Why girls like girls: how to understand feelings and what to do in this case
By education – school psychologist. I have more than 7 years of experience in copywriting. For me copywriting is an art.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.
Love – something completely unpredictable. Some people meet the one and only for life, while others have to go through fire, water and brass pipes in search of the true other half. Some are lucky and his feelings are always bright and mutual, some are experiencing severe emotional breakdowns after learning about the next betrayal. Some people are understood, some are ignored. Sometimes between people of the same sex really flares animal passion and delicate reverent feelings.
Why do girls love girls? Let’s try to figure it out, although the basic answer is the same – the unity of souls does not tolerate interference and restrictions.
At a young age the relationship between boys and girls is usually very unstable. Today, Lesha and Julia are walking together, laughing and furiously discussing an episode of their favorite TV series. Tomorrow his friends will tell the boy that it is not respectable to be friends with girls. Julia’s heart will break at the wall of indifference that has unexpectedly divided her from her best friend and the object of a child’s affection.
But she always has someone to turn to, to tell all the secret experiences and relieve the heavy burden of sadness and grief. Her friend Natasha always listens, hugs and will never betray. She likes communicating with Julia. After school the girls often spend the night at each other’s house. They have a lot of secrets to talk about. And the common interests are much more than with strange Leshko without his own opinion.
Between young girls in puberty very strong and close emotional bonds are built. The boundaries of friendship is often destroyed, because the young soul feels real sympathy for her friend, not afraid to get a rejection or ridicule in his address. It’s about the first kisses and caresses girls practice with each other.
And for more on why girls get turned on by girls, read our article further down the link.
It’s not even about the actual presence of lesbian tendencies. It’s just that the girlfriend is the closest person. In a constant environment does not appear any guy who could be perceived as well as girlfriend Natashka. So fleeting crushes on girls happen. They, of course, most often end with the appearance of boys and romantic courtship on their part.
There is nothing scary or objectionable about girls being attracted to girls. It is a well-known fact that females always mature faster than males. This can be seen even in the wildlife and its inhabitants. It is because the guys do not even think about sexual experimentation, and the girls are waiting for romance and tenderness, there are short-term affairs with friends.
She is my reflection.
If we talk about the relationships that are built by representatives of the opposite sexes, they often stop for the same reason – we do not understand each other and do not seek to learn the motives of the partner.
There are no such nuances in the question of why girls become lesbians. Yes, two women are indeed more likely to find common ground. At the moment of a quarrel, even if both are on the verge of boiling, the main reasons are clear to both sides of the conflict. Women can negotiate more easily because they think along similar lines.
Men don’t always pay attention to romance or tender courtship. On the relationship side, girls can easily avoid such problems because both understand what they want from their partner.
Emotional intimacy comes more quickly. There are many more common interests than with the most attentive male partner. Advice and support is always there. And they are exactly as they want to see and hear. Again, because they understand.
By the way, many women explicitly state that even in an age of progress and tolerance, they often came face to face with ardent sexists and misogynists. Such a rude and unpleasant attitude of many men can hurt a woman’s self-esteem.
A girl, on the other hand, will never utter silly stereotypical opinions that you are a bad driver, not rational, stupid or overly naive. Sometimes the inclination to have a relationship with another girl comes from experiencing trauma directly from members of the male aggressive community.
Think about how often women share their experiences with close girlfriends. They have a tendency to express their feelings verbally, it is important to be heard. So any maiden sorrow quickly transformed into a vague memory.
Moreover, the joyful events are also shared in the first place with his mother or a girlfriend. They certainly be able to fully experience the emotions of his beloved woman. Thus, even the psychotypes of different women are more easily compatible than the female and male perception of reality.
It is interesting that even among heterosexual girls it is quite normal and natural to show sympathy and eroticism towards another female representative. This can be seen in any relationship between girls literally every day.
In social networks women give likes and write comments with lots of emoticons and hearts to other beauties. A kiss upon meeting or a friendly hug is the norm. Walking many hold hands, which is usually typical for a guy and a girl. They openly exchange compliments.
No one will be embarrassed if one woman touched the other’s breasts or slapped her ass. On March 8, women congratulate each other, give gifts and say nice words. Rarely do you meet two men who praise each other’s physical fitness or present each other with socks in a beautiful holiday wrap on February 23.
Avoiding Real Problems and Trying to Stand Out
Sometimes previous relationships with men drive a girl into a dead end. She can not figure out her own problems, falling into depression, feeling sorry for herself. If the emotional shock was quite strong, it can lead to the fact that the woman decides not to build a new relationship with a guy.
The self-esteem situation can also push a woman down the winding path of lesbian love. If a girl, by a certain point, has not met a decent man who is able to satisfy all her needs and desires, then out of despair there can be transitions to the other side of love.
Problems at work, misunderstanding of a spouse, transition of children are the causes of neurosis in women. Often no one wants to listen to them, support them or understand them. A woman must be strong. You need to always and everywhere to be in time. The stigma of being a “bad mother” is easy to get.
You do not take care of your husband, and you’re in the clouds. In general, the condemnation of society in relation to women of different ages, professions and religious beliefs is full. It is not so easy to cope with such pressure.
But there is a close friend, a kindred spirit. She understands me. That’s what many girls think before they get into a bisexual relationship. Read more about girls and relationships in the next article.
Why do girls like girls? Maybe not everyone is aware of their own actions. For many, it’s not love at all. So, an attempt to stand out against the standards of the modern world, or just an experiment.
Women fantasize much better than men. With a vivid imagination of their intimate fantasies become colorful, and so beckon to try something new. Probably every second girl can say that at least once she thought about such a sexual experience. And certainly not less than half have tried a relationship with another woman at least once.
Who comes up with the restrictions? People themselves establish standards and rules, decide what is normal for them, and what borders on illegality and madness. Nature did not write a set of rules in which love between girls is forbidden.
It’s just that someone analyzes his worldview and isn’t ashamed to admit that he is different from the rest. It’s a normal situation when a girl realizes that her pattern of behavior and lifestyle doesn’t really fit the image of a romantic and gentle person. She is active, has a strong combative character, is not afraid of difficulties, and is self-sufficient.
She wants to take care of someone and receive kindness and affection in return. Well, this scheme does not fit this brutal man with a mountain of muscle and a thick beard. And so it turns out that a woman begins to consider for a strong love affair and create a family other girls.
By the way, there is also pseudo-identification. In addition to psychological loss, it is influenced by strict prohibitions. Scientists have long ago set up many experiments, thanks to which the obvious truths have become clear. In a society where loyalty reigns and no strict penalties are imposed for violations of certain social norms, people are less likely to abuse trust and forbidden fruit.
Likewise, the same is true of the change of orientation. In countries where it is easy and simple, people often try and experiment and then return to traditional patterns of behavior. There is no encouragement, no discussion, and no increased attention. They just want to and do it, come to the conclusion that it’s not that and it’s not about me.
Pressure from the outside.
Girls who didn’t receive enough maternal care and love as children happen to look for a gentle and kind lover in adulthood. This is rare and is not the best explanation for lesbian relationships.
Rather, it is more about pressure from people who are close and authoritative to a person. If a girl had very strict teachers, coaches, parents, add to this cruel classmates at school, she may well succumb to the impulse and fall in love with the closest and most understanding person – her friend.
As a result, not everyone gets over it in time. Not every hurt and humiliated girl is willing to open her heart and soul to a man. And perhaps lesbians are the result of sad experiences with men.
Learning About Yourself
The possibility of a love and sexual connection with a girl has already been mentioned above, due to a desire for change and new experiences. Especially in adolescence, when the personality is still forming, there are no strong stable beliefs and stereotypes, people are eager to try new things in sex.
If it is quite normal and natural to change partners of men to compare and gain life experience, it is not reprehensible to make love with a girl. The maximum that can be expected is a denial of such a facet of one’s nature.
Girls like each other for a variety of reasons not even related to emotional contact. For example, strong-willed women who have achieved something worthwhile in their lives may be more than just role models. Women’s idols are not always men. Fan love is very often connected with sexual attraction to the object of sympathy and adoration.
The same goes for the question of exploring one’s own body. A man can practice his sex skills all he wants. However, women know the points for achieving orgasm, of which men have no idea.
The fact is that girls interact with their partner’s body precisely and accurately. Some things that men can afford to do make them uncomfortable. We are talking about excessive stimulation, strong pressure. Women’s hands are much gentler.
Another fact is that female intercourse can last as long as you want. There is no problem of premature ejaculation, the transience of foreplay.
Also, girls like girls for the fact that there is no need to be shy. In sex a lady rarely shows herself in a dominant position. Mainly the gentleman rules the ball. When two women interact sexually there is more chance for equality, alternating control of the process, mutual respect and attention. Complexes recede into the background.
There is no need to worry about your appearance, wrinkles on the sides, cellulite. After all, girls are much more loyal to the flaws of each other. There is no need to make a special impression and play the role of a fatal beauty or an obedient cutie. Everything happens naturally. Girls relax and can give themselves to the process completely.
Why do girls choose girls? The answers to this question are hundreds. For beauty, tenderness, attentiveness and sensuality. For the fact that you can be yourself and not put on a false mask to be liked. Girls understand each other at a glance. Perhaps that is why passionate love happens.
Why women love women
Why do women love women? Love between women has become a fairly common phenomenon and is practically no longer condemned, although it still makes many people wonder about such a choice. The phenomenon of lesbianism cannot be considered a tribute to fashion, because it has always existed, but now the veil of secrecy and censure is falling. In the same way, attitudes toward women have changed, starting with the right to a significant career advancement. All this affects and transforms interpersonal and intimate relationships, in which men are increasingly relegated to a wingman and passive position. This begins with the active desire of women to marry, but that is not the goal. Every woman wants and seeks love and understanding, and if it is not possible to get it in the usual standard method, then the search finds new horizons. The search for tenderness and romance can facilitate this. After all, it is much easier to build a relationship with a man who wants a similar pastime than to constantly nag a man and resent his rudeness or lack of understanding of the candles and roses on the table.
There is also the concept of congenital homosexuality and now it is no longer condemned, and accordingly many women, instead of suppressing their true desires and doomed life with a man, can afford to be in a comfortable relationship with a woman. In many ways, this is a deliberate decision to discover her personal nature as well as to care for others. In this aspect, an established married couple is no different from a heterosexual couple, because it is not gender and combination of gender characteristics that are important for building a relationship, but people’s ability to hear the other and build a relationship. But there are cases when women choose women after multiple traumas in relationships with men. In such a scenario, negative consequences, ruined fates and retraumatization are likely, because choosing a female relationship is not an extension of one’s personality, but on the contrary, an escape from reality. Unhealed traumas will always show up in new interactions, no matter who is involved.
Choosing any orientation is not an aberration or violation unless the behavior is the result of a traumatic experience. All people are originally bisexual and each personality contains both feminine and masculine traits that need to be realized to the same degree.
Why women like women – psychology
The psychology of choosing female relationships has an explanatory factor in the similarity of female ways of interacting and perceiving the world. When there are any difficulties, most share with a friend, when there are joys, also ask her opinion and advice. Women are initially more close and understandable to each other than men. So it turns out that especially in periods when there is no strength to build a difficult relationship, when there is no ability to find common points of interaction and contact, there is one that understands from the word go.
Women love women almost openly, even if the husband or the main man of life is present. Even heterosexual women show a lot of attention and eroticized support to their girlfriends. Kisses when they meet, constant declarations of love to each other, affectionate and caring relationships, comments on social media with lots of hearts – are common attributes of female friendship. All this speaks about the outburst of romanticism and the desire to give each other the missing tenderness, romance and attention.
The greater the connection between women, the more such manifestations are present, and it is not surprising that for the sake of a friend many will leave their family and go at night to the other side of town. The line beyond which simple sympathy turns into an intimate relationship is very thin in women’s communication and sometimes not easily discernible even to the women themselves. The exceptions are those who have long since decided on their orientation and do not even try to build relationships with men. But here, too, it’s worth giving credit that it’s not all down to a simple affair, women are quite capable of friendship. Psychological intimacy for many women is decisive and then it does not matter who is in front of them, they just enjoy the relationship. Any feelings are quickly manifested on the physical plane, which is as natural as breathing.
Psychology divides people by gender, not by sex, i.e. it is more important how a person perceives himself, what functions he performs and what category he classifies himself to internally, than what physiological features it manifests. Universal bisexuality removes divisions based on gender, and the only question that remains is how comfortable a man himself is in this chosen style of behavior and existence. How much a man is hindered or helped by his sensitivity, how much a woman is satisfied with her activity. And it makes absolutely no difference who sleeps with whom.
Problematics and the help of a psychotherapist are required when a person is trying to solve other problems with the help of orientation. This could be a state of loneliness, low self-esteem or an unwillingness to face one’s true self. Lesbian relationships can be chosen as a way to get attention or as a protest, as a way to make up for what is missing in a relationship with a man. In any of these situations, it is worth doing an in-depth analysis of your behavior and its causes, because these manipulations ruin not only the life of the one who is not aware of her needs, but also the other woman involved in this relationship.
Why Women Love Women – The Reason
Love between women has many justifications, the most common and short-lived in its influence among which is the desire to stand out. It is manifested in adolescence, where the expression of individuality and dissimilarity to others is put, as the main aspiration. In addition to these contributing factors is the presence of separation of groups of communication on the basis of gender. For most girls it is typical to experience the first caresses and kisses from their own girlfriends, because other people simply do not have. Sleepovers together, hugs, lots of time spent together, no secrets and naturally emotional intimacy can be perceived as love on the grounds that there is nothing else to compare. Such adolescent female relationships end with the appearance of the first heterosexual contacts, interest from guys.
Why do women love women? Among the unstable reasons for female love affairs is also often curiosity. And curiosity can flare up on different levels – it can be an interest in something new in intimacy, in how such relationships work from the inside, in the psychological side of building an interaction.
The psychological formation of a lesbian relationship can be influenced by a strong impression of some woman, and it can be an idol of homosexual orientation or just a bright and charismatic woman from her immediate environment. Such situational crushes happen at any age, but the same will not be the standard state of the psyche of the person who fell in love. Perhaps this encounter turns the worldview upside down, or this woman is able to see through the other, when the inner circle has always not understood it. It may be a situation bordering on death and an important choice. Such psychological moments can then lead to a strong friendship, the emergence of an image to aspire to or the beginning of a relationship with the chosen object.
Deeper and more serious reasons for choosing female relationships lie in identity disruption. When a girl does not perceive or does not internally feel herself as a woman, is not able to internally relate to this category, feels alien to stereotypical positions and hobbies – she does not find her place among the majority and notices that she is more inclined to the male type of reaction. It is optimal if the search for self and internal conformity is conducted together with a psychologist, otherwise this kind of lostness in the world can even lead to suicide. Those who were not able to rebuild and accept their worldview and self-perception begin to build their destiny in relation to what they have, rather than the usual social patterns. Usually these are strong couples, long-term lesbian relationships, or simply the harmonious existence of a woman in a given image.
Character traits and upbringing also have some influence on the choice of orientation. Thus, the stronger the pressure of social dogmas, the more a woman who has chosen same-sex love will hold on to it. Scientists have found that in societies where there are no taboos, people change their orientation several times in a lifetime, since everyone is born bisexual.
It is also believed that hormonal factors and an excess of androgens influence the choice of sexual partner. Complexes and peculiarities of appearance are those traumatic factors that motivate lesbian relationships. Thus, there can be couples where one woman has accepted her interest on all levels and makes a conscious choice, and the other enters into these relationships only because she can’t get love anywhere else (due to her own complexes or lack of male attention because of her appearance).
Author : Practical psychologist Vedmesh N.A.
Speaker of the Medical-Psychological Center “PsychoMed