Blog Psychologist | Section 1 About relationships
Moral abuse, or as it is more commonly called now, abusive relationships, has become a common occurrence. The word “abuse” translates as “violence” and “abuse”. This phenomenon is most often related to the fact that your partner suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This pathology occurs in many people: from 1 to 8 percent of the world’s population, according to various data.
For a neurotic, love is not a feeling of affection, it’s more a way to gain self-confidence and shut down his needs, the rest is secondary.
Family should be an oasis where partners support each other, where they can be natural and not try to play a wrong role.
To begin with, have you ever noticed that you try to avoid situations that make you angry, angry, irritable, that just make you nervous? IF YES, THEN I RECOMMEND YOU TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR AND ATTITUDE TOWARDS IT. I will explain why. By avoiding such situations, of course, you rid yourself of destructive thoughts and feelings, but, unfortunately, you cannot control your thoughts, which are the basis of your unpleasant feelings.
Every person’s journey begins with the family. I will not stop talking about it and convince you that the family directly influences a person’s future happy life. For a man or woman to grow up self-sufficient, with good self-esteem, strong, confident, successful, etc., then their life must start in a harmonious family.
First of all, women have problems with their man, because once the relationship with his mother did not work out. A relationship that still keeps a woman on a “short leash”. It’s all called emotional dependence on mom.
I don’t know why it all pisses me off so much. It’s very common for people to have these feelings at a certain point in their lives. Thoughts go round and round in your head: “everything makes me mad,” a state of mind that reminds you of a crumpled felt-tree, and questions pulse through your mind: “What’s happening to me?
In our lives, there is anything and quarrels are no exception. Quarrels are different. Today we will talk about quarrels, when people lose control.
At such moments, we can say to our partner a lot of stupid things that we regret later. And quite often, in order to “win the argument,” we use various methods of manipulation. Today I wanted to discuss such manipulations as “I’m leaving” or “I’m divorcing you.
Do you often ask yourself why a person averts their eyes when they communicate with me? I hear this question quite often and people wonder why it happens. And it happens for a variety of reasons, and it does not matter how old you are. But first, I advise you to think about what could have preceded such behavior. Because for no reason a person can not turn away his eyes, if he had not done so before.
In such situations, girlfriends relate to you and understands that she does not work out the way you do. That she is not as smart, successful, rich and beautiful. She feels very uncomfortable around you. She feels that she is worse than you. It is hard for her to bear it. She can not as you rejoice in your victories, ideas or opportunities. Often such people have the question, “Don’t I deserve all this?”
Such difficulties after a breakup are most often encountered by women. Women are more sensitive, emotional and prone to rumination (emotional gumming). EMOTIONAL GUMMING IS THE ENDLESS REPLAYING OF THE SAME THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD THAT ARE RELATED TO A CERTAIN SITUATION, BUT REPEATED IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
For example, “I cannot accept the fact that my partner beats me, yells at me, insults me and devalues me as a person. In such cases, I have every right not to accept my man for who he is and not to work on the relationship further, ending this conflict in divorce if I wish.
It’s not uncommon to hear from girls, “Why doesn’t my man want me anymore?” There can be many reasons. And they are not always due to the fact that a woman has become something different. Physiologically and psychologically men are very different from women. Sex, men and women perceive just as differently. So too is the ultimate physical satisfaction achieved in different ways.
“BOTH are guilty of a quarrel, and if one “walks away,” then the quarrel itself will disappear.” And there’s a lot of truth in that. So what to do after a quarrel? How to make up? After a quarrel, people usually have several positions of feeling about themselves: 1. “IT’S HIS FAULT, HE HURT ME” 2. “IT’S MY FAULT, I HURT HIM” 3. “WE ARE BOTH TO BLAME” 4. “WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US?”
Why do people get lonely? Why can’t they meet the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with? Why can’t they start a family?
Marital happiness is difficult for couples to define because it is itself quiet, not flashy and low-key. At its core, it is not emotional with flashes of passion, brightness of feelings, and constant falling in love, as it was at the beginning of the relationship. But, this is not what family happiness is all about. Family happiness is harmony between people, and everything else is an appendix.
Manipulation is a way of getting what you want from a man by influencing his comfort zone, namely by appealing to three basic feelings on which manipulation is built: fear, guilt, shame.
“Second marriage, my husband hit me so hard yesterday I got dizzy. He’s just tired, it’s my fault, he’s nice, I love him” – client C.
A woman is attractive when she has the right self-esteem. Men who have the same self-image are drawn to her, that is, men who are confident about themselves.
People who allow themselves to be criticized, and criticism is just another person’s opinion that is not true, often fall into despondency. They begin to form an inferiority complex within themselves. They allow themselves to be dominated by the critic and the critic feels it.
Blog about relationships: explain in detail
The relationship between a man and a woman is a topic close to everyone. To build a truly happy and lasting union is not easy.
It is no secret that not only love is the basis of family happiness, but also daily work on the relationship.
Blog about relationships and love – kismia.blog conducted a survey among its readers and found out the main secrets of long and happy relationships.
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Relationships between a man and a woman: a formula for happiness
Looking ahead, we note that a universal formula for happiness has not yet been invented.
Some people are helped by the ability not to accumulate resentment against their partner, some – mutual hobbies, some – passionate sex. Or all of the above.
But the main component of marital happiness is doing things together that bring pleasure to both.
Kismia, a blog about love and relationships, decided to poll its site visitors on the topic, “What helps you be together?”
Here’s what goes into the formula for a happy relationship.
There is no formula for happiness
Laughter
“I am sure that there is no problem that cannot be solved with a good mood and sincere laughter. The best way to end a quarrel is to laugh together.” Oksana, 5 years in a relationship
Psychologists at Stanford University have proven that positive emotions can have an effect on reducing physiological arousal. Thereby inhibit aggression.
Learn to stop fighting in time, find more reasons to have fun together, and your union will be happy.
Dates .
“My wife and I try to find time just for the two of us, no matter what. We put off all urgent matters, take a babysitter for the kids for the evening. And then we go on a date. A real romantic date, like when we first met. And every time I fall in love with her all over again. Although we have been together for almost 15 years. Ivan
Allocate time for two – the most important factor in the harmony of a couple. Take an interest in each other’s affairs, feelings and accumulated thoughts.
Plan vacations together or discuss different ideas. Put aside all the chores and just enjoy each other like you did at the beginning of the relationship.
Attraction
“The best moments for me are hugging my wife after sex or just when we’re sitting next to each other. Feeling her breath as she lies in my collarbone and kissing the top of her head. It’s the ultimate in happiness.” Vadim, four years in a relationship
Mutual attraction plays a serious role
Demonstrate attraction to your partner when you are around. Don’t forget to show your feelings: touching each other before going to bed, hugging, kissing when you meet and goodbye.
This will help you maintain a warm relationship for a long time. And also it’s a very good way to remove the accumulated stress of the day.
Always show your partner that you love him.
Open talk
“Talk about everything that worries. Do not be silent about what you like or do not like. That’s the key to our marital happiness.
We met very young. I knew nothing about women’s wisdom, or how to please a man in bed. And it’s only because of frankness that we’ve been together for so long.” Elena, 12 years in a relationship
Be frank with your partner, do not accumulate resentment and understatement. Sooner or later it will turn into a scandal and destroy your union. Talk about your fears, desires and worries.
Speak often and heart to heart.
Friendship
“We’ve been together for almost ten years. We’ve been married for eight of them. We’ve always been good friends. As they say, “water on high.” We supported each other in the craziest endeavors.
And then Kostya suddenly suggested: “Let’s get married.” We are connected not only by a strong love, but also by a strong friendship. We are like-minded people, partners and family.” Love
The honesty and mutual support that characterize a strong friendship are also the foundation for a lasting union.
Be willing to always support your partner, share dreams and problems. Plan joint business and leisure activities. Trust him.
Pleasant surprises.
“In order for our life together not to turn into a routine, I always try to surprise my beloved. And she pleases me too. Nice surprises, flowers with no reason. Such spontaneous expressions of love we practice from the very beginning of our acquaintance.
We found each other online. After registering on dating service I did not have much hope that I would find my true love here. I rather thought that popular dating sites broaden my social circle, but nothing more.
And I had no idea that a banal message: “Shall we hang out?” from a girl I liked would soon grow into a mad passion, romantic dates on the roof, and eventually into a strong family. We already have three kids, and I still can’t stop surprising her with cute, spontaneous gifts and gestures. I think that’s what keeps our feelings alive.” Victor, 7 years in a relationship
Whichever way you choose, it is important not to forget to show your partner how much you love him or her.
Make each other happy with pleasant surprises.
Do not forget about important dates, give flowers for no reason.
Leave room for romantic pleasures, even if you have a difficult period in life. Each of us wants to feel loved and important to the closest people.
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Love and relationships: 5 important tips for a happy and strong union
The relationship blog kismia.blog also invited its readers to take a little quiz, answering a few questions about what happy couples do.
The most important thing in a relationship is to do things together that are important to the two of you and to respect each other’s needs
Here are five more tips for a strong relationship, according to kismia.blog readers .
Give each other personal space
At the beginning of a relationship, all couples strive to spend all their free time together. But it’s important to remember that each of you is an individual. So leave time to be alone or spend time with friends.
Don’t Forget About Personal Space
Accept the differences
Do not try to change each other, but fully accept your partner and build a relationship that takes into account the individual characteristics and bright traits of each of you.
Appreciate your partner and tell him or her that
Don’t take your loved one’s efforts for granted. Don’t forget to praise him, to respect and appreciate his personal achievements, and to thank him.
Give the warmth of a hug and a touch
Tactile contact is very important in maintaining the degree of feeling in a relationship. Happy couples hug, hold hands, and touch their loved ones more often.
Learn to forgive
Forgive
Accept the fact that all people make mistakes. Being able to smooth out conflict, not to make a big deal out of it and forgive minor blunders is a habit of happy couples.
As you can see, there are no hard secrets to being happy.
The well-known truths of a happy union are natural to those who love. But a strong relationship also involves partners working at it.
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