Dominant in the relationship between a man and a woman: who is it, varieties, traits of a female and male dominant
Each member of society occupies a certain social place. Or wrests the position he needs in the course of communication and the presence of leadership qualities in a person who is commonly referred to as the dominant leader. It is the dominant in the relationship between a man and a woman will be considered in this article.
What does dominant mean
Dominance is the need for dominance and suppression. However, in different situations it is expressed in different ways, because to gain power over other people or an individual can be done in different ways.
Dominance and subordination are two mutually opposite states of human behavior, which are defined by psychiatry. In this case, dominance is considered as an innate need of each individual.
A dominant is a person who strives for supremacy in a relationship by demonstrating his or her psychological priority. The upbringing environment and socialization process often suppress this need in a person. Since man is a social creature, he is aware that the ability to dictate his will to others and influence the thoughts and actions of people, contrary to their wishes, is not always necessary. Sometimes it is much easier to voluntarily give up the role of leader and remain a bystander.
The events of the film “Ati-Baty, Soldiers Were Going” serve as an example. Leonid Bykov’s character, Corporal Svyatkin, an experienced fighter, in a heavy battle for the station, temporarily assumes command of a platoon of young and inexperienced Lieutenant Suslin, played by Vladimir Konkin.
Varieties of people
Society has a conventional division of its members into leaders and subordinates. Psychologists have defined varieties of character, according to which it is possible to determine how a person behaves in society:
The first type includes the leader of the group, the dominant, who is not afraid to take the initiative and responsibility, while withstanding competition with other alphas, defending his position. These people are characterized as selfish and willful, aggressive and assertive, not tolerating dissent and defending their point of view. Leaders of society are able to quickly navigate and adjust to changing circumstances, making competent decisions. Very few people have such qualities.
Beta-type people, due to their character, do not aspire to occupy a leadership position, but due to circumstances they may temporarily lead a social group. In other circumstances, however, such individuals may be subordinate to stronger dominants or rise to the level of the omega-type.
Members of an omega-type society are passive enough to even consider a dominant position. They do not aspire to leadership and competition, preferring a quiet, unperturbed, simple plant life. A life of unquestioning submission to leaders is their norm. And any society of every state in the overwhelming majority consists of people of the Omega type, for whom the toad is the nightingale without a fish.
It is interesting that the same person can, in different situations or social units, simultaneously represent all hierarchical levels. For example, the head of the family is usually the dominant for the household. But he can also be a beta-type among friends, and in the workplace exist as a “gray” average omega.
Characteristic traits of the dominant
Qualitative, leadership traits of character in a social group are not all representatives of any social stratum, as dominance implies the desire and ability to take a leading position in a particular group of society. But the desire to become a leader is not enough, because you need the ability to become one and the skills to hold the dominant status. To earn a degree of dominance in a social group, you need to hold yourself in high esteem and, at the same time, get others to respect your aspirations and life position.
Dominants, regardless of gender, must have a whole set of qualities, both positive and negative, so that people can discern them as a potential leader.
Positive traits of character and behavior can include:
- The ability to defend their point of view.
The list of negative qualities of leaders is a little less and the main ones are:
- Desire for adoration and admiration;
- Unwillingness to submit to another system, laws, or authority.
Leaders of social cells are often former rebels who achieved their level of power and leadership position by overthrowing previous leaders. And sometimes, not quite adequate people who are used to making decisions in a strong emotional outburst can become leaders of different levels.
In the U.S. and Western Europe, dominance stands out as a positive quality. The reason is simple enough: better to be a leader than a servile subordinate.
To achieve a dominant position in a relationship or social group, you should first use the favorable moments of the environment, which encourages new achievements. The path to leadership gains has five components:
- Having high personal self-esteem;
- The ability to manage one’s emotions;
- Skillful construction of value judgments;
- The presence of social status.
It should be noted that dominants have the ability to assess any situation from the position of reason rather than emotion or feelings.
Dominance in Personal Relationships
There are relatively standard examples of how the dominant relationship between a man and a woman is built, since it is in a couple that the dominance-subordination bond is quite pronounced.
Alpha + Alpha.
In the beginning, the relationship will be passionate and romantic, causing outright envy of others. But, with the departure of the first bright impressions, alas, the battle for leadership will begin. Such an alliance, with a sensible approach and shared commitment, will be able to last long enough. But more often than not, it falls apart.
Alpha + Beta.
This symbiosis occurs quite often, being the union of two confident people. Beta-type does not seek leadership, while maintaining their independence in judgment. Such couples, based on mutual respect and trust, exist for quite a long time.
Alpha + Omega
The mixture of diktat and submission, and sometimes sadism and masochism, is doomed to disintegrate, due to the lack of mutual respect and interest in each other. Flashes of passion, and sometimes even rage, eventually turn into boredom and monotony.
Beta + Beta.
Sufficiently harmonious union based on partnership and mutual respect. Without overt domination and servility. Sincere desire to make sound compromises, acceptance of the partner’s point of view and not to insist on his decision – encouraging these relationships for a long and happy existence. The initial passion in this pair develops smoothly in a sincere and conflict-free friendship. This union is ideal and is an example for many couples.
Beta + Omega
Quite unstable connection of people who do not seek either leadership or friendly partnership. Such families live by the principle: the day has passed – and okay. In these cases, the beta should either grow up to leadership and take over, or “sink” to the level of the omega. Changes in the direction of increasing the status is more optimistic for the further existence of the pair.
Omega + Omega.
This is where the “rampant” dejection and loneliness of the two. Two partners completely devoid of the desire for initiative and self-development. “What will or will not, it’s all the same.” Such unions, as a rule, bring together more enterprising people from close environment, believing that the quiet Mania perfectly suits the boring Vanya. The everyday life of a carousel horse with unpretentious desires and actions becomes a trigger for further quiet hatred for themselves and each other. But to break up, too, requires emotion, initiative and volition, which are completely absent from the parties. Again, help from the outside, secondarily, leads to the rupture of such a dismal existence and, perhaps, to the creation of new, more promising in terms of development of unions.
Frankly speaking, the domination of a man in a relationship, his supremacy, is the most understandable, frequently encountered and correct position. For all the time of civilization, in the education of boys, in addition to the study of various sciences and the acquisition of the necessary skills, great importance was attached to the acquisition of leadership qualities. With the simultaneous ability to take responsibility for his decisions, which he made for the whole family.
This is the patriarchal, pragmatic and well-established model of family existence as an important unit of society.
In the post-war era, when there was an acute shortage of physically fit men, women were forced to become the dominant part of society. But in our time it is still necessary to give the main positions to the strong sex again.
How men behave – dominant
Representatives of the male sex, due to a natural inability to veil their actions in the dominance is often too rough and straightforward. They almost always want total submission and subservience from a woman. They are characterized by the following behavior:
- Alpha, successful in financial, physiological and social status, often chooses a life companion not brilliant, but very attractive girl, becoming her friend, sexual partner and sponsor. Such a dominant relationship between a man and a woman is very noticeable to those around them, as it is initially too pronounced in its classiness. A man, having got himself a “Barbie”, treats the girl like a doll that needs new outfits, houses, and gifts. In return, he wants total and unconditional obedience. In everything.
- There are hidden, domestic dominants who are used to “putting on a mask” of decency in public. At home, behind closed doors, they arrange scandals with their woman for the slightest real or imaginary offence. Blackmail all – from deprivation of finances to a complete breakup. Sometimes children are involved in the situation of the dispute and the parents begin to “divide” them among themselves.
- There are situations where the dominant in the relationship between a man and a woman grows out of the former beta or even, rarely, omega-type. This happens with a sharp upward leap in financial male wealth, when the newfound nouveau riche overnight begins to consider himself the center of a small, family “universe,” demanding praise and worship.
The most correct form of male domination is defined in Valentin Chernykh’s book “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”. The hero said: “Remember, everything and always I will decide for myself on the simple basis that I am a man.” And let the whole world blooms or collapses – but the woman has a reliable support in the form of a beloved and caring partner. Whether he’s always right or not – no discussion. After all, a wise companion will always find a “loophole” through the heart or through the stomach to get close to the brain man for tactful correction of his behavior.
How to react if a woman dominates
There are women who honestly believe that with a good wife, even a man can become a man. And then she, from the first days of communication, begins to literally torment her chosen one, adjusting his inner standards, changing his hairstyle, manner of dressing and behavior in general. Like papa Carlo, whittling out of the given “workpiece” of the male sex – the ideal. The alpha male immediately sharply cuts off such attempts, defending his individuality. But the partners of simpler ones, especially those who are very much in love with such a lady, obey almost immediately, turning into an anecdotal character of a typical subordinate.
Subsequently, with the expansion of the family, the power of the spouse, without weakening on the husband, extends to the children. And the moral and physical freedom of all subordinate members of this cell of society is determined by the length of the “chain” allowed by the alpha-woman. If she is smart, self-sufficient and has a sound initiative, such unions are positive and can exist happily for a long time. But in cases of overt despotism and willfulness, everyone in her family feels like an indentured servant who is periodically sent to a public execution, and at the last moment is read out a manifesto for pardon. Until tomorrow.
How Men Behave
Men in communication with a strong, dominant woman can be interesting, but not easy. And here are several options for the development of the relationship.
- A confident and self-sufficient man can occasionally allow the woman to show commanding qualities. Only not in public and within reason. Or he once and for all softly, but categorically and peremptorily, suppresses these attempts.
- The partner who is constantly being told, as a dogma, “if it were not for you, we would be an ideal couple,” either once, after a long humiliation, begins to assert his rights in a very sharp form, or silently walks away without a hearing. There is also an option to try to “grow up” to the ideal invented by the partner, but it is difficult to do, because the bar of demands is constantly being raised.
- The husband, with the obedience of a sheep led to the slaughter, patiently endures all the instructions of his wife, which are becoming more demanding and humiliating with each passing year. When guests tell him what piece of chicken from the common dish is allowed to take, with neighbors control whether he is repairing the fence with the screw, and when the children notice that he is wearing the wrong T-shirt. The patience, in this case, can be explained either by moral blindness, due to great love, or a complete lack of self-respect. Such submissive men live in this atmosphere forever, until one day they have an epiphany that reveals to them their true, insignificant position in the couple. And then there is either an explosion of emotions and parting, or a continuation of the usual kind of existence, at which everyone around laughs so as not to cry.
There is an unusual variant of mutual existence, in which the man, clever and confident, initially demonstratively supports the thesis: “my wife has one virtue – it’s me,” and accepts himself in the eternally second role. He is usually intelligent and well-read, has a good character, and is considered a good conversationalist. But not in front of his wife. In her presence he behaves as quietly and inconspicuously as possible. This is skillfully adjusting beta-type, who shifted to his wife all the responsibility for the existence of the family, skillfully “playing” the role of a wimp.
What to do
Knowing the basic principles of domination, you can successfully develop in yourself the missing good qualities and get rid of the presence of undesirable. Because a person is a reasonable and constantly evolving creature.
It is possible to feel equally comfortable at the stage of a slave or a leader. And it does not matter who is the dominant in the relationship between a man and a woman, if it suits everyone in the couple. Do not even begin to “tug blanket” on himself, trying to foam at the mouth and stomping his feet to defend their leadership position. Lose the existing relationship is very easy, but whether you can create new – a big question.
Alexandra Marinina in her novel “Alien Mask” wrote: “When a weak man next to you, then two choices: either leave him or pretend that he is – strong. For his happiness must be fought. With yourself in the first place. Fighting for supremacy in different ways – an empty and unnecessary activity in which there are no winners. After all, come to the finish line first, is alone.
How to dominate in a relationship with a man, but do it subtly and wisely.
Women love power – and in a relationship too, why hide it. But women’s power is always different from men’s, both in world politics and in more domestic matters. If you don’t already know how to take a relationship into your own hands, here I’ll tell you what dominant girl behavior looks like, how to be her and manipulate a guy, and how a woman dominates a man in general.
What does it mean to “dominate” and does a woman need it
Dominance is, roughly speaking, dominance and suppression. But it looks different in different cases, because there are many ways to get power over a man. There is no single definition of dominance, and everyone chooses their own way to manipulate the other.
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For a long time domination was exclusively a male prerogative: historically, the role of women has never been the main one, and only feminism drew society’s attention to this issue.
The difficulty is that there has never been and never will be a single norm. Even under the patriarchal system, not all couples were dominated by men. And now, in the age of burgeoning feminism and equality, not all women want to take the lead. Society may offer us some model, but it is never the case that absolutely everyone follows it.
- Dominance is built on the suppression of another’s will, on forcing another to act in your best interest.
- The process itself may look like violence, and remain completely invisible even to the one being suppressed.
This is basically the main difference between male and female domination: women make everything softer. They are closer to the role of the gray cardinal, who gently controls others without their knowledge. Sometimes it is different, but more often women manipulate gently, secretly and gently, while men manipulate more harshly and directly. It is not for nothing that dominant guys are often called alpha, while there is no such thing as an alpha woman.
Dominance itself involves manipulating and suppressing the partner-which ethically is a rather controversial position. Of course, the “gray cardinal method” does not humiliate the man, but you deprive him of the chance for honest interaction. This makes the relationship unequal: in essence, you are not choosing your partner’s personality, but devaluing it by using the man as a tool. There are many good ways to win over a man that both you and he will enjoy.
Many people think that dominance is the way to be the unconditional leader in a relationship, but that’s a mistake. There is no such thing as an unconditional leader: your partner will still do things his own way, and even his mere presence will influence your decisions and actions.
- Women to be dominant is more difficult in principle: men are not historically accustomed to obey. You have to look for deceptive ways not to violate the established gender stereotypes. A dominant girl in a relationship with a guy always walks on a razor blade: if her actions are discovered, she will be in danger. That is why few women choose this path: it is easier and safer to be honest, or not to try to suppress the young man in principle.
- Whether it is necessary to dominate – each girl decides for herself. It depends on her personality, her partner, her goals – the relationship and her life.
- If the male domination can be divided into types according to the method of manipulation, the female domination is more complicated: it is impossible to dominate a man directly. That is why it is more difficult to define the types of female domination: it is almost impossible. Except for subtle differences in technique.
Regardless of gender, there are four immutable rules on which domination is built. These are the distribution of roles, responsibility and involvement:
- The dominant, that is, the master, is more selfish than the slave. He values himself above the partner and the relationship and is sure that his needs are more important than both. The slave is indoctrinated by this feeling and is afraid of losing the connection, which only reinforces the selfishness and permissiveness of the master. This results in a vicious circle in which one has more and more power and the other has less and less.
- The one who is less in love has more power. Falling in love creates dependency and vulnerability-we are afraid of losing our partner and we make more concessions. The one who is less in love values himself more. Conversely, a jealous person who worries about the relationship, fears losing it, and throws tantrums is more dependent. He lets the other be manipulated by his emotions and ends up being driven.
- The dominant is more self-sufficient. The partner who has many other reasons for joy in his life besides the relationship is less dependent. Loss of a relationship is undesirable for him, but not so critical because it is not the main thing in life, not the only priority. Therefore, he experiences quarrels more easily and is more inclined to adapt the relationship to his needs. While the person for whom the relationship is the main thing, is ready to bend strongly under his or her partner.
- The one who invests more in the relationship is more dependent. The harder we try and work at it, the more we value it and do more not to lose the relationship. It also works the other way around: if the other person gets the relationship almost for nothing, if he didn’t have to put a lot of effort into it, he doesn’t value it as much and behaves freely.
How a woman can dominate a man
The most effective thing a woman can do is to dominate a man in communication. Just ask the right questions about life, about love, about sex. A secret game that is hard to recognize. It requires high skills and long training – to say something to a man in time to change his mind and make him act in the woman’s best interest. Ideally, the switch happens so that the man is happy about it: there must be some benefit for him, too.
- In domination and manipulation, the slave’s benefit plays an important role. If it is not there, there is no resonance to obey and bend, and the man will simply leave the relationship.
- Because of the structure of society, even those who are weaker and more prone to the slave position do not accept the idea that it is okay for a woman to submit. Therefore, her sensible solution is to make sure that the man does not feel subjugated.
- This effect is achieved by manipulating mood and pleasure. A woman gets upset if a man does something that does not please her. And she is happy if she gets what she wants. In the case of manipulation, she does both more vividly than she really feels, so that she can influence the man more strongly and send him the right signals.
- The most convenient way to do manipulation is to use the carrot and stick system – to encourage and punish. But do it subtly and gracefully: there is no need for overt revenge or overt encouragement. All of this happens through a demonstration of mood swings and their consequences. A man wants to see his girlfriend happy, so he tries for her. He quickly learns what makes her happy and what makes her feel down. Over time, he begins to recognize her states quite quickly and adjust his actions by getting the easiest signals.
So female domination is not about repression and stiffness. It is about your own weakness and the ability to use it. The strength of female manipulators is in their weakness. To learn how to properly dominate a man with words, you need to learn how to manage your emotions and how to show them correctly.
How a girl learn to dominate: basic rules
To understand how to control a man, you will have to learn a lot. Assess again, whether the result is worth the effort – a man can not only manipulate. Negotiate and play fair – no less worthy strategy. And perhaps more effective.
If you have decided on the goal, here are the rules that will help you learn how to subtly manipulate the mood.
- Watch how your emotions are expressed. What you do when you’re happy, upset, angry, which ones you get brighter and which ones you suppress.
- Gather role models: among your acquaintances or favorite artistic characters there are those from whom you can learn to express emotions. Some people are so happy that their mood lifts, others are so angry that they let anyone know at once exactly how they shouldn’t be treated. Observe this, try to adopt specific techniques: intonations, gestures, facial expressions, general mood and intensity of reaction.
- Practice on others: try to control the behavior of other people, not your partner. Start with those who are easier to influence. When you get the hang of it, move on to harder targets. You have your own strategy that works for you. Refine it before transferring it to the relationship.
- Watch your partner and other people’s moods as you practice. If your partner is busy, worried about something of his own, or tired, it will be harder for him to see and understand what you’re trying to convey to him.
- Learn to anticipate actions, study the logic of human behavior. Start with the reactions: before each action, think through how the person will react. At first you will make mistakes, but over time you will anticipate reactions and actions more and more accurately.
- Increase your independence. Manipulating man, you run the risk at any time something not take into account, to ruin and lose the game. The result – or a big scandal followed by suspicion of your every action, or a breakup.
- Don’t lose yourself. You start a big game, and there is a great risk of forgetting what it was all about. Controlling a man is not an end in itself. It’s a tool to get something you want. Determine what you want right away and don’t forget about it in the process. If you notice that the game is not worth the candle, do not procrastinate with the changes: either you need another man, or – another strategy.
- Be sensitive to your chosen partner. If he is an expert in psychology or inclined to domination himself, it is better to leave the venture or choose someone else.
There may be a situation where you do not know how to be if the guy likes to dominate. In that case, you’ll either have to turn the situation to your advantage, or you’ll have to adjust, or find another guy. You run the risk of not being able to handle him, and that can be dangerous.
What limits should not be exceeded.
Female dominance is thinner than male dominance, so it has more restrictions, frameworks and rules. And following them becomes a safety issue, because usually the man is stronger and more of a threat than the woman.
So here’s what to avoid:
- Don’t push. If the man doesn’t want to do something, that’s no reason to push harder, it’s an excuse to look for other leverage.
- Avoid being too harsh.
- Do not suppress your emotions, do not forget that they should look bright.
- Avoid too subtle cues, men usually do not understand them. Try to act and speak as simply and directly as possible.
- Do not build too complicated schemes, act step by step.
- Do not let yourself be manipulated.
- Do not let go of control of the situation, so as not to allow the unforeseen and not to deal with the dire consequences.
Manipulating a man is easy, it’s not easy to learn. Go to the rating of the best dating sites, choose your favorite portal, communicate with guys and pump up your dominance skills.