All men cheat. No exceptions. The harsh truth about male psychology
Men, even in serious relationships, are capable of cheating on their women of choice. All without exception, and this is the harsh truth. According to psychology, men simply cannot live without cheating, even if it is not a physical contact.
Infidelity is a painful theme for women, who dream about a happy family life. Some of them accept the unenviable fate and forgive their beloved, while others put a period in the relationship, unable to forgive the betrayal. So why do men cheat, even if the relationship is smooth?
The causes of male infidelity
Treason – it is not only the fault of the man, and no matter how women try to justify themselves, both partners are to blame for what happened. Often, the fair sex saying that their chosen one cheat, even when the family is complete harmony and understanding, but they lie. Men admit that cheating – it is an attempt to escape from reality, to feel new emotions and strong feelings that are not received in their families.
The most common reason for cheating is considered a lack of attention, and if women start “nagging” their men, the latter choose cheating. Such an outlet helps them make up for the lack of care and attention from their loved ones.
Another reason is banal boredom. Prolonged relationship dulls the senses, and when life begins to press from all sides, men can not stand it and allow themselves to relax on the side. New emotions for many become an incentive to keep the existing relationship.
Cheating is a complex process that can be prevented, but it requires tremendous work on the part of both partners. Faded passion can be awakened, and domestic problems can be solved with compromise and rest. Both lovers need to recover, but cheating still happens.
Psychologists note that men and women are very different from each other. The beautiful half of humanity relies on emotions and feelings, and the stronger sex lives by reason. Despite the significant difference, man – a social creature, so men and women create couples, take care of each other and live happy lives. But even the most exemplary couples have their skeletons in the closet, which are called male adultery.
Male cheating stems from a desire to prove his worth to himself and his surroundings. Men who do not get enough attention and care from their beloved, sooner or later begin to look away, and sometimes not just look, but go, without feeling much mental anguish.
Men also cheat because the nature of the stronger sex involves the continuation of the species. In relationships where women refuse to understand and accept men’s needs, cheating sooner or later happens. Yes, men are not animals and can control their instincts, but if women do not pay them enough attention, then treason – be.
Is there a way out of the situation?
Cheating can be prevented if one understands from the beginning of the relationship that life together is a constant work in progress that requires the efforts of both partners. Any problem can be resolved safely if a man and woman consider each other’s needs, avoid scandals over trifles, and know how to discuss misunderstandings that have accumulated.
Women as keepers of the home can save their marriages from infidelity, protect their loved ones from unwanted attention from strangers, and make sure that men return home not because they need to, but because home is a place of love, respect, and happiness. In addition, as time passes, feelings fade, and wise members of the fair sex will be able to prevent cheating by diversifying their personal life with their chosen one.
Love in a relationship is only part of the foundation that provides stability and prosperity to the family. In addition to love, couples should remember about mutual respect, comfort and satisfaction. We should not forget about such an important detail as personal space, because every person sometimes needs peace and privacy to rest, gain strength and think.
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Why do men cheat?
The topic of male cheating is specific. The fact is that both those who write on the subject and those who read it tend to approach the topic from their female or male perspective. Men write that they are not to blame because they are polygamous by nature, or have wives who are fat and sexually inactive. Women write that men are irresponsible and traitors. And so on and so forth. A professional psychologist’s position on this issue should, first, be equidistant from all points of view; second, it should be based on general scientific data (biological, historical, cultural, sociological, etc.); and third, it should be supported by concrete facts and observations from practice. Therefore, I will speak out as I consider correct, proceeding from these approaches. My opinion, as a practical psychologist, is that I see at least twenty-five reasons for husbands to cheat. Ten of them are systemic reasons, global ones, connected with peculiarities of man as a species and modern society. And another fifteen are private reasons, derived from the situation in a particular family. I will begin with the main reasons.
Ten systemic reasons why men cheat on their wives:
- The genetic inability of a young, healthy man to remain adequate if he communicates with an attractive woman, especially one who gives erotic signals.
- Men’s lack of knowledge and understanding of where cheating leads and what disasters in men’s lives it leads to (no proper education).
- Constant work or street or virtual contact with women who are younger and better looking than their own wives.
- Contact with them during the day and evening hours, that is when testosterone is produced the most, and fatigue has not yet accumulated (the wife’s husband gets at night already tired, and she herself by this time – the same).
- Lack of common themes in communication with those wives with whom husbands do not have regular joint labor or leisure activities and their presence with those women with whom a man studies together, works or just communicates.
- The availability of the men’s free money that the wife does not know about.
- Presence of confidence that wife’s dissatisfaction from husband’s cheating can be defeated by husband’s money.
- The certainty that in case of divorce, a working wife will either be able to support her children or will not get away from her wealthy husband.
- Moral readiness of other women to have sexual relations with married men.
- The lack of harsh enforcement and punitive measures by society against cheating men and women who have sex with them.
Basically, for your information, that’s enough. If you are very inquisitive, I will clarify these points for you in more detail. But, you will have to be patient.
Let’s start with the human species. From the time (approximately 5,000,000 years ago), when man began to form and the human brain began to reach a volume of 600 cubic centimeters (for wild chimpanzees 300-450), there was a fundamental leap in procreation. Whereas chimpanzees (which are similar to humans in body size) have a newborn that weighs 1300-1800 grams and, on average, 1500 grams (brain volume 200-300 cubic centimeters), humans have an average weight of 3000-4500 grams (brain volume 350-450). An almost twofold increase in the weight of the fetus, the associated difficulties during pregnancy, the high rate of trauma during childbirth, as well as the threefold longer period of childhood (that is, the child is not independent) make it almost impossible for a woman to survive without the constant presence of a man nearby. Since in those times there was not yet full reasoning, there was no speech and no cultural values, the only way to achieve constant male presence in a woman’s life was to have a woman constantly sexually attracted to a man.
So millions of years ago the female organism had to rearrange itself from the seasonal or estrus mating system accepted in large mammals to the menstrual system, when a woman is ready to have an active sexual life during almost the whole month, and therefore during the whole year (even when the egg is not in the ovulation stage). The high sexual activity of ancient women formed the high level of sexual activity of ancient men as well. This was based on the high sexual activity of males in all anthropoids.
The science has known for a long time that polygamy, i.e. propensity to change partners, is equally characteristic of both males and females, having at least the average level of male and female hormones. Although there are nuances: observations on primates show that males are polygamous in their groups (because moving to other groups is fraught with fights and dangers), but females during ovulation are prone to “cheating” with males from other groups and even to complete departure from their group to other groups, because they are dear and desirable guests for males from other groups. Another thing is that the woman’s polygamy usually decreases during the last months of pregnancy and the first year after the birth of the child, since she may simply have no strength or time left for sex. But for men the pregnancy of their own girlfriends does not reduce sexual activity, because at that time other women may ovulate, and there may be no other sexually active men in the team. This was invented by nature based on the typical composition of all primate groups, where the number of females is usually always greater than the number of males. In nature, everything is always logical and expedient.
High human sexuality is a peculiarity of human biology and therefore of human psychology. Due to sexual activity of females, normally physically developed men do not and cannot have any “immunity” to female sexual charms. To put it simply: a normal man genetically cannot help reacting to the presence of a sexually attractive woman nearby, much less a sexually active one. If a man could be aimed only at one particular woman and be completely indifferent to all the others, there is no doubt: the human race would have died out millions of years ago. A woman, on the other hand, as mentioned above, may well be indifferent to a male if she already has another partner, or a small child.
People’s observation has not for nothing derived the formula millennia ago: “A bitch won’t want to, a dog won’t jump in! And the bitch won’t want to, until either she will want to herself, or the male will not prove his prospects to her: by his persistence and care, or aggressiveness, assertiveness and high social status”. In principle, this formula explains a great deal.
After a couple of hundred thousand years ago people gained modern consciousness, the gift of speech and began to form cultures and moral values, they immediately understood the whole colossal danger of women for men, connected with the fact that a man genetically has no ability to stop himself during personal contact with a sexually active woman, he becomes an ordinary male, that is, in simple words, “a complete fool”. After all, the center of human society is children and women (who have been patiently raising them for decades). Children and women are the constant of human society. Men are the variable, the “expendable material. Unfortunately, most men do not realize that infidelity in the form of a long-term love affair, is devastating to them, leads men to great losses.
The problem with men is that they usually do not understand the consequences of their cheating. Starting a love and intimate affair, 99% of men only plan for rough sex and interesting leisure time. He does not plan to procreate from another woman, does not realize that from now on he will begin to systematically support her financially, stealing from his own family. Usually, he does not plan to leave the family, nor divorce, nor lose contact with his own child, nor conflicts with his parents (who lose their grandchildren), nor that after he gets confused with women and begins to rush back and forth like a shuttle boat, he will lose his health, his career, his possessions, but may acquire heart attacks, strokes, ulcers, asthma, eczema, depression, panic attacks, alcoholism and other “charms”. A man who cheats usually does not think about any of this. He learns all this only afterwards, after the fact, when it all comes into his life.
But a woman who gets involved with a married man almost always thinks seriously (even if she herself is married) about wanting a child from him, material and/or career assistance, leaving his existing family and getting married to him. And what her chosen one must go through for the sake of these happy feminine thoughts of hers is usually not on her mind. Which is fair enough: “You took the knife – do not say that you did not take the tough guy! If you call yourself a bastard, get in the pot!”
As we can see, the situation in the minds of men and women is radically different. And since girls prepare themselves all their childhood for relationships with men, for creating a family and having children, showing increased attention to all the technical details of these processes, and boys never think about it, as a result of cheating men usually win tactically, momentarily, but in essence – strategically lose, lose their usual comfortable life; Women lose tactically (being in the position of mistress or secret civil wife for some time), but win strategically: create families, have children, temporarily or permanently
If tomorrow mankind were to agree that all female relatives of cheating men – their grandmothers, mothers, sisters and wives – would stop communicating with them, there is no doubt that half of all men would soon die, unable to bear the suffering that has fallen upon them. To declare such a boycott against women who have been in contact with “married men” would not work. First of all, the children they have born from the relationship are not guilty of anything and should not suffer; secondly, half of the married men have deceived them by saying that they are not married or already in the process of divorce, and the other half have lied to them about how bad they feel in their families and how they suffer there, the poor ones.
That’s the way it’s always been. That is why, as I said above, since antiquity men have been “saved” from women by strictly regulating their relationships, reducing the very possibility of their personal, and even more so, intimate contact. Boys and girls had no contact with each other in childhood, they studied and worked apart, girls walked in the streets in bedspreads and only accompanied by male relatives. This deprived men of temptation and technical opportunities for adultery. In addition, by starting a family early, in the fields or in the trades, the man had a lot of contact with his wife, which allowed them to socialize on common topics as well as to have sex during the day as the need arose. After all, it must be understood that the connection between night and sex was a purely human invention to push sex outside of work hours and not interfere with work. In fact, the need for sex in the daytime, that is, at the peak of physical activity, is actually much higher than in the evening, when people are already physically tired. It is also important that all the women did not take very good care of themselves, and therefore all the wives who had repeatedly given birth were in a similar physical state: fat and tortured by life. And also that all the young men were under the strict control of their fathers and grandfathers-that is, those elders of the family who were already old and therefore out of the enchanting magic of women. But at the same time, they could also remember their own longings of youth and concrete examples of broken men’s fates.
In the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, the social system that had held married men back from being dominated by women fell apart. Men began to study, to work in the same office-cabinets and in the same factory with other men’s women. And during the daytime, when they wanted sex many times more than in the evening, when the man is already tired. Plus, with these women it was possible to talk about those common professional topics that neither the men nor their wives, who were working with other men at the same time, were interested in talking about with their wives. In addition, these women themselves might have had little or no children and were younger than the men’s wives, which distinguished them from their wives and increased their attractiveness. Plus, the destruction of the birth ties took men out of the hands of those who could have stopped them in time. Plus the fact that free unmarried women walk around seductively on the streets, chatting on social networks, and there are also contraceptives available… And also the fact that men can have lots of money, which gives him the illusion that he is not stealing from his own children and he has enough money either to support two families at once or to buy the loyalty of his financially dependent wife if she suddenly finds out about the fact that her husband is cheating.
At this point I have finished describing the top ten reasons why men cheat on each other that I mentioned at the beginning of this article. But now you can add to them fifteen additional reasons for male infidelity, which are no longer systemic, and the private, personal nature, individually for a particular family.
Fifteen additional reasons why men cheat on their wives:
- The long-term absence of children in the family, or unwillingness of the spouse to have another child when the husband asks for a child and the family has the financial capacity to do so. And so the husband begins to dream of another child “on the side.
- A wife’s complete refusal of intimate relations with her husband during pregnancy, although there are many ways to provide sexual release to her husband without endangering the fetus.
- “Child-centeredness of the family,” that is, such an excessive preoccupation of the wife with the child(ren), when children over the age of two continue to sleep with their parents regularly, which paralyzes the sexual activity of the spouses. Or spouses put the children to bed at the same time as themselves, rather than earlier, which also takes away the spouses’ technical ability to have marital sex.
- Spouses living with their parents, which constrains their intimate family activity.
- Deterioration of personal relationships between husband and wife, if one of them is under the obvious influence of their relatives or friends, which affects the general relationship, and already those – the deterioration of intimacy in the family.
- The wife’s own intimate passivity, which herself does not feel the need for regular intimacy with her husband.
- Wrong intimate passivity of the wife, who feels the need for intimacy, but does not see the erotic activity of her husband, begins to “pity” him and explain his passivity by his fatigue or age. And instead of being more active in family sex herself, she withdraws herself. This creates the conditions for her husband to misinterpret her behavior as a lack of need for sex and, after accumulating his own sexual tension, will go left.
- Sexual conservatism of the wife, who does not want to introduce variety into intimate life in the family.
- Noticeable deterioration of the wife’s appearance, loss of her sexual attractiveness.
- A large number of business trips by husband or wife, not compensated by the sexual activity of the spouses when they are together.
- Spending leisure time and vacations apart, which directly encourages husbands to cheat, creating ideal conditions for it.
- Rude behavior of the wife in dealing with her husband or his children from previous marriages (insulting his ego, abuse of power, stinginess, etc.), or her complete economic and domestic incompetence, which repels the husband from his wife, bad influence on intimacy in the family.
- Her own mistakes in the husband’s behavior (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, loafing, rudeness, abuse, past adultery, etc.), which leads the wife to become cold to her husband, after which the husband goes to cheat.
- The wife’s own cheating, or her flirting with men, which pushes the husband to “retaliate.”
- Too easy for a woman to forgive her husband for past adultery, both in the marriage and during their premarital relationship.
As you can see for yourself, the list of reasons for cheating on husbands is actually an impressive one. So it is unlikely that everything should be reduced to the fact that “all men are by nature cheaters,” or “all to blame these young girls who do not want to work and want to get right to all ready and pick up someone else’s wealthy husband. You have to dig deeper. And, accordingly, if a woman wants to eliminate, or at least noticeably reduce the likelihood of cheating on her husband, she should take into account all of these reasons in their relationship with her husband. What exactly need to do, read my article “How to make sure that her husband does not cheat. Or come to my office for an audit of your particular family to assess the possible risks of cheating on your husband.