A 5 year old child is disobedient – look from all angles

What to do if a child 5-7 years does not listen?

In the life of every parent there may come a certain, rather unpleasant moment when a child does not obey. Disobedience may be due to a trivial reason, such as a child not responding when called and not approaching when asked to come up. Or the child does not obey when asked to do something more serious: put away toys, sit down to do homework, or finish the soup. In any case, the situation should not be left to chance. From an early age, a child needs to feel the authority of their parent and understand that their elders must be listened to. Otherwise, in the later and “problematic” teenage years, it will be almost impossible to cope with your favorite child.

We’ve gathered for you psychologists’ tips on what parents should do if children at the age of 5-7 years do not listen. At this age, children are developing especially fast, they are influenced by school and changing environment, so the advice for each age will be different.

A child doesn’t listen to his parents at 5 years old

A child at the age of 5 is very rarely capricious or disobey without reason. The task of the parent is to find out the reason that caused disobedience. Psychologists identify the 4 most common reasons why a child at this age may disobey:

1. Lack of attention

A 5 year old child begins to realize his own value in the eyes of his parents. Disobedience may be due to a desire to establish oneself at the expense of increased parental attention. Or, if the child lacks attention, disobedience is an attempt to correct it – if he or she does not obey, attention will definitely be paid to him or her. At the same time, the child is ready to ignore the fact that the attention he or she is getting is negative. The consequences of such disobedience can be quite serious: children become less and less controllable and do everything contrary to what adults say. This happens especially often when parents do not have enough time; they often have to ask the child to wait a little. The little one begins to understand that the worse he or she will behave and the more often he or she will do something wrong, the more attention mom or dad will give him or her.

2. Trying to assert yourself

If you give the child enough attention, and he still does not obey, the reason may lie in a subconscious desire to resist adult control. As a rule, very well-off families “suffer” from this reason.

3. Trying to get revenge or take out a grudge

Often children at age 5 do not listen, because they harbor a grudge and are trying to show it this way. You may have unfairly punished him, for example, without really figuring it out, punishing him for something he didn’t do. Sometimes a 5 year old child may take out a grudge because a parent made a promise but didn’t keep it.

4. Problems with self-belief

A 5-7 year old child listens to the world around him and in many ways forms his own personality based on the example of his relatives and especially his parents. If mom or dad is constantly unhappy, saying that the baby has “crooked hands”, he is stupid, something different, and certainly not as obedient/ diligent/tidy as the neighbor’s child – you should not be surprised by the appearance of complexes. The child loses faith in himself, his complexes affect his behavior and in the end, he begins to disobey his parents.

What to do if 5-year-old children do not obey?

The desire of a parent as soon as possible to correct the situation is understandable, but you should not shout at the child, swear, punish and build a stricter discipline at home, it will not help.

If you have analyzed the situation and realized that the child is not getting enough attention, you need to try to fix it. Once the child will again feel necessary and loved, the desire to be capricious and to do everything contrary will disappear. Allocate at least a few hours on weekends to spend time together, BrainApps will tell you how to have fun and spend time with your child. It is worth realizing that a couple of hours once a week is not enough. If you are a busy person, promise to spend at least half an hour a day with your child, for example, before going to bed – read books together, talk, find a joint hobby. Don’t forget your promise, show that you also care about the time you spend together.

Build a trusting relationship with your child, he needs to know that he can share any hidden grievances. If trusting contact is lost, psychologists advise emphasizing physical contact: touching at this age shows interest, hug your child more often, kissing and stroking his or her head.

The child does not obey at 6 years old

The behavior of a child 6-7 years old and younger depends directly on the environment in which he is growing up, how his parents and other close relatives behave with him. Rare disobedience – quite normal, psychologists point out that all children from time to time does not mind showing character. If a child has always been more or less obedient, and at some point, as if snapped the chain, stopped listening, absolutely everything happens contrary to instructions, it’s something to think about. No, not that the child needs to be scolded and controlled more. Rather, it is more likely that the environment in the house or your parental attitude has changed.

If a child is disobeying, you may need to start looking for the cause in yourself. Psychologists identify 4 common reasons why 6 year old children may disobey:

1. Misunderstanding .

Perhaps the child simply does not understand what his parents want him to do. The task is too difficult, it was poorly, incomprehensibly explained. Not understanding what needs to be done, children get lost and often get upset. Imagine the reaction of a preschooler when he or she is shouted at for not understanding something. This causes even more confusion and misunderstanding, and on top of that, resentment and unwillingness to obey.

2. Inborn temperament

Do not forget that a child’s personality begins to form at an early age and already at the age of 6 he/she can show his/her individuality. Calm, melancholic children are able to meekly obey their parents, to be silent and be “goody-goody. However, all children are different, some have an explosive temperament and a more stubborn, skittish nature. Maybe you are talking to your child too rough? Often shouting, his instructions are trying to suppress his character. Disobedience in this case – just a manifestation of personality. This does not mean that if a child does not listen, you can do nothing about the situation. It is necessary to change your approach, to explain more, to talk and to find compromises.

3. lack of attention

At age 6, children still require a lot of attention, even if they already go to school and are able to communicate with their peers. Parents who constantly have no time cause a child’s anger, irritation and other negative emotions, which lead to disobedience.

4. Attempted Dominance

At the age of 6, children are in a kind of transitional age, because this is the time when baby teeth are replaced by permanent ones, and the familiar environment of home and kindergarten is changed to school. Behavioral change at this age is natural for some children. If your child seems to have been replaced, it may just be testing you for strength, trying to dominate and show who is the boss in the family. In that case, you will have to defend their leadership in the family, but not by shouting and fighting, and patience, authority and perseverance.

What to do if the children of 6 years do not listen?

At 6 years old, the child is already big enough to understand the parent and what is explained to him. For this reason, psychologists do not advise to do something special and reinvent the wheel, you just need to get along with your child, find rapport. You need to avoid fighting, shouting, misunderstanding. Established contact – a direct path to harmony in the home, obedience child.

If a child does not listen and did not respond to a request the first time, be patient. Repeat a second time, third time, if necessary – the fourth and even the fifth. Talk in a firm, confident tone, do not raise your voice, give an example that proves you are right. Learn to ask, not demand. If the child does not listen and does not react to words, add firmness to your voice, you may even need to go over and look the child in the eyes – in other words, to get attention. It is important to speak calmly, so that the preschooler does not feel threatened.

Parents should not forget to praise the child when he/she has fulfilled a request or done a useful thing. It is better that any little things in daily life, from taking out the trash to doing the dishes and cleaning the room, should be accompanied by verbal praise. This way you’ll foster a healthy, loving environment in the home.

At 6 years old, children can already listen, so if you feel like you’re in a bad mood, you can snap at any time to yell, tell your child about it. No, of course, you do not need to warn him about the planned shouting, but you can explain that you are tired at work, not in the mood, and therefore it is better not to argue and not bicker with you. If the child is still not listening, postpone the showdown for a few hours, but try not to forget about it.

The child does not listen at the age of 7

Complaints about a 7-year-old child not listening are quite common, because this is when children go through their third age crisis, which refers to the beginning of socialization in the peer community. At age 7, children are forming their social self, and their psyche and body are going through many changes. A child during this period may be particularly disobedient and aggressive, so it is sometimes impossible to do without the advice of psychologists.

A parent should be concerned if a child overly often:

  • grimaces and mocks;
  • Manipulates and excessively imitates adults;
  • Ignores requests and instructions;
  • gets angry, freaks out and throws tantrums for no reason;
  • defends his rightness to the end, even if he is not right.

If the child does not listen, the parent should take care to establish communication. Not to swear and not to shout, causing retaliatory aggression, but to negotiate and convince with logical arguments.

What to do if children at age 7 don’t listen?

  • Encourage independence. Age 7 is the age when a parent should treat their child as a full member of the family. Let him have chores that only he and no one else is responsible for. This way the child will understand that you take him seriously.
  • Show understanding. A child, like any adult, has mood swings, emotional ups and downs, bad days. If the child is disobeying, he may have had a hard day at school, or perhaps someone has hurt or called him a bad name. Your son or daughter needs your support, not a lecture or instructions on what to do.
  • Negotiate. At 7, children are mature enough to understand the value of words, so don’t shout, but make arguments, talk, convince. If you make promises, make sure you keep them, teaching your child that you must always keep your word and keep your promises.
  • Sometimes you have to push. A parent must understand that at 7 years of age a child is not yet fully aware of moral standards of behavior. So, if a boy hits a girl or tries to flirt with adults, it may be a banal misunderstanding, rather than disobedience. If you can’t explain to the child why it is bad to do such things, you can press with parental authority. The main thing is a confident, calm tone that will convince the child to obey.
  • Reject punishment. Scientists have proved that neither physical punishments, nor psychological pressure have no pedagogical value. The child simply does not perceive such methods of influence, because the adult is stronger by default and has more influence. If the child does not obey, it is not necessary to beat him or insult him. Otherwise, he may grow up to be a person who recognizes only the superiority of force.

Thus, the main key to harmony in the family and obedient children is trust, mutual assistance and understanding between parent and child. You, as a parent, will need a lot of patience, confidence in their strength and authority, but the result will pleasantly surprise you, and the child, after all, will remain grateful.

What to do if a child of 4-5 years does not listen to his parents and throws tantrums

It is difficult to keep calm when a child of 4-5 years does not obey, shouts, disobeys his parents and throws tantrums. If another “explosion” of child indignation occurred in public – it makes it worse. Parents become nervous – you need to calm the baby down quickly.

Let’s look at the causes of children’s moods and tantrums

First of all, parents should be congratulated. If the child loudly declares his resentment – fine: you got an intelligent, active baby with his own life position, which he is ready to defend. As an adult, he will have a developed sense of self-esteem, will respect other people’s opinions, will be confident in himself. Aren’t these very useful qualities for future life?

The truth is that not all parents are to their liking. Because they have to reckon with the interests of a growing person: it takes time and desire, it requires the ability to negotiate, it requires respect for another’s position.

The main mistakes in the behavior of parents, which provoke children’s riots, are:

  1. Lack of understanding with parents. Most likely, because his mom and dad copy the system of upbringing that they received themselves. Were they humiliated as children? What to do…they will unconsciously do the same.
  2. Parents have developed an attitude of “if you want something, yell it out!” This is the kind of thinking that an infant who has been denied something, and then retreated under the pressure of his or her cries, will inevitably come to. If the child is trying to manipulate the parents’ behavior, you have to be firm: “no – then no. And if suddenly the situation changes, and “it is already possible what was forbidden”, it is necessary to explain to the kid, that it is not because of his cries, and because of other circumstances.
  3. The rules of communication are not observed in the family: “the parent gives – the child takes”. This applies to provision, attention, the flow of love. Children do not owe their parents anything, they will return the “debts” by raising their children. But if a child does not get enough love, care (he is hungry, but they do not hear him), he will try to get it, attracting attention in the most accessible way – by shouting.
  4. Adults themselves do not have an understanding with each other. They themselves have to yell to agree with each other. All what the baby does is copy their behavior. It is useless to tell your child not to be rude or fight, or to have family scandals in front of him. Tantrums will be the norm of behavior in this environment.
  5. There is too much tension in the family. If something is not being said, someone is afraid, or strongly worried about something, or simply unhappy, it bothers the child. He or she involuntarily participates in the experiences of adults, but he or she does not have the strength and energy to cope with it. To free himself from oppression, to let his parents know that something is wrong, the child will scream. In the same way, the baby will discharge the tension accumulated after going to kindergarten.
  6. Another common reason is that the child is testing the established boundaries of behavior. At the age of 4-5 years, the baby begins to actively participate in the life of his family, he is already less focused on games, wants to master a new kind of activity (washing dishes, planting flowers, etc.) The boundaries of “safety” established for the baby are already tight for him. He should be allowed to try new things and help his parents. Sometimes a child tries to break through the hyperprotective environment of his or her parents “with a loud scream”.
  7. At the same age, the baby begins to form its own boundaries – “inviolability territory”, where only he or she rules. This is his personal space, things, toys, secrets, his rules of the game, etc. Parents must treat the child’s “property” with understanding and respect, because violating such boundaries hurts his sense of justice. So does an unfulfilled promise or lie.
  8. Another reason is that a child at age 4 disobeys because he or she is not feeling well. Whimsy during illness is normal, and the parents’ task is to support and reassure their child.

How to establish an understanding with a child, regardless of the crises of growing up

It is important for parents to develop a unified strategy for raising a child, to argue about how to behave, you need to be alone with each other. The rules adopted in the family should be respected by all its members, including the baby. Be sure to explain to him why he needs it and how to behave. It is important for parents to make sure that these requirements do not contradict each other.

If the child continues to behave incorrectly, you should ask him why he does it that way. Perhaps the baby misunderstands exactly what he is supposed to do.

Before you confront, think about how important it is now to get him to do this or that action obediently. If a huge number of comments and rebukes are thrown at the child every day, he eventually just learns to ignore them. If all were performed, he would turn into a robot. Children, above all, are brought up by personal example, not by words.

If parents are in a bad mood, you should explain to the child that it’s not because of him (not feeling well, something wrong at work). If you tell your child that parents will rest and everything will come back to normal, he or she will wait. You should by no means take your tiredness and irritation out on the children at home after a day at work. Are you mad at your boss, but he can not tell to his face? And “drain” it on a defenseless child can? Take a rest, and then deal with the child.

Tip If the kid in the presence of other adults and parents, arranges a “play”, the best way – do not explain why it is impossible, and shift the attention of the “actor” and deprive him of an audience.

Talk to him about the problem in an abstract way, and it is better if you present this situation in the form of a fairy tale with animal characters. Make up, for example, a story about a squirrel who didn’t want to brush his teeth, and they hurt. Then he had to go to the dentist beaver (if the child is capricious and does not want to brush his teeth), etc. Don’t tell him that it was about him, he will definitely guess it himself.

Pay more attention to your baby and cuddle him/her as often as he/she needs. Say that you love him. Worry about his failures, use words of support and understanding.

A trusting, loving relationship with your child is what all happy memories from childhood are based on. It is what parents have a responsibility to give to each of their children. Feeding, clothing, development – all of this is far from important. The baby will understand the absence of any toy, if you can not buy it, but love it and can sincerely talk about it. At the same time, buying new things will never replace parental attention – it is only a path to more conflicts at an older age. (“Why is my child so ungrateful? We do everything for him, we buy everything he wants!”).

Accept your child for who he is. If at age 4 you focus on his/her best qualities, at age 5 he/she will definitely be even better. If you pay attention mainly to his shortcomings, they will develop, and the positive qualities will not become more. What we nurture, we nurture.

Respect the interests and personal space of the child, he should feel its importance. Be happy about what he’s doing for you, even if he’s doing something wrong.

What can’t parents do? How to repair broken ties?

It is forbidden to shout at the child, to force him/her to do something by force. If a wave of negative emotions rises – breathe, calm down, only then give your baby feedback. Your quiet calm voice will let him know that he is okay, and he will definitely calm down soon.

You should not punish your child with food or physical punishment. The practice of “sit and think”, when you sit your baby on a chair for a predetermined time and ask him to think about the situation, gives good results. Have him start by thinking about “is this a big problem, medium problem, or small problem”. Big problems are solved with adults, medium ones using advice, small ones on their own.

In no case should a stronger punishment than the misdemeanor be applied. This injustice is bound to cause a new wave of protests.

Useless and harmful to prohibit the baby too much: his natural desire to develop will certainly protest against such a rigid framework.

You should not compare the baby with others. At all. He – a unique, unique, inimitable, and it has its own way of development.

If you show impatience, if you snap – be sure to apologize, say that you regret what happened. Advise him when he becomes an adult not to do so. Young children are surprisingly quick to forgive their parents, because they love them very much.

You don’t have to fight with your child, you are stronger, you have a solid foundation in life. You can’t be on an equal footing with him, you will win anyway. Don’t force him to snap to shout you down and cry from powerlessness. What you really have to do is start talking very quietly. A loving heart speaks softly and listens carefully to the answer. Believe me, if your baby understands that you are listening, that you are willing to go along with him, that his thoughts, his concerns and fears are important to you, he won’t want to scream, proving his right to exist in your life.

Do not blame yourself for the fact that the child is not doing as well as you would like. Feelings of guilt cut off the flow of love. Acknowledge your imperfections, but don’t let them control you.

The child does not need the attention of parents all day, if you work a lot and busy – do not blame yourself for the lack of opportunities to be near the baby. Be with him as much as you can. But only with him, devote 100% of your attention to him. Do not get distracted, let him understand that the most important thing for you now is the child. Give him all the warmth of your heart and love. As a result, 20 minutes of such attention will be enough for him – it is better than a whole day of hyperopedic or (which is more common now) attention in passing (between household chores, “hanging out” in social networks, etc.).

It is important to realize that raising a child is a system designed to form the best qualities for adult life. Parents need to ask themselves questions more often: “What will my baby learn from this situation? If he does as I do, how will he behave?”

The attention and love of parents is the “fuel”, the life energy that the child needs to develop. If a toddler at the age of 4-5 throws tantrums periodically, you should reconsider the concept of parenting and look for problems in the family. It may be necessary to visit a family psychologist.

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