How I cheated on my husband and lived with a married man. Interview-confession with a woman who is waiting for true love
Compared to male infidelity, female infidelity is quite rare. At least that’s what it’s considered, since the stronger sex is polygamous by nature and the weaker sex is monogamous. But this time we are going to talk about adultery among women.
Our heroine told Media.Az on condition of anonymity, what pushed her to betray her husband, how she felt unwanted and how she ended up as a lover.
– Tell me how you decided to commit adultery?
– I was young, impulsive, doing things first, and then thinking. If I was then, as now 32 years, I would never have taken that step. I would have rather tried to keep the family together. But the thing is, I was only 21 when I got married. My husband and I had been married for three years, after which I discovered that he was cheating on me.
– And before that, did you feel any coldness from your husband?
– Of course I did! Two years after we were married I began to notice that my husband had grown cold towards me. I thought maybe I was the problem, maybe he didn’t like me as much or looked worse. I tried to get his attention back, but it wasn’t working. All this had a negative impact on my psyche, I stopped feeling desired and sexy. I wilted like a flower. And my spouse was more and more often not to spend the night at home or come home very late, the excuses were all kinds: stay with a friend after a party, playing late at night in soccer, delayed at work …
– How did you find out about the affair?
– One day while he was asleep, I peeked at the correspondence on his cell phone. There was not one, but several women, and they were typical “simple women”. They had been in touch for a long time. I was offended, because I was not worse, but better than them.
– Did you cause a scandal?
– No! I didn’t even tell him that I had found out. But I gave myself the word to start living my life to the fullest. I began to convince myself that the problem is not me, just that he is such a person. Besides, I didn’t like the fact that my spouse wasn’t developing. He was only three years older than me, but he didn’t want to move up in his career. I was making more money than he was, having been a marketing manager at one of the big companies in the country. My husband preferred to work as a rank-and-file IT guy.
– So you decided to get back at him by cheating on him?
– I was depressed, I wanted to feel again that men liked me. And then a new employee came into our company who liked me. He began to woo me, paid attention, I felt like a woman. For the first time in a long time I was again showered with compliments, confessed my love, gave flowers… And I, not knowing what I was doing, went to the countryside with him to have a rest, and there I cheated on my husband. Everything happened spontaneously, you can’t be prepared for that.
– Do you regret it now?
– I guess I don’t. My husband and I wouldn’t have gotten along anyway. I didn’t stay with that man either, although he asked me to marry him. I just needed the attention he gave me. I was trying to prove to myself that someone could like me too, including sexually. After all, my husband, two years later, treated me more like a sister than a wife.
– How did my husband find out about the affair?
– He read on the computer my correspondence with my friend, where I wrote that I was going on vacation with my colleague, who was in love with me. I lied to my husband that I was going with my friend.
– Did you divorce after that?
– After my betrayal, my husband forgave me, and we lived for another year. But we didn’t even live in the house. After a year, we got divorced. You know, a lot of couples in our country live the same way. The husband lives his life, the wife lives hers. But it’s just that no one flaunts it.
– Are you married now?
– No! I paid for the adultery, and found myself in the role of the mistress. It was a boomerang that came back to me, and painfully struck. I met a man, fell deeply in love with him, and, knowing he was married, continued to date him. Even though I never brought up the subject of divorce, I hoped that he would get tired of living on two families and get a divorce. After all, I was able to divorce my husband for a relationship.
– There was no sense of guilt that you were destroying someone else’s family?
– I tried not to think about that and his family in general. I just loved the man and lived with that feeling. We lived in the same yard, I actually had an apartment right next door. We went on vacations together to other countries. He walked with me to public places, held my hand, hugged me, came to the celebrations of all my family members, to wakes and any other events. He was actively involved in my life, having family did not interfere with him. At one point we even lived together and it was only with him that I felt like a woman: needed and wanted.
– Did your parents and relatives know that he was married?
– Yes, but apparently they also thought he was getting a divorce. Everyone judged him on his attitude towards me. And he was just comfortable.
– In our society this kind of relationship is usually not accepted, have you never encountered pressure?
– No! My family and friends want me to be happy. They are not visitors from the auls, they are city and educated people. They respect the wishes and feelings of others. I don’t have to explain anything to anyone. They probably thought that I would just have a baby with this man and raise the child.
– Don’t you want to have a family and children?
– Because I got married very early, I want to enjoy my freedom. To be honest, I don’t want to have children, I’m an introvert who likes solitude. And apparently, this fact for a long time kept a married man by my side.
– Now you have broken up with him?
– Yes! He told me that he didn’t sleep with his wife. Suddenly I found out they were having their third child. That’s what made me want to end it. After I found out his wife was pregnant, though, I went to a psychiatrist. I had to be treated, and now I realize that I made the right choice in giving up my relationship with him.
– So your wife knew you existed?
– Of course she did. We had been in a relationship with her husband for five years. You couldn’t help but notice that. Years later, I realized there were a lot of flaws in his character. And my presence brought balance to their family life. But it wasn’t in my wife’s plans to divorce. So I let him go. He is trying to get me back now, but I am avoiding him, I brought my mother to my apartment so he would stop bothering me. I even quit my job…
– You say this man’s character is not a gift, but did he give you a sense of desirability?
– When I realized that he was cheating on me, I just found attention on the side. A lot of people will accuse me of an immoral lifestyle. But I live for my own pleasure.
– You didn’t think you had any trauma from your first marriage. After all, in fact, by his attitude and infidelity, your husband has instilled in you a complex. You are constantly looking for attention, trying to prove to yourself that the opposite sex likes you…
– You may be right. But I’m working on myself.
– Do you still have a relationship with your ex-husband?
– Yes, we keep in touch very well. He got married after five years.
– You’re not planning on getting married?
– I’ll be 33 soon. That’s the age of Christ, after that life usually changes either for better or for worse. I hope it changes for the better. I don’t want to think about relationships yet. My ex-husband was like a brother to me, that married lover was my best friend, but I haven’t yet met someone who accommodates both of those concepts.
Married lover of a married man – the psychology of the relationship, causes and consequences
Sometimes love affairs can be very complicated, especially if they cannot be opened and made public. A complicating factor can be marriage. I will talk about married men and married women, reveal the psychology of relationships between lovers and mistresses.
Why Wives Cheat
Many men’s adultery is perceived as the norm, writing off everything to the peculiarities of physiology and polygamy. They have a lot of wiggles: they want a change, the desire to express sexual energy and just for fun. Many don’t consider cheating on a guy to count at all.
But girls are usually treated more demanding, so they are also used to hide the affair more carefully. Let’s figure out where it comes from. Here the usual male “excuses” are unacceptable:
- Sexual attraction at the level of instinct – women are rather guided by feelings and emotions.
- Novelty – it repels, because they are attracted to stability.
- Self-assertion – no, because only a guy can assert himself, and for a girl such a reputation would only be insulting.
It is interesting to note that the real reasons are strongly related to the marital relationship. Common reasons why a married woman falls in love with a married or single man:
- Poor relationship with the spouse, lack of affection, care, tenderness and sense of security. Psychological discomfort.
- Lack of attention: the husband does not notice the new haircut, new clothes. He spends all his time in the garage under the car or in the company of his friends, allowing his wife to spend lonely evenings.
- Revenge. What if the man has already been seen in adultery? Of course, many go through this stage, forgive, try to forget, but subconsciously living confidence that the adulterer should be punished.
- Dissatisfaction in intimate life. Sometimes the spouse stops to perform marital duty altogether, or does it, taking care solely about his pleasure – no foreplay, long caresses, romance and appeasement of sexual desires. The second common option – satiety monotony.
- Lack of emotion. Sometimes it is like this: it’s boring, the same, stable. I want adventures, like in a romantic movie – an explosion, a storm, but at home everything is ordinary. Life gets on men as well – they stop expressing their feelings, which leads to a complete emotional vacuum in the family.
- Searching for perfect love or a prince on a white horse. Often marriages are formed after unplanned pregnancies or for other reasons, when they hoped to “strike it off”. But all the years of marriage, they are looking for the one and only.
- Falling in love. Flash of bright mutual feelings can lead to an affair on the side.
Reasons for a married man’s love for a married woman
Most husbands are not going to go through with the divorce. As I pointed out, they don’t see the harm in cheating, so they treat a mistress with ease, as a temporary distraction.
If the girl is unmarried, she intuitively hopes to continue the relationship and make it legal. She has plenty of free time to spend on calls, messages, meetings. They are more interested in gifts, constant attention.
The married one, on the contrary, is different:
- Unpretentiousness: she is satisfied with the present situation, she does not want to change anything.
- The desire to give all the love and tenderness, she is an experienced woman, already knows a lot, does not seek to play the role of unavailable.
- The need to hide relationships. She will not gossip, tell colleagues and girlfriends.
- Material considerations.Giving expensive gifts is simply not possible – after all, how will she tell her legitimate husband about the new acquisition.
And what a married woman wants from a married man and why she prefers him
In general, the reasons are similar. But jealousy is added. Bachelors have a pronounced sense of ownership, they are not used to share the girl with anyone, even if the legitimate spouse claims. They will express dissatisfaction in every way, in the case of a breakup, they can even threaten, blackmail.