Domestic violence in relationships

What is domestic violence in the relationship? Why does it spoil everything?

Perhaps someone will find this question strange, but I really do not understand what kind of menial life comes in relationships and can still ruin the once good relationship. I just often hear in life and read on the forum, they say why would you take your husband out of the family? Just sleep with him, why do you need household chores? It ruins everything. Share what you mean by the concept of domestic violence? Does everyday life ruin your relationship? About me: nine years in a relationship, seven years married. I guess I haven’t dealt with domesticity.

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Domestic is when “it’s not me who has to do the dishes, but him. And other stuff like that. Basically, this is when both are so emotionally exhausted from the routine together – work, household chores, lack of money – that you want to hang them on someone else, and that someone is not ready to take it all on themselves. And that’s when the breaches in the relationship begin. This is especially inherent in all kinds of egoists, i.e. those people who are not able and not ready to negotiate. And before that, they were just trying to be good, because they were in love, they had butterflies in their stomachs, and for a long time someone could just take all the problems on themselves because of those butterflies, and that was the norm for the time being. Only with a sufficient degree of mutual respect, patience for each other, mutual understanding can all this be bypassed, to smooth the edges, to build a harmonious and reliable relationship. Now this is a rarity. Everyone wants to take. And to give – they are not even taught to do this. Hence there is no concept of reciprocity at all.

Spoils only those couples who are lazy in one place (we are talking about healthy people) and who are happy to agree not to wash the dishes, floors, and other things to do at home in the hope that this is the duty of the partner in the first place, and then this partner thinks everything the same and you get a complete failure

If people before marriage did not know how to solve life’s everyday problems, then after marriage they will be disappointed.

I don’t know what it is. In 24 years of marriage, I have not had the opportunity to learn what everyday life is like, and how scary it is.

Genesis, after all, is what every adult does. Why exactly in marriage the need to wash the dishes after eating becomes something fatal is a mystery.

I don’t believe those who have written above that they don’t understand/don’t know what a household is. I mean, they’re married adults. Everyone who lives with a partner has this everyday routine: washing the dishes, doing the laundry, wiping the dust. The mentality of the Russian man is in the belief that all this should be done by a woman. Some of the women agree with this, while others try to get the man to do some chores around the house.

The author, besides everyday life there is a hormonal binge, it is even worse, it is when you are covered by a man and you do not see his faults, and the main faults on the way to becoming you as an RSP (divorcee with a trailer, rsp vicious) are – Alcoholism and idleness of your chosen one. When you have a hormonal binge, you feel the impudence of a man for his high rank, you turn down really normal guys aimed at a family, who have a good income and luxury apartments, in favor of rowdy pseudo alphas, but in fact they are usual high-primative low-ranking suckers. Then in the course of family life problems begin, you often wonder if I chose, you look social networks of those whom you rejected and ahrevaya that here he is what a luxury 4-room apartment where the hall and bedroom on 75-inch TV and PS4 is in two copies per apartment, and your hubby buys B.U. Sonyka from Avito. Then he fucks you and your girlfriends! You begin at a subconscious level to ruin the family, and the loser girlfriends RSP add oil to the fire, such as, why do you leave him, by leaving her husband with children, you’ll never find a better one, and you’ll be an RSP dog and you will be taken advantage of by intelligent in the subject RSP – MD cab drivers!

Tired of everyday life in the relationship? How to avoid it – tips from psychologists

Professional copywriter with a degree in philology. I have a wide outlook.

The expert – Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For 8 years I save “family units” from collapse. I help couples regain love and understanding.

Joint life, or, as they say more often – life in a relationship, this is a phenomenon that can not avoid any couple living together. And it does not matter whether the relationship is formalized as a lawful marriage or it is a civil relationship.

  • 1 Household chores that insidiously devour love.
  • 2 Domestic duties
  • 3 Lack of a common goal
  • 4 Prior agreements
  • 5 Division of duties is an effective means of combating domestic violence
  • 6 Redistribution of “power
  • 7 You should not let each other get bogged down in household chores

As a rule, infinitely in love with each other young (and maybe not very young) people are so happy with each other that without a doubt decide to live together. And here, at the end of the confetti-bouquet period and begins the worst thing – the avalanche of family (or more precisely – common) life piles up on the partners with insane speed.

Infatuation and all-consuming passion eventually pass, giving way to a critical assessment of his partner. It is at this stage and become noticeable all his shortcomings, which even a little earlier no one paid attention. Consequently, it is household chores in relationships and becomes a kind of stumbling block between lovers, the traditional cause of their constant disagreement.

Besides, it is not worth dropping the scales and the fact that for women as well as for men home comfort is important (of course, we are not talking about the small percentage of the geniuses involved in their personal affairs, who are not able to notice even exceeding the height of sofas or chairs garbage mountain around them).

The domesticity that insidiously consumes love

In order for spouses who live together to feel cozy and comfortable, they absolutely need a well-established common life. In principle, as it would seem at first glance, there is nothing scary or impossible. But as practice shows, organizing the process and a fair division of responsibilities is not within the reach of all married couples. Sooner or later there comes a time when everyday life in the relationship simply ruins it, driving all the love and romance to zero.

Domestic responsibilities

It is the division and fulfillment of certain household duties that become, in most cases, the causes of quarrels and scandals. On the one hand, it would seem that what could be easier than in the evening, over a glass of tea or a glass of wine to talk to your spouse about the terms of living together and equally divide all household chores. Yes, it all sounds very simple. However, not all couples who have a common household are able to put everything into practice.

Besides the hassle of the household, the concept of “household chores in a relationship” includes a huge number of small factors that can drive right up to the gnashing of one of the partners. They vary from couple to couple. They can be:

  • A tube of toothpaste unscrewed by the lid and left on the sink;
  • Worn socks taken off and left to “rest in peace” right next to the couch;
  • The toilet lid not lifted by him;
  • The miasmas of her nail polish hovering throughout the apartment;
  • Her hair lazily sprawled across the bathroom and sink;
  • Dirty dishes left on the table after breakfast (because it’s a hundred miles to the sink).

The list of these “terrible” little things can go on and on. From the outside it looks a bit strange. It would seem that you just need to take into account what your partner does not like and draw the appropriate conclusions. But the only problem is that not all partners are willing to fix or change deeply rooted in their very nature of habits, naively believing that her husband (wife) simply have to put up with them and take it all as it is.

Lack of common purpose

In a huge number of cases, domestic tension in the family begins to “raise its head” in those cases where the couple is not pursuing a common goal. That is, for one of the spouses, coziness and comfort in the home are mandatory components of family life, and the other simply does not care about it. In this case, it is quite natural that take any part in the establishment of a common household of the second partner will not be at any price.

To solve such a situation is extremely difficult. It would seem that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel itself is practically endless. Find a way out of this situation will only be able to those who really love each other and are not going to allow the household chores in the relationship to kill their beautiful and tender romantic feelings.

Prior arrangements

Many couples, mostly this applies to older, wiser partners in life, instead of fighting the problem of family life, prefer to simply prevent its appearance. Many would agree that such a decision in itself is correct and rational, but not everyone will be able to do it in time.

At the same time, to do this is not difficult, many psychologists recommend to conduct the conversation in jocular form to facilitate the task. So it is much easier not to offend your partner and gently point out to him those “schadenfreude” that you do not intend to forgive.

Both men and women, despite the fact that they live or intend to live together, are separate, self-sufficient individuals. They have already formed characters and habits, and only truly loving people are willing to provide each other with comfort and comfort by eradicating some of their character flaws. There is no need to spoil the mood for each other, it is best to compromise and come to a consensus that suits both.

By and large, arguing about trifles, you should always remember that everyday life in a relationship is a phenomenon that is not so difficult to deal with. It is much harder to find in our crazy world the person with whom you would like to live your whole life. And, to be honest, it’s much easier to close the tube of toothpaste, rinse the hair off the sink or clean the socks for the person you love, instead of sobbing into the pillow at night and wishing that he simply wasn’t in your life.

Separation of duties – an effective tool in the fight against domestic chores

Couples who are able to cope with the division of responsibilities are in themselves doomed to happiness and success. Together they manage to avoid a huge number of disagreements and continue to love and respect each other.

The period of initial euphoria, when both HE and SHE are trying to please their mate with laundry, cooking, cleaning, ends quickly enough. As a rule, the effort quickly comes to an end, and all this ruinous work begins to stress both of them.

It is at this point that it is very important to properly divide responsibilities. We are talking about the breakdown of male and female household chores.

After all, it’s no secret that there are household chores that one partner enjoys doing much more than the other. By the way, such a section does not involve the use of standard clichés and stereotypes.

For example, cooking. On the one hand, it is considered the duty of women from time immemorial – the keeper of the home. But here, no one cancels the existence of a large number of men who are a real pleasure to cook breakfast, lunch or dinner.

By the way, the men are cooking so that just lick your fingers (if, of course, they want to). It’s not a coincidence that the most famous chefs of the world belong to the stronger half of mankind. So why, in that case, do not leave her husband at the stove, and not to take on other duties. For example, taking out the trash or going to the store.

This attitude should be to all household chores, taking into account earning a living. After all, if the wife has a successful career that brings a stable and very handsome income, and her husband, on the contrary, can not realize themselves in the workplace, it is realistic to leave on his shoulders to perform household chores and raising children. Perhaps with this he will cope much better than his wife.

Thus, each of the spouses will be in its place, and the relationship will not suffer from the “sharp fangs” of family life. Here you should not pay attention to the teasing or outright sarcasm of relatives or acquaintances. This is a private family life, and how to dispose of it is the sole business of the two.

Separate mention should be made of families where both husband and wife work in the same mode. Here it is very important that the husband is aware that in the evening, when they both returned home after a busy day at work, household chores must also be done together. It would be very unfair if the spouse lays down with a newspaper on the couch or nestled in a computer chair, fighting with another virtual monster, the wife, spinning squirrels in the wheel would run around on the eternal cycle – the kitchen stove, washing machine and vacuum cleaner.

Many would call such an arrangement of issues, at a minimum, unfair. And truth be told, not every love can withstand a long exploitation. It is not without reason they say that even a monkey managed to turn into a reasonable man just because of hard work. A man should not turn into a lazy baboon. Helping a woman who came home from work, just like him, is guaranteed to help avoid a grand scandal, which can not be avoided if you choose the couch and the newspaper as a priority.

Team play between spouses can work wonders. By following the rules set together, it is possible to achieve that:

  • A cute babe won’t turn into an angry and constantly nagging monster in a couple of years;
  • Charming and trimmed kitty will not become sprawled out on the couch amorphous mass of incomprehensible origin.

Redistribution of “power”

It is not uncommon when, it would seem, duties have long been divided. And then suddenly there comes a moment when some of them begin to excessively burden the partner who took them at one time to themselves. You should not look at this through your fingers. In some cases, you need to sit down and rearrange things. In others – to silently stand up and help, at least for a while, freeing his mate from the tedious routine.

More often the prerogative of the female half of the family is the organization of family comfort and life – curtains, napkins, tastefully chosen linens and dishes. The man in this case just need to be directly involved in more physically demanding matters. For example, to nail in a comfortable place for his wife shelf or move the closet.

The same applies to various mechanisms. Most men are much more like to disassemble and reassemble the washing machine or vacuum cleaner (of course, if necessary repair), than to thoroughly iron can not be straightened collar of his own shirt. I’d rather let my wife take care of that. As the saying goes, to each his own.

Do not let each other to get bogged down in household chores

This recommendation applies to men in more cases. Seeing that she was up to her neck in cleaning, laundry and cooking, you should help. Thank your wife will have no limits. She will certainly appreciate the care and repay it a hundredfold. Helping each other, partners will be able to maintain the fire of their love framed by a gentle cloud of romance throughout life.

If, on the contrary, one of the spouses will be turned into a slave, sooner or later there will be a rebellion. In it, the love that was once so passionate and sensual will die.

For better or for worse, these are the words that lovers once spoke to each other. They should never be forgotten. Only in this case, in the presence of mutual understanding and mutual support, the couple will succeed in keeping the ship of family life afloat for decades.

The modern realities of life are difficult enough. There is no need to toughen up what is happening in society and more “hostilities” in your home. Spouses who dreamed at one time to turn their lives into a fairy tale, it is quite possible to make their dreams come true. All it takes is a sincere desire to be together and to keep their love. In this case, no amount of domestic violence in the relationship will not be able to destroy such a coveted and cherished marriage between spouses.

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