Seven reasons why women cheat. What is the psychology of female infidelity?
Family psychologist. For 8 years I save the “family unit” from disintegration. I help couples to regain love and understanding.
Almost half of relationships break up because of treason. Most of the blame falls on the shoulders of men, but women, alas, are not perfect. If the male adultery is more familiar phenomenon, which is usually explained by polygamy of the male, the female brings more serious psychological reasons. How does the psychology of infidelity differ between women and men? How to avoid it and save the relationship, about this further in the article.
Differences in perception
Men see cheating as a way to satisfy one of the oldest instincts through contact with several different women. A woman views a relationship in general as a strong psychological connection between two people. According to surveys in the CIS, more than a quarter of women say that they have no emotional attachment to their lover, and men in more than 70% of cases say that they are not emotionally attached to their lover.
For women, the realization that problems with a permanent partner are beginning to occur brings the first thoughts of cheating. Unlike men, there is no constant desire to fulfill sexual desires with different partners. For her to decide to end the relationship with her husband or cohabitant is not enough just quality sex. You need a special spiritual closeness with a new partner, a sense of security, stability.
The psychology of adultery in women differs in the approach to repentance: the moment when a man tries to hide adultery from his partner, she does not hide. It is psychologically difficult to perform several roles at the same time and be the same loving wife and go give herself to another man. Women more often admit adultery, repent more deeply, more often look for reasons within themselves. Men justify their behavior by their natural instincts and go on living with the woman for years.
Causes of female infidelity
No matter how frank women are, sometimes it takes a long time to understand the reason for cheating. The difficulty in dealing with the fair sex is that the emotional connection becomes the key to a long-lasting relationship. A woman needs to feel needed and loved next to a man. And if there is a lack of emotion, which men consider unimportant, betrayal begins.
Reasons for adultery in women begins:
- Constant loneliness. Not all women are morally ready for a long absence of a man and his constant business trips and travels. Compensation of loneliness with cheating is the most common option.
- Want to stop the relationship. It sounds strange, but sometimes she goes to the treason, to be discovered and abandoned. This is such a twisted way to end a marriage or long-term relationship.
- A fateful encounter with a first love. A sudden encounter with a guy you’ve liked for a long time can reawaken forgotten feelings. Now both adults, nothing stands in the way of being together for real. Hormones add spice to the fateful meeting and a mistake is made that she will regret in the morning.
- Problems with intimacy in a couple. Stresses, long relationships, and tired positions eventually kill a marriage. And then the perfect man with a gorgeous body, cheerful, witty, with relief cubes meets him in the most ordinary place. Recklessness takes over and the most ancient instinct suggests that this is a strong and reliable male for mating.
Psychologically speaking, cheating in women has nothing to do with evolution and is not intended by nature. There is one great desire to be liked, to see the admiring glances of the opposite sex, to know that she is wanted and loved, wanted, admired. Partner, who not only stops listening to her, but also to notice her as a woman, less likely to pay compliments, not to give signs of attention to himself dooms himself to enroll in the ranks of the offended.
Even a minor treason overturns women’s understanding of the relationship, deeply rooted in the memory. The psychology of adultery in women singles out adultery without physical contact. Again the reason is the lack of support from her husband and his indifference. She begins to share her worries with a colleague at work, to ask him how he is doing, to confide in him secrets, to discuss with him family problems. Sometimes her husband does not pay attention to this and considers only physical contact as a violation of the vow of fidelity.
Women in terms of attitude towards contact with other partners are arranged quite differently. For them it is not a momentary need, but a real attraction, a crush on a new partner. If the husband or boyfriend does not reconsider the attitude towards the partner in time and does not stop looking at her as a piece of furniture – everything can still be fixed.
Why a woman cheats on her husband – the psychology and causes of female infidelity
Women’s infidelity hurts not only the husband, but also the children. Often, the betrayed lady also suffers terribly. The children remain psychologically traumatized, the man is deprived of self-respect, the spouse feels betrayed. Then follows a divorce. At least it seems that way. But everything is more complicated, not always so tragic. So what are the causes of female adultery, how it differs from that of men, to what consequences. And most importantly, how to avoid infidelity.
The psychology of female infidelity and the differences from men’s adultery
Psychological reasons for treason between the sexes are very different. Man is just looking for a way to satisfy the “basic instinct”. But for the fairer sex it is important emotional emotional emotional connection. This is clearly evidenced by the results of a study conducted a few years ago in Russia, Eastern Europe. Only about a quarter of cheating women said they did not have deep feelings for the lover. The same said as much as 70% of men.
The psychology of female infidelity is not simple. Ladies admit infidelity when they have big problems with their beloved. Then the fair sex are trying to find a new lover. And women to decide to leave her spouse, not enough just a sense of intimacy, good sex. Ladies want stability, security. So the lover should show his willingness to live with a woman for the rest of her life.
But cheating husbands are quite satisfied with their beloved. The representatives of the stronger sex are simply looking for a way to diversify sex life, a little break from family life. Men want connection without obligation. Unfaithful husbands do not want to divorce. Choosing a mistress, the stronger sex is not picky. They see her not as a person but as a female object for satisfying their main instinct. Only the external data matter (and not necessarily). These are the peculiarities of the psychology of adultery in men.
Husbands usually hide adultery, trying to behave with the other half as usual. Women are more difficult. Particles of the female sex is not easy to play the role of a loving wife, often they admit, regretting what happened.
Why is treason for her husband very painful?
The ego strong half of humanity is more vulnerable, the man more severely perceives blows to his self-esteem. Very difficult experiencing treason second half. Revealed the truth deprives self-respect. The man begins to consider himself a loser, a wimp, a “loser” lover. Severe depression and various neurotic disorders develop. He doesn’t give a damn about the psychology of adultery.
Husband hurts first of all the fact of dishonesty of the woman. Constant lying destroys confidence in the weaker sex, instills pathological jealousy. When a betrayed man divorced, looking for a new pair, it is difficult to rebuild a healthy relationship.
Why women cheat on their husbands: common reasons, psychology
Women are full of sexual energy no less than the male half of humanity. Ladies also fall in love, are dissatisfied with the marriage, want change. But society still considers adultery committed by the weaker sex, a much greater “crime” for male infidelity. It looks the cheating spouse through its fingers. A woman, on the other hand, is called a lecher, a criminal, a traitor to her family. Of course, everything is much more complicated. The psychology of adultery in a woman is a well without a bottom.
There are many reasons why a wife decides to cheat. Here are the main ones.
Low self-esteem, other psychological problems
Change is often decided by people who suffer from low self-esteem. Depression, psychological trauma, born from childhood (for example, the girl was a victim of a pedophile), cause a desire to raise low self-esteem through adultery.
Such a relationship temporarily removes the painful feeling of uselessness and inner emptiness, helps to forget about psychological problems, to feel (even if only for a short time) desired, loved, “alive, real”.
Finding inner stability through sexual intercourse
If a girl was sexually abused as a child, the resulting trauma often manifests itself in sexual addiction (nymphomania). The problem may also appear in persons suffering from manic-depressive psychosis (bipolar disorder), borderline personality disorder. Such women are constantly looking for emotional, mental intimacy. With the help of multiple cheating, such individuals temporarily free themselves from an inferiority complex, feel “real” and gain a sense of significance. Women who have been sexually abused regain the sense of inner security that was lost after sexual abuse with the help of sexual acts. They are alien to remorse and the recognition of their adultery as psychological treason.
Lack of emotional emotional connection
Because of the employment spouse cools to the other half, spends little time with his beloved, rarely talks, not often enough to hug and kiss. And the woman in the lover is trying to find a man who will give the missing warmth, care. Cheating, in terms of psychology – the desire to feel loved for real.
By the way! About the importance of soul connection for the weaker sex speaks an interesting experiment, conducted several decades ago by American scientists. Particulars of both sexes of traditional orientation were shown two videos, where couples gay and lesbian beautifully courting each other, then indulge in affectionate caresses. About 80% of the men were only excited by the video of the two ladies. But as many as 70% of the women were emotionally affected by both videos.
In the story with the two lesbians, the ladies saw not only lovemaking, but also an emotional connection. Therefore, the video did not leave them indifferent. Men in the relationship of two gay men discerned only the sexual aspect, causing disgust.
By the way, this is why the scripts of erotic films intended for male audiences are as simplified as possible. Everything is reduced to endless coitus. The same is true of the literature of such content. But the erotic movies for women (take for example the sensational “Fifty Shades of Grey”) are always constructed around the romantic, psychological, emotional aspect of a relationship. Sex acts, on the other hand, are assigned a secondary role.
Unrealistic expectations – naivety, narcissism
Why does a woman cheat on her husband? Psychology states that emotionally immature persons think: the man will always be perfect. When a partner cheats on unrealistic expectations, a woman begins to look for a new ideal.
Narcissistic personality expects: the spouse will always anticipate the desires, will fulfill any whim. At first demand to buy a new iPhone, will help upgrade closet. Even better – he will allow you to dispose of your own money. Man, of course, does not meet these high standards. Then the narcissists of the female sex begin to look for a more soulful, generous partner. This is not an uncommon cause of infidelity from a psychological point of view.
Also a woman violates marital fidelity, seeking revenge on her husband for betrayal. Usually the lady does not hide treason in order to make her husband suffer a lot.
Feelings of abandonment, unwillingness to perform the role of “housewife
Sometimes the wife turns into a housewife, just pleasing her husband, becoming a servant, a babysitter. She gets nothing in return. Naturally, this situation does not suit her, a woman craves emotional intimacy, attention. Therefore throws herself into the arms of another without any regrets, remorse. The psychology of a woman after cheating on her husband can undergo a change – the lady no longer wishes to be a “nobody”.
In a woman’s mind, mental and sexual intimacy are closely intertwined. Therefore, when the partner sexually does not satisfy the lady, it may seem to her: her husband has lost his desire, and therefore fallen out of love. The woman begins to think that unattractive, unsexual. To feel desirable again, looking for a lover.
Remember! Contrary to popular myth, a woman can bring sex much more than a man.
Scientists found out: during the female orgasm, the body produces a fivefold dose of oxytocin, a hormone that increases attachment to the partner, increasing trust. Men produce much less of this hormone at the climax of sexual intercourse. If a woman will often have an orgasm, treason will forget to think about it. Dissatisfaction with sexual life – not an uncommon reason why the wives cheat. That’s how their psychology works.
Sometimes a simple accident leads to an extramarital affair. For example, a wife meets the love of her early youth. Feelings flare up again. However, the woman usually voluntarily extinguishes passion, considering herself a criminal, the destroyer of a family nest. She feels psychological pressure: the consciousness demands the admission of treason, repentance to the spouse of a married lady.
If a woman is often alone when her husband is away, she feels a strong loneliness, abandonment, even when she is sure that the man loves. Then the lady cheats. The woman has no long-term plans for her lover. She is just trying to overcome the loneliness.
A way to end the relationship
It can be difficult for a woman to “directly” end a relationship. She is afraid to tell her husband frankly: the feelings have disappeared. Therefore, gets a lover. No love for him the lady has no. Affair on the side – just a reason to divorce.
These are the main explanations for why women cheat, whose psychology is more vulnerable and sensitive than men’s.
Ways to avoid women cheating
It is important for a man to remain the same attentive gentleman that he was when he met his future second half. It is necessary to make pleasant surprises, to suddenly give pantyhose, shoes, to say that his beloved is the best, the most beautiful. The spouse should remember the romance, spend a lot of time together with your beloved, emotionally supportive.
The husband needs to help his wife in the household, to actively participate in the upbringing of children. If his wife earns good money, a man should be happy about the success of the other half. The husband should hide the fact that he is hurt by this state of things. On the occasion of the promotion of the spouse should organize a small party, congratulate, give gifts.
Naturally, we should not forget about the intimate side of the relationship. It is beneficial for the spouse to do everything so that the woman gets pleasure during sex. The wife should constantly feel that she takes a central place in the life of a loved one. This will strengthen the marriage union, reducing the risk of infidelity.
Remember! It is important for women to refrain from highly ineffective, “negative” ways to prevent infidelity. Husband should not be jealous, threaten to try to control, trying to find out where the beloved goes. This will only encourage adultery.
If a couple lives in a civil marriage, a man should offer to marry as soon as possible. Any person of the weaker sex is always making plans, thinking about the future, longing for a stable lasting relationship. The absence of a wedding ring on her finger is alarming. It seems to her that the day will come when they will leave her. The lady begins to think about Plan B. If your loved one doesn’t even want to hear about marriage, children, then her spouse may start to implement Plan B. That’s why a man should make plans for the future together with his beloved. Then, according to psychologists, treason is not threatened.
Ways to find out if the woman is cheating
It is difficult for a woman to hide her own feelings. More often than not, the lady confesses or gives herself away. A cheating spouse sits in the mirror for a long time, starts going to aerobics, fitness again, constantly trying to look good. Not only in her own eyes, but also in the eyes of her lover.
Also unfaithful woman begins to pick on things that she previously tolerated (dishes not washed by her husband, scattered clothes). Or vice versa: completely ceases to pay attention to the faults of the spouse, as if beloved absolutely not interested. An unfaithful wife becomes emotionally and sexually cold. Avoids any physical contact (even a simple hug).
When the spouse is sure that the wife is cheating or beloved in all admitted, it is very important to decide what to do next. Together they must talk honestly about the future. Of course, the couple, caught in such a difficult situation, need the help of psychologists. Specialists will help to decide whether it is worth preserving the relationship, or love has already completely faded, and therefore it is better to divorce calmly without unnecessary drama, scandals.
The consequences of female infidelity
Women’s infidelity much more often than men’s ends in divorce. It is difficult for a lady to stop cheating, even when she wants to. Emotionally, she is already “bifurcated”, the lover has become a close person with whom a woman associates her own future.
Naturally, adultery affects the children. Teenage daughters may begin to feel hostility towards their father, placing the blame for what happened on his shoulders. Sons, on the contrary, will tend to blame the mother. This will have a negative effect on the psyche. Children will begin to associate marital relations with deceit and suffering. It will not be easy to build normal relationships with the opposite sex.
Ways to overcome the consequences of adultery, if the marriage can be saved
If the marriage can be saved, the woman returns to the beloved, the couple needs serious psychological help. After all, feelings of guilt can lead to severe depression. With the help of proven psychotherapeutic techniques psychologist hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin will help his wife overcome remorse for what he did, and a man to return self-esteem.
In order to heal the deep wounds of adultery, the wife should be as open as possible. In a therapy session or alone with her husband, a woman should honestly confess everything, to ask for forgiveness. It is very important that the lady explain the motives for her actions, tell how long the infidelity lasted. Then gradually the husband will again begin to trust the other half.
Psychologists advise the reconciled couple to hold a symbolic ritual of farewell to the past. On some memorable place (for example, near the wedding palace or temple, where the couple was married) they should burn a piece of paper with the inscription “treason”, then re-pledge allegiance to each other. Such a thing is sure to be remembered, bringing back good memories. Also, the couple should organize a “remake” of the honeymoon, go on a honeymoon trip again, to forget the past, to start the relationship with a clean slate.
What causes a woman’s infidelity through the eyes of a psychologist? Ways of self-justification
Psychologists argue that adultery leads to cognitive dissonance – a discord between values and actions. That is why the cheating spouse needs to justify the betrayal. This situation is reminiscent of war, when a soldier is forced to kill, although his values do not allow for such a thing. The soldier needs to temporarily change his own principles, to find a good justification for killing. Or, in the language of psychology, to rationalize his own actions. The role of the “rationalizer” is performed by patriotic propaganda.
- The beloved woman is not worthy. Of course, an extramarital affair is not murder, but it also causes a discord between a person’s values and actions. The cheating person often rationalizes cheating by suggesting to himself that the other half deserves it. The discord between her values and her actions diminishes, the woman is no longer tormented by doubts. She begins to look for a new partner with a clear conscience.
- Double life. Also, some individuals suppress guilt with separate thinking. The woman divides her personal life into two parts. The first is set aside for her husband, the second for her lover. The woman ceases to realize the contradictory nature of her own behavior and begins to lead a double life, trying to remain a good wife to her husband and be a desirable mistress to the other. Women rarely choose this way to rationalize their guilt. It is much more common among men.
- A woman thinks she is “bad.” Some individuals, in order to get rid of the cognitive dissonance, suggest to themselves that they simply cannot be faithful wives. To reduce their guilt, ladies begin to think that they have an immature character and cannot control their own behavior. “Here, if I were,” such ladies say to themselves, “I would be better, I would stay faithful. But my terrible character, and bad heredity does not give. There is no one to blame for the betrayal.”
Blame the lady in such “immoral thoughts” really makes no sense. A man who is going to cheat yearns for his values and actions to coincide, otherwise a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself, guilt and despair will inevitably be born. Such a mental state often ends in depression, even suicide attempts. Therefore, it is not strange that the human psyche does everything to get rid of excruciating value dissonance born of betrayal.
Betrayal of a woman does not necessarily turn out to be the end of a relationship and a tragedy. Often it is a new beginning. If the wife leaves her lover, and his spouse will be willing to forgive, then they will turn this difficult page of their lives and fall in love again. Get out of a difficult situation will help advice on your YouTube channel.