How to communicate properly with a girl to make her like you
Gender differences often look like obstacles to happiness. What is the difference between men and women? Are men really from Mars and women from Venus? If you do not understand how to begin to communicate correctly and beautifully, how to talk to a girl you like, how to make contact and what funny things you can tell a girl – this article is for you. I share the principles and rules of communication with a girl.
Top correct phrases to use when communicating with a girl.
To begin with, let’s talk about what women and men are similar and what they differ in – so it will be easier to orient with a comfortable and workable communication strategy. Women are not from Venus and men are not from Mars.
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Our brains are built almost identically, except for proportional differences in some parts of it. This means that we react and act in similar ways and can relate to each other. But women have more gray matter directly, which makes her a more empathic and emotion-reading person. This is why you should call a girl affectionately and bring her to tears with pleasant words. This is because the female body is sharpened for procreation: these two skills are as important as the maternal instinct and the more obvious physiological differences between women and men.
This difference provides some difference in perception: women are physiologically predisposed to emotional perception better than men and, on average, use it more often. This does not mean that any woman is more emotional than any man. It means that she has a certain “starter level” in the form of a predisposition that she may not have picked up during her life. At the same time, there is nothing stopping men from pumping emotional intelligence, and some do.
Another difference that overlaps is the socio-cultural stereotypes we all learn from our upbringing. There’s nothing we can do about it – it’s embedded in the mentality on many different levels, from the universal to the traditions of a particular family. In most cases, girls are raised to be kinder and gentler (often weak), and boys are raised to be strong and unemotional. We did not differ so much in childhood, but because of the established social dogmas we grow up to be perceptibly different.
So, women and men are different. And the same. They are alike and not alike at the same time. Yes, it is sometimes difficult for men to understand how a girl thinks. But she is not a different species, so do not put the differences in the head: a common language can always be found, remember that .
To learn how to communicate confidently, use dating phrases that are always perceived by women correctly.
- You smiled so radiantly that I forgot where I was going.
- I gazed at you (your photos) and even forgot to meet you. Hi!
- The sight of you alone corrected my bad mood today.
- You’ve been online a lot. Why don’t we go check out reality?
- I wonder if your character is similar to your beautiful appearance.
- Young lady, let me guess: the question about your son-in-law must have gotten to you by now?
- I have a vague feeling that we’ve met somewhere before. You don’t have one?
- You have some incredibly beautiful places in your picture. Where is it?
- I have an opening burning: a girl to go to the movies together. Would you like to try the role?
- Hello! I’m one of those annoying jerks who keeps telling you you’re amazingly beautiful.
- I was told you were looking for me.
- I think I’ve fallen unrequitedly in love with the dimples on your cheeks.
- You have an incredible smile!
- Can I buy you a drink?
- I’m sorry to interrupt, but I must tell you that you are absolutely charming.
- I’m lucky; it’s rather noisy, so you won’t hear any of the nonsense I’m going to tell you.
- Young lady, I’m very nervous. May I order you something to drink?
- I’ve been looking at you for an hour, trying to think of an excuse to meet you. But every time I get distracted by your great smile, I can’t think of anything.
- I lost a bet, and now I have to kiss the prettiest girl in the place. Can you help me keep my honor in the eyes of my friends? It’s very important.
What do girls like about guys?
Judging by the answers from the girls themselves – certainty and simplicity. In most cases, guys do not weave intrigue, do not put into words additional meanings, do not wait for one reaction, asking for another. It’s easy and good to have a dialogue with them, both a simple small talk and a romantic conversation.
Because of their lesser tendency to get emotional and their upbringing as more straightforward people who tend to say everything straight, guys are really easier to talk to .
Teenage years also play a role here: boys usually learn to confront directly, while girls get a taste of intrigue and conspiracy behind someone else’s back. One way or another, this trend often persists in the future, making life much more difficult for both.
Guys often lack flexibility, while girls lack directness. This is why communication with a girl seems like an unusual mystery to a guy, while a girl, communicating with a guy, relaxes from the complexities of female communication.
Guys are loved for their determination, straightforwardness, more balanced character. They often help not in words but in deeds, to express an alternative view of the problems, which the girl can not even think of. With a guy the girl is not afraid to be misunderstood: he will take into account exactly what he hears and will not try to put some additional meanings into it himself, as often happens between girls.
And, of course, girls love guys for their attention. For the opportunity to flirt. For the very fact that it’s unconventional communication, unlike interacting with one’s gender. And on this point, both sexes agree.
How to communicate with a strange girl. The psychology of communication
The task of making an unfamiliar girl talk in order to please her and exchange contacts with her for further communication seems unreal to many people. Nevertheless, it is quite feasible, if you know the basic rules.
- First, do not be afraid of her. She is the same person as you, and she will be surprised, because you are the initiator of the acquaintance. She is not preparing for it in any way. Remember about this and “lead” the conversation: set the topic of conversation, questions, control the interaction, set the dynamics. Not every girl is able to talk to strangers easily and casually from the first phrases.
- Secondly, your task is to get her interested. Make up an unusual reason for acquaintance, ask a question – even if it didn’t really arise in reality. Girls often refuse to interact with strangers on the street, and the typical “hello, how are you?” on the Internet from a stranger is a message that is not answered perhaps most often. Start the conversation with a phrase that she can’t help but respond to, and it’s easier from there.
- Thirdly, she must feel safe to want to continue the conversation. Introduce yourself immediately or almost immediately, explain who you are and what you want from her. Don’t talk about love to the grave, come up with some more innocent reason. I will give examples of excuses below.
- The last rule is to be prepared for unexpected reactions. It’s a stranger talking to a stranger you don’t know. In practice in most cases everything looks relatively optimistic, but in theory at this point anything can happen. And statistics show that sometimes the theory justifies itself, and the girl’s reaction can be unpleasant. In this case, either try to rearrange the communication or stop it. You’re not going to worry about a stranger’s negative reaction, are you?
In real life
If you too are wondering what to start a conversation with a girl and what to talk about when you first meet her, then this little block is for you.
- One of the best strategies is to ask something. Ask for directions and promise a coffee or something nice in return. If you’re in a foreign city, ask a pretty girl where the best cafe in the area is and offer to walk there.
- Take advantage of the situation: if the girl is sad, ask what happened and if you can help in any way. If she’s been waiting for someone for a long time, ask about it and offer to wait in some nicer place, or even change the absent company to a nicer one – yours.
- Give compliments. A great move is to say nice things to the girl and offer to walk around for a very short time, explaining that it’s one way for you. In those few minutes, take an interest in her: ask her about the compliments, tell her a joke or two, charm her and convince her that you’re a pleasant young man and not a maniac. By the end of the mini-walk, tell her it was nice talking to her and you’d love to talk to her some more. Exchange contacts.
Online dating is the easiest of dating. Both people feel safe: everyone is in their own space, no one breaks into physical boundaries without an invitation.
All you have to do is just write the girl something not trivial. Not necessarily immediately related to her, but something more interesting than “hi, how are you?” Intrigue her into responding to the message.
Another benefit of online dating is the opportunity to think things through. And the opening phrase, and every reaction. With reactions more comfortable and the girl – she may not answer immediately. Pauses in communication are perceived normally, which is unrealistic in a live, personal interaction.
If you write on a dating site – you can throw in absolutely any hook, because this platform is where the girl came for dating. With social networks like VK, Facebook and Odnoklassniki, the story is a little different. If you decide to start corresponding with a girl on VK, it is better to explain who you are and where you came from. There she might not intend to get acquainted, and therefore the likelihood that she will respond to a “empty” message from a stranger, rather than send it to spam, is much lower.
On the phone
Phone calls are becoming less and less common, as most questions are more conveniently solved in instant messengers. Phones are more often used by lovers or friends separated by distance.
So there is only one successful strategy: introduce yourself, explain how you got the girl’s number, and honestly tell her what you want. Preferably, also succinctly. There is a chance that the girl is distracted by your call, and it is not too convenient to talk to her now. So speak clearly, clearly and to the point.
Try not to mumble, not to babble and not to rush through thought. This approach to phone calls is very disarming.
The technique of communication with any girl
Let’s say at once that there is no cure. There is no single strategy that will help to establish communication with anyone. Girls, just like guys, just like people are different. And they’re alive. They’re not like a mechanism to which you have to find a code or a key. It doesn’t work that way.
All you can do is follow the rules of communication and hope you match the person’s interests and characters.
Here are the basic ones:
- Be respectful.
- Speak directly but gently if something isn’t right.
- Don’t push.
- Respect the girl’s boundaries.
- “No” means no, no matter what happens.
- Be an interesting conversationalist.
- Show care and attention.
How to deal with miscommunications
Communication misunderstandings are not new and generally normal. When two people with different experiences, views, and frames of reference meet and try to interact at a level that is closer than neutral, it is very likely that something will go wrong. You have to be a confident man and be willing to face challenges.
If you feel that communication with the girl has become strained – ask directly what’s wrong. To avoid saying “nothing” in a maximally hurtful tone, be caring and remind the girl that you care about communicating with her, you really want to learn and figure things out.
Don’t push too hard, but initiate the “debriefing” yourself. If she didn’t say what’s wrong right away, it means she’s having a hard time doing it for some reason.
Negotiate an interaction. State your levels of dissatisfaction and ask the girl to do the same. Agree that each will speak up immediately and calmly if something is wrong. After all, you’re not each other’s enemies and it’s in your own best interest to establish interaction.
How not to communicate with a girl
The most common problem girls have with young men is objectification . They are still often perceived as an object, often an automaton for pleasure, to which you can pick up the key. But this is not true, and while clones have not been invented, all girls are living people who want to be treated accordingly.
- So no disrespect should be shown to a girl.
- Don’t be condescending to her opinion, don’t believe what she says, don’t take her position and opinion into account.
- You shouldn’t let masculinity and machismo rule the ball-it’s rare for anyone these days.
- The surest way to have a pleasant interaction with a girl is to communicate with her as an equal.
To communicate confidently with a girl, you need to exercise often. To do this, you can go to the best dating sites ranking and start practicing!
32 awesome conversation topics to talk to a girl
In order for the date to go at the highest level, you need to communicate easily and casually. Let’s learn how to do that. Do pauses with awkward silences scare you? Are you frantically trying to think of a topic of conversation with your girlfriend every time? Even when the question is asked, she responds so one word that hangs again this terrible silence?
And yet you can easily make anyone talk, enthusiastic babble and did not notice how the evening flies by. And you can do the same. Yes, yes. To do this you just need to master the skill to ask the right questions and have in stock a few billet-themes that will help in any situation.
Good conversational technique
The basic principle: ask the right questions. They will allow you to avoid awkward pauses and deadlocks when you both don’t know what to say. Correct are questions that imply an open, that is, a detailed answer. To make it clear, I will give rough, but understandable examples:
Let’s start with the light variants that are appropriate in any situation.
- What do you do?
- How long have you been working there?
- Do you like what you do?
- Have you had good luck with your co-workers?
- What do you think of *interesting or amusing news*?
- Have you heard of *news*?
- What kind of sport do you like?
- Have you gone to any games (matches)? What are your impressions?
- Do you play any sport?
4. Where do you live?
You shouldn’t ask her address, it’s not very nice. If she wants to, she’ll show you where she lives when you see her off. This is also a good place to discuss:
- What neighborhood do you live in?
- Do you like the neighborhood?
- How long has it been there?
- Is it a long commute to work from there?
5. Music, Movies
- What kind of movies/music do you like?
- What was the last movie you saw?
- Which actor/actress/director do you like best? Who would you watch a movie with, even if there are bad reviews about it?
- Mozart or Yegor Creed?
- What is your favorite food/dish?
- Do you enjoy cooking? What, for example?
- What unusual dishes/foods have you tried?
- What is your favorite drink? What’s your alcoholic beverage?
- Are you more of a cat or a dog?
- What pets have you had?
- What kind would you like to have (maybe an exotic one)?
7 topics they like to talk about
Anyone likes to talk about themselves. So keep this truth in mind and don’t get carried away with continuous stories about your person, interrupting and bragging. You still have a lot of time ahead of you, you have time to share.
And at the same time this rule works in the opposite direction – if you set the right vector, the girl can get carried away and open up by telling about herself.
You might be interested to know How to start a conversation with a girl (opens in a new tab)
- Who do you look up to? Maybe it’s a significant other or some celebrity.
- What personal qualities help you in life?
- What accomplishments in life are you proud of?
Even if it’s not the most interesting hobby, she’ll thank you for taking an interest in the topic and reminding her once again that her life is not a succession of shifting jobs and stress.
10. Goals in life
Let’s not take into account the question of creating a strong and prosperous family. You can find out the goals in the following areas:
- Sports, health.
- Housing (own apartment or house), country of residence, city.
- Do you always finish what you start?
11. Free time
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- How much free time do you have?
- Would you like to have more of it? What would you spend it on?
- What is the most unusual/fearful/dangerous thing you have done in your life?
- What extreme thing she wants to do, but hasn’t decided yet.
- What city was she born and grew up in?
- What is your happiest childhood memory?
- What cartoons did you watch when you were little?
- Any brothers or sisters?
- Where did you like to go on vacation?
- How did you learn to swim?
- Where do you usually buy clothes/shoes/food?
- Do you store often?
- Do you shop online and what kind?
- Do you like shopping alone or with someone else?
10 topics of conversation with a girl to get closer
15. Tell me what you like about her.
- What attracted you when you first saw her.
- What surprises or excites you about her now.
- What quality do you appreciate in her.
- What would make you feel happy?
- Would you like to be famous?
- Where do you like to vacation?
- Where do you dream of going?
- What countries have you been to?
At such moments, there is a visualization of pleasant memories or desires. A person literally begins to feel as good as if they were really in that place. Talking about that vacation where you can get a lot of pleasure helps you feel relaxed.
18. Joint plans.
Clearly, the topics of marriage and names of children together may be too early to discuss. But you can discuss other, smaller things:
- The next meeting.
- A weekend together.
- Suggest a little trip together.
This is one of the most important things you need to know about your girlfriend. Some people, for example, are intimidated or irritated by unexpected surprises and a man’s great involvement in their lives.
Others need constant attention, texting during the day, ice cream candy, surprise and so on. If you talk about this point, you will save yourself in the future from problems with misunderstanding and from a lot of quarrels due to false expectations.
20. Leisure time .
- Holidays: How do you like to spend your birthday?
- Photography: Do you like to take pictures? Do you use a selfie stick?
- Do you often go to the pool/beach?
- Ever been on a camping trip? What’s the longest?
- What would you like to learn?
- What are your talents?
- Do you like to dance/sing?
- Can you play a musical instrument?
- Do you like the rain?
- What do you like to do on rainy days?
- What is your favorite time of year?
- Have you ever been in a hurricane?
- What climate would you like to live in?
- Do you like sunbathing? Do you think it’s not dangerous?
- Are you a lucky person?
- What is the biggest thing you have ever been lucky at?
- Do you believe in omens for good luck? Do you have your own rituals?
- Do you have enough time to sleep? How much do you need?
- Do you like to sleep?
- What is your secret to a good night’s sleep?
- What’s the longest amount of time you’ve slept?
Progressive topics: 7 choices
- What smartphone app do you can’t imagine your life without?
- Which one would you recommend?
- What games do you play on your phone?
- Do you spend a lot of time there?
- What do you mostly do there?
- What weird or interesting sites have you come across?
27. Virtual reality.
- Do you think it will replace the real one anytime soon?
- What can’t virtual life give us that there is in the regular life?
- What computer games have you played or do you like to play?
- Do you think there is any benefit/harm from it?
- What brand of phone do you have?
- Do you like it, do you have something to compare it to?
- Do you change it often?
- What is important for you to have in it?
- Have you ever broken/broken your phone and under what circumstances?
- Do you worry about privacy of personal information?
- How justified do you think all the hype around this issue is?
- Do you drive a car?
- Would you like a car with an automatic driving function?
- Do you think all cars in the future will be driven by robots? Are there disadvantages to that?
- What are the advantages of human driving?
31. Social Media
- Are you on social media?
- Who are you subscribed to, who are you interested in following?
Don’t forget to inject subtle compliments into your conversation. Read which ones are appropriate and how to say them in this article about compliments in your own words.
32. If your level of trust allows, you can discuss more frank questions. What questions can you ask a girl about sex?
- Vivid passion or slow pleasure?
- How does she feel about anal/oral sex?
- What categorically does not accept in sex?
- Where would she like to try?
- What gives her the most pleasure?
- What is your boldest sexual fantasy?
- How do you feel about role-playing?
What topics should be avoided when talking to a girl?
Girls are just as human as men. Therefore, you should avoid the classic etiquette topics:
– politics; – religion; – any negative: misfortunes, stress, accidents, sad and sorrowful events in life; – money, wages; – health complaints.
It is strictly forbidden to discuss with girls:
– compromising sexual topics: whether you cheated on your man, how about a threesome, what you think about swinger couples, whether you wanted to be a mistress to get yourself a slave, and others;
– The merits and successes of your friends. It shows you as a loser against their backdrop, as if there is nothing outstanding about you;
– Memories of your ex (especially how trashy and cheating she is);
– topics that are completely far removed from girls (unless she’s a fan): soccer, dota, drying, weight training, fishing, hunting, and the like.
She may, for decency, listen and nod, but she’ll yawn to herself and think you’re boring/asshole/muscle-obsessed;
– Gossip, backbiting, judging;
– If you haven’t known each other that long, all hints of sex will look vulgar and repulsive. Girls can’t stand all sorts of ambiguous phrases like “wet wipe,” “I have a question.” Nasty, really. This will only excite the promiscuous nymphomaniac girl.
As you can see, there are a huge number of topics to talk about with a girl, I just touched the tip of the iceberg. You can also talk about history, art, UFOs, space, parties, what’s annoying about people… Don’t forget to be confident, you’re actually a very interesting conversationalist, you’re just a little nervous. And talk primarily about what’s interesting to you, then it will be much easier.
Your Tatiana Cracker.
P.s. Do not forget to download my free book about 13 good reasons why you are still single: “Why do not girls like me and how to fix it.