10 rules how to interest a man with a conversation
On the first date: what to talk to a man to make him look forward to seeing him again
Steve Nakamoto expert in communication and interpersonal relationships
Forget all those tricks you use when talking to your girlfriends. Men are a completely different audience. Speak in a way that captures their attention, hold their interest and leave a favorable impression. You have to learn to change your communication style and evoke a reaction in your interlocutor – that’s the only way you’ll make them look forward to the next conversation with you.
Honest man’s perspective: Men listen equally carefully to their favorite radio shows as they do to people they are interested in. If you want to attract and hold a man’s attention, learn how to have a casual conversation. Otherwise, your admirers will lose interest too quickly and will not give you a chance to appear before them in all their glory.
A woman who wants to be an interesting conversationalist, should be able to quickly capture the attention of men, to speak “tastefully” and leave a favorable impression. So there is a better chance that a man will “tune in to her wave” and not turn off the conversation. By mastering the art of small talk, a woman will gain skills that will help her successfully develop personal relationships.
Think of men as having “attention deficit disorder.”
Many women complain that they are surrounded by men who either listen inattentively or prefer not to engage in long conversations at all. Often these women mistakenly believe that the problem is the man. Blaming the opposite sex, women absolutely do not take into account the impact on the process of communication have themselves. As for the tango needs two partners, and in the conversation should involve two.
If a woman communicates freely with her girlfriends, in order to get the same pleasant result in a conversation with men requires a little more effort. To easily communicate with the opposite sex, you need to build a bridge across the chasm of mutual incomprehension. This is possible if you are able to understand the peculiarities of perception of the other.
Conversation between two can not be forgotten when the memories of it are pleasant to both, when it flows like music, and carries away, like sex. It has rhythm and predictability, something that everyone anticipates and enjoys. Jessamyn West, American writer, author of Ruthless Loneliness Country (1984)
So to encourage a man to listen and willingly participate in the conversation, a wise woman must communicate with him “on the same page.” Let not all men are the same, but still, there are some universal rules of communication, suitable for the humble that loses the gift of speech, and for fans to talk.
Make men “tune in” to you
I offer you some useful tips on how to make men listen to you carefully and engage in conversation:
- Get to the point quickly. The brevity of your speech gives the other person the opportunity to speak. If you can’t get your message across in two words, try to get to the point as quickly as possible. Skip all the irrelevant details. Otherwise you risk losing the attention of men at the beginning of the conversation. Your girlfriends may be supportive of your emotional outpourings, but do not expect the same from the man. Chances are, he will listen exactly as much as it takes to understand the situation, and the rest of the time to devote to analyze your story and find a solution.
- Do not focus on the negative aspects. Whether you watch the evening news or read the morning paper, a lot of negativity is poured out on you. It seems that almost the entire news system in the world is designed to “please” the pessimists. Even if you have every reason to argue about the imperfection of the world, remember: the negative in large quantities depletes the positive energy of people. If you always have a “cloud hanging over you,” others will start to avoid you. In order to reduce the amount of negative conversations, stick to self-discipline and a positive outlook on life. Once you begin to follow this advice, people will reach out to you and willingly listen, because you will begin to look like a happy and optimistic person in their eyes.
- Try to express a thought, not make an impression. If someone tries too hard to impress their listeners with their knowledge, it usually leads to a negative result. No one likes a know-it-all. Use a wiser tactic: focus on how to emotionally express your thoughts on a familiar topic. Listeners are more likely to appreciate your love of the subject matter than the actual content of your statement.
- Talk more about what interests a man. When choosing a topic of conversation, always keep in mind the interests of the interlocutor. Most people are attracted to what directly affects them. Also choose an appropriate style of communication, given the nature of the person and the peculiarities of the situation. Some people like to share ideas, feelings, personal experiences, while others value in discussions informative, logical, the essence of the problem. Do not forget that there is a time for thinking and there is a time for feeling. Make no mistake – do not be a dispassionate thinker where you are expected to show your feelings, but avoid emotions in a moment of impartial reflection.
- Avoid overdramatization. A wise interlocutor is only as emotional as is appropriate. If a minor statement – for example, an innocent remark completely unknown person – cause a woman a storm of emotions, a man is likely to lose respect and interest in the interlocutor (unless he himself is a fan of drama).
- No long stories! Long, uninterrupted stories tend to bore those around them. A wise person eliminates unnecessary details and gives listeners the shortest version of a story. Do not forget to interrupt your speech with pauses, so that the interlocutors can express their opinion or ask a question. If necessary, you can preface your story with a comment: “This will only take a minute of your attention,” or “Here’s a short story. This introduction makes it clear how long your story is going to be and goes some way to alleviating the negative perception of a boring narrative.
- Remember what not to talk about. We can seriously harm ourselves by touching such topics in a conversation that it is better not to talk about. Avoid any unflattering remarks when talking to potential bidders for your heart. Do not insist on controversial statements, lest you be considered too stubborn and smug. This is not to say that you should never express your true beliefs. I am simply pointing out that it is safer to avoid touchy issues such as politics, religion, money and sex when you first communicate with unfamiliar people. Once you’ve built a solid foundation of good relationships, you’ll be free to express your opinions on any topic.
- Watch your listeners’ reactions. If your potential beau becomes impatient, yawns, or looks away, you may want to steer the conversation in a different direction. Just because you want to share your thoughts and experiences doesn’t mean others want to listen. Make sure the other person is engaged in the conversation – ask questions and try to catch their reactions. Too long a silence or lack of non-verbal reactions may indicate that you have lost the listener’s attention, but he is too polite to interrupt your speech.
- “Adjust” the volume and tone of your speech. Sometimes it’s not what you say that matters, but how you do it. Make sure the sound of your voice is pleasant to listen to. “Adjust” the volume – don’t speak too loudly, as if you are annoyed, or so quietly that you are hard to hear. Try to pronounce words clearly and change the pitch and tempo of your voice so that you don’t sound monotonous. Even successful actresses like Heather Locklear, in the early days of her career, had to take lessons and work on her voice. So, pay more attention to your vocal features.
- Find a balance in your conversation. Some people like to listen more than they like to talk, others the other way around. At the beginning of a relationship, try to find out what your conversation partner prefers. For example, my friend Nora is more comfortable as a listener than as a speaker. With her, I often talk more than I listen. But I’ve also met women who liked to talk, and in those situations I was already playing the role of listener.
Speed up the learning process!
Concentrate on developing your communication skills. For starters, try to express your thoughts briefly and allow your interlocutor to speak. Make sure you don’t overwhelm others in the conversation.
To learn how to express yourself better, notice how talk show hosts talk to their guests and viewers in the studio. Watch their facial expressions, gestures, looks, and poses. Observe how these skilled interlocutors adjust the pace of speech and the pitch of their voice to capture the audience’s attention completely.
A gossipy conversationalist is someone who talks to you about others, a nerd is someone who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is someone who talks to you about you. Liza Kirk, American musical comedy singer and actress (1925-1990)
If we are receptive to other people’s experiences and eager to evolve, we can become a good conversationalist in a short period of time. Start improving your communication skills immediately!
Conclusion. You are not lucky in love when you are considered a bad conversationalist. But if you learn how to have easy and relaxed conversations, “tune in to the wave” of your possible partner, you will be lucky in love.
10 rules for communicating with a man similar to the horse
The relationship with a man – from acquaintance to separation – is akin to the process of riding a horse, assures psychologist Alena Nikolskaya. If you want to succeed in both, it is worth following 10 simple rules. 1. When you get acquainted with the horse, don’t approach it from behind. The animal might be frightened and hit you.
To a man also should not approach to get acquainted as if. It is necessary to be relaxed, relaxed and smile, go towards him openly, talk very easily, otherwise you scare away.
2. And before you mount the horse, you must give him a treat, so he understands that you have good intentions.
And what can you give a man a tasty treat to dispose to himself? First of all, your appearance. You should look seductive, so that a man wants to be near you.
3. When you approach a horse, be confident and calm. You must have a clear understanding of what you want to do, why, and in what sequence. You also have to go to the man confidently and calmly. You should already have a concrete plan lined up in your head and an understanding of what you want from this man.
4. When you have decided to ride, you should hold on to the reins with one hand, and with the other hand – to the saddle. One foot should be in the stirrup, and the other should push off the ground and jump into the saddle. If you met a man and are counting on the second meeting, as well as the continuation of the relationship, show it with all your appearance. Do not play the quiet and untouchable, do not forget to give him your phone number and think of an excuse to call.
5. Every time your horse does something right, treat him to an apple or a piece of sugar . If a man does something nice for you, don’t forget to thank him. Look at him with admiring eyes and say nice things back, letting him know in every way that his actions are right and he can keep it up.
6. If the horse does something wrong, he must be put in his place. If this is not done, the behavior will continue, and it can be dangerous to your life and health. If a man has done something unpleasant, wrong to you, say so right away. Setting boundaries and marking what you won’t tolerate should be done from the start.
Hoarding grudges makes no sense. After all, if you say nothing once, the man will do it again. And by the way, forget about a thousand Chinese warnings – say once about what you do not like, and if the man did not hear and repeat his action, just change the man.
7. When you are just learning to ride, you spend most of your time with your horse in the arena. And here it is very important to force her into corners to show who is in charge, to explain what you want from her.
When communicating with a man, you have to be clear about what you want, what you’re counting on. Talk about your desires, about how you see your relationship. Your half hints and the words “He has to guess himself” won’t work. You have to be as specific as possible with men.
8. When riding it is very important to keep your back straight, your head slightly elevated, your feet should hug the horse’s sides firmly, heels down, and toes parallel to the body of the animal.
When you develop a relationship with a man, always watch your posture, how you look, so that your appearance is appropriate to the place and time of your meeting. Your appearance is your calling card. A man should be pleased to be near you, he should be proud that you have chosen him. After all, the woman evaluated by the man himself.
9. When you get off the horse, be sure to praise and treat it, thank for the fact that for some time it was with you.
If you are parting with a man, be sure to thank him for those beautiful moments, those good days that you spent together. Then any parting will pass easily.
10. If you don’t like a horse, he doesn’t behave well, he has a bad temper, he doesn’t want to communicate with you – just change the horse.
It’s the same with men. It doesn’t make any sense to get hung up on one. Remember – there are a lot of men, and you have the right to choose: who to ride, with whom to spend time, with whom to live.
published on novostiifakty.ru according to the materials gorabbit.ru