An affair with a married man: the right to happiness or utopia
An affair with a married man is certainly always intriguing and interesting. From the very sacredness of the situation already flying butterflies in the stomach, and the whole life is filled with new meaning. But is it all so beautiful, and do happy endings often happen?
Disappointing statistics say that the hopes of 15% of women are justified, and the rest, alas, never get to the number of the happy. About the peculiarities of such relationships and why girls in general decide on the status of the mistress, hoping for happiness, we will tell in this article.
The truth about the novel with a married man
On the subject of love triangles shot a lot of movies and sang a lot of songs. One of the Russian statistics center has revealed that every second of our countrywoman was a love affair with a man who is married. The reasons for such relationships have been voiced different – from the desire to get a thrill to the sudden rush of passion. It should not be forgotten that, according to the same statistics, there are more women than men. Therefore, the lady is sometimes forced to get involved in such a relationship to build their own happiness.
Is it happiness? How permissible to ruin someone else’s family to build their own? It’s already a question of ethics. And speculate on this topic can be very long. But what makes women and men to such novels?
Unfaithful husbands to have an affair for the following reasons:
The man is experiencing a lack of attention from his wife. Love fever cooled, and the wife does not look at him with the same passion. Trying to find excitement on the side, the husband takes the mistress.
Intimacy does not bring pleasure. Sex, as an important component of the relationship in the marriage can be a stumbling block. If a man does not find his wife’s response to his erotic fantasies, he will begin to seek their realization with someone else.
The desire to assert themselves. Narcissism and the desire to prove their importance may prompt a man to seek thrills.
Mid-life crisis. Often after 35-40 years begins to rethink life. There is a desire to try things that previously did not have access. If dissatisfaction with his spouse is added to this, the man begins to look for a partner on the side.
If the man is used to women’s attention and has never lacked it; if he is used to changing women like a glove, even if he is legally married, he will not stop looking for new partners.
The emergence of sincere feelings can be another reason for an affair on the side. In a marriage can subside passion, come to understand that the spouse is far from the image of a worthy companion. In our modern world divorce is no longer something vulgar, so a man can easily get out of the marital relationship, if he met “the one, the only one.
This last reason is more of a rarity than a pattern. Most often a man is not going to break the bonds of marriage, because everything suits him: at home – wife and children, ironed clothes, delicious food, with a mistress – passionate sex and minimal responsibility, because she knew that the man is not free. This kind of relationship is an unspoken agreement that no one demands anything: special attention, complete dedication, family.
If you take away your emotions and look at an affair with a married man with a sober eye, you can see that:
It is an affair with no future. You don’t have to be naive and think that your chosen one is about to leave the family and be all yours. He is satisfied with life in two camps, and he will not change anything. But you will torment yourself with empty hopes.
It’s a constant game of spies. No matter how you look at it, society has a negative attitude toward this kind of affair. In order not to be condemned by relatives, colleagues or friends, you will hide your feelings. Dating sneakily.
This is the illusion of family. You know what the meaning of family is that few people think about? It’s family holidays and celebrations and sometimes troubles. Be prepared for the fact that you will not be awakened on the morning of March 8 by the smell of coffee and a bouquet of tulips. And in case you need a man’s support, your man may just be busy with his family.
This is jealousy of his wife. We are all possessive in relationships. Jealousy of the other woman, his wife, is bound to accompany you. After all, she shares his household, his time, his attention, his bed.
This feeling that you are superfluous. For him, family will always come first. Taking care of his wife’s feelings, he will try not to give himself away. So if he gets a call from his spouse on your date, he will move away to talk to her. How does it feel to be an extra ear, an outsider?
It’s a desire for something more. Over time, you will realize that your lover simply puts you on his schedule: when and what time you will see each other, how much time you will spend together. The essence of such meetings is sex. That is you are included in the schedule, as a source of pleasure. And that’s it. You will have conversations about a more serious relationship, but these attempts will be suppressed or avoided. Or you will be immediately put in your place by a categorical statement: I will never leave my wife.
The advantages of an affair with a married man
Why do women, knowing full well about all the disadvantages of an affair with a man who is not free, yet go for such a relationship? What reasons make them make such a choice?
Confidence in the health of married men. Strange as it may seem, but many ladies are convinced that a man in marriage leads a healthier lifestyle. He consumes less alcohol and nicotine, pays more attention to physical activity.
There is no risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections. In married life, both partners take care of themselves, there are no multiple casual sexual contacts on either side. A married man is more choosy and tidy in his relationships.
With a married lover, you can experiment in sex. He is already interested in it because he wants to get new sensations. And a woman needs a test subject who is not afraid to scare him with excessive activity and fantasies.
A married man always prepares for the meeting: clean clothes, perfume, seductive behavior. At home he may walk around in knee-high sweatpants, but on a date with you will come in their best clothes.
Do not forget that some women do not want to sink into the routine of everyday life. They are self-sufficient and independent. As a rule, they have a well-built career, and there is a good financial margin. These women want to live for themselves, without the burden of responsibility for someone else. They have their own circle of interests, they try to communicate with different people, including different men.
For such representatives of the fair sex, an affair with a married man is an opportunity not to limit their freedom of personal life. She will coordinate and approve the dating schedule, will not lay claim to a joint future and will not harass with jealousy. Everyone will be a winner.
But the perks of such a relationship don’t end there. Here are a few more points that give food for thought:
Independence and freedom from obligation. Personal time belongs only to you. You make plans without looking back at your partner’s desires. You can even have a few lovers, without having to explain yourself to anyone.
A kind of experience that allows you to gather information about a person’s behavior in a spicy situation – cheating. If you have an interest in behavioral psychology, or if you want to learn to understand people better, this kind of relationship will bring a lot of new knowledge.
Borrowing life experience and knowledge. If a man is erudite, has a wide range of interests, you can learn a lot from him, right? Communicating with him, you’ll get new information that will make you fully developed.
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5 reasons why a relationship with a married man will only bring sorrow!
5 reasons why a relationship with a married man will only bring sorrow! If you’re thinking about having an affair, let me first tell you why dating a married man (or married woman) will only lead to heartbreak.
The idea that dating a married man will only lead to heartbreak seems obvious-they have a family and you may be the cause of their downfall. An alliance was once created between two people, they created a family, and you, like a foreign body, are trying to squeeze into it and reclaim your place where you’re not supposed to be.
Unfortunately, in this world of life and love, things are not that simple. Married people, for many reasons, have close relationships outside of marriage. They may be unhappy, insecure, lonely, or chronically unfaithful. For whatever reason, people go astray .
Although it seems like the cheater will suffer the most in this situation, it is often the person who chooses to date a married person who suffers the most. Don’t believe me? Then here are 5 reasons why a relationship with a married man or married woman will only bring grief. Read them and you will see that my words are true.
5 reasons why a relationship with a married man will only bring grief!
1. he will never leave his spouse.
I had an acquaintance who got in touch with a guy she used to study with through Facebook. They struck up an innocent conversation and agreed to meet the next time he was in town for work. He was married and she was not. Unfortunately, when they met at the train station, their connection was immediately reestablished.
He had been unsuccessfully married for years, and she had been very single after her divorce, and when they met, a connection developed between them that was so organic and effortless that it pulled them both in. A few days later they found themselves in bed, a few weeks later they declared their love for each other, and a month later he said he was leaving his wife for her. She was so happy. All her dreams were coming true.
Read also: 27 Powerful Lover’s Magnets that Intentionally Attract Men!
Two years later, my acquaintance was still waiting for her lover to leave his wife. Her lover truly loved her, she knew that, but there was always a reason he could not leave. Her daughter was having a hard time, her son was going to college, a summer vacation was planned, and the holidays were coming up.
“I’ll do it after…,” he always promised. And he never did. Never.
I could tell you story after story like this one, where a married man swears he will leave his spouse for a new mistress, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to hurt his children, to make decisions that have financial consequences. He doesn’t want to disappoint his family or damage his reputation in the community. So, he doesn’t leave.
And really, why would he do that? He has a hook, line and sinker. You sit at home waiting for him, always available for support and ѕx. He’s got everything he wants from you, and he’s not giving up on his family.
So, first of all, know that one of the main reasons you should never date a married man is because he will never leave his spouse.
2. Life as you know it will cease to exist.
When you date a married man, your life will cease to develop in any meaningful way. Think about it, when you start dating someone, you are attracted to each other. You talk about hopes and dreams for the future. You commit to being special. You get to know each other’s friends and family, you get to know your loved one. You take the first steps toward living together and possibly getting married in the future. All of this is a natural progression of a healthy relationship .
When you get involved with a married man, things are different. Yes, you may have a great start – a memorable meeting, a crush, sleepless nights, the belief that you have found the love of your life. But that’s where it ends.
If you’re involved with a married man or woman, you’ll almost never be introduced to his friends, and family for that matter. You won’t be able to take steps toward a future together. All of your conversations about a future together will be empty because your man is not leaving his spouse.
So, you are at a standstill, not moving forward because you are waiting for your lover to take action. You become sadder, more lonely and angry, and obsessed with the situation you are in. You give up dating, friends, and hobbies to be available when your lover wants to see you.
Life as you know it stops. But, life is short, and every minute you spend waiting for someone to leave their spouse and devote themselves to you is wasted. You yourself are giving up the opportunity to find someone who can love you completely and give you the life you want.
3. You will hate yourself.
For a friend of mine, one of the reasons her lover was so attached to her in the beginning was because she was a lucky option for him. She had a cool studio in town where she started her own business. She volunteered and made a big difference in the lives of people suffering from mental illness. She was a good parent and a great lover. All this made him fall hard and fast in love with her.
During the two years she waited for her lover to leave his wife, her life fell apart. Her work suffered, she lost touch with friends, volunteering became more and more difficult and onerous, and depression became her constant companion.
Moreover, she hated herself for her inability to leave him. In time she realized that his promises, though well-intentioned, were empty. She knew she was lonely and angry, and that her self-loathing was growing every day, but she could not imagine life without him. She just couldn’t say goodbye.
She once told me that she felt like a shadow of the man she had once been when she became a lover. She didn’t have the confidence to take the steps necessary to come back to life. She was lost and devastated. The love that had originally nourished her body and soul was sucking her dry.
Read also: Good tips for a professional mistress
4. You will always feel alone.
The days when my buddy felt most unhappy in a relationship with a married man were those special days – birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.
She spent her birthday alone with a bouquet of flowers delivered in the morning. She spent Christmas alone, looking at pictures of his family around the Christmas tree that his daughter posted to Instagram. The weekend was spent waiting for text messages. The night hours were not for dating, but for watching TV. Alone.
One day, for his birthday, she bought him a new briefcase, a beautiful leather one, to replace his shabby old one. She excitedly handed it to him, but after he opened the gift, he informed her that his wife had also bought him a new briefcase and that he had better use it. She was devastated. All the thought and love she had put into the gift was in vain.
So, when you think about having an affair with a married man or woman, take into account that you will spend a lot of time alone, waiting for your man to take steps to be with you, and knowing that the chances are high that they will not.
5. Things will eventually fall apart.
Any healthy relationship is based on two things: communication and trust. An affair presupposes the absence of both of these things.
Obviously, if you are dating a married man, you are involved with someone who is cheating on his partner, and all trust is missing. How can you fully trust someone who you know is willing to cheat? What’s more, he is already used to cheating.
The old saying goes, “When a man marries his mistress, he creates an opening for a new one.” , every time it sounds true.
Also, the foundation of a healthy relationship is communication, and if most conversations are full of lies and false promises and lead only to resentment and frustration, healthy communication will cease. Any relationship will be doomed from the start.
In other words, if your dreams actually come true and your lover leaves your partner, your relationship is doomed in advance. After all the pain and suffering, you will be doomed.
Having a relationship with a married man is a great way to make sure that your heart and your life will be broken into a million pieces.
Know that if you choose to go down the path of infidelity, your lover will never leave his spouse and family. Your life will be put on hold, you will always be alone, and your self-esteem will plummet.
Moreover, if you ever get the relationship you want, get his divorce, you will ultimately not get what you wanted. Because there will no longer be any trust between you. He can always leave for someone else, or get himself a new girlfriend.
Read also: Why men need mistresses. A column from an experienced concubine.
I know that right now yours, if you are dating a married man, he may seem like the perfect partner and the answer to all your dreams. But you have to realize that all of this may soon turn into a waking nightmare that you then can’t escape.
Please don’t judge harshly, these are my personal observations and formed opinions on the subject. Perhaps a relationship with a married man looks different to you. If so, then I ask you to share your opinion in the comments of this article. Write us your story.