A guy left without explaining the reason.

Why a man disappears without explanation: psychologists’ answers, what to do

“Why does a man leave a relationship without explanation?” – A question that torments hundreds of thousands of women around the world. How many times has this happened to you or someone you know. You date a guy, there’s chemistry between you and everything is going in the right direction, and then, bam!…and he just disappears from your life. You have no idea why your lover has suddenly stopped all contact and you start desperately calling and texting to make sure he hasn’t had a terrible accident or something else terrible has happened to the guy.

When you get no response to your agitated voicemails, you start leaving already angry ones, demanding that there be an explanation. But you don’t get a response to any of them. Not only does the man leave without explanation, but he suddenly stops writing you and responding to messages. Let’s figure out what’s going on in this situation.


After you have called him the most offensive swear word you could think of, then from the realization that the guy is gone without explanation and does not respond, there is a feeling of a complete vacuum. You can’t stop crying and feel like you can’t move on with your life until you know the real reason for this action.

You really felt like things were going well, you saw him recently, you were having a good time together and there’s confidence that the guy felt the same way! And then something like this happened.

Those close to you assure you that it’s not your fault, but how can you know for sure?

You wish you could just start dating someone else again, but you’re afraid the situation will happen again. What if you start to feel comfortable with another guy, start thinking about a future together, and he leaves without explanation? This kind of perception of what happened is harmful and doesn’t help you move on.

Blaming yourself or the guy who dumped you makes no sense.

There is a good chance that you will never know what was going on in your ex’s head when he decided to leave. But there are some basic reasons, which can be assumed with a high degree of probability.

Why People Disappear

If you ask psychologists why men leave women without explanation, they’ll tell you the following. Everyone has had many good and bad relationships in his life before he met you. It is this previous experience that most influences the perception of what true love should be. This can include not only romantic relationships, but also any interactions with other people who have taught them a lesson and caused them to become what they are now.

If the type of relationship with the new girl doesn’t match the image that sits in their head, guys don’t hold on to that kind of dating.

The reason why a man leaves without explanation may be something the girl did, or it may have nothing to do with her at all.

Guys learn to trust or not trust women and evaluate them based on their subjective experience alone. You can’t control this process, but you have the power to influence your own experience.

This can be discouraging and make the one you care about disappear again without a trace. There are a few habits you can develop in yourself so you don’t feel so vulnerable and regain your confidence even after some man has suddenly dumped without explanation.

Why they don’t tell you in person

Because it’s an uncomfortable conversation that the guy doesn’t want to start. It’s very simple. Also, guys just aren’t as good at dealing with emotions and emotional situations as women are, so they avoid them.

If girls just don’t like breakup conversations, guys just don’t dig them and despise them.

In terms of male psychology, it’s better to walk over burning coals than to tell a girl to her face that they’re not in love with her. That’s why men disappear without explanation.

In most cases he will think that the girl herself understands everything perfectly well, so there is no need to explain anything. Actually, the reasons for disappearances are secondary, the main thing is the fact itself.

If the guy disappeared, it’s because he’s not the one you want.

He wouldn’t make a list of reasons why he would never see you or talk to you again. It’s hard to accept, especially if you really liked the guy, but you just have to believe it’s for the best.

Let’s break down step by step what to do and how to get over the moment when a man is missing without explanation.

Do not write or call under any circumstances!

You can’t let him take your dignity with him. Girls like to think up all sorts of reasons why you need to initiate contact, but really you just need to break off communication!

For example: “I want to know how he’s doing. I need to tell him about this really funny thing that happened.” Stop!

You need to realize that if he has stopped initiating contact, he is no longer interested in you.

The sooner you get over that fact, the better it will be in the long run. Remember, if he wanted to talk to you, he would do it.

Don’t take it personally.

The next tip is how to behave when a guy disappears without explanation. In such cases, the girl almost inevitably feels self-doubt: “What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough?”

You didn’t do anything wrong and are “good enough” to have the relationship you want with a man. It’s just that the ex wasn’t the right one.

There are plenty of gorgeous, smart, funny, successful, amazing women who have had men go missing, and the fact in no way made those girls worse.

A guy can lose interest for a variety of reasons, and it often has more to do with him than it does with you.

The worst thing you can do is start blaming yourself. This behavior will eat away at your self-esteem and push away any potential suitors that may come along.

Your status in a relationship should never determine your worth as a person.

Get busy doing something.

Universal advice on what to do in case a man goes missing without explanation, as with most painful experiences – time will heal.

To make the process go faster, occupy yourself as much as you can. Immerse yourself in work, spend time with friends, check out a new museum or restaurant, try a new workout or a hobby – everything is limited only by your imagination.

Stick to an active rhythm of life so that negative thoughts don’t have a chance to slip through.

Don’t check it out on VK, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any other social network. If you feel the need to check in, go watch funny videos on YouTube or call a friend.

Staying busy and keeping your life fun and fulfilling will put you in a better position to attract a much better guy.

Choose your new man wisely

To keep a man from disappearing without explanation, you need to choose the candidates you want to date wisely and cautiously. Does he have a habit of developing long-term partnerships? Or have his longest romances been a few months or less?

Understand exactly what you’re looking for right now. By no means settle for the redemptive notion that he can one day change if he loves enough. That’s cheating.

Always remember that men who say they aren’t looking for commitment mean exactly that. There is a high probability that such a guy disappears without explanation, so if a short relationship is unacceptable to you, do not even start communicating with them.

Take your time.

You need to remember what stage the relationship is at in the here and now and don’t pin your expectations on what may be sometime in the future. Men usually don’t think so immediately about such distant prospects as marriage or children. If you do the same, you can look at things the same way.

He’s just enjoying his fourth date with a girl he recognizes.

It’s up to you to decide when you’re ready to kiss or have sex. It should come naturally, not be tied to a lot of abstract social rules.

If you feel really bad after having sex and the guy disappears without explanation, you need to pay more attention to your emotions before agreeing to intimate contact in the future.

Get rid of your obsession.

If you don’t want a man to one day disappear without explanation, remember that just because you can text your partner doesn’t mean you have to do it. Your boredom shouldn’t become his problem.

Make the conversations comfortable for both of you.

If you are talking on the phone, consider whether he is answering out of politeness or actively engaged in the conversation. Clarify in advance when you want to call and how long you will talk, and most importantly, stick to the limit. You’ll be surprised at how much it helps that someone wants to pick up the phone when you call.

How to keep yourself safe

If you want a beau to be honest and forthright, you need to be a woman he can tell you anything.

For example. If you are having a deep and frank conversation about personal matters, and the man trustingly tells you that he cheated on his ex in the past, at this point the reaction is of utmost importance. If you react indignantly and want to know if he’s seeing someone else right now, next time, he’ll think twice about whether to tell something candid.

He will be tempted to lie or not tell the truth, and then the man will just stop communicating without explanation. Whether or not this happens is 100% up to the character of the guy himself, but you shouldn’t force him to lie.

The chances of a guy telling the truth increase dramatically if he knows that you can share intimate things with the girl next to him and not be judged.

Listen to your partner carefully with an open mind and heart.

Then there will be absolute confidence that you are valuable in anything other than physical attraction.


Following these guidelines is essential:

  • Realize that if the disappearing partner doesn’t get in touch, he doesn’t want to communicate with you. This does not depend on you.
  • Make the most of your time so you don’t want to write to your ex-boyfriend.
  • Start living in the present moment and enjoying every step of dating instead of being fixated on the future.
  • Take an honest look at the future candidate, realizing that he or she won’t change over time.
  • Be a happy and confident woman who understands that she will be fine, because happiness depends only on herself, not on the actions of others.

Being in a painful search for answers why this or that man left without explanation, try to quickly cope with the emerging distrust of all others, because if you do not, you will turn into a suspicious or even evil person, who carries a negative message to everyone with whom he meets.

Gone English. Why do men disappear without even giving a reason?

Everything was going fine – until he suddenly disappeared without explanation. What was the matter? Alexander Biryukov, writer and author of “Being a Woman. Being with a Man.”

If a man did not call back after the first date, then everything is clear: she did not like it. But it happens that behind a dozen meetings and you’re even thinking about what you name your firstborn, and the man suddenly – suddenly – and disappears. At the messages he answers less and less frequently, or does not get in touch at all, although the posts in social networks do not forget. You are perplexed. Has he decided to break up? If so, why didn’t he tell you?

Why did he disappear?

You’re right. It seems like the man really doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. There could be several reasons.

One, you’ve done something very wrong. Well, or he perceives your action as such, and it is impossible to continue the relationship after that. It can be a serious insult or a heavy lie, meanness, cruel and persistent manipulation, demonstrative disrespect for the man.

Or maybe you stayed at your ex’s place out of old memory, or maybe you left a corporate event with a colleague? This is called treason, and a normal man will not forgive her. He now even to communicate with the traitor is unpleasant, and he does not think it necessary to explain what is already clear to all.

The second reason: you’re not alone. It happens, the man meets with several girls at the same time. Womanizer it or just a casting call for the title of the best woman – is not so important. What matters is that you did not win the contest, and he does not get in touch because he has a second passion. Or third. Or fifth. Or even all of them. If that’s the case, be glad you’re not in their shoes. Better to be out of a relationship altogether than in a relationship with a womanizer. Good thing he got lost after the sixth date, not after the sixth year of living together, when you already have two children and an apartment with a mortgage.

Why didn’t he tell you?

There is also a third reason, which causes the most questions for women. The reason is simple: he’s a wuss. But not because he broke up, but because he did it silently.

To begin with a little literacy. If you roughly divide men into categories, you will find three: leaders, weaklings and middlings. The latter in the company of friends behave like alpha males, but with a woman turns into a henchman.

Leader – like a good captain on the ship. He determines the course of the ship, giving orders and strictly ensuring that they were carried out accurately and on time. If someone in the team executes an order incorrectly, the captain asks them to redo it. And those who constantly make mistakes or resent them, he writes them off on dry land in the nearest port.

In relations with the other sex, the leader behaves the same way. He regards a woman as a helper who follows him, his man, listens to his requests and tries to fulfill them. If he does not like something in the behavior of his companion, he will directly say so and ask him to change his behavior. Such a man is not afraid that his remark to the woman will not like it, that she will be outraged and make a scandal. He knows very well what he needs and he does not see the point in going along with the others. And if his girlfriend refuses or is not able to change her behavior, then the leader will part with her and find a more compliant one. He has a choice, there are a lot of people willing to meet with such a person.

The weakling behaves quite differently. He is deprived of women’s attention, and that is why he is afraid of a woman’s anger and never defies her. What if she gets angry?! What if she leaves?! Better to be with one than with none! But all patience comes to an end. And when a man realizes that the strength no longer, he takes the path of least resistance and simply disappears. Quietly and quietly, clearing the way for a “black list” and the silent SIM-cards.

And the woman is lost in the guesswork: “We met, everything seemed normal. I did not cheat, no insults, no manipulation, and he did not look like a womanizer. Even the opposite – quiet, calm, at home. What happened?”. Nothing happened. Just a man did not like that the woman smoked in front of him, or he was annoyed with her friend, or accumulated other complaints. But instead of directly saying “Spare me, please, from the company of Katya,” the weakling preferred to quietly flee. He was panicked afraid of possible female discontent.

Why such?

Weakness or polygamy men are not your problem. But whatever the reasons, you still have reason to wonder if men are constantly disappearing after a few dates amidst what you think is complete peace of mind. What are you doing wrong? What makes a man leave without saying goodbye?

And if there is no good reason like there is, then why do you attract into your life only weaklings and womanizers? Why don’t you get someone who will at least tell you directly what he’s not satisfied with?

Wimps are attracted to women with a matriarchal, authoritarian upbringing. They do not follow the man, they are their own men. Of course, the leader does not need such: it is not enough in his “cave”, his rear to arrange the rank fights. And with whom? With the one whose task is to support and create psychological comfort in the couple. No, he doesn’t need a second man in the family. But a weak man would be fine. You don’t have to make decisions, and there’s someone to take responsibility. Just go with the flow, that’s all. And sometimes you have to take orders from your mistress. That’s all right, you can pay for the comfort of irresponsibility. That’s why wimps are very readily attracted to matriarchal women.

It’s a little harder with womanizers. Some believe that they are attracted to available women. Others say it’s the subtle ones. But I think, womanizers attract women who do not know themselves, firmly decided for themselves, what they want. If a woman clearly understands that she is looking for a husband, and not a casual flirtation, then she will understand this. Womanizer just will not have anything to latch on to, because to become a father of the family he is not burning desire and will not stay in your life.

Published in the June (2017) issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. The publication on my website has been approved by the magazine’s editorial board.

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