Not getting up on a girl you like – all the ways to fix the situation
When it comes to casual liaisons, a man can have a thousand excuses when he fails. “The dick didn’t get up because she’s ugly.” “She’s older than the Pyramids of Egypt.” “She’s had a thousand guys before me, why would I go there?” and so on.
But, when it comes to sex with the girl you love and your dick begins to fail, it’s serious, but not insurmountable. And he’s the contagion, sometimes he gets up when he wants to: at work, on the bus, in a guest, but on the eve of sex with your beloved, he refuses to fulfill its important function.
When it happens once, you can forget about it. But when the penis does not get up on his girlfriend the second, third and even fourth time, the male self-esteem flies to hell, and the guy feels almost like the last recluse on the planet. In this article we will analyze all the possible causes of this problem and their elimination.
Erectile dysfunction – not a sentence
To begin with I would like to understand some unfairness of life and to dot all the i’s and t’s. See how it turns out that if a woman is not aroused and does not want sex, then the guy is to blame for this situation. That’s how most people think and that’s how most people think. If a man is not aroused and his dick shows no signs of life, then again the blame falls entirely on the stronger sex.
Many girls naively believe that a man sees a naked lady and that’s it, his penis rises as if by magic. Yes, this is possible, but only in cases where the body man significantly ravenous for female caresses. Long business trips and prolonged abstinence proves it.
In other cases, the naked girlfriend is not always able to excite her charms. And then the guy begins to creep into the head of bad thoughts: “Maybe I’m impotent?”, “Has come to old age, although I’m only 28 years old?”, “I do not love her?” and a bunch of similar questions that only worsen the situation. The man begins to worry, to blame himself and the whole world, and it only makes things worse.
First, let’s look at the 3 main types of erectile dysfunction. They will give us an understanding of certain things that will help us with the problem.
- Flaccid Friend . The penis gets up, but remains flaccid. You can’t do much with a fighter like that.
- Giving up positions . Dick stands up perfectly, like a brave soldier on parade. But as soon as it comes to the moment of entering the woman’s womb he falls like the last coward, and from the former boner is not even a trace.
- Certain conditions . Yes, there are times when a man sometimes needs exclusive conditions to be fully aroused. For example, sex only on this bed, only with the light on and in one sock, or until the girl sings the Zimbabwean anthem, then the penis will not give signs of life. That happens, too, and it also refers to erectile dysfunction.
With the types of dysfunction everything is clear, but we need to understand what exactly drives our penis in those or other situations.
Causes of erection and their antagonists
For a week he does not get up on the girl he loves, and on other occasions he gets up so much that you cannot bulldoze him. Why is that? It’s simple. There are many factors that come into play that can positively and negatively affect an erection. Let’s start with the positive ones:
- Reflex erection . It usually occurs spontaneously and there can be many reasons for it. You scratch your cajones (balls) and your dick rises as if on command, the girl presses her firm ass against you and you’re ready for sexual exploits;
- Psychogenic erection . It includes any boner that is not caused by tactile contact. Erotic thoughts, perhaps a stimulating smell, pictures, videos, and the like. All these, too, can serve as stimuli for a good erection.
Tactile and other sensations are good. But, men should not forget about the main thing. About what provides a good erection. And this is primarily a male hormone – testosterone. Thanks to it, your penis will stand like a stone and minimize the risk of screwing up in bed.
The antagonists of a good erection can be the following factors:
- Fatigue. Excessive fatigue is in no way conducive to quality sex. Do not blame and blame yourself in such cases;
- A violation of the normal blood supply to the penis;
- Excessive nervousness. In the age of stress, this is almost the main factor;
- Hormonal failure.
Often several factors can overlap on top of each other. As a result, the man gets erectile dysfunction and is ready to bury himself in terms of a wealthy sex partner. This is a premature measure. After all, as we’ve learned, it can all be fixed.
Now let’s take a closer look at the possible causes of dysfunction and determine how you can fix them.
11 main reasons for the lack of a good erection
First of all, we would like to warn you right away. Any cause of malaise can be triggered by a variety of sources. And to determine what is the root of your problem will help your doctor. Therefore, do not be afraid to address this issue to professionals from the world of medicine.
The order of doctor visits should be as follows: first doctors specializing in physiology (endocrinologist, urologist or venereologist), and if they do not identify abnormalities, you can also go to the shrink (psychotherapist, sexologist or other specialists in this field).
If you have health like an astronaut, but your penis occasionally fails, then read the list of the main reasons below and you will surely find an item that fits your situation perfectly.
Repetition of the first failure
If a man’s first sexual encounter was marred by some kind of failure (he came early, experienced pain, or delivered it to his chosen one), the lingering fear of a repeat can directly affect his erection later on.
Remember the saying about the first pancake? So take it from here. Do not dwell on the disappointing mistake and believe that through the experience you have gained, you will be able to fully satisfy your girlfriend and raise your own self-esteem accordingly.
We all have a different character and temperament of behavior. Can’t get it up for the girl you love because she’s throwing herself at you for the third time in one day and you’re already exhausted? The problem isn’t you or her. You just have different sexual temperaments.
In this case, it is better to find a girl with a sexual temperament that suits your sexual constitution. To ruin yourself with the idea that you can’t satisfy a nymphomaniac is a waste of nerve resources. In the end such a relationship will not end well.
Do not forget that every year we are not getting younger, but on the contrary, getting older. Over the years we gradually accumulate a whole collection of various ailments. All of these, in one way or another, affect the dysfunction.
Two things can help here: a healthy lifestyle and proper nutrition.
If you’re very exhausted during the day, what sex can you talk about in the evening. Yes, maybe you are mentally ready to fuck a battalion of models, but the body that requires rest. And there is no time for feats in the sex arena.
There is a solution. A few hours of sound sleep will help you with this. After 3-4 hours of sleep you can not only satisfy your partner, but also get a good sexual release.
Sedentary lifestyle and a love of junk food
It is no secret that a sedentary position provokes stagnation of blood in the pelvis. So what kind of sex do you want, if everything is stagnant below? Where is the penis going to get the blood for its strength? The same goes for the unhealthy foods we like to consume: beer, pizza, hamburgers, and so on. All of this leads to gaining excess weight and growing a beer belly. And then another proverb comes to mind, which gives a very good analogy with watermelon – The tummy grows and the tail dries up.
Limit yourself in the intake of unhealthy foods. Exercise. Positive results will not be long in coming.
Alcohol and other stimulants
The myth that alcohol, all sorts of powders and pills make you an alpha male, has long been debunked. Yes, in certain cases it helps to relax and not feel stressed before sex. But, often people start abusing these substances and end up only making things worse.
The Beauty and the Beast
I do not want to offend the female half of society, but there are cases like this. A girl wants you to have unrestrained sex, and you banal do not want it? Do you know? Naturally, in this case you can not get it up. And if this is accompanied by an insult to your manhood, it’s sure to stick in your head.
Don’t get hung up on accusations like that. You can’t fuck all women. Exceptions have to be made, and dysfunction has nothing to do with it. It’s just that not every girl fits your sexual needs.
Improper sex education.
Although, more accurately, the lack of it in our lives. Since childhood, we adhere to the stereotypes that society imposed on us. This is allowed and this is not allowed. Naturally, all of this carries over into sexual relationships. What’s allowed in bed? What if she doesn’t like it? What if I don’t like it?
Such doubts make erectile dysfunction show itself in all its glory. Where to enjoy sex? Do not be afraid to talk to your partner about her preferences and inhibitions. This way you will remove all the questions that torment you and your penis will stand up without distracting yourself with unnecessary doubts.
The most favorite helper of dysfunction. What if she is sick? What if she gets pregnant? What if she slept with three men last night? What kind of sex can we talk about when there are so many terrible questions in your head, and you can’t get an answer to them.
Why torture yourself with such stupid scare stories. In this age, there are enough contraceptives to help you enjoy sex and not have to think about what if, suddenly or maybe.
Asexuality and Gracexuality
Asexuality. It affects only 1% of all men living on the planet. Basically, the term is the absence of sex drive. A man’s sex work is normal, but he has no desire, and that’s it. It has nothing to do with sexual impotence. It’s just that an asexual man, on a psychological level, doesn’t need sex.
Gracexuality. This is a term for people whose dick can only stand up on a certain type of woman. For example, she has to be bald, wear horn-rimmed glasses, and in size 72 pantaloons. Or a blonde with a mole above her upper lip. That’s it, a guy with such a predilection simply can’t get it up for other women, even if you look like a top model.
Passion has subsided.
All couples deal with this, and there’s no getting around it. At first, every couple, at every opportunity, tries to jump into bed. Over time, the sexual passion subsides somewhat and we notice that sex happens less and less frequently. Men immediately blame themselves for sexual weakness, but it’s not about dysfunction.
It’s just that we need to bring variety into the relationship. Including in relationships on the bed front. And then life will play with new colors and your union with a woman will only strengthen, leaving in the background memories of his failure as a man.
Practical tips for when you periodically can not get it up
Recommendations for when you can’t get it up on your girlfriend are few, but they all carry practical benefits for the man.
- Do not wind yourself up about the failed time. Run through the list above one more time, find your problem and eradicate it. Maybe you just need a good night’s rest (sleep) or limit your alcohol consumption.
- In case your girlfriend is a flame and you’ve stopped feeling attracted, don’t run to your friends for advice. Go to the doctor and get a full examination. You may have a hormonal imbalance and a drop in testosterone levels. It’s all solvable and there’s no need to try folk remedies.
- Be less nervous. It’s clear that in our world it’s difficult to avoid stressful situations, but you can learn to look at them differently and therefore filter out all the negativity, not inflating it to universal proportions. Again, sports will help in this. Note that athletes have a great deal of stress tolerance. So why don’t you adopt this as well.
- Less masturbation. Frequent masturbation to porn will have a bad effect on real life in the aftermath. The quality of real sex will fall and you will only have yourself to blame.
We are confident that this article has answered your question – what to do if you can not get up on your girlfriend? You only have to apply in practice the recommendations proposed by us. Be happy and the most important thing Healthy!
Laugh and go to sleep: what to do if he does not get up?
Nothing foreboded trouble, quiet and smooth, spread out bed … and then, as if the ancient Chinese curse broke the jade rod samurai. It was as if the Tower of Pisa had languidly tilted and finally fallen. You conjured like a snake charmer, delicately pretending that everything was normal, fighting the sweat on your forehead. But at some point you had to admit the obvious – your male friend has surrendered and is quietly preparing to go to sleep. What to do if your partner’s penis won’t stand up? What are the causes of such a delicate problem and how to get out of it with the elegance of a queen, not a sea urchin? You don’t go to your mom and girlfriends with this. Fortunately, you have this article.
Any sexologist will tell you that there can be about as many reasons for penile sluggishness as there are for female logic. They are dealt with after the fact, when the lights are on, the first embarrassment has passed, and there is a glass of wine in hand to calm the nerves. Lack of an erection – it’s the same first, teenage sex, only with minus sign: no one knows what to do, all participants terribly ashamed and everyone tries to pretend as much as possible that they are just dabbling here buns. Consider first the most important thing you should do or not do in the first minutes, when it becomes obvious – the disaster is unavoidable, the Titanic goes down, and your excellent evening is already at the bottom with him.
Memo to a survivor in bed: your first actions
First and foremost, don’t jump to conclusions. Once you got into bed, and you fearfully, but with interest felt his underpants – do not hurry disappointed to roll your eyes. Men aren’t much different from us, no matter how much books and courses convince us. Your rider needs time, too, especially if he’s getting used to a new stall. If time goes by, you’re panting, but no results, then make a mental note of some things and never forget them. You may forget Margarita’s recipe or your mom’s birthday, but these tips will help you not lose your boyfriend.
1. jokes aside.
For God’s sake, for all the powers of nature, for the sake of the precepts of “Sex and the City” and the normal future life of this poor guy – don’t laugh. I mean, I hope you’re not a moral monster and that pointing and laughing is the worst thing you can think of in that situation (even just making big eyes and jumping out the window like Zoro isn’t so bad). But there are some ladies who’s panic and twisted sense of humor might suggest, “Hey, girlfriend, awkwardness can be smoothed over with a joke.” So no “he who gets up late, no one gives him” and other jokes for three hundred. No laughing and showing off your sense of humor. Remember, a woman’s laughter in bed during a problematic situation is years of a guy with complexes and an inability to relax normally with a girl.
2. No coaxing.
Sex is not diplomacy, to persuade the “baby” to get up here is simply impossible. Incredibly stupid-looking lady, who deliberately affectionate voice, as if referring to a mentally ill, whispering: “Well, try, baby, baby, get up, get up.” It makes me want to mock in the manner of “Get up and walk!”, only the penis has no ears, but the guy has nerves, which are already failing, and then there’s the entreaty. If it worked, we’d be controlling men in bed like toys.
3. no hot games.
Trying to ride a dying horse is breaking your legs. That’s not an old cowboy adage-it’s a fact of life. So just imagine how you’d scare even a stern man, who’s already all deactivated, if you jumped on him with crazy eyes flying out of his orbits, in an attempt to revive him except with terror.
4. No ignoring.
Demonstrably turn your head to the side and actively start editing your profile in Tinder, too. Neither is simply looking away. Neither is picking up your phone. Neither should leaving for another room. He certainly doesn’t want to be left face to face with the problem.
5. Deny the obvious.
Let’s face it, such a scenario just seems incredibly stupid. If only because you can’t keep it up forever, and the more you do, the more disgusting it will be. You’ll end up with him literally poking you in the face with his fallen penis, and you look the other way and just exclaim, “What did you say, honey? What? I can’t hear you, did you lose your condom?” You insult me, and you also make me think you clearly have an IQ problem.
So what should we do?
Let’s proceed from the fact that this situation happened once or twice, because, and we will touch on this, if it is constant, then there is no time for shyness and denial of the obvious. First of all you have to put aside panic and act like a soldier – collected and clear. Fell down, did push-ups. That is, remove the stupid smile and exhale.
1. Do not panic.
There are times in every man’s life when it didn’t work out. This should be remembered, because it is from the feeling that everything is normal and should be repelled. If you make a tragedy out of it, and in the first place, you will create it – all this really becomes a Shakespearian drama in three acts. A large-scale study in the U.S., in 1992, which involved 3,000 men, found that men reach orgasm 90% of the time. The same survey found that 85% of men have had trouble getting an erection at least once in their lives.
Women should understand that for men, foreplay is also very important. During them, the vagina produces a special secret that facilitates intercourse, both the partner and the partner. They also psychologically dispose to a normal, erect state.
You see, even normal stroking can affect the erection. Affect it in general can literally everything – a bad mood, insecurity, problems at work, rain on Thursday. So, of course, it’s good that you think of your stud as a sex machine, but you’d better not forget that he is also a man. Besides, you can always revive the passion in the bedroom by using sex toys that guarantee an orgasm. After realizing that he can bring you to the peak of bliss and without an erection, the man will stop dwelling on the problem. he will become calmer and easier – this is an important step towards regaining strength and health.
2. Control your emotions
You have to be as calm as a killer on the case. A killer who shoots your partner’s insecurities. Don’t show with your face that you’re upset, angry, frustrated, that it made you laugh. Be calm, friendly. Surely your mother told you that men are like children, and in this situation you can see that.
3. Engage in dialogue.
Yes, I’m well aware that it’s not easy for you either, and that at a moment like this you dream of being anywhere, even in Jurassic Park. But just imagine the excitement of the guy in this case. It’s much, much harder and more hurtful for him than it is for you. Assure him that it’s okay. Reassure him that you’re not offended. Say even the usual platitudes – it happens to everyone, it will work out next time. Just try not to pity and not to sympathize – men can not stand pity and feel flawed.
4. Try to get revenge in the morning.
A morning erection is like a jackpot for those who one hundred percent want to get a “boner” from a guy.
Even trying to resist nature, 90% of men get a morning erection. This is also the time when it is easiest to get him aroused and bring him to orgasm. These are normal evolutionary mechanisms that have not gone away for thousands of years.
Unfortunately, the list of actions is simple and small, but it is no less effective. Just don’t shut down, be calm and friendly – it will already be enough to make him relax. Statistics tell us that 85% have had problems with an erection at least once. Well, with such a high percentage, sooner or later you would have gotten into this situation anyway. So it’s not a tragedy. Women don’t have orgasms for many reasons, the stronger part of humanity isn’t ironclad either.
If you can’t get it up once or twice.
So now, like Indiana Jones, let’s get to the treasure of the truth, why does this happen and what should we even do? Let’s look at the statistics and reassure ourselves. According to a 2014 University of Kansas survey, the top reasons for one-time erection problems can be identified.
It’s not just that you might have a headache and just be out of sorts, and get off in general. It’s unthinkable to imagine a man not wanting sex. How so, he’s a macho man, he’s a male. Advertising and mainstream media have played a cruel joke-it’s impossible to refuse intercourse. But things aren’t so rosy in real life. Most guys will say that they don’t get it up because they’re not in the mood, tired, discouraged, and so on.
2. This is your first time.
It’s a nightmare and a terrible injustice, but you can’t fight nature. I understand that it’s frustrating in about the same way as the ending of “Breaking Bad.” But excitement plays its part. Imagine yourself in his shoes. You spend a long time wooing a girl, you sweat all night in a restaurant, and you exhaust yourself looking for topics to talk about when she’s sitting next to you, smiling and smelling really good and even laughing at jokes, then you have to figure out how to lure her home without being seen as a slut, then you have to strip down and face her like you’re on judgement day, in whatever the hell you’re wearing, and not sure if you have a dong to kill with. So…
3. Frequent masturbation.
And my mother said that I should not play alone at home, and frightened me with all sorts of horror stories that my arm would get hairy! She didn’t, it was much worse. Constantly stimulating “buddy”, the man accustoms him to “hard” sensations, and yet in the vagina everything is quite gentle and lamplight. There’s only one way out, and it’s obviously not to the guys’ liking. Take a temporary lunch of Bezporniya and like the monks from Shaolin, do not face or encourage yourself by looking at the charms of Sasha Grey.
Caresses must be just enough to inflame, but not to bore. If you spend good forty minutes working like a kite, hovering over his penis, your partner can simply burn out. The penis can get tired, too. Tantric, relaxed sex can help you.
5. You’re too hot.
Yes, yes, that’s an interesting reason to round out the list. It’s about the same as with overexcitement. A man may find you too, straight up too sexy and attractive that he just gets lost in your presence. Even if you’re not a model, let’s not discount good old-fashioned love. The truth is pretty funny: a guy will more willingly and easily hook up with a lady who is ugly to him, but with a beauty in his mind will be nervous. So don’t rush to get complexes and take a vow of chastity.
A systematic problem
It is much worse if the problem does not disappear for months or years. Often, you need a specialist, not just talk and articles on the Internet.
The sooner the man goes to the doctor, the less problems and their consequences will be. If you procrastinate, you may end up having an operation and a long course with a psychologist.
But remember, there is still a small chance that your partner’s behavior is the norm of his health. All people have different temperaments, which is why it is so important to pay attention to compatibility. Only a doctor will be able to tell if this is really the case. If a long time a man has no erection or it is, but very weak (the penis does not stand up to the end), the reasons may lie in anatomical defects – a violation of the arterial system, the failure of the nerve signal, defeat genital muscles.
It also happens that guys have endocrine problems. But along with this you will notice that your boyfriend began to talk like a musical star, thin and loud, he does not grow a beard and generally hair underarms and other areas, and the thighs and buttocks began to show fat (and this is not from what you feed it exclusively pelmeshki).
What exactly can you do?
If the doctor has not identified serious problems that require medication, there may be generally trivial reasons for the state of unsteadiness.
1. Improper diet.
Stop feeding him like he was slaughtered, and he will be fine. Increase the vegetation, protein, less junk food and smaller portions. You’ll see improvements in a month. Do not be squeamish also natural aphrodisiacs.
Foreplay is not only caresses, but also the atmosphere and food. The most effective natural aphrodisiacs are ginger, oysters, asparagus, artichoke, onions, red meat. They help even with the strongest sexual impotence.
2. Addiction to alcohol and smoking
Now remember that cute inscription on cigarettes, “Smoking Causes Impotence.” Remember? So don’t be surprised if he smokes a pack a day. Alcohol, too. A glass of wine before sex will relax and set the mood, but a bottle will make him sluggish and end up snoring on you.
3. Fatigue and Stress
Trouble at work, cramps, and insomnia can also affect your erection. So once he gets a good night’s sleep and feels like the king of the office again, you’ll be frolicking in bed again.
Misfires happen to everyone, whether it’s a porn actor, Vasya from next door or your stud. Treat the situation more easily, do not turn away from the man, and then he will appreciate you twice as much, knowing that you accept it and so. And he will be afraid to leave you for someone else, because she will not necessarily be as patient.