Apathy in men: we study the main thing

Apathy in men: we study the main thing

Men’s midlife crisis. Learning to find common ground with a man

Throughout life, a man goes through a huge number of different stages . Some are able to find strength and successfully cope with various mood swings, others can not fight their problems on their own. Psychologists have been studying certain age stages for many years, when a personality refraction occurs. It can be a simple hormonal malfunction that ends with only a bad mood and temporary moping, and there are times when a person suffers from depression for a long time.

Let’s talk in more detail about what a mid-life crisis in men and how women can find the strength to cope with this period. In fact, you just need to learn to understand and support, rather than reproach and put yourself above a man who temporarily depends on the hormonal outbursts of his body.

What is a midlife crisis in men?

Typical signs of a midlife crisis is self-pity, the desire to dig into the past and look for any shortcomings not only in himself, but also in those around him. He ceases to enjoy life, looking for problems and begins to look at some situations differently. Add to this constant depression, loss of energy, mood swings and withdrawal. Even the strongest family can fall apart here.

Approximately, the midlife crisis occurs at age 40-45, so every loving and attentive wife should be prepared for this. A man can have a mistress, quit his job, leave home or shut himself away. In fact, he may not even know the reason for his actions, because it all happens because of chemical changes in his body. But any attempt by family and friends to help and support ends in denial and rejection. Man during the mid-life crisis does not want to discuss their problems with close people, closes himself in and himself rethinking life and his actions.

When does the mid-life crisis occur and who is at risk?

The crisis occurs around 40-45 years old, when a man has already a lot of knowledge and skills, family and work. However, there are no certain types of men who are affected by this problem. Regardless of family or social status, any representative of the strong sex can face this unpleasantness.

In this case, even the material well-being and vocation of society is not a guarantee that it will not happen to a particular man. But lately, by the age of 37, men begin to think about what they have achieved, and unsatisfactory answers lead them to depression and apathy. When the midlife crisis begins, a member of the stronger sex actively begins to analyze his past and make plans for the future. For some, this stage of rethinking is a start and a breakthrough, while others get bogged down in their complexes and problems.

No matter what age this problem starts, a woman should understand that a lot depends on her as well, so it is important to pay attention to how the man positions himself and what he wants to achieve. The duration of this period depends on both the man himself and the people around him. Very often loved ones help quickly get back into the rhythm of life and start something to achieve their goals. However, many women snap at their husbands, not trying to get to the bottom of the problem, although they could change everything for the better.

The symptoms of a mid-life crisis are as follows: 1. She begins to pay a lot of attention to her appearance. It is possible that even in his youth he did not try to express himself with the accents on appearance, but during the midlife crisis, he may start to buy expensive clothes, pick up accessories and visit beauty salons. This does not mean that your husband has become a completely different person, just realizing that the goals of youth are not achieved, he tries to prove himself at least in the ability to look good. Perhaps he will join a gym, buy an expensive suit or vice versa – worn jeans and an acid color T-shirt with a bright print. Absolutely no matter what he chooses for himself, the main thing that he starts to worry about his appearance. He may even start to go for manicures, in the solarium and dye his hair. Do not be alarmed, he just wants to prove to himself and those around him that at least he is good at something. For example, if he disguises his baldness or gray hair, he can be sure that he looks very good for his age.

2. He begins to actively treat himself and make up different diseases. Even if after the tests, the doctors say that he has no serious illness, his immune system is high enough, and the vascular system is completely normal, it will not stop him. He will drink vitamin complexes, watch programs about alternative medicine and try to find the best treatment methods. This is due to the fact that he begins to realize that life is short, and he doesn’t have much time left to live.

3. Mood swings, insomnia, depression . All these are connected with his constant search for himself. He is thinking about what else he can do, how not to lose valuable time, and how to reach the goals he has set before. He will remind you of a teenager with constant mood swings, so you should not attack him with reproaches and look for any specific reasons for these actions. He is frustrated and is about to give up, so he needs help from the people closest to him and sometimes the help of specialists.

4. cheating or flirting . It all depends on the nature of your husband. If he is not prone to cheating, then most likely he will just flirt to feel the interest in him of the opposite sex. But often men during a mid-life crisis decide to cheat, in order to prove to themselves and their wives that they are still capable of much more.

5. Blames relatives and close people for their problems. He constantly analyzes his failures and successes, but if he is glad to attribute successes to himself and raise his self-esteem due to this, he wants to shift some negative moments to others. So he can feel better, lift himself in the eyes of others and finally be able to sleep soundly, not having taken before a few glasses of alcohol.

What should a wife do during a mid-life crisis in her husband?

– Understand him . Just analyze the situation and understand that this stage of his life in any way was not planned, so just objectively assess the situation and do not give him unnecessary complexes.

– Support him with a good word . Talk to him often about his achievements, thank him for making you happy once and still doing so. When he starts talking about his failures, move the conversation in a different direction, don’t let him dwell on the negativity.

– Help him find a new hobby and get healthy . Your husband has started taking care of himself and wants to find an interesting occupation for his soul. Is that a bad thing? If it will benefit his body, support him or sign up for some classes together.

– Suggest to him the right ways to get his adrenaline . Buy him a ticket for a parachute flight, go-karting, bike tour, etc.

– We recommend to visit our section with interesting materials on similar subjects “Psychology of relationships

The information on this site is subject to consultation with the attending physician and does not replace a face-to-face consultation with him. See more in the user agreement.

Psychology of men: where does passivity and apathy come from?

Perhaps not everyone knows that the psychology of men is a rather subtle matter. The stronger sex is more susceptible to depression and internal worries than the weaker sex. But only men do not show it, so as not to be seen as losers. It is these feelings that explain many of their actions and behavior.

The psychology of men: the desire to be a winner

The public perpetuates the stereotype that a real man must be strong physically and morally, able to cope with any problems and obstacles in his way, to solve any problems that life puts before it.

These stereotypes are nurtured by the media. They tirelessly show heroes who fight, win, achieve success in business, drive expensive cars, marry gorgeous beauties, etc. There is a cult of macho characters on television who can do absolutely anything. And the media doesn’t show ordinary guys who live a simple life, have good wives and normal families.

That is why many women are convinced that men owe a lot of things: this, that, the fifth, the tenth. Such views are fed by movies, glossy magazines, advertising, and, in fact, a sense of envy.

Representatives of the fair sex are not happy with the achievements of ordinary, real men who are close to them. They always want something more, so they constantly reproach their life partners: “Not enough, not enough, not enough! Not enough!”.

For the stronger sex, hearing that a woman isn’t happy that he can’t satisfy her (yes, yes, that’s equivalent) is a blow. Men’s psychology suffers for it.

As a result, the demands placed on members of the stronger sex are increasing. In an effort to meet them, they begin to set themselves impossible tasks. And when they see that these tasks exceed their strength, they slip into apathy and depression.

Winning is very important to the male, that’s male psychology. He needs to know that he came out ahead. On a genetic level for him, it is tantamount to survival. This is inherent in him physiologically: the sperm that was able to get ahead, gives birth to a new life, and the rest, that were in the tail, perish.

This is why the desire to get ahead by all means, to be the winner is inherent in the very psychology of men. And if this is not the case, depression sets in.

Negative emotions: what to do if you do not succeed

The problem is that representatives of the stronger sex will never admit that they feel depressed, depressed. It is forbidden in men’s psychology. So they drive such experiences into the subconscious and suffer in silence. To show their feelings they are not allowed, they were brought up that way. Showing suffering is out of the question. In men’s environment demonstration of weakness is tantamount to removing protection, you immediately become vulnerable.

Of course, members of the stronger sex feel bad at heart, but to admit it, to share it – no way. That’s why the symptoms of apathy, lack of willpower and depression are hidden, invisible to others. Only people who have mental sensitivity and understand the psychology of men can understand that something is going on with a loved one.

Symptoms of apathy and depression

Apathy and depression are expressed in different ways. You may be surprised to learn about some of these symptoms, but that is exactly what they are:

  • Aggressive behavior.
  • Craving for alcohol, drugs, gambling (which was not the case before).
  • Closure, withdrawal into oneself, unwillingness to communicate with people.

Such behavior is protective. It displaces the emotions of anxiety and fear that the person experiences. Of course, it is impossible to indulge in such manifestations, but, on the other hand, it is necessary to understand why such behavior appeared.

Causes of depression

There can be many reasons for the appearance of negative emotions. Let’s list them:

  • Material difficulties.
  • A decrease in salary.
  • Getting fired from a job.
  • Failures in communication with women.
  • Constant quarrels with his wife, dissatisfaction with relations in the family.
  • The destruction of the family.
  • A difficult, emotionally exhausting job.
  • Difficult activities that require high concentration.
  • Severe illnesses of loved ones.
  • Leaving the life of a loved one.
  • Inability to achieve a meaningful goal.
  • Physical weakness.
  • Sexual impotence.
  • A sudden change of residence (moving to another city or another country).
  • Retirement, a feeling of uselessness.
  • Dissatisfaction with the results of your life.

Most frequently depressions occur in men between the ages of 30 and 40 (though they can also occur at other ages). They perceive this period as an intermediate one, when they have to estimate their life achievements. They ask themselves: “I am already many years old, but what have I achieved in my life? Have I managed to do what I dreamed of? Have I created a good family, have I achieved financial prosperity?” etc. It is possible that many of these questions he will answer himself “no.” But after all, life has different streaks. It is not a smooth ascent to the top, but rather a wavy path, where ups and downs are possible.

However, worries and negative emotions arise also because by this time on the shoulders of men already responsible for the welfare of the family and children.

Relationships in the family

For the stronger sex, one of the most stressful moments is the birth of a child in the family.

The head of the family feels sidelined. Wife gives all his strength, attention, care and affection for the child, so says her maternal instinct. But the man also needs care and attention, and when he loses them, he suffers. Because of this the relationship in the family is spoiled.

Perhaps the head of the family will not show it, will not say the reason for his discontent. It will be expressed differently. For example, he will not seek to communicate with the child (which is sometimes noted by young mothers). He may completely go to work, will be late there, will not be in a hurry to go home. He will not offer to help, on the contrary, will shirk his errands, “forget” about them. Or he will withdraw into his own space, he will set invisible boundaries, for example, he will spend his time, sitting at the computer.

A woman should be aware of this. And although, most likely, she is not happy with the reaction of a spouse, it is better to refrain from scolding and accusations, they will be of little use. We must try to understand the causes of her husband’s negative emotions. To do this, we women are given tact, wisdom and the ability to forgive. We feel the subtleties of family psychology, capable of smoothing out the difficulties and restore relations in the family. Support your husband, explain that you still love him and need him, his support and help. Say that he is a pillar of the family, its defense, to explain that together you are raising your baby, your continuation. You should pay more attention to your beloved, do not be stingy with kind words.

There is another difficult period for the stronger sex – retirement. It seems to the man that he lost his social importance, he was relegated to the margins of life, became a “pensioner” who no one wants. In addition, his financial well-being has decreased, which also affects his self-perception and self-confidence.

Of course, it is possible to get a job. But some members of the stronger sex are afraid that they can not compete with younger, not be able to learn the skills necessary in today’s business world. Add here possible ailments, illness. Even if he is healthy, the physical capacity at this age, in any case, declines.

Men more easily succumb to depression than women. They get the idea that life has come to an end, and then nothing waits any longer. And here again, all hope lies with the person you love, your wife. Only she can adjust the relationship: moral support, encouragement, convince them that together they will cope with age-related problems, they will enjoy life, and everything will be fine.

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