I fell in love❣️ with another, but I’m married : what would be the right thing to do?
Hello all! Plunging into family life, everyday life begins to get boring, romance dissolves into routine and feelings between spouses cool down. At such a time, a woman may begin to experience feelings for another man. But why do married women fall in love with other men? During this period, she lacks male attention from her own beau, affection, care, recognition, all this pushes her to fall in love with another, being married.
The psychology of the love triangle
Being married, men can stop giving his wife proper signs of attention, namely: praise, compliments, admiration, care and so on… A woman wants to see the burning eyes of her husband and hear from him piquant words with hints of sex, receiving gifts and bouquets of flowers. But during the family routine and life, feelings can blunted, so the wife receives less and less attention to herself.
Because of this, the wife turns her attention to other men and then says that she has fallen in love with another man. She believes that the new guy is the one who will be able to give her the attitude that she lacks in her marriage. At the initial stage of the relationship, everything goes like a fairy tale, gifts, romance, kisses. That’s what makes the new partner seem like the perfect match.
Important! There is no guarantee that over time, the new partner will not cool down and will not treat even more aloof than the previous one.
Before breaking off relations, analyze your current relationship and weigh all the pros and cons of life with her husband, and only then decide to act. The main thing do not forget that it is much easier to destroy the family than to create it.
Types of falling in love.
When a woman says that I am married, but fell in love with another man and does not know what to do now, on this account, psychologists have distinguished 3 types of love: emotional, sexual and mixed.
If a relationship is built on an intimate connection, it will not be long-lasting. Their foundation is passion, which quickly flares up, as well as quickly fades. People do not want to get to know their partner, they do not care what the person is like, in general. If a girl falls in love with another man in this way, this infatuation is not so dangerous for the marriage. Having received satisfaction, she will stop communicating with the new beau.
When falling in love is based on an emotional connection. This relationship is born on a friendly attachment to the man. She discusses her life with him, asks for advice, reflects on the future, talks about dreams and experiences, in this case, the friendship grows into something more.
When there is a mixed type of connection, it can grow into sincere love.
Why a married girl falls in love with another man
A newly married young couple thinks that their marriage union will be the best. But after a few years of living together, they realize they were wrong. The family grows in scandals and quarrels and instead of a mutual solution to the troubles, the spouses decide to console themselves in an affair on the side.
It may happen that a woman seduces a married man and explains it in the following way:
- Romance in the relationship stops, life and real life begin. The woman is not satisfied with the absence of romantic relationships. As a consequence of searching for a sense of love and a sense of desirability, she makes up for it in an outsider.
- There is no family that would not quarrel over domestic issues. Loving spouses try to end the conflict as quickly as possible and make peace with each other. But it happens that the man does not want to hear his woman or the wife does not accept information from her husband. The family sinks into an atmosphere of resentment and reproaches. It becomes unpleasant for the woman to be in such an environment. Because of this, she begins to look for a man to help her get out of her depressed state. If this man gives her a new, good feeling, she is very likely to begin to have tender feelings for him.
- The more time the spouses live together, the more they begin to notice flaws in each other. And here, one woman can put up with their appearance, while the other will not and will try to get rid of them. And other women will stop paying attention to their husband and will start to pay attention to other men in whom they do not observe bad character traits. A girl who is married can meet a young man in whom there will be no bad traits and will see only positive things, then she may well fall in love with such a guy.
- There is a category of women who cannot be in a quiet relationship. They vitally need to maintain an emotional peak and they don’t care if it will consist of positive or negative emotions. Not every man can stand it. Seeing that the husband starts to pull away, the wife will start looking for those emotions on the side.
The main reason for falling in love with a strange man is the lack of love from the husband. The main thing to understand is that a new partner will not be able to get rid of the attachment and love for her husband.
Tips from a psychologist
If a married woman has fallen in love with another man and wants to understand herself, she turns to a psychologist for help. In turn, the psychologist offers to take a test. He will help to determine her own feelings that overwhelm her.
A sample list of questions:
- Imagine a young man that you like. What exactly do you like about him, what character traits?
- If you decide to start a relationship with him, what could be the consequences for you?
- Is the man serious in his intentions or just playing around?
- Imagine already being in a relationship with him. What emotions are you experiencing?
- Is it possible to experience these same feelings with your husband? What would it take to do that?
- How do you feel when you are around your husband?
- If your husband suddenly disappeared, how would you feel?
- Are you willing to cheat on your significant others?
- How do you understand the perfect marriage?
- Why is the current relationship not up to a model relationship?
- If your husband has a mistress, how will you feel? How would you react?
- What can you and your spouse do together to restore harmony to the relationship?
- Ready to risk dropping everything and leave for a new suitor?
- Will you find happiness after you do the deed?
By answering this list of questions, you can determine what a woman is experiencing. Falling in love or usual sympathy for a new man. Determines if the marriage can be saved or if it is doomed. More often than not, a woman actually loves her spouse, but her love is overridden by quarrels, resentments, and recriminations. If a girl, being married, falls in love with a new guy she is interested in, it raises doubts about the sincerity of her feelings for her husband. Female psychology assures that if a woman loves one man, she puts hopes in the other man that he will be able to offer her something better than her current partner. From that, falling in love is a projection of love for her legitimate husband.
Every woman is entitled to her happiness. But there is no need to act frivolously from the rush of emotion. Passion quickly fades and today’s “hot” macho, becomes a complete stranger. In this regard, do not abandon your husband, it is better to restore harmony in your relationship, as new ones can carry pain and disappointment.
Share your opinion in the comments. What do you think you should do if a married girl has fallen in love with another man?
Falling in love with another man, although married herself – what to do
Love can come at any age, in any situation. You may have already been married, you may be happy, but at some moment you meet a man at the sight of whom your heart leaps out of your chest, butterflies seem to beat in your stomach and you want to be the most beautiful person in the world. What to do if you fell in love with another man, although married?
You’re married and in love.
They say that after living with your husband for a few years, you get used to him, and attachment remains in your heart instead of love. Rarely can anyone look at their partner with the same amorous eyes that they did five or ten years ago.
It is good if in addition to affection you feel respect, keep the memory of how hot your feelings were, trust your spouse. But more often married women begin to treat their husbands as something they owe, as a brother, or lose the desire to communicate with them and live together at all. It is not surprising if, in this situation, you happen to meet a handsome man and fall in love with him.
Or purposefully start looking for him. Or even invent fairy tales in which finally a prince worthy of your heart appears.
However, you can fall in love right after the wedding – the heart does not command. It seems that you are in love with her husband, dreaming of romantic evenings with him, children, long years of life, but then he appears – a new colleague, a friend of a friend. Something breaks in your heart, and you realize that you are in love, but not with your husband at all.
For some people, such situations may seem wild – how can you fall in love if you are married. You choose one man, get a stamp in your passport, get married, and live happily ever after with him. But reality is much more complicated. Where the curve of feelings, you never know.
If you’re faced with a passing infatuation, which will quickly pass, then there’s nothing to think about. Dream about, went to the hairdresser, bought a new dress, to become even more beautiful and perhaps more desirable to her husband, forget about the sudden feelings. But what if love seems real? Here it is settled in the soul for a long time, rubbing it, plays on the strings, makes you dream of being with your beloved, to meet, perhaps live in one family.
What to do in such a situation
In fact, the question of what to do if you fall in love, although you yourself are married, can only be answered by you. No one knows the sincerity and depth of your feelings, plans, values. Let us discuss six options for the development of events. Maybe it will help you make the right decision.
Despite the depth of your feelings for another man, remember why you married the man who is now your husband. You probably loved him, felt he was your other half. You were drawn to him by something, attracted to him.
If so, consider whether it is worth ruining a relationship with him for the sake of a crush, which may be fleeting. Maybe you should talk to your husband about the fact that your feelings are drying up. Take a romantic vacation for two, do something that will give the relationship a new lease on life.
The most drastic way out of a situation where a married lady has fallen in love is to get a divorce. You and your spouse remove your mutual responsibilities. If there are no children, you part like ships at sea. If there are children, you agree on how to raise them.
When it is advisable to choose divorce:
- You are sure you don’t love your husband regardless of how you feel about the other person. Instead of love, you are left with contempt, hatred, and indifference in your heart. Whatever the connection and future with the new man, divorce will clear the relationship with your husband. You will feel freedom and, in some cases, a return to yourself.
I’m in a relationship and like someone else.
- By inner values, you cannot cheat on your spouse and, having cheated on him, you cannot go on living with him. You will be tormented by conscience, fears, complexes.
- Pregnancy. Most husbands are not ready to accept children conceived by his wife from other men. However, not all women can bear such a lie, so no matter how difficult it is, it is better to leave.
- Believe that you really need your new lover more than anyone else. You are ready to go to the ends of the earth for him, regardless of your feelings for your husband.
Divorce – a last resort, it can give impetus to the development of new feelings, but it can also lead someone’s life to failure. If you still have feelings for your husband, and you think you will regret leaving him for the rest of your life, you’d better not cross the line beyond which the only way out is divorce.
There is a recent trend of couples taking their time to file for divorce if one partner feels in love with someone else. The couple begins to live apart, with each partner choosing what to do next – live alone or build a new relationship.
This option seems mild – like a husband and wife living apart, but it is temporary, there is no divorce, the family is not destroyed, and the children are relatively peaceful. Often, separation is presented under the banner of “we need a break from each other,” “my husband went to work” or “if we do not spend a vacation separately.
In fact, it’s hard to find a couple who can rebuild a relationship after separation. More often than not, it ends in divorce. You retain feelings for the person who made you decide to live apart from your husband; or your spouse finds someone else. It is all just a matter of time.
Another observation is that separation is often chosen by couples who have exhausted their love and feelings for each other.
There lived a family – seemingly happy, both parents making good money. The wife met someone else, fell in love, however, the family was more important to her, and she gave up those feelings. But something in her relationship with her husband changed, he offered to live separately, rented an apartment next door and started living alone. He often saw his children and communicated with his wife. Three years later he filed for divorce. The wife kept faithfulness, he did not go out, but the relationship broke down.
An option that not every person can accept is adultery. You stay married, pretend to be a happy wife, but you cheat on your husband with someone you fell in love with.
In a situation like this, everyone chooses their own path. It is foolish to believe that no one knows about cheating. So when you choose to cheat, prepare for the fact that you will be cheated too. And not just your husband, a lover is also quite capable of it. Also, deception is quickly accustomed to the children.
Keeping respect, tenderness for her husband or feeling fear of divorce, shame, many girls choose platonic love. They correspond with men, date, drink coffee, go for walks, even help each other when necessary. Or a married woman just secretly dreams of a new love, imagines what marriage would be like, sex with this man. But everything remains in dreams, the relationship does not go further than that.
It would seem that in this situation purity is preserved, there is no cheating. Over time, feelings weaken, pass into friendship, or collapse, making the once lovers strangers to each other.
However, the estrangement between wife and husband still appears in the couple, which can lead to divorce.
Saying “no” to feelings.
Married women with a strong will can simply say no to new feelings. Family, husband, position in society, their own views on life turn out to be stronger than falling in love.
Perhaps the rejection will be accompanied by tears, a sense of irreplaceable loss, and in the future sad memories, but in the present decision is made, which seems the only true. This gives the strength to move on and be as happy as possible.
What makes this path different from wisdom is that you do not find a compromise with your husband, you make the decision yourself.
Which path you choose is up to you. The main thing if you are married and fall in love with another man, stay human, respect yourself and those around you.