don’t be shy to make new acquaintances. If there is not enough time, the Internet can help. Today you can get acquainted in social networks and on sites of interest. Until the pain from the previous breakup has not subsided, you should not get closer to the opposite sex. But on a few dates to go is possible. Time spent in the company of men, will help raise self-esteem, to feel attractive and interesting. Just do not tell every met in the colors of the retelling of the story of his unhappy love and ask everyone in a row about how to kill love in them. Such behavior will greatly damage your reputation and demonstrate himself as a person hysterical and loving to publicly “suffer.
Can unrequited love be reciprocated?
Unrequited love is very painful and often raises the question of how to survive unrequited love. Seeing someone you love and not being able to create a meaningful relationship with them is hard and painful. Even in this hopeless situation there is a ray of hope: an unrequited feeling can cause a response in the heart of a loved one. Practical experience shows that many married couples formed from a relationship in which at first there was only one person in love. Whether love can bear fruit depends not only on the circumstances, but also on the efforts, wisdom and strength of love of the lover.
Is it worth asking for help from a higher power?
If the desired solace still does not come, you can try to appeal to a higher power. Resort to this method is worth it only if you feel a similar need. Remember, no matter how good a magician is, he can’t solve anything for you. Work on yourself and your life will be necessary even after the most powerful ritual. Visit a fortune-teller or a psychic or try to make a ritual by yourself.
You can make the simplest plot (to fall out of love) at home. To do this, light a candle and, looking at the flame, remember a former man. Imagine that thin threads are stretching from you to him. And now wish all good to him and by the flame of the candle, cut them all. You should feel the release, if it didn’t happen, repeat the ritual in a couple of days.
Those who do not believe in magic, you can try to go to church. Pray for deliverance from mental burden and ask for women’s happiness in the future. Can help and confession or confidential conversation with a priest. Perhaps during a conversation you’ll understand why distance kills love and what the reason is that your relationship has not stood the test of time. It is worth going to church even if you are skeptical, because even if it does not help you, you have nothing to lose.
Change Your Mindset
Change your mindset. If necessary, see a psychologist Photo: Depositphotos According to the theory of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy, wrong, inadequate thinking lies at the root of the emotions a person experiences.
- Hence, the conclusion: in order to change feelings and emotions, it is necessary to change the very style of thinking, to work with unproductive thoughts that arise – to replace them with more realistic ones.
For example, thoughts of obligation (“I must love/be loved!”, “I must have a partner!”) should be replaced with thoughts of preference (“I would like to have a partner, but I don’t have to at all,” “It would be good to love/be loved,” etc.). This will reduce the degree of expression of the emotion and bring it closer to one that is adequate to the situation.
Often a person falls in love not with a real partner, but with his or her idealized image, so our main task is to approximate this image to the real one. This can be done by finding serious flaws in the person, searching for his psychological problems. Your task is to deromanticize the image of a loved one. Is he so beautiful? Anyone has flaws, that’s how we are built.
Try to find as many of these flaws as possible and concentrate on them when thoughts of him enter your head. Some psychologists suggest deromanticizing the image of a man by presenting him in ridiculous situations: for example, defecating, or in a clown’s cap and family shorts in front of an audience, or with a woman’s makeup on his serious face.
To cope with love also helps to mentally talk about the reasons for the impossibility of being together. Imagine what would really be with you if you were married: paint over the areas where you encounter unpleasant things (cheating, coming home late, unpleasant habits for you, etc.).
Some people believe that in order to break up with a person, you have to forget him or her and everything connected with him or her. In this article I present a different position – you don’t have to forget! It is a part of your life, your priceless experience, which is not easy to forget, and it is not necessary. What should you do with it?
- To work through it, to re-evaluate it, to take a new look at this difficult but so important experience. Any experience in one way or another can be useful.
At the same time, after you’ve been able to work through the experience, try to think about it less often. As soon as you feel the thought of that person creep up on you again, nip it in the bud! Immediately change the subject of your inner monologue, do something that requires you to concentrate well, so that you can’t get distracted by thoughts of him.
- The end result of your inner work should be the following: it is necessary, in spite of all his faults, to forgive and mentally let this person go.
This set point will end an important period in your life, and you will be able to start a new one – a stage without this person. It is the feeling of inner incompleteness that keeps us awake and brings back the painful experience of communicating with the object of love.
